


You're A Mad One, Lily Evans

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-24
Updated: 2008-02-10
Packaged: 2019-01-19 12:09:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 115,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12410058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: [Formerly known as "Boys Will Be Boys"] Welcome to the mind of Lily Evans where blokes confuse to no end, James Potter is a subject of mystery and daydreams are slowly taking over. [Read&Review SVP XD]





	1. Bathroom Breaks

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

**Boys Will Be Boys  **

**CHAPTER ONE.**

**Bathroom Break**

Sitting inside McGonagall’s office, I realized what a fool I was. How could it be that I, Lily Evans, could be so thick? If only I hadn’t been so eager to get away from James Potter, I wouldn’t be sitting here, with a permanent blush painted on my cheeks, being punished for something that was entirely NOT my fault. 

Confused? Yeah, so was I. Up until I entered this office did I understand what happened. Let’s just say that I am going to _kill_ James Potter and Sirius Black. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Why? Why must he always do that, Hailey?” I had asked my best friend whilst pacing an empty classroom.

I had just been informed by a terrified third year that the signs on the bathrooms had been reversed. So, little girls and boys had been entering the opposite sexes bathroom only to be terribly confused as to why there were urinals, or missing urinals on the walls. And as Head Girl, I was responsible for finding out who could have done this. 

Fortunately for me, I didn’t even need to do any research. I knew exactly who was behind it. Who else but the one, the only, James BLOODY Potter, Head BLOODY Boy.

“Pranks define James Potter, Lily. You can’t change that,” replied Hailey. She was sitting on a desk and filing her fingernails. 

I scoffed. Why couldn’t I change that, huh? Why couldn’t I change James Potter to be the non-pranking Head Boy that he was supposed to be? Why?!

“But, I thought he changed, you know? I can even admit that he’d grown up in the summer. His head has even deflated a bit. I mean, why can’t he just lay off the pranks?” It had taken a lot of me to admit that James Potter had grown up. Even if it was just a little, I still recognized it. It was a welcome change to not be asked out everyday by the greatest prick alive.

“Lily, I think you’re overreacting. You’re right, James did grow up. But, you can’t take away everything that is James Potter, or he would no longer be the James Potter that everyone loves,” Hailey replied. She was still filing her nails and seemed like she didn’t give a care in the world about my problems. 

“That’s not true. _I_ don’t love him. And why can’t he find something better to do with his time?”

At that comment, Hailey finally looked up at me. “Look at it this way, Lily. This is the first prank they’ve pulled since the beginning of the school year. Give ‘em a break. Boys will be boys.” 

Boys will be boys. That didn’t explain the pranking. Not all blokes pranked. Some were respectable, hard-working, intelligent blokes that any girl could fall for without the aid of entertaining pranks. Did Potter _actually_ think he’d win my heart by pranking innocent third years?

I sighed heavily. James Potter can be extremely tiring. It was like trying to control a two year old; impossible and irritating. “I guess you’re right.” Maybe I was overreacting, just a little? Sitting in this stuffy office, I realize that I had EVERY right to be overreacting.

“That a girl. We can go to the Kitchens and get a sundae if you want. On me,” Hailey said. She got off the desk and stuffed her rainbow nail file into her book bag.

“The Kitchens are free, you dolt.”

“Right. What I meant by that was that I would order them for us,” she said. Hailey gave me one her strange smiles; the ones where she made sure that every single one of her pearly whites was showing and that her eyes were crinkled closed. This wasn’t her natural smile of course, just the one she put on most of the time. 

I rolled my eyes and followed my crazy friend out of the room. For some odd reason, Hailey had the ability to make you feel so much better if you were upset or whatever. She definitely wasn’t the best listener, but she had a way of distracting you so that you’re problems just went away. And at times, she gave very good advice. Right then, I guess I forgot all about James Potter. Up until…

“Hey! Wait up!” Some bloke started calling after us. I knew after the first syllable spoken from his mouth exactly who it was. 

“Hey, Potter, Black. Where you headed to?” asked Hailey as I groaned. James Potter was the last person I wanted to see right now. I had also failed to notice that Black was with him as well. Oh, joy. 

“Wherever you ladies are going,” Sirius answered. He put a heavy, bulky arm around my shoulder and the other around Hailey’s. 

I shrugged it off and grabbed Hailey’s hand. I really couldn’t deal with them right then. “Actually, we were just going off to the loo. See you later!” Conveniently, there was a girls’ bathroom right ahead of us. It seemed almost too convenient. 

I must say, as I look back at the moment, I realize that this is where my first mistake had been made. If I had realized that this was a set up, I would never be sitting her, listening to McGonagall scold us. 

I felt Hailey resisting and heard Potter shouting at me not to go in that bathroom. I turned my head and gave him a questioning look before entering anyways.

As I walked in, I knew something was off. Merlin, the smell was horrible. My nose wrinkled just thinking about it. I would never, ever smell something so horrible for the rest of my existence. I remember thinking that I had to speak to Filch about that, because no normal female bathroom should smell like that. Hailey was coughing slightly beside me. 

I looked around, scanning for familiar signs. Mirror, sink, stall, urinal, rubbish bin…wait, WHAT? _Urinal?_ What the HELL was a _urinal_ doing in the _girls’_ bathroom? Then, the realization struck me almost as bad as the smell.

“Oh, bugger,” said Hailey from my side.

_We were in the boys’ bathroom._

My face flushed and I ran out of there with Hailey close behind me. 

We walked out of the bathroom, trying to look as casual as possible. Potter was shaking his head slightly while Sirius was struggling to keep his laughter in and he put something into his robe pocket. I noticed that Peter Pettigrew had also joined them.

The sight of all three of them together made me so angry, which was my second mistake. I should have controlled it better, but what can I say? Redheads are known for their fiery tempers. 

“I am going to KILL you, Black,” I snarled. He looked at me and stopped laughing. I had thought that I had scared him into muteness and was satisfied for the moment. Again, big mistake.

“Ms. Evans! Ms. Rodgers!” said a voice from behind me. That voice sent shivers down my spine and goose bumps running down my arms. My back instinctively stiffened and Hailey and I turned slowly on the spot. 

There, Professor McGonagall stood, with a shocked and disappointed expression on her face. I blushed harder, hoping to Merlin that she did not see what I thought she saw. 

Oh, wait. The sign on the door said it was a girls’ bathroom, so I was safe, right? She couldn’t possibly know it was a boys’ bathroom, right?

“Did I just hear you threaten Black with his life?” I was busy thinking of an excuse for why I was in the boys’ bathroom that I almost thought I heard wrong. 

“Er. Yes, ma’am, I did,” I found myself answering.

“Ms. Evans, I am disappointed. I expected better from you as Head Girl.”

I hung my head shamefully at her disappointment. I had never let any teacher down before. Ever. 

Well, at least she didn’t see us coming out of the male bathroom.

“And am I correct that you and Ms. Rodgers just exited the male restroom?”

I spoke too soon. All my hopes that she didn’t see us were destroyed in those five seconds. But, how could she possibly know? The door had the girls’ bathroom sign on the door, didn’t it? 

Panicked and embarrassed, I looked at the bathroom door. There was a picture of a wizard, symbolizing the male bathroom. I was so utterly confused; I just stood there with my mouth hanging open, looking to the bathroom, to McGonagall and back again. 

“Well?” she asked with her terribly stern face. She was so intimidating. 

“I—er. The bathroom? No—male? I don’t know,” I said, the heat slowly returning to my cheeks. I saw Black sniggering out of the corner of my eye and Potter looking positively miserable. I couldn’t make out the expression on Hailey’s face. It might have been a mix of pain and amusement? I didn’t know how she could possibly be amused at a time like this.

“Ms. Evans, did you or did you not exit the male restroom?” she asked again, the sternness in her voice making my mind go blank.

“I—well, you see, Professor—,”

“It was my fault, Professor, Lily didn’t know—,” started Potter.

“I don’t want to hear it, Potter. Evans, answer the question, please,” she said, holding her hand up to stop Potter from talking. 

I looked down at the floor so she couldn’t see my face. “Yes, ma’am,” I said in a quiet, embarrassed voice. 

She didn’t answer for a while and I wondered if she had left. I assumed she was still there because no one moved. I didn’t dare look up. 

Finally, after an eternity, she spoke. “Ms. Evans, Ms. Rodgers, please come with me. Potter, Black, Pettigrew, get to your next class.”

What?! Those damn blokes were the ones who started this mess and they got a ‘get to your next class’? HOW IS THAT FAIR! Wasn’t being humiliated punishment enough? I had never been to McGonagall’s office before unless it was for congratulations and career meetings! As Hailey started pulling me along, I started thinking up the best ways that Black and Potter should die.

When I walked through McGonagall’s office, I realized something. I almost slapped myself at how stupid I had been. And I was supposed to be Head Girl, top student in the class. Geez.

When Hailey and I walked out of the bathroom, Black had been putting something in his pocket. His wand. He must have changed the sign back to the original while we were in there. That bastard. 

So, if there is news that James Potter and Sirius Black were attacked by a crazed madwoman, you’d know why. They have messed with me one too many times.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Understand now? 

So, now I’m sitting here in this extremely uncomfortable seat, eating a stale biscuit, getting lectured by my Head of House, with my best friend beside me, plotting murder. 

Oh, Hailey’s standing up. I guess she’s dismissed us?

“Thank you, Professor,” I said, just out of courtesy. 

She let us leave the office and Hailey let out a breath of relief once we were out of there. 

“Good thing she let us off the hook, eh?” said Hailey. 

“Huh? What?” 

No punishment?

“I said, it was good that we were let off the hook,” she repeated. 

“Oh, right. Lucky.”

“Were you even paying any attention to McGonagall?”

“Sure I was,” I said, in a way that I thought sounded convincing.

Apparently, it wasn’t.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Okay, fine. I didn’t hear a single word she said.”

“I knew it. You were daydreaming,” she said.

“Yeah. You caught me.” 

“I bet I know what you were daydreaming about,” she said with a teasing voice.

“How could you possibly know what I was daydreaming about?” I asked her. 

“I know you better than you know yourself; you’d be surprised.”

“That’s impossible. You couldn’t possibly.”

“Try me,” she challenged. 

How could Hailey know more about me than I know myself? Did that make any sort of sense what so ever? I didn’t think so, but I decided to challenge her anyways.

“What’s my favourite colour?” I asked as a starter question. 

“Come on, Lily. Am I that bad of a friend? Purple, of course,” she replied easily. 

“Fine. What’s my favourite meal?” This one would be tough.

“I’ve been living with you for seven years now. Shepherd’s pie.”

Damn. 

“Uh, what’s my favourite song?”

“Sweep Me Through the Air, by The Warlocks.”

“Favourite shoes?” 

Haha, she’d never get this one…

“Those hideous turquoise ones. I don’t even know if you could call them shoes.”

What?! 

“They’re comfortable!” I protested.

“And frightful,” she added. 

“URGH. Nevermind. Why do I even try?” I said. I was completely baffled that she’d known that! I don’t even wear them around her!

“Because you always have to be right, and when you’re not, you’re unsatisfied and paranoid that someone knew something you didn’t. Also, you have this strange personality thing where you have to be perfect, everything has to be planned out and organized.”

 What the hell? 

“That was a rhetorical question,” I said. I was very curious to why and how she knew so much about me. 

“I know, but since I know you best, I was able to answer it,” said Hailey proudly. 

“You’re either really observant, or a creeper,” I stated.

“Probably a little bit of both. Now, getting back to our original point. You have a thing for James Potter,” she said, sticking her chin in the air with confidence.

WHOA. BACKUP. Where the _HELL_ did that come from?!

“Lily, close your mouth. It’s unattractive and bugs will fly in,” she said, pushing my chin up to close my mouth that I hadn’t even realized was open. 

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“Close your mouth?”

“No, no. Before that.”

“You have a thing for James Potter.”

WHOA. BACKUP. Where the _HELL_ did that come from?!

“Lily. I told you to close your mouth.”

“Are you talking about _James Potter_? _The_ James Potter that I had just threatened to kill? _The_ James Potter that I have _hated_ since first year? _That_ James Potter?”

“The very same. The one and only James Potter.”

I stopped walking. I was going into shock. There was NO way in HELL that I would EVER be attracted to JAMES POTTER. I felt like I had to say it aloud, so I did. 

“There is NO way in HELL that I would EVER be attracted to JAMES POTTER.” I said staring straight into Hailey’s amused eyes. 

She smiled a wry smile and gave me an all knowing look. “Denial is the first step, m’dear,” she said. 

I shook my head and started to laugh. Eventually, I was laughing so hard, tears started to form in the corners of my eyes. I had an oncoming stitch in my side and I had to lean against the wall for support. I couldn’t believe that she, Hailey Rodgers, who claimed to know me better than myself, would _accuse_ me, Lily Evans, for _having a thing_ for James-toerag-Potter. It was just unbelievable.

When my laughing fit was dying down, I looked up at Hailey, because somehow, I had ended up on the floor. She looked bored and a little bit annoyed. She pulled me up and continued walking.

“So anyways. I think you should at least give him a chance. I mean, he’s a really nice guy. He just acts like an arse around you. Come to Quidditch practice with me one day and see,” said Hailey.

I let out a little giggle. I couldn’t help it. It was just too funny. Me and James Potter? Ahahaha. He’s been asking me out since third year, always to the answer no. Why would it change now?

“But why would I want to be with a guy who acts like an arse around me?” I asked, getting over the idea of me and James dating.

Hahahaha.

“He doesn’t do it on purpose. That’s just what happens when he’s around someone he likes. It’s only natural. Remember that guy? What was his name again? It sounded like a dog’s name. Was it Toby?”

“Shhh. And yes, it was Toby.” I answered. He moved in on my street the summer before fourth year. I had liked him so much that I couldn’t form any kind of sentence around him and developed a nervous twitch. Now, every time he sees me, I can see him whisper ‘spaz’ under his breath. Arse.

“Exactly. So you know how he feels. Except, I have a feeling that he’s got it far worse. I think he’s hooked on you,” she said, nudging my arm.

I rolled my eyes at her hinting. She was insinuating that there was no getting rid of James Potter and that I would end up going out with him eventually. Psh. Not likely.

“The day that I go out with James Potter is the day that the Marauders are civil to Snape,” I said, convinced that that day would NEVER come.

“Hmm. Interesting. I’ll take you up on that. The day the Marauders are civil to Snape is the day that you will accept a date from James Potter.”

I hadn’t expected her to agree with me and a small flicker of foreboding lighted in my chest. I was tempting fate. By saying it, I was almost ensuring that it would happen. Oh, damn.

“Shake on it?” she said, holding her hand out to me.

I didn’t want to show that I had my doubts, so I shook her hand. She had a smug look on her face that scared me. Would that day actually come? The left side of my brain was telling me no, but the right was insisting that it was a possibility. I didn’t know which side to believe. 

“But, you can’t go talking to the Marauders about this. It’s confidential,” I said, trying to ensure that it would NOT happen.

“Agreed. I won’t say a word.” She ran two fingers across her lips signifying her ‘zipping’ her lips closed. Her brown eyes were twinkling with amusement and she started skipping.

How is it possible for a seventeen year old to have so much energy? Usually, as one gets older, the lazier they become. Generally, more sleep is required, doing nothing is a hobby, and tiredness is the general chronic state. But for some reason, Hailey seemed to have a never-ending supply of energy. She was always smiling, laughing, jumping, moving, something. It was almost unbearable at times. 

“Should we get to class?” she asked, skipping ahead of me. 

I sighed. We had Potions. I normally liked Potions, but today I did not want to go. Today, everything seemed so bothersome. I didn’t have the drive to do anything but sleep. 

A little boy passed us and walked into the male bathroom down the hall. Five seconds later, he ran out looking like he’d seen a creepy ghost who lived in the loos. That would have been a sight. 

…

Oh, damn.

“What floor are we on, Hailey?” I asked, hoping that it wasn’t the answer I knew it was. 

“Er, the first. Why?” she asked, furrowing her eyebrows at me.

“I am going to kill them,” I said.

The idiots! That was just plain cruel. Changing the sign of the _haunted_ girls’ bathroom to read the boys’ bathroom? Not even the girls went in there. It was just plain awful trying to use the toilet with a chronically depressed ghost wailing about no one liking her and what not. Just plain awful. 

“Er, who are you planning to kill, and why?” asked Hailey.

“That’s Myrtle’s bathroom,” I said, pointing to the bathroom that read as the male’s bathroom.

Hailey’s mouth shaped into an ‘O’ in understanding. To my surprise, she started laughing.

“Poor bloke,” she said chortling. 

“It’s not funny, Hailey,” I said glaring at her. Too bad she wasn’t affected by my glares. I angrily changed the sign of the wizard to a witch with a flick of my wand. “Have you ever tried using the loos with her hanging around?” I asked her.

“Who hasn’t? Actually, it’s quite amusing. She’s actually quite nice as long as you act depressed and all,” she said, laughing again.

I shook my head at her. She was always finding something funny in every situation. I guess that was a gift of some sort. Every situation can have _some_ kind of humour to it, funny or not. I guess it was people like her that made the world a happier place.

We walked up the staircases to Potions class. Again, I was dreading going in there because I was afraid that I would actually kill Black and Potter if I saw them. No matter how much I hated them, I didn’t want to be sent to Azkaban. No one’s life was worth more than being locked up and having the happiness sucked out of you. I shivered just thinking about it. 

“Lily, stop dragging your feet,” said Hailey. 

I reluctantly lifted my feet off the floor as I walked. My shoulders were slouched and I was looking down at the floor. I had really terrible posture. I really didn’t want to go to Potions. But, what type of example would I be setting as Head Girl by skiving class? Not a very good one. So, I slumped forward and entered the class. 


	2. Imperius-ed

**Boys Will Be Boys  **

**CHAPTER TWO.**

**Imperius-ed**

“Ms. Evans! And Ms. Rodgers, too! Where have you two been? I was wondering where my best potion makers were off too, besides Severus of course!” exclaimed a joyous Slughorn as Hailey and I entered the class. 

I tried thinking of some sort of excuse, but before I could say anything, Hailey handed him a piece of paper. 

“What’s this? Oh, trouble with Professor McGonagall, I see! We can’t have that now, can we?” He smiled his horrible grin that always made me wince, but he never seemed to notice. 

“Since you ladies arrived late, I’ll have Ms. Rodgers sitting with,” Sluggy looked around the class. “Severus. Yes, yes. That’ll do. And Ms. Evans. Hmm.” 

I held my breath in anticipation. Please not Potter. Please not Potter. Please not—hey. It’s like a tongue twister. Ehe. Please not Potter. 

“Since Mr. Lupin isn’t here, sit with Mr. Pettigrew, please,” he said, motioning for me to move along. 

Hailey grimaced at me and went to sit with Snape. I returned the gesture and moved to the empty spot beside Pettigrew. I wasn’t entirely sure if sitting with Pettigrew was better than sitting with Potter. Potter was unceasingly annoying; Pettigrew was just a thick little boy with no backbone. Geez, he was Potter and Black’s helpless Cinderella. Pathetic. 

He squeaked nervously as I sat down. I gave him what I hoped was a kind smile to raise his low self-esteem a bit, you know, being the kind Head Girl that I was, but he just squeaked again. I looked away from him because I was probably just scaring the poor boy anyways. 

Slughorn was lecturing today, which he didn’t do very often, so I just let my mind wander for the second time in ten minutes. 

It’s amazing what your mind can think of while daydreaming. It just seems to hop along to different subjects every thirty seconds. I was thinking about how I could kill Potter and Black at one moment, then the next, about what would happen if a flying car smashed into the Whomping Willow. Crazy, eh? Yeah, I have no idea where the flying car came from, it just sort of popped into my mind. 

As I started thinking of butterflies and unicorns, a paper hit my head from behind. I was jerked out of my daydream and rubbed my head. It didn’t particularly hurt, it was just a reflex. I looked at Peter who squeaked again and pointed to a paper ball on the floor. I looked behind me and saw Black sleeping and Potter smiling at me. 

I scowled and turned around. I couldn’t be bothered with his immature games. I decided to ignore it and continue daydreaming. 

_Whoosh._ There was a paper ball on my desk. I didn’t turn around this time and just flicked it off the desk. What a pestering little fly. 

Pettigrew tapped my shoulder nervously and pointed at Potter. I glared at him for which he responded with yet another squeak and but I didn’t turn around. I would not look at him. 

Finally, the notes and pathetic attempts for me to talk to him stopped. I was happily daydreaming whilst staring at Slughorn (to make it appear like I was listening) when I had a peculiar feeling. I felt all nervous inside and aware of my surroundings. 

Someone was staring at me. 

I looked around and saw that all eyes were focused on Slughorn or closed. Since I was near the back of the class, the only other direction could be from behind me, and I knew exactly who it was.

I tried ignoring it, but it wouldn’t go away. He was getting to me. He knew that he was getting to me and wouldn’t stop. I started to fidget in my seat, desperately trying to shake the feeling. It was so unbearable, but I would not give it.

Two seconds later, I ripped a piece of my parchment where I should have been taking notes and scribbled a messy note. _Stop staring at me, Potter,_ was what it said. I crumpled it into a ball and threw it behind my shoulder. It couldn’t be helped. I couldn’t concentrate on my daydreaming knowing that his eyes were on the back of my head. 

I heard him open the note and write a scribbled message onto the small paper. Two seconds later, it was sitting back on my desk. 

I had a very difficult time deciding what to do with it. Open it? Ignore it? I was having muscle twitches in my arm from my horrible decision making mind. Eventually, I gave in. Just reading it couldn’t hurt, could it?

_Just hear me out, Lily,_ it read. I scoffed out loud, but quietly of course. Hear him out? Wasn’t that supposed to mean that he was going to give me all sorts of excuses of why I shouldn’t be mad at him? Yeah, right. I wasn’t wasting my time with that. I crumpled the paper again and left it on my desk. 

A minute later, another, slightly larger paper ball was sitting on my desk. I just left it there, knowing what it would contain. For some odd reason, I didn’t just flick it off the desk like all the others. Maybe it was curiosity. I think part of me wanted to keep it just to see what kind of excuses he had planned out. I think I wanted to read it just to see if he could actually convince me he had changed. Part of me wanted to be convinced. I was sick of his pranks. They were getting extremely old. Finally, I slowly reached for the note on the desk and opened it. 

_Lily, I know you’re mad. And, quite honestly, you have every reason to be. I tried to show you that I changed, and I have. Today wasn’t my fault. I know what you’re thinking, but just keep reading, please._

_I’m not going to give you a million excuses to why you shouldn’t be mad at me, but I’m telling the truth. IT WASN’T MY FAULT. You can choose to believe me or not, it’s really up to you. I’m not going to point any fingers, let’s just say that I am pretty mad at these people as well._

_I know that you probably think I am lying to you, just so you won’t be mad, but I always own up to my pranks. You would know if I was lying, so please, please, please forgive me, because I really am sorry._

I finished reading the note and really didn’t know what to think. He sounded so sincere and true that I couldn’t really find a reason not to believe him. I knew that he was talking about the Marauders, Black specifically, and didn’t want to rat them out. I respected that. But it didn’t stop me from staying mad at Black. After all, he didn’t write me an apology letter saying that he was really sorry. Potter…he’s off the hook for now. But, I still hate him. 

Another letter landed on my desk and I rolled my eyes. I was getting extremely annoyed with these notes.

_P.S. Did you get a punishment from McGonagall?_

I scribbled back a negative response and threw it behind my shoulder. I heard him scribbling back and the parchment was back on my desk.

_So…am I forgiven?_

I thought about it for a moment. I guess he was forgiven, to some extent. He was not forgiven for the last six years, but for today, yes. I wrote that down on the parchment and once again, threw it to him.

Thinking that the ridiculous note passing was over, I put my chin on my hand and stared off into space (ie. Slughorn). But, of course, Potter was NOT satisfied. There was the same crumpled piece of parchment on my desk waiting to be opened. 

_Friends?_

I scoffed out loud. Friends? _Friends?_ That boy was pushing his luck. I had just forgiven him after he humiliated me (‘he’ meaning ‘his friends’) and he wants me to be his _friend?!_

“Ms. Evans, do you disagree?” asked Slughorn with an overly jolly voice. 

I looked up with my mouth slightly hanging open, confused. Did I disagree? With what? 

“Er, no…” I answered lamely. I shifted my eyes to Hailey who had a questioning look on her face.

“Then, what was that noise that you made? It seemed like something did not settle with you,” he said.

OH.

“Oh, er. _Ahem._ I was coughing,” I made up on the spot. I coughed once more to make it believable. 

“I see. Then may I carry on?” he asked, grinning his terrifying grin. 

“Please,” I said, wincing. 

Slughorn must have taken the wince as a smile because he smiled back and continued to drone on and on. I looked back at the note in my hands and almost started laughing. _Friends?_ That laughing fit from before was coming back. Lily Evans and James Potter _friends?_ That was almost as funny as Lily Evans and James Potter _dating._ HAHAHAHA. 

I bit my lip hard to contain my laughter. I quickly wrote, _Don’t push your luck, Potter,_ on the parchment and threw it back behind me. I didn’t directly write _NO;_ I might have hurt the poor boy’s feelings. Not that I cared, of course. 

Now that that was over, I returned to my daydream. 

There was a field of daisies and I was sitting in them. All of a sudden, a handsome prince came riding up on his—

Another one?! What is with this boy! Doesn’t he ever give up?!

_Aw, why not, Lily?_

I angrily scribbled back a response.

_Because you are an insensitive prick. Now LEAVE ME ALONE._

There, that ought to keep him away. Where was I—oh, yeah. 

He approached riding on a beautiful white steed, its hair flowing in the wind. He stopped beside me and put out his hand for me to grab. I took it and—

I AM GOING TO SLAP HIM! If another one of these notes appears on my desk, I will turn around in my seat and slap him so hard, his grandfather will feel the force of it. BLIMEY! Can’t he take a hint?

_I thought I was forgiven…what’s with the insensitive prick?_

The bell rang. Thank Merlin for that. I don’t know how much more of this note passing I could take; especially if they were being passed between Potter and I. 

I packed my bag quickly and ran out of the class before Potter decided he’d have a conversation. I didn’t wait for Hailey because if I did, Potter would be there. I walked quickly up to the Gryffindor Tower to drop off my bags before dinner. Thank Merlin Potions was the last class of the day. Who knows what other crazy thoughts I would have thought up in any other class? Maybe the next one would be an escaped convict riding around the world on a hippogriff. Who knows?

I started to slow down once I was sure that Potter wasn’t following me. I started to relax a bit and let my mind wander. 

The prince lifted me from the grass and put him in front of him. We rode around when he said my name—

“Lily!”

Wait, that voice sounds familiar. Too familiar.

Damn it all to hell.

“Lily! Lily, wait up!” he called again.

Is there a bathroom anywhere? Somewhere I can run to? Anywhere but HERE?!

“Lily! Blimey, are you deaf?” he said. He put a hand on my shoulder and I moved away from him on instinct. Never let James Potter too close.

“Er, sorry. Distracted,” I replied, still walking extremely fast. 

“Will you slow down? Classes are done, you don’t have to rush,” he said.

I reluctantly slowed down, but not because he asked me to. My legs were getting tired. 

“Thank you. Merlin, you can walk fast,” he said, shaking his head, still beside me.

“Did you want something, Potter?” I asked him, trying to think of a way I could get rid of him without being humiliated…again.

“Yeah, I did. What was with that last note? I thought you forgave me,” he said, confused.

I sighed. “I forgave you for that one bathroom incident. Not for the last six years of torment,” I repeated.

“Come on, Lily. I’m sorry. I was an immature prick last year, but I changed. Please just give me a chance. Please?” He grabbed my arm gently and turned me to face him.

He seemed so…innocent? He didn’t have a ridiculous grin on his face, like he usually did, but his face actually looked stressed; like if I didn’t accept his apology, he would take a walk off the Astronomy Tower. 

I hesitated. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to hurt the boy’s feelings, but I didn’t necessarily want to become his friend, for Merlin’s sake.

I took his hand off my arm and looked away from his face. 

“Lily, please. I’m begging you. It’s the end of September and we’re going to have to work together for the rest of the year. Please just co-operate with me. I’ve changed. Please,” he said, again.

I looked at his face again. His eyes were almost pleading with mine.

“O-okay. One more chance,” I said, very quietly. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing, but his eyes were getting to me. 

His whole face seemed to light up at my statement. A huge grin appeared on his face and his eyes seemed to brighten. 

“Thank you, Lily. Thank you so much,” he said, almost hugging me. 

I pushed him back. 

“If you mess this up, Potter, Merlin help me, I will—”

“Don’t worry, Lily. I won’t mess this up. I promise,” he said, his grin still intact.

I gave him a stern look, not as stern as McGonagall’s, mind you, but stern enough and started to walk away. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I was facing him again.

“Sorry, Lily. One more thing. Does that mean we’re friends now?” he asked. He sounded way too hopeful. Boys shouldn’t show their feelings so openly, but we all know that he’s had a problem with that in the past.

What to do, what to do? Be his friend, or just be civil? 

Ah, screw it.

“Er, okay…”

“Really? Just like that?” he asked; his eyebrows disappeared under his fringe.

“Well, if you wanted it to be difficult—”

“No, no, no, no! What I meant was…er, nevermind, that is what I meant. But, okay! Friends!” he said. He looked a bit confused, yet happy and disbelieving all at once. It was quite funny actually.

“Alright…” I said, starting to walk away.

Surprisingly, he didn’t run after to me, which I was sort of expecting. It left me feeling a bit sad for a strange reason that I will not try to understand. 

Scratch that, I wasn’t sad. I was happy that he didn’t follow me. I was happy. Happy, not sad. 

Five minutes later, I wondered what the hell just happened to me. I just agreed to become JAMES POTTER’S friend. Holy Merlin, I am a madwoman. What would make me do some sort of crazed act? 

Oh, no.

Someone must have Imperius-ed me! I’M UNDER SOMEONE’S CONTROL! 

I need to find Hailey and quickly. It’s only a matter of time before I hurt someone! AHH.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Okay, so it turns out that I was not Imperius-ed by anyone. I REALLY agreed to be James Potter’s friend. ON MY OWN.

“Lily, Lily, Lily,” said Hailey, shaking her head at the ground. 

“What?” I asked. 

I was slightly disappointed that someone hadn’t put the Imperius Curse on me. Now, it was sort of unbelievable that I had agreed to something like that. Why had I done it? 

Better question: who in their right mind would want me to be friends with James Potter enough to Imperius me anyways? 

Besides the Marauders and Hailey, of course. The Marauders would obviously want me to become friends with him, because well, that’s what they’ve been trying to do since third year. And Hailey, well, she’s just mad.

“You’ve finally done something right concerning James Potter, and you’re regretting it?” she asked.

See? Told you. Mad woman, she is.

“I am not going to dignify that with an answer,” I said, not able to find a response to that.

She started laughing (like she always was) and shook her head again. 

“Did it ever occur to you that if someone is under the Imperius Curse, they are not aware of it?” she asked me.

I stared at her. She was right. Oops. 

“Er, no. I was in shock at what I had done,” I said. It was true. I wasn’t thinking straight. Potter messed with my brain. 

She shook her head for about the millionth time that night and laughed for about the twenty-billionth time that night. 

“Let’s go to the Tower. I still have to finish my Charms essay,” she said. We finished our dinner (Lambchops, yuck) and got up from out seats. 

“So, how exactly do you define your relationship with James?” she asked.

“We’re friends,” said a voice that was not my own.

This seriously had to stop. How many times must he come up from behind me and insist on starting a conversation? Usually, they didn’t end so well. 

1\. Humiliation

2\. Friendship

What next?

Potter put his arm around my shoulder. “Aren’t we, Lils?”

I winced and closed my eyes. 

What have I done?!

“Lily, not ‘Lils’,” I absolutely hated that name. 

“Okay. Only if you call me James,” he said.

“What?” I asked. 

Call him James? That would change everything! He had started calling me Lily at the beginning of the year and it was still a bit strange. But, for me to call him James and not Potter? It just didn’t make any sense!

“Well, friends usually call each other by their first names, right?” he said, furrowing his eyebrows. His arm was still on my shoulder.

“Yes…What’s your point?” I asked him.

“You’re friends, so call him James, you twat,” said Hailey from beside me. She was chuckling at my stupidity.

“And friends don’t call each other ‘twat’, _Rodgers_ ,” I said.

She rolled her eyes and walked ahead of us. “Whatever. I’ll let you two _friends_ talk.” And with that, she walked away.

Damn her. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I didn’t call out to her. And his arm was still on my shoulder.

“So. Lily,” he said.

“Potter, could you—”

“James.”

“What?”

“Call me James.”

“Right. _James_. Could you please remove your arm from my shoulder, please?” I asked.

“Oh, right, sorry.” He coughed and took his shoulder off my arm. I think I just succeeded in making the awkward moment even more, er, awkward, than before. I deserve an award.

 “So, heading up to the Gryffindor Tower?” he asked.

“Mhm,” I mumbled.

“Great.”

I looked at him strangely and he responded with a shy smile. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Wow, can James talk. I never knew that he was so knowledgeable. I mean, I knew he was smart, but he had some very strong opinions on many things. Of course, me being me, I disagreed with most of them, but it was still somewhat…enjoyable, debating with him. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Lily, you’re off your rocker. Sugar quills are so much more efficient than acid pops.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Potter—”

“James.”

“Right, James. Sugar quills are exactly what they are, pure sugar in the shape of quills. How is that efficient?”

“Because you can eat them in class without the professor finding out!”

“Then how will you write notes?! You can’t have both a sugar quill and a writing quill on your desk or they would suspect _something_.”

“That’s the point! Not writing notes in class!”

“But candy is not supposed to be eaten in class!”

“You have to live a little, Lily. What’s so great about your acid pops then?”

“You lift a foot off the ground, how cool is that?”

“You could do that anytime on a _broomstick,_ except a thousand times better.”

“Well, I don’t like flying.”

“What?! How could you not? The wind in your hair, the cold air on your face, the scenery. It’s wonderful.”

Et cetera, et cetera.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Okay, fine. So maybe it wasn’t the _most_ _important_ debate, but it was certainly serious. 

Don’t misunderstand, I still dislike him. 

He’s just fun to talk with…

That’s all it is. 

**[A/N: Woot. Chapter 2. REVIEW! XD]**


	3. If You Cant Stand the Heat, Get Out of the Kitchen

**CHAPTER THREE.**

**If You Can’t Stand the Heat, Get Out of the Kitchen**

“Lily, what’s the Charms homework again?”

James was polishing his damn broom again. What is it with that boy and his damn broom? It’s like it’s his pet dog or something. It’ll still fly if it’s dirty, geez.

“Lily?”

And there he is laughing at Peter again. Why can’t he and Black just leave the kid alone? If he ends up becoming a mad, angry man with psychological problems when he grows up, it’s entirely their fault for making fun of him all the time. 

“Lily Evans…”

Why are they friends anyways? I would think that Black and James would make fun of a kid like that, not befriend him. Most of the kids they play pranks on are younger versions of Pettigrew anyways. There must be some sort of story behind that.

“LILY!”

Where’s Remus anyway? Oh, wait, nevermind. It was the full moon last night, if I recall correctly. And he has that, er, appointment with that moon.

“HEAD GIRL LILY EVANS!”

Hey, that’s me. Who’s calling?

“What?”

“I’ve been calling you for the last five minutes, didn’t you hear me?” asked Hailey.

Oops, blanked out for a moment there.

“Oh, sorry. Wasn’t paying attention,” I said, turning my head from the Marauders and facing her. “Distracted,” I added.

She cocked an eyebrow and looked in the direction of where I was looking. Her eyes widened and she turned back at me. 

“Distracted with James?” A smug looking smile was slowly creeping onto her face. 

I scoffed. She made it sound like I was _interested_ in him. I mean, he’s interesting, but I’m not _interested_ in him, not in that way. Eww. Gross. Erlack. Barf. Yuck. 

You get the point.

“Distracted with whatever he and his chums are planning this time,” I said.

“Mhm…” she said. She didn’t sound too convinced.

“It’s true,” I argued. 

“It’s starting,” she said in a sing-song voice. “What homework did we have for Charms?” she asked, changing the subject too quickly for my liking.

“Four foot long essay on why wrist flicking is important.” “Okay, that’s easy.”

“Wait, what’s starting?” I asked as she started to write ridiculously fast. 

She always spoke bollocks. Once she told me that becoming Animagus at our age was possible. Sure, it’s possible, if you want to have a tail and whiskers for the rest of your life. I highly do not recommend it.

“I can’t tell you. You have to find out by yourself,” she said, eyes still on the parchment in front of her. 

I furrowed my eyebrows. Whenever someone says that, it just makes them even more curious. It’s really not fair. But knowing Hailey, I knew that that was the only answer she’d provide. 

“Okay, I’m done my essay. Want to get that sundae now?” she said.

“What?! You’re finished a four foot long essay in two minutes?” I asked. That wasn’t possible, even for me.

“Of course. It was an easy topic,” she said. 

I took her parchment and looked at it. Her writing was neat and straight, and it was four feet long. I skimmed through it and found that it was accurate. Her essay was surprisingly very good for something written in less than five minutes.

“Satisfied? Sundae? Let’s go,” she said. She pulled me from my chair and walked towards the portrait hole. 

As I was being kidnapped to the Kitchens, I glanced one more time at the Marauders. They weren’t there.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

If you’ve ever heard the scream of an anguished house elf, you’d know what Hailey and I were greeted with as we entered the Kitchens. The only thing that would have been different was that it was a hundred times louder.

There were house-elves running around the Kitchens; they were holding their batty ears, eyes closed from the smoke and screaming their little lungs out.

Yes, there was smoke.

My head was ringing from their screams and I felt something bump into my leg. I looked down into the smoke and saw that a house-elf was curled up into a ball, crying on the floor. Hailey and I bent down next to it and asked it what happened.

“Help us, Miss! Hot, Miss, hot! Misters made hot!” it shouted. It started crying hysterically again and wouldn’t speak another word.

Hot? Someone made hot?

“What does that mean?” yelled Hailey over the yells.

“James! What’s that spell?! _Aquament!_ _Aguimanta! Mentiagua! Aqua-BLOODY-menti!_ ” 

I knew that voice. Not again.

“It’s _Aguamenti_ , Sirius!” 

Just leave it to James Potter and Sirius Black to start a fire in the Kitchens. They should be paid for wreaking havoc; they’d be rich.

“Why couldn’t you say that in the first place, Prongs? _Aguamenti!_ ”

“Is it all out?” asked James. 

“I think so. Peter, you can come out from under the table now. By the way, thanks for helping, mate,” said Sirius, with an extremely annoyed tone of voice.

“S-sorry, Padfoot. Fire makes me nervous,” came the squeaky voice of Peter Pettigrew. 

“Whatever. Next time, just try and stay out of the way,” replied Sirius.

“Okay.”

“You’re a bloody idiot, Padfoot. _‘Let’s make smores the Muggle way,_ ’ Brilliant, Padfoot. Bloody brilliant,” said James.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never wanted to, Prongs, because everyone’s wanted to,” said Sirius. He started to rub his temples. “Would you shut the HELL up!” he roared at the house elves. 

The house elves immediately obeyed although some were rocking back and forth, holding their ears, crying and/or whimpering. Poor elves. They were probably scarred for life.

They still hadn’t noticed we were standing here. Guys are so oblivious.

“What’s wrong with the Wizard way? It’s easier and faster, and there is no risk of starting fires and possibly burning your hand off,” replied James to Sirius’ previous statement.

“But, roasting the marshmallows just makes the smores that much more tastier.”

“I don’t know what the bloody hell you’re talking about, Padfoot.”

“Nevermind. So, have you told Remus about your new friend?” asked Sirius, smirking at James.

It was time for a little pay back. If James wanted to intrude on my conversations, so would I.

“Actually, we should tell him about that soon, James,” I said. 

The three boys looked up at us with different looks on their faces. Sirius was indifferent, James shocked, and Peter looked about ready to use the loos.

“Are all guys so stupid? Starting a fire in the Kitchens?” asked Hailey.

“No one got hurt. The tables might be a little charred, but it’s nothing,” said Sirius, shrugging it off. 

I maintained a cool face, not angry, not delighted. Just neutral.

James’ shocked face now looked a bit scared. He was looking at me carefully, to see if I would make some sort of reaction. 

I didn’t really know how to react.

“Are you angry?” he asked carefully again. Again, that same thing he did with his eyes made my head spin. They were hopeful, wishing, pleading for me not to be angry with him. 

I looked around, anywhere besides his eyes. The house-elves were slowly getting off the ground, many still crying. The tables were charred black. Black was picking his nails and Pettigrew was hiccupping squeaks.

All of a sudden I started to laugh. I started to laugh and I couldn’t stop. The laughing fit from earlier was coming back with a vengeance. The totally not funny scenario was suddenly hilariously funny. All it lacked was Professor Flitwick dressed up in a clown outfit dancing the can-can.

Five minutes later, I wiped my eyes and looked up at everyone.

Hailey looked bored. Sirius was staring at me with a surprised look on his face. Peter was looking scared. James was grinning, again.

“Blimey, woman. What’s so damn funny?” asked Sirius.

“This whole situation,” I answered. 

“So, I guess that means you’re not mad then, right?” he asked. His voice was way too happy. He still needed to work on the over-displaying of emotions thing.

I stopped laughing. Was I angry?

“James Potter, you bloody idiot.” I walked over to him and grabbed a fistful of his hair. “What the hell were you thinking! You could have burned down the whole school, you prick!” I exclaimed. I decided that I was angry.

“OW OW OW! But you were laughing! I thought you thought it was funny!” he screamed. His eyes were crinkled in pain and he was desperately trying to claw his hair out of my hands.

“NO, I DIDN’T THINK THAT WAS FUNNY, POTTER. You could have hurt someone, you arse!” 

“It wasn’t my fault!” 

“I DON’T CARE! YOU WERE INVOLVED!”

“Ah, this is the start of a beautiful friendship,” said Sirius.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

After eating three sundaes with three out of the four Marauders and Hailey, we finally made our way back to the Gryffindor Tower. It was getting late and curfew would be in a half an hour. I had forgiven James for the fire, but as I think about it now, it wasn’t really his fault. 

I think I kind of exploit the fact that he values our friendship so much. It’s like I could always get mad at him, and he will never get mad at me. No matter what I do, I feel like it would always be him asking for forgiveness. It seemed like he would be the weaker one in this relationship; kind of like a pushover. 

But, even if he doesn’t know, I know that I will always forgive him. 

Before going to the Tower, James, Sirius and Peter decided to visit Remus. Since Hailey didn’t know of his condition, they had told her that he had come down with the flu. Hailey nodded in understanding while Sirius sent me a subtle wink. 

So, Hailey and I continued with the trek to Gryffindor Tower. 

“Well, that was fun,” said Hailey.

“And unexpected,” I added.

“Everything is unexpected with the Marauders,” she said.

“I guess you’re right.”

We fell silent for a moment.

“So, you’re okay with James now, then?” Hailey asked me. 

I paused for a second. What did that mean, being okay with James? 

Like, was I okay with his pranks? No.

Was I okay with his friends? One out of three.

Was I okay with the fire? Somewhat. No one got hurt and it was sort of Black’s fault anyway.

Was I okay with his Head Boy-ship? It’s growing on me.

Was I okay with him in general? …

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Like, you don’t hate him anymore. You are actually considering him as a friend and not regretting it?” Hailey was looking at me eagerly, with wide, expecting eyes.

I squirmed under her gaze. It was quite unnerving. She was expecting me to answer that question after one day of being his friend? Truthfully, I didn’t know if I was okay with him yet. At first, no, I was not okay with him. Now, I’m on the edge of being okay, and not being okay with him.

“Lily?”

“One second, I’m thinking.”

I mean, he’s nice and whatever, but I don’t know if I can deal with the pranks. They are completely unnecessary and uncalled for. But besides that, oh, I don’t know. James Potter is too confusing for my brain to comprehend.

“I can’t deal with the pranks,” I said.

“Like I said before, Lily. Pranks define the Marauders and it’s not like they pull them everyday, they’re in moderation. You know, to shake things up around here,” she said. 

I pouted. Fine. I guess I could _learn_ to deal with that. 

“I don’t like Sirius,” I said.

Hailey rolled her eyes at me. “You’re just using that as an excuse not to like James. And, it’s impossible to be friends with one Marauder and not be friends with the others. It’d never work out. And Sirius and James are basically the same person, the only difference is that James has a serious crush on you,” she said. 

Again, I pouted. James and his stupid crush. I bet that after getting to know me better, he’ll get scared and he will run. Run far, far away with his stupid crush running on his heels. 

“So, besides all of that, you’re okay with James?” she asked.

I thought about it for a moment. That didn’t seem right. There must be more things about James that didn’t make me okay with James, or I’d be okay with him. And me being okay with him would be like the giant squid being okay with, oh, I don’t know, land. It was not natural.

As I was racking my mind for something to not be okay with, Hailey said, “That’s it, isn’t it?”

I must have had a stressed look on my face because she then said, “It’s okay to be okay with him, Lily. You’ve both grown up, you both changed. It’s okay to be friends with him, you know.”

I still didn’t say anything. She was doing most of the talking anyways and I needed time to think on it. It’s funny how all of this happened in one single day. 

What else, what else? THERE WAS NOTHING!

Breathe, Lily, breathe. It’ll be okay. Being James’ friend wasn’t so bad right? RIGHT?

“Lily? Lily, are you okay?” asked Hailey, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“I need a paper bag, quick,” I said. 

She looked startled, but conjured a paper bag with her wand. I grabbed it from her and instantly started breathing into it.

I don’t know exactly how this calms you down, but it does. Just breathing steadily into a paper bag can be the most soothing thing in the world. 

After a while of breathing, I removed the bag from my mouth. I handed it to Hailey who took it and threw it out. I felt slightly more relaxed. This wasn’t so bad, was it?

“Are you okay?” Hailey asked again.

I nodded. I mentally slapped myself for overreacting like that. Seriously, who freaks out over making a new friend? Unless it’s freaking out because you’re so happy, not because you’re anguished. 

We finally reached the Fat Lady and Hailey said the password. We entered quietly and sat in the Common Room. 

I closed my eyes and sighed.

It was finally the end of a very long day. I think that this was the most eventful day of my history at Hogwarts. Overall, I entered the male bathroom, I daydreamed throughout Potions, I made a new friend (although somewhat reluctantly), I had the unfortunate experience of hearing anguished house elves, and I witnessed a fire. Oh, not to mention that I almost made someone bald. 

Overall, I think it was a pretty hectic day. 

Hailey and I gathered our bags from where we left them last and went upstairs to the dormitory.

Our other roommates were already there.

There was Alice Prewitt. She was a nice girl, but we weren’t really friends. It was more of a “Hello, how are you?” type thing. 

There was Jennifer Sampson. She was the typical athletic, super long legged, super thin girl. Again, mostly just acquaintances, but Hailey talks to her because of Quidditch.

And then there was Emily Flounder. The one girl that I no longer get along with. But, it used to be Emily, Hailey and Lily, the inseparable Gryffindor girls with names that end in “Y”. We used to be the best of friends up until fifth year. 

What happened, you may ask?

Well, it started way back in first year. Emily was always fond of James Potter. She would swoon every time he passed by. It was extremely irritating since I hated James with a burning passion. But, no matter, we didn’t let a bloke come in between us and we moved on.

But, after our Defense O.W.L., I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t stand Potter and I spazed at him. Emily confronted me and said that I overreacted. It was quite sudden as well, as we seemed to get along before with our differences. She yelled and screamed and screamed and yelled that I was a prude and even said that James was stupid to ever like a girl like me. 

To say the least, I was shocked.

Hailey stuck by me, though. She understood why I hated James (to some extent) and left it at that. She tried talking to Emily, but she got no response from her.

I thought, if she didn’t want to be my friend, then neither did I. But, really, I didn’t think I should be the one apologizing. I wasn’t going to say I was sorry for something I believed in at the time. 

Emily started hanging out with other girls in our year that never liked me in the least. They had welcomed her knowing that we were no longer friends. They probably had slumber parties just discussing how much they hated me. Not to sound conceited or anything, but they actually hated me that much.

So, we haven’t spoken since, just an occasional glare from their direction. And now, as I was changing into my pyjamas, I wondered if my newfound friendship with James would maybe change things with Emily and I. Some part of me missed her, but the other was still hurt by what she had said. Her words had cut deep; a friend could hurt you more than any other person could. 

Anyway, getting off that topic.

Kind of late now to mention it, but I have a little crush and it’s NOT on James Potter.

His name is Edward. Edward Wilkes. He’s in Ravenclaw and not part of the Quidditch team, thank Merlin. I believe he’s a prefect. Er, what else? He’s very smart, nice, blond hair, blue eyes, stunning smile. Perfect. 

I smiled just thinking about him. We didn’t talk much but I always smiled at him as we passed in the hall. And he would smile back. And I would blush. And he would blush. And then we’d walk away. 

Hopefully one of us gets the nerve to ask the other out, cause that would be nice. Wouldn’t it?

“Daydreaming about James again, Lily?” asked Hailey, smirking.

“No. I was NOT daydreaming about James, and I never have before,” I said, getting under my sheets.

“Mhm. Sure you weren’t,” she said, getting into her bed.

I rolled my eyes, but decided to let her believe in her crazy theories. 

“Why would Lily be daydreaming about James? Doesn’t she hate him?” 

This voice did not belong to Jennifer, Alice or Hailey. It was Emily. Yep. The one that hasn’t spoken to me since fifth year? Mhm.

Everyone in the dorm looked at Emily, including me. They all knew that she hasn’t spoken to me in a while, so for her to actually say my name was quite a shock.

Hailey recovered first and cleared her throat. “Erm, yeah. Lily and James are kind of friends now,” she said, responding to Emily’s question. 

I closed my eyes and didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to expect from her. I felt anxious and a bit scared of what might happen. 

I didn’t hear anything for a while. Then, “Well. Imagine that,” Emily said. 

I opened my eyes and looked at her. She was going through something in her trunk, but I could still see her face. She eyebrows were furrowed like she was thinking really hard and she was scowling slightly. I didn’t know what that meant, but I didn’t care. If that was all she was going to say, them I wouldn’t tempt her to say anything else. 

I glared at Hailey who shrugged and I closed my curtains. 

I closed my eyes from exhaustion. Today had been a very, very long day. 

**[A/N: REVIEW PLEASE. XD]**


	4. Old. New. And No Longer

**CHAPTER FOUR.**

**Old. New. And No Longer**

_"Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed, but there will always be cracks.”_

So I woke up in the morning, did my morning routine as usual, et cetera. But surprisingly, Emily wasn’t there. She was usually the last to rise each morning, but she was gone. My guess was that she went to tell her friends of the news.

Hailey and I went down into the Great Hall for breakfast and guess who was walking in at the same time? Mhm, Edward. And guess what happened? I smiled, he smiled. I blushed, he blushed. We both walked away. Exciting, eh?

All right, so after that engaging encounter, Hailey was eyeing me and Edward strangely. I hadn’t told her about my little crush yet, even though that might have cleared things up with the whole me ‘liking’ James issue. But, I don’t really care.

Hailey was still eyeing me strangely and I’m pretty sure that I was still blushing. We were walking to our normal seats as usual, when I noticed Emily and her friends looking our way. Emily had her eyebrow cocked, but didn’t really look angry. Her friends were flat out glaring at me. I wasn’t shocked though, I had been getting that since fifth year. So, I ignored them and kept moving. 

Hailey and I were about to sit down when the Marauders called out to us. I must say that I still needed to get used to that.

James was waving at us to join them. I noticed that Remus was with them, looking as sickly as ever, but smiling all the same. Hailey shrugged and we walked over to them. 

“Morning,” said James brightly.

I smiled weakly at him and watched Peter gulf down his breakfast in slight disgust and amazement. The plate was basically touching his nose and it was in his hands in front of his face. I didn’t even think he was using utensils anymore. Strange kid, he is. 

Hailey and I sat down and ate our first ever breakfast with the Marauders. Thankfully, the rest of the Marauders (James, Sirius, Remus) all ate like normal human beings with plates on the table and utensils in hand. I guess they were used to Peter’s eating habits because they didn’t seem affected by it. I think Hailey noticed it as well because she was scrunching her nose in Peter’s general direction. 

Okay, I have a confession to make. And it will come off as a complete shock to you. 

Ready?

Deep breath.

Sirius Black isn’t that bad. 

I know, I know. I said he was an idiot/prat/arse/fool/etc. but he’s not that bad once you get to know him. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Hailey was right. Sirius and James are very similar anyways; one without the other just didn’t work. 

So, aren’t I the popular one? I made two new friends in two days. Impressive, eh? I thought so. Maybe a new friendship with an old friend as well? Or not, but you never know, right?

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Charms class. I was desperately trying to pay attention but it was obviously not working since I found myself narrating my life to, er, myself. Again. 

Hailey and I were sitting in front of Remus and Peter with James and Sirius off to our right. I didn’t know that a friendship could evolve so quickly in the time of two days. 

Flickwick told us to review all the charms that we have done since the beginning of the year. Well, it was only the beginning of October, so it wasn’t much that we’ve covered so far. 

No matter, the class got started immediately. Charms was always a good class to have a conversation. Hailey and I started talking amiably until she stopped talking and started to stare at something behind me. She looked confused and just kept staring. Curious, I turned around and saw Emily walking towards me. 

I’m pretty sure my expression matched Hailey’s because, as I explained previously, Emily and I haven’t talked in more than a year. And for her to walk towards me, even to ask me for a quill was beyond rare. It just never happened. Period. 

So as Hailey and I sat there staring at Emily, she approached our desk carefully. I couldn’t quite read her expression, but it wasn’t angry looking. 

I could picture this in like a jungle scene; two innocent birds see an approaching lion. But do they fly away? No, because these birds are chickens and can’t fly. So what do they do? They sit there like chickens sit, and wait for the lion to gobble them up. 

Now, back to reality.

Emily cleared her throat. “Erm. Hey, Lily, Hailey,” she said. 

“Hi,” I said cautiously. I didn’t really know what was going on here, so I was on my guard (if chickens could be on their guard?).

“Er, how are you?” she asked. 

I furrowed my eyebrows. Something was up. Lions don’t talk to chickens. They eat them, right? You don’t not talk to someone for more than a year, then walk up to them and ask them how they are. It just wasn’t right. 

“Um. I don’t mean to sound rude, but what do you want?” I asked. I didn’t say it in a mean voice, just a curious one. 

She started to fidget and I could feel Hailey’s eyes on me. I ignored them and continued to stare at Emily. 

“Okay, I know I’ve been horrible to you for the past year. And I just thought that your friendship with James would maybe change things between us, you know?” she said. She looked somewhat hopeful and hesitant. 

I didn’t know what to say. I just kept looking at her with my eyebrows furrowed and did not say a thing. I mean, what was I _supposed_ to say? Did I really want to become her friend again?

“Look, can we talk about this later?” I said finally. 

She looked at bit shocked at first, but then she nodded and walked away. 

I turned back to Hailey with the same look on my face. Her eyebrows were raised and she looked genuinely shocked. 

“Well?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I replied.

I focused forwards and continued with my charms although I wasn’t really paying attention to them. Which probably explains why three quarters of them didn’t work. 

I really didn’t know what to do. I mean, she seemed sincere enough, but our friendship should never have been broken in the first place. I mean, if a friendship was strong enough, it should have been able to undergo difficulties like blokes, for Merlin’s sake. After five years together, I would think that it would have been stronger, right? But for a BLOKE to (unintentionally) ruin a friendship, doesn’t that say something to you? I mean, there must be some kind of problem in that friendship. 

Like I said before, half of me wanted to return being friends with her, and half of me wanted to ignore her for the rest of my life. 

Why, oh why must my life be so confusing? First, blokes. Enough said. Then ex-friends want to become friends again? 

If one of your exes wanted to get together with you again, after they hurt you really bad, would you want to get back together with them? It’s like the same thing here, right? But with mates? 

ARGH. I’m so confused. I just want to sleep until forever. Wouldn’t that be nice? There would be no class, no blokes, no enemies, no professors, no nothing. It would just be like eternity of sleeping. 

Do you know what I need? 

I need better things to do than talk to myself in my head. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Okay. I decided what I was going to do. I was going to find out if she was for real. If she actually wanted my friendship or not. I wanted to, really I did, but I didn’t want to be hurt again because it sucked like a kid on a lollipop. 

I talked to Hailey about it but she wasn’t much help. I think this was the first time she wasn’t able to distract me from something, which was saying something because she was very distracting. 

“Lily?”

“Hm?”

“Are you aware that you go into these trances and it’s impossible to take you out of them?” asked James while walking to dinner. 

“Oh, erm. Yes, I’m aware of that…sort of,” I answered.

“Er, why?” he asked.

“A lot on my mind,” I replied. 

He eyed me strangely and asked, “May I ask what?” 

I thought about it. I wasn’t sure if I should tell him. Again, it’s been only two days; am I expected to spill my secrets out to him? 

He seemed to sense my hesitation and said, “You don’t have to tell me or anything, I just thought that it would be better to let it all out.”

Aw, how sweet. I like sweet boys. James is sweet. 

Er, so is Edward. Edward is probably SWEETER than James. Mhm. 

Merlin, it sounds like I’m talking about candy, not blokes. 

“It’s nothing,” I said. 

He nodded and we continued to walk in silence. 

“Blokes shouldn’t come in between friends, right?” I blurted suddenly. 

James looked shocked. “Er, no, why? Did you and Hailey get in some sort of fight over some bloke?” he asked. I could practically see the discomfort radiating off of him in purple and blue rays, but I continued anyway. 

“No, not Hailey. Emily. Remember how we were friends?” I said. 

Why was I doing this? Why was I telling my mate of two days my problems? He probably wasn’t interested in them anyways. I mean, come on, Lily. Get a grip. 

“Yeah, I remember. Did, er, you fight over some bloke?” he asked.

If it wasn’t for the seriousness of this situation, I think I would have burst out laughing at James’ discomfort. He was fidgety and everything. 

“Yeah,” was all I said. 

“Can I ask who?” he asked. Now, his whole demeanour changed. He became tense and if he was looking at me, his eyes would be dark. I couldn’t really understand why.

“It was you, actually,” I said without thinking.

He stopped walking and stared at me. I didn’t realize my mistake until it was too late. 

“OH! NO! THAT CAME OUT WRONG!” I screamed out. “What I meant was that I didn’t like you and—DAMN IT!” Someone should just sew my mouth shut.  “James, I—”

He held out his hand to stop me. “Lily, I understand. Just leave it at that before this gets even more…yeah.”

I nodded as a blush started to paint my cheeks. Damn it. I just had to blab on and on about that and make everything uncomfortable. Typical of me.

And if things couldn’t get any worse, Edward had to walk around us with his friends in Ravenclaw. I just stood there staring at him, with James staring at me, and Edward staring at the two of us, together. 

I just looked away as my blush deepened and almost jogged into the Great Hall which was directly in front of us. 

Merlin, I hate my life. 

Hailey had gone ahead of James and I to dinner, so she was already sitting with the rest of the Marauders. I quickly sat down beside her and started to stuff food in my mouth so I wouldn’t say anything else that would offend and/or something I’d regret. 

Everyone started to stare at me but I ignored them. James walked into the Great Hall with Edward by his side. They both looked a bit confused. 

Damn, damn, damn. 

James sat down with us and looked at me curiously. I could tell he wanted to say something, but I wasn’t going to give myself the opportunity to answer. Too bad for him. 

“Is something the matter, Lily?” asked Remus.

I shook my head vigorously as I swallowed. I immediately stuffed more food into my mouth and started to chew. 

Sirius’ eyebrows were furrowed and he was staring right at me. He watched me put food into my mouth and put his fork down on the table. He crossed his arms and leaned back. 

“Something is obviously up,” he said, eyebrows still furrowed. “Either you’re extremely hungry, or something happened and you are trying to keep your mouth closed,” he said. 

I swallowed and stared at him. How did he know? Not the first part, the second part, but no one needed to know that, right? “I’m really hungry,” I lied. I actually felt really bloated, if you know what I mean. I didn’t really want to eat anything besides chocolate at that moment. I think the ‘time’ of the month was coming up. Crap.

I don’t think anyone believed me as they continued to stare. I ignored them and picked up more food as James’ mouth started to open.

“What was that back there, Lily?” he asked.

“Nuffink. Wha’ aru talfink abou?” I asked, food still present in my mouth. Attractive, eh?

He stuffed food into his mouth and replied, “Nuffink. Ne’e mind.” And it was settled.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Hey, Emily.”

“Lily! Hailey! Hey!”

Silence.

“So, did you think about it?” Emily asked me. She was sitting on her bed with a textbook on her lap and a piece of parchment beside her. 

“Yeah,” I replied.

Silence.

“And?” she asked. 

I sat down on the bed across from her and sighed. “You hurt me pretty bad,” I confessed to her. Hailey sat down on her own bed.

She hung her head and nodded. “I know. And I’m really sorry. I overreacted and my feelings got the better of me,” she said. 

“I need to know that it won’t happen because I don’t want to be hurt again,” I said. 

“It won’t, Lily. I promise,” she said.  

Silence.

“So, are we friends?” she asked. 

I didn’t say anything for a moment. She looked at me hopefully. Eventually, I nodded slowly. 

She grinned, jumped up and hugged me. I was shocked at first, but I hugged her back. I must say that it felt good to have her back. It’s been so long since it was the trio, but it would soon be again. 

Then, a thought struck me. “What about Felicity and Megan?” I asked. They were Emily’s current friends, the ones that hated me with all their heart, mind and soul. 

“Oh, don’t worry about them. I’ve have it all taken care of,” she said. 

I nodded and smiled. I was happy that she was back with us and not with those horrible wenches. I didn’t hate them because they hated me; I hated them because they were exactly that, horrible wenches. 

Emily hugged Hailey as well. “It’s good to have you back,” said Hailey. 

Emily nodded and smiled. Everything was good.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

A new day. And today, there is nothing really bothering me that I need to deal with! YES! 

Emily, Hailey and I (together!) made our way downstairs (together!) and went to breakfast (together!). The Marauders were already there again, so we went and sat with them, although Emily seemed a bit hesitant. We passed Felicity and Megan on our way there, and I was proud to say that all three of us ignored their glares like professional, er, glare-ignorers. 

“Morning,” said James as we sat down.

Hailey and I replied back and Emily just smiled. She seemed a bit shy. She couldn’t STILL like James, could she? Not that I cared, of course.

James sent me a look motioning towards Emily with his eyes. I shook my head to warn him not to say anything. I assumed he understood and left it at that. 

What was it with Peter and his food? I mean, it was revolting. I really didn’t like watching it. It didn’t help that he was sitting right in front of me and food particles are flying very close to me and my own food. 

After finally peeling my eyes away from Peter, I grabbed some toast and bacon and put it on my plate. I was about to eat it when I felt James’ eyes on me. I looked up. 

“Is there something wrong?” I asked. Did I do something? Was there something on my face? Did I have something in my nose? WHAT WAS IT?!

“That’s what you’re eating?” he asked. 

I furrowed my eyebrows and looked at my plate. Toast and bacon. What was wrong with toast and bacon? 

“What’s wrong with toast and bacon?” I asked him. 

He looked at me like I was crazy. “There are about 20 different foods here and you’re eating toast and bacon?” he said. The others didn’t seem to be interested in our little conversation and started one of their own. 

I looked around at the other food on the table. Pancakes, waffles, sandwiches, other breakfast food, fruit, green eggs and ham, somethings that I didn’t know the name of, etc. 

“Yup. Just toast and bacon,” I said, looking back down on my plate.

“Why?” he asked.

Now I started to get irritated. What was wrong with my toast and bacon? NOTHING! GEEZ!

“Because I like toast and bacon!” I said.

“You’re strange,” he stated. 

I looked on his plate. And what did he have? Bagels and ham.

“I’m strange? At least I don’t eat bagels and ham,” I said. I scoffed at him. 

“Hey! What’s wrong with my bagels and ham?” he asked.

“Well, what’s wrong with my toast and bacon?” I countered.

“It’s—er…”

“Exactly.”

“Whatever.”

“You two are really something. James, leave Lily’s toast and bacon alone, and Lily, leave James’ bagels and ham alone,” Emily said from beside me. 

We both stared at her as she ate her food. I mean, she’s one of my friends and all, but who was she to tell me to leave James’ food alone? If he was going to bother me about my food, I will damn well do it back. 

James looked over at her questioningly and asked, “You’re Emily, right?” His voice sounded accusing, like she was a bad child that needed scolding.

I guess she didn’t catch his tone and nodded happily. “Mhm. Emily Flounder,” she said.

I think she still liked him. And that annoyed me. How could she still like him? Did she even know him? Did she even know what he was really like? I bet she only liked him because he was good-looking. Not that I thought he was good-looking or anything, but _she_ might of thought he was. Because that’s what most girls think, right? That he’s good-looking? Which he isn’t, by the way, just so that’s clear. He’s not good-looking. But Emily might think he is. Got it? Emily, NOT me. 

“Charming,” he said. He gave a polite smile and turned away to talk with Sirius.

Emily blushed. Oh, Merlin. She did like him. 

But it wouldn’t be a problem though, because I’m friends with him now. So I won’t hate it. Actually, I’m more than okay with it. No problems. Emily likes James. Okay, I’m good. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

McGonagall called James and I to talk to her after Transfiguration about certain things. I was worried that I did something wrong, since James was called up as well. Damn it.

“I called you hear to talk about your Head Duties.”

OH. I didn’t even consider that. I really shouldn’t jump to conclusions. It’s a horrible habit. 

“I would just like to inform you about your nightly patrols that you will be starting. They will be once a week from nine to eleven o’clock. As Head Boy and Girl, it is your responsibility to punish students who are out after hours,” she paused and looked at James. “Even if they are friends,” she said, giving him a stern look. 

James nodded curtly and smiled. “Of course, I wouldn’t dream of anything less than that” he replied. I had to contain my laughter.

“Your patrols will start tonight. If you do not have any questions, you are dismissed,” she said. 

James and I walked out of the class. Just to add up to all of this work, I have to stay up punishing students during very valuable N.E.W.Ts studying time. Blimey. Why did I want to be Head Girl again? Why did I want to be responsible example? Why ME?!

“So, what do you think about this, Lily?” asked James.

“What? Oh. Er, well. We already have lots of work to do and everything, and this is just adding onto the pile. I don’t know how I’ll manage,” I said. 

“Yeah, right. You’re Lily Evans,” he said. 

I just stared at him. He said it like it was supposed to mean something significant. “What is that supposed to mean?” I asked him. Him and his riddles.

“You know, you’re Lily Evans!” he stated again.

“Yes, I am aware of that. What’s your point?” I asked. This boy made no sense what so ever. 

“What do you mean what’s my point? My point is that you’re Lily Evans!” he said. 

Okay, this was getting frustrating. Why couldn’t he just speak plainly? I mean, mostly all of the conversations I’ve had with him have gotten me frustrated at one point because of his stupid language. Saying a phrase over and over again wasn’t going to help me understand it any better. It would be so much easier if he told me WHY it was important that I was Lily Evans. _Merlin._

“JAMES. I know that for Merlin’s sake! What does that have to do with anything?” I asked him. If he didn’t answer this time, I think I would slap him. 

“You’re Lily Evans. The smartest girl in our year. If you can’t handle something, where’s the hope for the rest of us? If you can’t do something, then the whole lot of us should just quit while we’re behind,” he said. 

I furrowed my eyebrows at him. That was definitely NOT true. The Marauders were ahead of me in so many subjects that I couldn’t count. Oh, and not to mention Quidditch. Don’t even get me started on that. 

“ _Ahem._ Then I guess there is no hope for anyone at Quidditch, because it’s just one thing that I will never be able to do,” I said to him. 

I watched the shock flood into James’ features. He looked like he just saw a baby bird grow fangs and attack him. But you never know in the magical world. Almost anything could happen. 

“Okay, fine. _I’m_ the Lily Evans of Quidditch.” I scoffed. “But that’s not my point. My point is that you’re Lily Evans, meaning that you can handle almost anything. If you can’t handle your studies and Head responsibilities, then how could anyone else? So basically, what I’m trying to say is that you’ll be fine,” he said. 

Why couldn’t he say that in the beginning? Wasn’t that so much simpler than saying ‘You’re Lily Evans!’ over and over again, when I obviously didn’t understand it the first time? Geez! 

“Just because I can handle it, doesn’t mean that I won’t be stressed or anything,” I complained.

“No pain, no gain,” he said simply. 

I glared at him and looked ahead of me. He laughed and we continued walking to wherever we were going. Which was Herbology, by the way. 

“So, what happened with the Emily thing?” he asked.

“Well, she apologized and we made up,” I replied.

“That’s good, I guess. So, I’m assuming it was her fault?” 

“In a way, yes. It was all very complicated,” I said, as some sort of an explanation.

“Well, I’m sure it was, if I was involved in some way,” he said, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

I cringed. UGH. I am such a loser. “Yeah, about that, James. I’m really sorry. Everything I said earlier was just…yeah. I’m sorry,” I said, looking at him.

He looked at me and our eyes locked. 

Sorry, my mind went momentarily blank. 

I looked away from his eyes and continued walking. 

In all my existence, I can say that that has never happened before. I always have something to say (to myself at least) or I have some sort of comment that is waiting to be said. It was just not natural for Lily Evans NOT to have something going through her mind! So, whatever happened just now, was not normal. Erm, and it meant nothing. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Lily! Lily, wake up!”

I hate being shaken awake. It’s pointless and painful. Just tapping or simply talking would usually do the trick for me. _Shaking_ is really not necessary.

I opened my eyes and saw glasses floating about me. Round, wire-framed glasses in front of hazel eyes. If I continued to look up, I knew I would see a nest of black hair.

“I’m awake!” I shouted. That boy can be so irritating most of the time. Yes, he’s my friend, but really. 

“Come on. It’s almost nine. We have patrols, remember?” he said. 

I sighed and reluctantly got up off the couch I had been sleeping on. I rubbed my eyes and said bye to Hailey who was doing her homework on the other couch. I dragged my feet all the way to the portrait where James was already waiting. 

I didn’t know why I was so tired all of a sudden. I didn’t wake up particularly early this morning, or sleep particularly late last night. I even felt fine in History of Magic, which was saying something. But, after dinner, I just suddenly felt sloth-like and crashed on the couch. I didn’t know how I was going to get through these patrols. 

“Tired?” asked James from my side.

I grunted in response, to which James laughed. I didn’t feel like responding in full sentences, or in fact words, at that moment. 

So far, patrols were the most boring thing I have ever had the experience of doing. It was basically walking around the school, not really going anywhere. I mean, what kind of pointless waste of time was that? Ugh, I could do that anytime.

James and I walked in silence around the school. He occasionally checked the broom closets to check for any late night snoggers and I was relieved he found none. The poor kids would be so embarrassed out of their minds that they would probably take a walk off the Astronomy Tower. Well, at least I would. 

“Merlin, Lily’s so stupid.”

Excuse me, WHAT? Did I just hear what I thought I heard? I was suddenly wide awake. I turned around and looked behind me. No one there. I noticed a door that lead to a classroom to my right and I quietly walked towards it. James was ahead, looking at me curiously. 

Okay, so their first mistake was being out after hours. Second, was talking about the HEAD GIRL when she (I) was (am) on duty. Third, they called said HEAD GIRL stupid. NOT COOL. 

I stopped beside the door so I could hear everything that was being said. I mean, if I was the subject of their conversation, I should be entitled to hear it, yeah? Really, if they wanted to talk about me, they could of just talk TO me, couldn’t they? It would be less cowardly than talking about me behind my back.

James started to approach me, quite loudly. I desperately motioned for him to be quiet because I really wanted to hear what was being said about me. I guess you could say that I was curious to hear what people had to say about the Head Girl. So far, I know that people thought I was stupid. 

Wankers. 

“Shh, what was that?” said a female voice from inside the room.

“It was probably just a rat. Keep going,” said another. 

“Okay. Well like I said, Lily is so stupid. She fell for everything.” That voice sounded so familiar, yet I couldn’t place it. I wanted to know the name of the tosser who thought I was stupid. 

“So, you’re friends again?”

“Yeah. She soaked it all up. Believed that I was sorry and that I wanted to be friends again. She’s too naïve for her own good.”

I felt like an icicle was piercing through my chest. I knew that voice. It was Emily. My old-new-and-no-longer friend Emily. 

“So, remind me what you’re going to do again?” asked Felicity, whom I now recognized after Emily.

“I’m going to use her to get closer to James. They won’t know what hit ‘em. Then, when I have James, I can dump Lily.”

I sat down. The icicle was twisting and the hole was getting bigger. The worse part about it was that it wasn’t melting. 

I felt James stiffen behind me. I could feel his hand on my shoulder, gripping it painfully. It almost felt good compared to the hurt in my chest. 

“Are you sure it’s going to work? I mean, how do you know Lily doesn’t like James?” asked Megan.

“Who cares? I won’t give either of them a choice. He’s mine and no one’s going to stop me.”

“Whatever you say, Em. Just don’t get me involved. I’m happy just hating her,” said Felicity.

I didn’t even know what to feel. 

Betrayed?

Hurt?

Used?

Tricked?

BLOODY ANGRY? 

Yeah. 

And what was I going to do about it? 

The door opened and Emily stepped out of the door. I did the only thing I could think of doing. I slapped her and ran. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Lily! LILY! WAIT!” 

“WHAT DO YOU WANT!” I yelled. I was panting and I could feel the heat rising into my face. My hand was tingling from hitting Emily; I could only imagine how much her face was stinging. Truthfully, I didn’t care. 

“Lily, I know you’re angry. But, just stop running for a moment,” said James. I could tell he was just as angry as I was by his set jaw and dark eyes. His voice was deep and his posture was slightly stiffened. 

I breathed. All sorts of emotions were coursing through my body, many of which were making me extremely tired. I sat down against the wall and put my head in my hands. This was too much for me to handle. It was just too much. I just wanted to sleep.

James sat down and put an arm around me. I instinctively leaned into his shoulder. I didn’t care if he had only been my mate for two days; the main thing was that he was my mate and he wasn’t about to use me like toilet paper on Emily’s pasty arse. 

We just sat there in silence; James’ arm around me comfortably. I lowered my hands from my face and felt a lone tear escape from the corner of my eye. So far, I had been good at controlling my tears, but I could no longer contain it. It was just too much for a girl to handle in one night. One by one, they came pouring out of my eyes and I frantically tried wiping them away.

James seemed to notice I was crying and he started stroking my hair. 

“It’ll be all right, Lily. Don’t cry,” he said. 

I knew that he was trying to comfort me, but it just made me want to cry even harder. I had to bite my lip (painfully) to contain myself. 

Why couldn’t all friends be like James? Why couldn’t they all sit in the hallways with you while you cry? Why couldn’t they all smell nice and be warm and comfortable? Why couldn’t they all whisper pointless words in your ear to make you feel better? 

Why did there have to be people like Emily? Then everyone would be happy and I wouldn’t be sitting here right now, blubbering like a baby. 

I never expected something like that from her. I knew her for five years and not once has she ever displayed characteristics like that before. Never. I’m pretty sure that hanging out with Felicity and Megan corrupted her. She used to be the innocent one in our group; and I know what you’re going to say, “More innocent than Lily Evans?” Damn straight. But, I was a close second. 

When all my tears were on my shirt/James’ shoulder/somewhere else, James and I just sat in the corridor. I didn’t know how long we were sitting there, but I was pretty sure that our patrols were over. 

I sniffled and shifted my position. I didn’t feel like getting up. I just wanted to sit here forever. If I got up, I knew that I would have to deal with the things that I didn’t want to deal with. Sitting here would just delay it for a little. 

“We should head back,” James whispered. 

I nodded, but neither I nor James moved. I guess he was waiting for me to get up so he didn’t disturb me, but I didn’t want to. 

“Lily?” he said, moving slightly. 

“Just a minute,” I said, snuggling into him. 

I felt him nod and move back into his original position. 

I knew that I should have gotten up, but I really couldn’t be bothered. But, eventually I did, because if I didn’t, I was scared that I would fall asleep. 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Eventually I will be,” I answered as we started walking. “What about you? You just heard someone claiming you as their property,” I said, disgusted at Emily’s actions.

“Meh, I’m used to it by now. You know, with my dashing good looks and all,” he said, puffing his chest out and flashing me his signature grin.

I burst out laughing at his arrogance. I knew he was joking, but it was welcome all the same. Count on James to brighten things up in the midst of melancholy. 

We arrived at Gryffindor Tower faster than I expected as James continued to try to cheer me up. And he was successful. By the time we were in the Common Room, I felt slightly happier and Emily was just a mere nuisance in my mind. It suddenly seemed like she was nothing to be worrying about. My mind was taken off the subject of mates and how they could be horrible at times. I didn’t even worry about going into the dorm room and facing her, because at the moment, it didn’t matter. 

**[A/N: REVIEW! XD]**


	5. Mood-Swings

**CHAPTER FIVE.**

**Mood-Swings**

_"Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around."_ \- Bill Watterson

I couldn’t focus. I was a complete mess the whole day. 

I guess the small nuisance of last night grew to about one hundred times bigger while I was sleeping; now taking up the entire space of my head.

My mind was usually like an organized office; file cabinets to keep my thoughts in check, folders that held my class information and little boxes to keep everything tidy. Now, it was as if someone (i.e. Emily) went on a rampage and messed everything up. My file cabinets were in the wrong order, my folders were mysteriously missing and the little boxes were overturned or in the garbage. The little people responsible for keeping my head organized were now running around or rocking back and forth sucking their thumbs (if they had thumbs?). I didn’t know what to do. 

“Miss Evans, what is the result of the shredded skin of a Boomslang and lacewing flies?” asked Slughorn. 

Shredded skin of a Boomslang? Lacewing flies? WHAT THE HELL WERE THOSE?!

“Er…”

“Yes, Miss Evans?”

Come on, Evans. Come on! You know this! 

Where were those damn folders?!

“Uh…pass please?” I said, wincing at my sudden stupidity.

“Oh? Letting the other students get a chance to answer? Excellent thinking, Miss Evans! Mr. Goldstein, then, if you will?” 

I stared ahead of me with a blank look. This was affecting my school work. That was how bad it was. NEVER in my history of Hogwarts had I forgotten anything. NEVER. Even when I was sick, I was in class able to answer any question thrown at me. Now, all I could do was ask for a pass and move on. 

Some friends made you do this. They turned you into inefficient, mixed up, unorganized, bundles of mess. They made you want to sleep until you were eighty five. They made you want to kick the living daylights out of someone. They made you into a violent person for a night or two. They made you cry for trusting them.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Hey, Lily? Are you okay?”

Merlin, Emily was on the other side of the greenhouse. She was laughing it up. She didn’t even look a bit remorseful. Not even one bit. When did she become such a…a UGH! 

“Lily, not again. You always do this to me. You just leave and I look like I’m talking to myself. Please say something. Lily…?”

“Hmm, what?”

“What is with you today? You blank out in Transfiguration, you don’t answer a question in Potions, you don’t say a word to anyone and not to mention you almost fell down the stairs. What’s up?” asked Hailey while attacking one of the plants Hailey, James, Sirius and I were supposed to be re-potting. 

“Nothing.”

“Lily, I’m worried, please tell me. And Emily’s been avoiding us. Did something happen between you two?”

“Let’s talk about it later, okay? We have plants to re-pot,” I said, avoiding the situation completely. 

I looked up and saw James giving me a disapproving look. I had secretly asked him to not say anything at breakfast, and so far he had complied. But, I didn’t know how much longer he’d hold out.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Hey, Lily! Wait up!” 

Oh, no. Not again. There was that voice that always has the ability to track me down from behind and decide to talk to me. If I counted how many times this happened this year, I bet it’d be close to fifty seven.

I turned around to greet James, although I didn’t feel like having a pleasant conversation with him.

“Hey, you all right?” he asked, catching up to me.

“Of course I’m all right. Please tell me, James, why I wouldn’t be all right?” I asked, starting to walk. 

“Lily, you can’t not do anything about this you know,” he said. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, James,” I said, curtly. 

James sighed and gently pulled on my arm. He turned me around and looked at me. 

“Lily, you know exactly what I’m talking about. And I know that you’re angry, so you have to do something about it. Promise me you will do something about it.”

“I—”

Have I ever mentioned how nice his eyes were? They were like honey. Really pretty.

Er, but it’s okay if I say that, because we were just friends. Friends could say that about friends. Right? Right.

“Lily, promise me,” he said. His hand was still gripping my arm.

“O—okay. Fine. I promise. I’ll do something,” I said finally.

“Okay, good. Tomorrow, right?” he said.

“Er, yeah. Tomorrow.”

“And you’re going to tell Hailey, right?”

“Fine. I’ll tell Hailey,” I said. 

“Okay. Remember, you promised,” he said, sticking his pinky out at me. 

I furrowed my eyebrows at him. Did he actually think I would do a stupid pinky promise? Psh. It wasn’t as if I’d break my promise. I never broke my promises.

“Lily, a promise is a promise,” he said, a sparkle in his hazel eyes. 

I rolled my eyes and took his pinky with mine. 

I just imagined the sight of this. Head Boy and Girl locked in an epic battle of the pinkies.

We shook pinkies and let go. 

“I’ll see you later, Lily. Got some studying to do. And remember, you promised,” he said. And with that, James saluted me with a grin and left.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I woke up to sun rays poking into my curtains. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and stretched my arms out. I had promised James that I would do something about ‘the situation’ yesterday, but after he left, I realized that I didn’t know what to do. I knew that I would start by telling Hailey, but then what?

“Hey, Emily. Wait up! What’s the rush?” asked a confused Hailey. 

“Why don’t you ask Lily?” replied Emily in a snarky voice. I heard the door open and close and Emily was gone. 

I sat in my bed for a while with the curtains closed. No one knew I was awake yet and I intended to keep it that way for now. I knew it was typical of Emily to run away like that, but truthfully, I was kind of doing the same thing. I knew that I couldn’t always run away from my problems, but it was the easiest thing to do. Think of it this way; the problem was sitting right in front of you. You run away and it was gone! TA-DA! 

No, but really. What were we _supposed_ to say to each other? All of a sudden, I felt stressed and tired. I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to face the music. I didn’t want to do ANYTHING. Even if I promised James, I didn’t think anything would be enough to force me to face Emily. Even breaking a pinky promise. GASP!

“Hey, Lily! Get up!” said Hailey’s voice from outside of my curtain.

I groaned, but remained seated in my bed. 

She ripped my curtains opened (talk about privacy) and almost died of a heart attack from seeing me sitting in my bed.

“Lily! You scared the living daylights out of me!” she exclaimed. 

“You’re the one who opened my curtains. Who did you expect to see? James?” I said, scoffing.

“Well, it could be a possibility—”

I stomped on her foot before she could go any further. 

“OW! What was that for?!” she asked, grabbing her foot.

I didn’t even need to answer that. She knew perfectly well what that was for. I glared at her and got up from my bed. 

“Well, at least angry is better than zombie,” she said.

“Nevermind. Let’s talk about it later,” I said, stomping off into the bathroom. 

“Ow, I think you broke one of my toes,” she said. 

I closed the door after her last comment and looked at myself in the mirror. I was a mess. My face was puffy, my eyes were red, there were shopping bags under my eyes and my hair was a pigeon’s nest. But, I was too lazy to make myself up, so I tied my hair back into a ponytail, washed my face, brushed my teeth and did a sniff test to see if I smelled like a garbage can. Luckily, I didn’t, but I put on a bit of perfume anyways.

I changed into my robes and got my school bag. Hailey was impatiently waiting for me on her bed, filing her nails once again. I didn’t even call her when I was ready; I kind of just opened the door and waited for her to catch on. Eventually she did and we trekked downstairs.

“So, ready to talk about it? Did something happen with you and Emily? Because she ran out of the dorm this morning in kind of a bad mood. And she mentioned you,” she said. 

She just finished asking her question as we stepped into the Common Room. I sighed and was about to answer, when—

“What took you so long?” asked James. He was walking towards us all by himself from the armchairs where I assumed he had been sitting. 

I have to say, just seeing him made my chest feel a bit lighter. I knew James would know what to do. I mean, he was the one who told me I had to do something.  If he didn’t know what to do, then I would simply do nothing. 

I smiled at him as he walked towards us. I think Hailey noticed my change in behaviour and gave me a peculiar look. I ignored her and said hi to James. 

“Is it only you two who take long to get ready? All your other dorm mates were down here twenty minutes ago,” he said. 

“Not me. Ms. Head Girl, here, thought she would sleep in a bit this morning,” said Hailey as we started walking out of the Common Room. 

“Oh, really? Because of Emily?” he said. He probably assumed that I had told Hailey about what had happened. 

“Why? What happened? What does Emily have to do with this?” asked Hailey, looking at the two of us. 

“You didn’t tell her yet?” he asked, frowning. “You _promised_ —” 

“I was about to when you interrupted us,” I replied. I was completely drained of energy even though I woke up twenty minutes ago. 

“What happened?” asked Hailey, like an impatient child on Christmas day.

I sighed deeply. “Emily was only using me to get close to James,” I replied. I was staring at my feet and the floor. I really didn’t want to be having this conversation right now, but what could I do? I promised. 

“WHAT?!” exclaimed Hailey. I was standing in between the two and I still refused to look up. 

“That bitch!” she said. 

“Shh,” I said. I didn’t want her getting in trouble for something like this. I mean, it was just a small issue. Right? 

Oh, who was I kidding?

“Why would she do such a thing? How did you find out? Why am I finding out about this now?” asked Hailey, all flustered. 

“She did this because she really, really likes James,” I offered. I felt James tense up beside me and I felt myself smile. “James and I were on patrols the night before last when I heard Emily, Felicity and Megan talking in an empty classroom. And I didn’t tell you earlier, because, well. I didn’t really know how to,” I answered. 

“Is that why she’s been avoiding us for the past day and why she ran out of the dorms this morning? And to think that I was actually nice to her!” Hailey exclaimed. “Wait, how did she know you heard her?” she asked. 

“Oh, Lily decided to make sure she knew,” said James. “Emily was lucky enough to be slapped by _the_ Lily Evans,” he said. I could basically sense the smirk on his face, even though I was still looking at the ground.

“You slapped her?” asked Hailey. She sounded so astonished, as if James had told her that I was a Death Eater. Was it that hard to believe that I slapped someone? 

Okay, maybe it was, just a little. 

“Damn straight, she did,” replied James. “It even echoed in the hall for a full five seconds afterwards.” He was definitely too proud. 

“Atta girl, Lily!” she pounded me on the back. Hard. “Well done! I am truly proud,” she said. “But, wait. How do you feel about this, James?” asked Hailey.

“I’m over it. It’s not like I would have gone for her anyways,” he said. “No offence to you guys,” he added. 

“None taken,” said Hailey and I in unison. 

I finally looked up. 

“But, what do I do now?” I asked them. 

No one answered for a moment. It made me scared. If neither Hailey nor James had any advice, then what was I supposed to do?! I’d be breaking James’ promise, and it’d be entirely his fault for not telling me what to do. And Lily Evans never broke her promises.

“Guys?” I asked in a slightly desperate voice. 

“I think you should let me punch her face in,” said Hailey. 

Okay, that was an option. Perhaps not the best/most effective/mature/appropriate option, but an option nonetheless. 

Dear Merlin, please let James have another one. 

“James?” I asked, looking at him. I was _almost_ on my knees, begging him to come up with something. 

His hands were stuffed into the pockets of his robes and he was staring at his feet, much like I was doing a couple of minutes ago. 

“First, I don’t think she’s trustworthy. Whether you decide to forgive her is totally up to you, but I wouldn’t. I don’t think it’s worth it to have a friend who you can’t trust; actually a friend _has_ to be someone you trust. So, basically, I recommend just staying away from her. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again,” he said, finally. 

I didn’t know what to say to that. It was the most honest thing someone has ever said and he said it so casually. It just seemed so logical that I mentally slapped myself for freaking out earlier. And it wasn’t really that much that he was asking me to do. So really, I could keep my promise without doing anything. HA! 

As I was thinking of something to say to James, we arrived at the Great Hall. 

“If she’s in there, I am going to—”

“Hailey, don’t,” I said. Really, was violence needed? I didn’t think so. (Excluding the other night and this morning, that is.)

She put on an angry face and started glaring daggers in the direction of Emily, Felicity and Megan. I avoided looking at them, but I felt their eyes on me the entire time. We eventually made it towards the other Marauders and sat down. 

“What was that all about?” asked Sirius, staring at EFM (Emily, Felicity, Megan OR Extremely Fugly Monsters. Either one worked,) and back at us. 

So, I ate my food in peace as Hailey and James explained the dilemma again. I didn’t look up from my toast and bacon as the Marauders declared their fury at EFM for doing such a thing. Despite the situation, I felt pleased.

Yes, some people were bitches, but others made you laugh. They made you happy by just being with them. They helped you in situations you couldn’t handle on your own. They gave you hope that everything would be alright. They gave you reasons to trust them and would never betray you. They would never step on you like a doormat. They would stay up with you and wipe away your tears. They would defend you even if it meant bad consequences for them. They would hurt anyone who hurt you. They liked you for who you were and not for who your friends were. And they also made you make stupid pinky promises to make sure you did the right thing.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

It was strange how fast my attitudes changed over the past days. The night of ‘the incident’, I was carefree, worry-less, optimistic even. The next day, I had no hope for anything, sulking in my own misfortune. Today, was back to the carefree, worry-less, optimistic person I was before. I didn’t know why I was having these sudden mood-swings, I guess it was just in my nature. I’m sure Hailey was already used to them after being my best friend for seven years, but the Marauders? I wasn’t sure how they took it.

“HAHAHAHA. Funny joke, Sirius,” I said.

He gave me a confused, curious and amazed look all at once. “Better mood today, Lily?” he said. 

“What are you talking about, Sirius? I’m always like this,” I said. 

“Are you sure it isn’t, you know, the ‘time of the month’?” 

“Oh, screw off, Black.”

“What’d I do?!”

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Avoiding Emily wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Considering she was in my house, in almost all of my classes and we shared a dormitory, that is. If it wasn’t for Hailey and the Marauders, I didn’t know what I’d do. 

“Lily. Lily, just breathe. Don’t let her get to you. You’re better than that,” said Remus, gripping my arm as I clenched my fists. 

She was sitting with FM again, so the crew was re-established. I guess she figured out that Hailey knew about everything now, so she could openly associate with them again. They were laughing and _whispering_ (not) like old mates and _discreetly_ (not) looking in our direction. 

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I slowly stopped grinding my teeth and unclenched my fists. 

When I opened my eyes, I saw Hailey and the Marauders’ eyes on me. I smiled uncomfortably at them and picked up my fork. Looking down at my plate, I started to push around the peas and mashed potatoes currently sitting on it. I looked up at everyone again to see that only James’ hazel eyes were on me. 

Damn it, why did I have to notice that his eyes were hazel? Now I was going to say that every single time I mentioned/looked at his eyes. 

“Everything all right?” he asked me. He seemed so concerned, so eager to help. My heart melted and made all my insides warm. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” I said, smiling at him brightly. 

He smiled back and we just sat there, smiling like a bunch of, er…smiling Head students. 

“Er, Lily? Could I talk to you for a second?” asked a male voice that did not belong to any of the Marauders.

I looked up from James’ hazel (DAMN IT!) eyes into blue ones that belonged to Edward. 

“Hello, Edward!”

Edward was standing behind James, looking awkward around all the Gryffindors. 

Edward said he wanted to—wait. Edward. _EDWARD!_ OH MY GOD! EDWARD! EDWARD WAS THE GUY I LIKED! AND HE WAS TALKING TO ME! 

“Erm, hey. Could I talk to you?” he asked again.

EDWARD WANTED TO TALK TO ME! OH MY GOD.

The smile I was wearing was now permanently glued to my face because when I went into shock, my face froze. And since I was smiling when I went into shock, I was permanently smiling. (Until the shock wore off, of course.) At least my mouth wasn’t hanging open, because that would have been extremely rude and embarrassing.

I nodded and stood up from my seat. James was furrowing his eyebrows and gulping his drink extremely fast. When he was done, he slammed the cup on the table and wiped his mouth. I tried giving him a look that said, “What the hell?” but it was kind of hard considering my face was frozen. 

So, I moved away from the table and followed Edward out of the Great Hall. I could feel my heart beating in my ears and I suddenly felt a bit nauseous. I also felt kind of stupid with the smile. If I was an on-looker, I would have thought that I looked too eager, or desperately happy. Both bad things when you’re with a guy, gives off the wrong message.

Merlin, imagine I had a huge chunk of spinach in between my teeth. I would basically die. 

“So, Lily. How are you?” asked the blue-eyed, blond-haired sex-on-a-stick. 

“I-I’m fine,” I responded. I felt the familiar heat rise up into my cheeks at my dull and stupid response. I mean, a troll could have come up with something better than that. 

“That’s great. Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?” he asked me.

_Elevator music._

“Lily?”

Hey, that’s my name.

“So, what do you think?”

Wait, what am I doing here? With EDWARD? 

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked Mr. Sexy Man. 

“Er, would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?” 

I WASN’T IMAGINING THINGS! HE DID ASK ME OUT!

Play it cool, Lily. It’s no big deal. It’s cool. I’m cool. 

“I’d love to,” I replied. 

I thought it was a pretty cool, relaxed, no-big-deal response. Because that’s what I am, a cool, relaxed, no-big-deal girl. 

OH MY GOD. EDWARD WILKES ASKED ME OUT! AHH!

“Great! I’ll meet you at the Entrance Hall at 11:00?” he said casually, with his hands in his pockets. 

“Of course!” I said. 

He smiled at me, turned halfway, waved with his hand and continued walking. I had to say that the whole departure made my legs feel like jelly, but I stayed on my feet.

As soon as I was sure he was gone, I collapsed onto the floor staring after him outside of the Great Hall. I heard people coming towards the door, but I didn’t move. I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. 

“So, as I was saying—Lily?”

“You were saying Lily?”

“No, you git. Lily,” said Sirius, pointing at me. 

“Lily! Why are you sitting on the floor?” Remus asked me. 

I think I was in shock (once again) so I didn’t answer. I didn’t (or couldn’t, I’m not sure) even make any sort of acknowledgement. 

“Lily, are you okay?” asked Hailey, kneeling down in front of me. 

“Lily…?” There was now a hand moving back and forth in front of my face, but I couldn’t seem to move. 

“Oh, no. Back away, guys. She going through shock,” said the superior voice of Hailey. I know that she had experience with this in the past, like when I was told that James and I received the highest marks in O.W.Ls and when I received my Head Girl badge. (She was staying at my house for a week.)

I noticed that the blokes backed away immediately as Hailey moved closer to me. She put her face right in front of mine and breathed deeply. She closed her eyes and poised her hands on either side of my face. I tried asking her what she was doing, but I seemed to have forgotten that I had no control over my face. 

“I’m apologizing ahead of time, Lily,” she said. 

Out of nowhere, she started violently slapping both sides of my face. Needless to say, my face was moving again. 

“OW!” I screamed. 

“There, that’s better,” said Hailey, backing away, smiling. 

I rubbed my cheeks. “That was uncalled for, Hailey,” I said, moodily. 

“Sorry, Lils. But how else was I supposed to get your face moving again?” she said, dusting her hands off. 

I threw her a dirty look as the blokes approached carefully. 

“Er, okay, Lily?” asked Remus. 

“Fine,” I said, still glaring at Hailey, who shrugged and smiled. 

“May I ask why you went into shock in the first place?” asked Sirius. He cocked his eyebrow so perfectly, it almost seemed practiced. That damn boy and his damn looks. 

Wait, why’d I go into shock again? 

_Rewind._

Eating dinner with Marauders+Hailey. Edward comes. OMG EDWARD. Can I talk to you? Shock. Want to go out? Shock. Want to go out? YES! Shock.

“Good job, Black. You made her go into shock again. Lily, I apologize once again.”

SLAP.

“HAILEY. COULD YOU STOP SLAPPING ME?!” I screamed. 

“How about we go back to the Gryffindor Tower?” supplied James, looking around at the students who were starting to stare. 

“No, I’m not leaving until I find out what happened,” said Sirius. 

“Lily, my hand will be right by your face just in case you go into shock again,” said Hailey, moving her hand close to my cheek.

I swatted it away and frowned. This was supposed to be the time when Hailey hugged me and congratulated me, but no. I get slapped multiple times instead. 

“Lily, what happened?” asked Remus. 

I didn’t answer, but I moved my face to show I was not going through shock and therefore it was not necessary to be slapped again.

“Lileee?” asked Sirius.

No answer.

“Lily?” asked Hailey. 

No answer. 

We all sat in silence for a while until everyone but I looked at James. He stared back at them, confused at why he was being stared at. 

“Oh, fine,” he said rolling his eyes? “Lily?”

No answer.

“Lily, I’m going to slap you again if you do not answer us right now,” said Hailey, raising her hand. 

My eyes opened wide and I opened my mouth. 

“I have a date with Edward Wilkes!” I blurted out for fear of Hailey’s violent hand. At that moment, EFM walked out of the Great Hall. They saw me sitting on the floor and the Marauders and Hailey standing around me. FM gave us strange expressions while E gave us an evil smirk. I threw her a dirty look in return. I knew she had heard my last statement and she was probably thinking of evil ways to get closer to James. I almost wished James had asked me out so I could get back at her. _Almost._

“See something you like, Emily?” snarled Hailey. 

“I don’t see anything but dirt on the floor,” she said, looking specifically at me. “Hello, James,” she said in what she thought was a sultry voice as she walked away. 

But James wasn’t looking at her. He was looking straight at me. His face was emotionless and it scared me. I had never seem someone look so blank before in my life. I looked away because his penetrating stare was getting to me. 

Thankfully, EFM walked away, but Remus had to hold Hailey back in case she did something that would result in a one way trip to Azkaban. 

I think the news of my date with Edward was long forgotten after the encounter with EFM. I looked around at everyone. Pettigrew was going back and forth on his tippy toes, like he really had to use the bathroom, Sirius was staring at the spot where EFM disappeared, Remus was dusting himself off and Hailey was cracking her knuckles menacingly at the air. Finally, I looked back at James. He was no longer looking at me, but standing with his arms crossed over his chest with his eyebrows furrowed. He looked deep in thought and I felt sorry for whoever decided to disturb him. 

I cleared my throat quietly and no one seemed to notice. I dared to sit up a bit, and still no one turned to my direction. I was finally standing up until Pettigrew turned my way, but he gave no attention to me and started admiring Sirius who was still staring into space. I started walking away casually, because if no one seemed to notice I was moving by now, they surely wouldn’t notice me walking away, right?

“Hey, Lily! Where do you think you’re going?” asked Sirius, after I had gotten five feet away. I froze in my tracks. His sudden outburst seemed to attract the attention of everyone except James. 

“Er, a bit tired. Just going up to Gryffindor Tower to catch some Z’s,” I said, starting to slowly walk away again. 

“Wait, wait. Weren’t you supposed to tell us what happened?” asked Hailey, coming out of her murder-filled trance. 

“Uh, I did. You just don’t remember,” I said, turning around to face them. “And I’m not telling you again, so, catch you all later!” I said. I started to walk away quickly until Hailey grabbed my arm quite forcefully and spun me around. 

“Lily! You have to tell me! I’m your best friend!” she said, whining. 

I rolled my eyes. She was always using that excuse for everything. Like, “Lily, gimmie your last bite of ice cream! I’m your best friend!” “Lily, come practise Quidditch with me! I’m your best friend!” “Lily! Paint my nails for me? I’m your best friend!” 

Okay, maybe I was exaggerating at bit. And I wasn’t saying that she wasn’t my best friend, because she was. She just needed BETTER reasons to use that sentence. 

“Find out some other way, I’m going to bed,” I said, smiling sweetly at her. 

“Lily!”

“’Night!” I said, waving from behind my shoulder. 

“She’s got a date with Edward Wilkes,” said the voice of James from behind me. 

I stopped walking for a bit. I was surprised that he still remembered or heard what I said in the first place. I didn’t wait to hear to reaction of everyone else and started walking again. After a while, I still didn’t hear anything and no one came after me. I was a bit surprised quite honestly. Maybe a congratulations? Or a “Why didn’t you tell me, Lily?! I’m your best friend!” from Hailey, but no. Nothing. Not even a, “Lily, wait up!” 

No matter, I put it aside and continued walking to Gryffindor Tower. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

As I was sitting in my dorm, finishing my Arithmancy homework, did the news finally set in.

 

OH. MY. GOD. I had a date with EDWARD WILKES. 

What was I going to wear?! What was I going to eat?! What was I going to DO?!

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Okay, I’m good.

OH MY GOD!

“Hey, Lily.”

I looked up and saw Hailey walk into the dorm. She looked sad or upset about something for some reason. And this was not a time to be sad because I HAD A DATE WITH EDWARD WILKES! WOO!

“Hey, what’s up with you?” I asked her as she changed out of her robes. 

“Nothing really. I have Quidditch practice now, so I’ll see you later,” she said. She grabbed her broom and trudged back out of the dorm. 

I furrowed my eyebrows at her retreating back. Something was off. Hailey was always happy. There wasn’t a time where she couldn’t find the humour in something. But today she was sad. She said nothing about my date, nothing about earlier, nothing about nothing. It was strange and I was surprised and somewhat hurt. She was supposed to be happy for me about my date, not sulky because she had Quidditch practice. Well, at least that’s why I thought she was sulky. But, shouldn’t she have at least said something about it? If she wasn’t happy about it, she could’ve said so. She could’ve said ANYTHING! 

I returned to my homework, but I suddenly felt energized. I felt like a just chugged a whole pitcher of coffee and had more important, energy wasting things to do than finish my stupid homework. I tossed my textbook and parchment onto the other side of my bed and leapt up. I put on some shoes and decided to go on a walk. 

I didn’t know where I was going; I decided that I would just walk around the castle until I found something to do. As I was nearing the Entrance Hall, I saw someone sitting by themselves on the floor against the wall. Curious, I started walking towards them. About 5 metres away, I recognized that person as James Potter. He was sitting with his arms hanging loosely atop his knees and his eyes closed. He looked like he was sleeping and having a very bad dream. 

I approached him quietly. If he really was sleeping, I didn’t want to wake him up, but then again, I was curious as to why he was sitting in the Entrance Hall all by himself. 

“James?” I whispered from about two feet away from him. 

Startled like a frightened bird, James’ eyes shot open and he tensed up. I backed away because he shocked me as much as I shocked him. 

“Lily? What are you doing here?” he asked me, confusion in his voice. 

“I could ask you the same thing,” I said, walking closer to him. 

“I asked first,” he said. 

“Just wanted to take a walk, you?” 

“Thinking,” he said as I sat down beside him. Strangely enough, he moved over a bit, like I had a horrible smell that he was trying to get away from. 

“About what?” I asked curiously, ignoring the fact that he moved away from me.

“Stuff,” he replied dully. I could tell there was a lot of stuff on his mind because he seemed subdued because of something or other. 

I nodded, but a thought came to me. “Hey, shouldn’t you be at Quidditch practice?” I asked. He was Captain and star chaser James Potter after all. 

“Er, there is no practice today,” he said, looking at me with those hazel eyes. Damn, I did it again! “It’s tomorrow.”

“Are you sure?” I said, becoming really confused. 

“I’m positive. It’s tomorrow morning,” he said, still confident with his answer. 

“Are you sure?” I asked one more time. 

“Lily,” he said, looking straight at me. “It’s tomorrow morning. I’m Captain, remember?” he said, smiling at me. 

I blushed. “Of course I remember. It’s just Hailey said it was today, and she left,” I said to him.

He shrugged. “She probably wanted to get some air,” he said, looking ahead of him. 

I furrowed my eyebrows again. Something didn’t seem right. First, Hailey was sad. Enough said. Second, James was upset or something. For the few days that I’ve been friends with him, he was never subdued. In all my time at Hogwarts, I had never seen James upset about anything. I’m sure he has been, but he covered it up well. Right now, anyone could tell something was bothering him. 

“Hey, is something wrong?” I asked him. 

He looked at me with those ha—(DAMN) eyes. There was something there that scared me. 

No, there was something missing that scared me, like a missing puzzle piece in a magnificent portrait. It was just like earlier when he was looking at me as EFM passed by. The same look that I couldn’t bear to look at. 

We didn’t speak for a moment as I tried to find out what it was that he was missing. After a while, he shook his head and looked away. “Everything’s fine,” he said as he stood up. 

I was confused and angry. There was obviously something wrong with James because it was affecting him like this. He wasn’t even cracking any jokes. There was DEFINITELY something wrong. 

“James, you can tell me. We’re friends, right?” I said to him. 

“Yeah, we’re friends.” He paused. “But there’s nothing wrong, don’t worry about it,” he said. He started to back away and he was avoiding eye contact. “I think I’m going to join Hailey outside. I’ll see you later,” he said. “ _Accio Broom!_ ” James’ broom came whizzing into his hand and he turned around and walked out the door.

Okay. I didn’t know what was with everyone today, but something was not right. The only thing that changed was my date with Edward, and why would that affect anyone? Hailey should be happy of all things. She was always encouraging me to go out with people anyways. And James, well, we were friends, right? He wouldn’t care would he? No, he wouldn’t. Would he? Nah.

Ugh, I couldn’t do this right now. I had other things to do than think about why everyone’s knickers were in a twist. I needed to study for N.E.W.Ts and think about things to talk about with Edward! I knew both were very far off, but I did not like to procrastinate like most people. 

I mean, there were bigger issues to deal with as well, right? Not to mention Emily was still a huge prat that needed to be de-pratted. I really didn’t know what happened to her. Felicity and Megan even seemed nicer than her, and that was saying something, believe me. 

So much was going on right now, and I think that the energy jolt was dying down. And after every high, was a low. I drudgingly got up from the floor and dragged my feet towards Gryffindor Tower. As I reached the first set of stairs, I decided that maybe I would go down to the Quidditch Pitch and confront Hailey again. 

So, gaining my sudden energy again, I walked outside towards the Quidditch Pitch. 

The sun was setting quickly and the wind was starting to pick up. I always liked October because of the leaves, although the weather was a bit questionable. I still had my robes from class on, and I wrapped them tighter around me as I walked. 

I had been to almost every single Quidditch game since first year. I didn’t really understand the game, but I promised Hailey that I would cheer for her. The only ones I missed were the ones where James said he’d be looking for me in the stands. I think he caught on early that I would not be there if he said that, so he stopped pretty soon. If only he caught on about the “Let’s ask out Lily a dozen times today!” a bit quicker. 

By the time I was at the Quidditch Pitch, my teeth were chattering and my toes were numb. It wasn’t particularly cold, but the wind was killing me. I could see Hailey and James off in the distance, flying around the pitch with crazy speed that I could only guess it was them. 

Despite the wind, I climbed up the platform to get a better view of my two friends. They looked they were racing each other from opposite sides of the pitch. As I started following their figures around and getting very dizzy, James suddenly stopped flying. He was on the opposite side of the pitch, but I could tell he was still in his uniform. 

Hailey flew around a couple more time until stopping beside James. It seemed like they were talking, but I couldn’t hear them because they were so far away. From where I was sitting, it seemed like Hailey was trying to comfort James, but I couldn’t be sure. 

All of a sudden, James lashed out. His face looked angry and he started zooming around the pitch. He was going so fast, it seemed so dangerous. Hailey tried to stop him, but she wasn’t fast enough. If things couldn’t get any more dangerous, he started doing flips and dives and I just couldn’t watch. It just seemed so—AHH! He dived again! STOP! JUST STOP!

Almost as if he was reading my mind, he stopped flying. He was just sitting, suspended a hundred feet above ground. I could see he was panting hard and Hailey was slowly flying towards him. I suddenly felt as if this were a private moment and that I would be eavesdropping if I heard anything. Even though they were my best friends, I didn’t think it’d be right. If they wanted to tell me, they would. And I wouldn’t intrude no matter how much I wanted to know. So, I quickly ran down the stairs and ran back into the castle with hopes of them not seeing me. 

My face was cold and my eyes were tearing from the wind. I ran upstairs to my dormitory and went under the covers. I was shivering all over; not only because of the cold, but because of James and Hailey. They were scaring me by acting all strange and out of character and doing balancing acts with pieces of flying wood! I didn’t know what everything was about, or what I was going to do about it, but for now, I was just going to sleep. 

**[A/N: REVIEW SVP! XD]**


	6. Blond Hair, Blue Eyes

**CHAPTER SIX.**

**Blond Hair, Blue Eyes**

_“It’s beauty that captures your attention; personality that captures your heart.”_

“Lily! _Get up_!” 

Who was calling and why were they in such a good mood? It was probably five in the morning and I was tired. Not to mention I had Arithmancy first period and I didn’t finish my homework. 

EUGH. 

“Lily! It’s eight! Get up!”

I basically jumped out of bed. If it was eight, that meant that class was starting in half an hour. And it took twenty-five minutes just to walk to Arithmancy! DAMN IT!

“Hey! Why didn’t you wake me up earlier!” I screamed at Hailey. 

“AHA! Got you! It’s only seven,” said Hailey. 

I stared at her, stared at the clock, and stared back at her. She was sitting on her bed, laughing her damn arse off while I was standing there, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. 

I wasn’t a morning person, if you haven’t figured that out already. In the morning, I was grouchy, easily irritated and just chronically annoyed. When someone pulled a prank on me like that, especially my best friend, I just couldn’t help getting mad. 

Hailey was still laughing like a loon and I was determined to stop it. I ran towards her bed and slammed into her. She made an “UF!” sound as we fell to the floor. 

“What was that for?!” I asked her.

“What was that for?!” she repeated, rubbing her arse from landing on the floor. 

“I asked you first!” I screamed at her. 

“I asked you second!” she screamed back. 

“Will you two SHUT THE HELL UP?!” shouted Jennifer from her bed. She was like me, not a morning person. I would have thought she would sympathize with me if she knew the story, but she was probably too grouchy to listen anyway. But I couldn’t complain; I’d probably do the same thing in her situation. 

“It’s her damn fault for waking me up like that,” I muttered darkly, getting off the floor and climbing back into my bed. 

Hailey slowly got off the floor as well and started laughing again. “Damn it, Lily. You’re violent in the mornings. I have a broken toe and a bruised arse because of you,” she said. 

I grunted in response. Both were her fault anyways. And it wasn’t like I didn’t get out unscathed. The bottom of my foot hurt for three seconds after smashing her toe and I landed on the floor like she did. But she deserved it, not me. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Half and hour later, I got up from bed and looked around. Hailey was reading and old issue of _Witch Weekly_ in her bed and the other girls were slowly getting ready. The only bed that was still closed off was Emily’s. I glared at it as if my amazing eye power could burn through the curtains, but nothing happened. I wasn’t extremely disappointed, but being magic and all, I thought maybe something could of. Oh, well. Just because you were magical, didn’t mean you could shoot lasers out of your eyes. I learned my lesson. 

Hailey and I left the dorms fifteen minutes later, leaving us twenty minutes to eat breakfast. I was really hungry after attacking her this morning. Violence took a lot of energy out of me. 

Because I wasn’t thinking straight this morning, I forgot all about yesterday’s mood swings. I hadn’t noticed that Hailey was acting normal again until we arrived at the Great Hall and I saw Edward. As soon as I set eyes on Gorgeous McBeautiful, all the wonderful and not so wonderful happenings of yesterday came rushing back to me. My face coloured, then paled all in the time span of five seconds. I was happy that I HAD A DATE WITH EDWARD WILKES, but I dreaded the idea of dealing with an unhappy James. Hopefully he had gotten over his problem like Hailey had. Even though I was his friend, I didn’t like dealing with upset people. It just took WAY too much effort. And now, I kind of understood why James was pestering me about Emily a few days ago. 

Hailey and I walked over to the Marauders as usual, and I saw that James was laughing. He was laughing! On the inside, I did a dance at his good mood. His good mood meant that he was no longer sad. And I didn’t have to deal with it! YES.

“Morning, blokes!” I said, suddenly happy that everyone else was happy. 

When I said that, everyone fell silent. It was as if I had a sign floating above my head that read “SILENCE.” There were even a few awkward coughs thrown in there. I wouldn’t have been surprised if someone started making cricket noises. It was quite unnerving, to say the least. 

I furrowed my eyebrows and sat down. I was so extremely confused at what had just happened. Weren’t they laughing not two seconds ago? 

“Morning, everyone,” said Hailey, yawning. 

There was a scattered response of “Morning,”s from the Marauders. Now, I was kind of hurt. I said hello, and everyone shut up like I was a strict teacher punishing them for breathing. Hailey said hello and she got an unenthusiastic response, but a response nonetheless. 

What’d I do? Really, could someone explain to me why I was being treating like this?!

I masked my hurt and grabbed my toast and bacon. There was not even a remark about my strange breakfast habits. And yes, I admit that my diet was a bit strange. 

What was with everyone? It seemed like I was the grim, spreading death and sadness everywhere. That wasn’t a very encouraging thought, either. It hurt a lot, quite truthfully.

“So, how’s everyone?” said Hailey cheerfully, trying to cut the tension that had mysteriously built up. 

Again, there was a scattered response of “Fine,”s from everyone. I looked around and none of them really looked fine besides Peter. He was swallowing his food in peace, and I had to say that he looked quite happy. But, Sirius looked frustrated, Remus looked tired and James just looked worn out. I went back to my breakfast, wondering why everyone was so…moody. 

I suddenly lost my appetite, so I excused myself from the table. Truthfully, I think that my leaving just relieved everyone. I bit my lip while walking away to stop myself from crying. 

I think it was all about Edward. I didn’t know why or how, but I was almost positive that it concerned him. Everyone started acting like this after I accepted the date with him. I didn’t know what was so wrong. And since when was it their business about who I dated? They were my friends, yes, but they did not have the right to ignore me because of a date, did they? 

Well, technically they could, but that wasn’t the point.

I quickly walked to Arithmancy, but changed my mind. I found a secluded alcove down the hall where I couldn’t be bothered. Sitting there, I couldn’t help letting a few tears leak out. It strongly reminded me of the night with Emily, except there was no James. That thought just made me cry harder because he was ignoring/avoiding/whatever-you-want-to-call-it-ing me and he wasn’t here making me laugh. 

Thankfully there was no one in the hall around to see the Head Girl crying before class. I hated when other people cried in public unless it was a funeral or they (or close friends and family) were hurt. It just didn’t make any sense to cry in public for any other reason. 

If things couldn’t get any worse, I heard oncoming footsteps. I quickly tried to wipe my tears from my face and compose myself. I sniffed a bit and ran my fingers under my eyes to rid the tears. Just as I finished wiping my face, a figure appeared around the corner. I almost started crying again at seeing that person, but I held it in. 

“Lily? Are you alright?” asked the voice of none other than James Potter. 

I shut my eyes to stop the tears. How was it that he could always find me? It was like he had a radar on me to pinpoint my exact location. But, that didn’t matter right now because he was always the only one to come and find me altogether. I suddenly felt bad for accusing him of being hurtful and whatever else I said, because he wasn’t. 

When I opened my eyes again, he was sitting beside me. 

“Listen, I’m really sorry for acting like a git. I’m sorry for EVERYONE acting like a git,” he said, looking at me. 

I nodded but didn’t say anything. Luckily, the tears were being held in. I didn’t want this to be an emotional event like last time. 

“But, what did I do wrong?” I asked, looking back at him. I tried not sounding like a whiny baby because I hated that almost as much as crying in public. Grown-up girls acting like toddlers.

To my surprise, he laughed. But, it wasn’t a ha-ha laugh, it was a bitter, resentful laugh. “Nothing. You did nothing wrong,” he said. “We were just being pricks,” he said, shrugging. 

“But you have to have a _reason_ for being pricks,” I argued. “No one just decides to be a prick for no reason. There’s always something behind it. And if I did nothing wrong, then what happened?” I asked him. I turned my body towards him, so I was facing him completely. 

James didn’t look up. He was actually looking at his hands. Turning them in his lap; palm, back, palm, moving his fingers.

“James?” I said still looking at his face. 

He looked up. His eyes seemed clouded over; like there was something he wasn’t about to tell me. It worried me. 

“It really was nothing. I was just bothering the guys about, er, Quidditch this morning. And they just took it out on you,” he said. 

I had forgotten all about the Quidditch practise they had. That was probably why Hailey was up so damn early. But the response didn’t seem convincing to me. The small amount of hesitation hinted that there was some sort of a lie in there. It confused me even more than before because now I knew that there was something he couldn’t trust me with. 

“If you say so,” I said. I also knew that Remus did not play Quidditch, so for him to be bothered by it, didn’t make sense. And Hailey did play Quidditch, yet she was acting normal. It just didn’t fit.

He smiled at me. His features showed that he was happy, but his eyes showed something different. His face was just contradicting itself. 

Blokes were just so confusing. 

Especially this one.

“Come on. We have Arithmancy, right?” he said getting up. 

I nodded as he offered me his hand. I took it and stood up. I followed James from the alcove to class and walked in. Hailey wasn’t in this class; it was just James, Remus and I. 

Remus smiled at me, to which I smiled back. Judging by his smile, I assumed James had a little talk with everyone, which I was grateful for. 

To my further surprise, James decided to sit with me. Remus didn’t seem to mind, and neither did I. I was usually lonely in this class because James and Remus usually sat together, leaving me all by myself. 

Professor Vector entered the class and started to talk. Today, I was going to listen to what he was saying and not blank out like I had been doing lately. Today, I wasn’t going to let ANYTHING distract me and I was going to work hard. 

I started vigorously writing notes for all the times I daydreamed this year. I had a lot to make up for, after all. 

James seemed to notice that I was trying to work hard and that something was different in this class. I just realized that all my distractions had somehow involved James. Hm.

**Hey, Lily. You’re going to write straight through the parchment, calm down. –James**

_Shh. Trying to concentrate. –Lily_

**Come on, Lily. You and I both know that you know this stuff.**

_No, I really don’t. Now be quiet, I can’t concentrate._

James stopped passing me notes. I smiled because he actually listened to me. 

I tried listening to Vector, but now I just couldn’t. Something in me changed and I couldn’t find it in me to pay attention to him. It just seemed pointless all of a sudden. 

I could see from the corner of my eye that James was trying to pay attention as well. He seemed like he didn’t want to move; maybe so he wouldn’t be a distraction? Whatever the reason, I didn’t think it was working very well. 

I kept glancing at him to see if he would move or not. It was actually quite amusing, because it was so unnatural. I actually tried biting my lip so I wouldn’t laugh. Another thing that was funny was that I had been biting my lip not ten minutes ago to keep myself from crying. And now, I was biting my lip to stop myself from laughing. 

Damn these mood swings. 

I could tell he wanted to move really badly because he started to fidget. I thought if he just moved, it would have been less distracting than trying not to. I couldn’t help but think he was so cute trying not to distract me when I asked him not too. 

Just as I was glancing back at him, I noticed a pair of blue eyes staring at me. I faced them to see the face of Edward Wilkes staring back at me. I had totally forgotten that he was in this class with us! I blushed and glanced at the two of them. If he had been looking at me, he must have seen me glancing at James, which would have totally sent off the wrong message! DAMN! 

I smiled at Edward to reassure him, and he turned around. I glanced back at James to see that he was staring in the direction of Edward as well. I couldn’t really read the expression on his face. 

_James, you okay?_ I wrote on the parchment we had been passing notes on earlier. 

**Yeah, I’m fine. Hey, shouldn’t you be taking notes?**

_I was, but I got distracted._

**By what?**

_You, I guess._

How the hell did I get myself into these situations? Did I actually admit to being distracted by him? That generally meant something more than platonic, didn’t it? I mean, usually, you didn’t get distracted by your friends like that, did you? It just didn’t seem right. 

I really needed to start to think before I acted.

**Really…what was I doing that was so distracting?**

His tone (could you really have a “tone” when you were writing? Ah, whatever,) was joking, but I could tell that he was caught off guard a bit, or something like that. He was tenser, I could tell that much. Assuming that the situation couldn’t get anymore uncomfortable, I decided to just try and explain what I just admitted to.

_Nothing, really. That’s why it was distracting._

**Er, sorry. I’m not sure how that makes any sense though, because I was trying NOT to be distracting…**

Hm, so I was right. He _wasn’t_ moving to be less of a distraction. Aw. 

_That’s sweet, thanks._

**No problem, although it didn’t really work.**

_It’s the thought that counts, I guess, so thanks._

**Anytime. I’ll be a distraction whenever you want.**

_I’ll take you up on that._

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Hey, Lily! Wait up!” said a male voice from behind me. 

I almost groaned when I heard that familiar phrase, although I caught myself before I could react. That voice was not that of James Potter, but of someone else’s that I couldn’t quite recognize. 

I turned around, and who was staring me in the face? EDWARD. Yes, Mr. I-have-the-bluest-eyes-and-nicest-hair-in-the-world. My breath caught in my throat at his pure gorgeousness. I was a bit surprised that I did not recognize his voice and I could recognize James’ from a hundred miles away.  

“H-hey, Edward, what’s up?” I asked, walking with Edward towards dinner. 

“Er, I was just wondering about something,” he said, running his hand through his hair, much like James did. 

Not like I noticed him doing it a lot, well I did, but that wasn’t the point. He just used to do it so often that I kind of automatically associated the action with James. But, I didn’t sit there observing James. No, because that’s not what friends did. 

Oh, nevermind.

“Oh, yeah? And what was that?” I asked him. 

“Er, how do I say this? You and James are…?”

“James and I are what?” I asked him, furrowing my eyebrows at him.

“You and James are very close, aren’t you?” he said, looking EXTREMELY uncomfortable.

I could hardly believe my ears. This couldn’t be happening. Was he…JEALOUS?!

“James and I are just friends,” I said, trying to get it through his beautiful blond hair. 

“Right, just friends. Of course you’re just friends. And we still have a date, right?” he said, looking at me, almost scared looking. 

I was really confused now. He wasn’t going to lose me to James. I mean, I’ve been wanting a date with EDWARD WILKES for how long now? I wouldn’t give it up for someone who I JUST became friends with. Besides, James and I were JUST FRIENDS. It wasn’t like I wanted a date with James. No, not at all. I was Edward’s for the taking. Clear?

“Of course we still have our date, why wouldn’t we?” I asked him. 

“Oh, nothing, nothing. Nevermind. Alright, I’ll see you later, then,” he said as we entered the Great Hall. He walked towards the Ravenclaw table as I stood there staring after him. 

After standing there looking like an idiot for five seconds, I walked over to the Marauders+Hailey. On the way, I passed EFM; it was basically inevitable. Of course, I felt their glares on me, but I ignored them. They didn’t really bother me anymore. I still hated them, but I wasn’t going to act like a child about it (at least not in front of them). 

I sat down beside James without a word to anyone. They were still all silent, but I really didn’t care. I got my food and started eating. No one said anything, as I didn’t. 

I felt James’ foot move and connect with someone’s on the other side of the table, quite forcefully. I looked up to see Sirius cringe and I assumed it was his foot that received the beating. I furrowed my eyebrows at James, who smiled at me. 

“Sirius,” said James, looking over at his best mate. 

Sirius glared at James for a moment before looking at me. He put his fork down on the table. “Listen, Lily. Sorry for acting like an arse at breakfast today,” he said. 

I stared at him. “Are you just saying that because James asked you to?” I asked him, not really caring what the answer was going to be. 

He winced at bit. “Truthfully, it was at first.” I was a bit shocked that he’d own up to that. “But, then I realized that I really was an arse and you didn’t deserve being treated like that,” he said, shrugging.

“It’s all right,” I said. “Everyone has their off days,” I finished, although I knew there was a different reason for his behaviour, not because he was having an “off day”. 

“Yeah, of course,” said Sirius, picking up his fork. 

I nodded and continued eating. 

So, everything was fine. Hailey, Remus, Sirius, and I guess Peter too, were all buddy-buddy again. James and I were just friends and I still had my date with Edward Wilkes. Breathe.  

  **Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

OH MY GOD.

My date with Edward Wilkes was tomorrow. TOMORROW. TOMORROW, FOR MERLIN’S SAKE, TOMORROW! 

“Hailey!”

“What, what’s wrong!” 

“I have a date tomorrow!” 

Hailey gave me a blank look. “That’s it?” she asked, returning to her homework. 

I started pacing the room aggressively. “THAT’S IT?! THAT’S IT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S IT! IT’S IMPORTANT!” I expressed with my most expressive voice (also known as screaming).

“Lily, I don’t know why you’re getting your knickers in a twist over this. You’ve been on dates before,” she said, while reading her textbook. 

“Not with Edward Wilkes!” I said, still pacing the room. 

“What’s so different about him? He’s just like all the other boys you’ve dated. Blond, blue-eyed and tall. Why not try something new?” she said, abandoning her textbook and grabbing a magazine. 

“That’s so NOT true!” I argued.

Hailey gave me an accusing look. “Let’s see,” she said, raising a hand. “Tommy Pilcut. Blond with blue eyes,” she said, ticking off a finger. “Joey Trent. Blue-eyed blondie.” Another finger was ticked off. “Gary Hennesy. I don’t think I need to describe him, considering the trend. And now, Edward Wilkes. Probably the bluest-eyed, blondest bloke you could find,” she said, ticking off two more fingers. 

I stopped pacing and sat down on my bed. She was absolutely right. All the boys I dated were blond with blue eyes. And all of them were basically boring. 

Tommy Pilcut, Hufflepuff. It was third year when he asked me to Hogsmeade. All he talked about was Quidditch. He (and James) basically turned me away from Quidditch players. 

Joey Trent, Ravenclaw. I think it was the beginning of fourth year with him. He was just a stuck up arse. He spent all of the time telling me his life story, in a very pompous way. It almost made James seem bearable. And James was pretty unbearable at that time. 

Gary Hennesy, Hufflepuff. His was around the end of fifth year. Our relationship could have been described in one word: awkward. There was absolutely NOTHING to talk about. We would just walk around Hogsmeade saying nothing to each other. Maybe we’d comment on the weather or something, but other than that, there was nothing. I don’t even know how he managed to get the courage to ask me out anyways, considering he hardly ever talked. 

I don’t know what made me think Edward Wilkes would be any different, but somehow, I knew he was. He was going to break the trend of the blond hair and blue eyed blokes. I knew he would. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

DAY OF DATE WITH EDWARD WILKES. OH GOD. OH GOD. OH GOD. 

“HAILEY! Where are my shoes?!” I screamed, running around the dorm like a chicken with no head. 

“LILY!” Hailey grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me onto my bed. I knew she was trying to shock me into silence, and it worked. 

“Lily, I need you to breathe. Just breathe for me, Lily,” she said, exaggerating her breathing to demonstrate to me. 

I thought it stupid, but I found myself following her. I took a deep breath in, deep breath out. For some strange reason that I will not try to understand, it worked. I felt calmer and didn’t really care where the hell my shoes were, because it really didn’t matter right now. 

“Good. Now, look down, and you will see what you were looking for, okay?” said Hailey, moving away from my bed to get ready herself. 

I looked down and found my shoes. There had been sitting by my bed the whole time and I had been running around the _entire_ dorm looking for them. It was the typical “Lily” thing to do. 

I put my shoes on and looked in the mirror. Thankfully, my hair was cooperative today. It was perfectly waved and I thought it looked nice. Who knew, maybe Edward would, too. 

Anyways, I was wearing my favourite green jumper and was planning to wear a light jacket, since it was a bit cold outside. I was also wearing my favourite jeans which I thought made my curves stand out a bit. You know, for Edward. 

“Lily, are you about done drooling over yourself?” asked Hailey from the doorway. 

I grabbed my purse and followed her. “I was not drooling over myself, thanks,” I said, rolling my eyes at her. 

“Oh, really? Then, what’s the bit of spit there on the side of your mouth?” she asked, staring at the corner of my mouth. 

I frantically rubbed at where she was staring until she burst out laughing. She was always doing that. Tricking me into thinking there was something on my face, or even not telling me when there really was something on my face. I couldn’t decide which was worse. 

“Who’re you going to Hogsmeade with?” I asked her. I felt a bit guilty as a friend to not know who she was going with. Because if she had a date with a really hot guy and I didn’t know about it, then what kind of best mate was I? A best mate that worried over my own achievements than those of my friends. In other words, not a very good one. 

“I’m not going on a date. Just hanging out with the Marauders for me. None of them had dates either, so we decided to just go together,” she said as we entered the Common Room. 

So, I was the only one out of our circle of people that actually had a date. That was strange. Not even Sirius Black had a date? He could have gotten any girl to go out with him, just from his looks. His reputation probably exceeded his actions, but that was the consequence of having extremely good looks. 

The Marauders were waiting for us in the Common Room. They were all bundled up for the trip and they all looked different without their robes on. I had only ever seen James and Sirius in their Quidditch robes; Remus and Peter in only school ones. It was different, and it kind of shocked me at how comfortable they looked. 

“Hey Lily, Hailey. Ready to go?” said James, standing up. 

It never really occurred to me how tall James was. Standing next to him, he was probably a full head taller that me. I didn’t know how tall that was specifically; I was never really good at numbers. But anyways, James looked particularly good today. His hair was still dishevelled, he was still wearing his round glasses and he was still James. Maybe it was his attire, but he looked different for some reason. Dare I say it, but he actually looked handsome. 

“All set. Where’re you meeting Edward, Lily?” asked Hailey looking at me. 

I didn’t answer for a moment. Now, there seemed to be a halo of light surrounding James, and I was not even exaggerating. It was unnerving and I quickly looked away. 

“Pardon, what?” I said, my voice shaky from the unexpected…vision, would you call it? 

“I asked where you were meeting Edward,” she repeated, giving me a strange look. 

“Oh, er. Entrance Hall at 11:00,” I replied, still slightly shaken up. 

“We better leave then, it’s five to,” said James. 

I dared to look back at him and I was relieved to find the mysterious light had disappeared. I shook it off by telling myself it was a random burst of insanity. I wasn’t exactly sure how that was comforting considering random bursts of insanity were not usually a good thing, even in a world were flying broomsticks were normal. 

The Marauders, Hailey and I made our way down to the Entrance Hall. I was too nervous to eat anything, and the rest were going to eat something in Hogsmeade. I saw Edward’s glowing blond hair from the top of the stairs to which I immediately smiled. I knew he was going to be different. I knew that I would like him and I would find nothing wrong with him. 

“See you, Lily,” said James, smiling at me as we finished descending the stairs. I guess he had spotted Edward like I had and figured I would dash off right away. He was partly right; I wanted to jump into his arms, but also wanted to run back into my dormitory and sleep. 

I swallowed nervously and waved at my friends. I turned around and started to approach Edward. He still hadn’t seen me, which made the walk even more challenging. Finally, I was about four feet from him. 

I cleared my throat and he turned around. A smile exploded on his face. “Hey, Lily,” he said cheerfully. 

“Hello,” I repeated, trying to stop the wild party currently going on inside my stomach. 

“Would you like to go?” he said, giving me his arm.

I took it gingerly and nodded slowly. He smiled his charming smile again and we set off. I forgot about everything I had left behind; my bed, my books, my friends, my singlehoodship (if that was a word, which I was positive was NOT) and walked into a perfect day with Edward. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I was right. He was different than all the rest. He was gentleman-like, funny, caring, smart, humble, everything a girl could ask for. Not to sound conceited or anything but he was exactly like me, except the opposite sex. Needless to say, I was enjoying myself. 

Maybe I was exaggerating. Just a _little._ Or a lot. I didn’t know the difference.

“Okay, okay. I got another one. What do you get if you cross a wizard and an iceberg?” asked my lover, Edward. 

“Er, I don’t know,” I said, wondering what the hell it could be.

“A cold spell! Get it? A cold spell?” said Edward.

Okay, so it wasn’t _that_ funny, but since it was Edward, I laughed. I laughed so hard and fake, that I was surprised he didn’t think I was choking. Because I knew other people would think that; I had quite a bit of experience. 

“Wow! I didn’t think it was that funny. I guess I’ll have to use that one more often,” he said, scratching his head. 

I nodded, with a slight wince on my face. 

I knew some jokes, too. They were mostly dumb blond jokes though, and I was pretty sure he wouldn’t appreciate that, so I kept my mouth shut and smiled. 

Out of nowhere, Edward grabbed my hand. It was sort of aggressively, so it kind of shocked me out of my fake laughing fit. It was awkward, him holding my hand. First, he was too tall for his arm length. They were really short compared to him, so my arm didn’t fit comfortably with his. It was just uncomfortable. And his hands were starting to sweat. Which I didn’t mind all that much, since it was Edward doing the holding. But if it had been say, Gary Hennesy, that might have been a bit disgusting. But, since it was Edward, it was alright. I guess. 

So, the two of us, like a happy couple, walked along the streets of Hogsmeade holding hands and exchanging jokes. Well, really it was Edward telling the jokes and I was just laughing along, but that didn’t matter. What did matter was that we were together, just like a happy couple. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of red and gold. I turned my eyes towards it and I saw the Marauders and Hailey, with their Gryffindor scarves, exiting Zonko’s joke shop. The blokes’ eyes were bright, marvelling over their new toys. Hailey looked like the annoyed, but amused mother; scolding, but secretly enjoying their delight. They all looked so happy; I got a sudden feeling in my chest. I felt empty, almost as if I was missing something. I also realized that I wanted to be with them. I wanted to be with my friends; enjoying what they were enjoying, laughing at all the inside jokes, just hanging out with friends like a teenager did. 

“Lily?” said Edward from beside me. 

I turned to him, almost forgetting about the sweating palm holding mine, almost forgetting about the bloke standing beside me. 

“Yes, Edward?” I said.

“Want to hear another joke?” he said. 

I smiled a painful smile. I suddenly didn’t know why I was here; why I was here instead of with my friends enjoying the day. I mean, what was so good about dates anyways? They really were just a waste of time. Teenagers were supposed to enjoy their life, not spend it finding their soul mate; we were only teenagers after all. 

“How about we go into the Three Broomsticks and get a butterbeer?” I suggested. 

He seemed a little put out about not being able to tell me another joke, but agreed to the Three Broomsticks all the same. Deep down inside, I was wondering how many more jokes he could have up his sleeve. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Later on that day, as Edward and I were returning to the castle, I witnessed something I would never forget. It was something that I sincerely wished didn’t happen. 

Edward and I were making our way back to the castle from the Three Broomsticks a bit early, so there was no one around. My arms were folded over my chest, to keep myself warm from the chilly October weather. We were walking comfortably beside each other when we heard a yell up ahead. Intrigued, I walked along in front of Edward as he looked around at the scenery or something. 

I ran up ahead and saw something that made anger rise up from inside of me. Sirius was standing over a weakened Snape, wand pointed at him. There was a purely angry look on Sirius’ face, like Snape had done something particularly wrong besides existing, that is. 

Remus and James were shouting at Sirius to stop, but he wouldn’t listen. Peter was whimpering nearby, probably wondering what had gotten into his hero. 

“Sirius, stop it now. Put your wand down,” said James. He sounded as angry as Sirius’ face showed, but it was kind of unclear at who it was directed at. 

“James, this piece of scum doesn’t deserve to live. Look at that book in his hands, probably filled with dark spells he made up on his own. Didn’t you just hear what he said about you?” spat Sirius, eyes and wand still on Snape. 

“Sirius, James is right. It’s not worth it,” tried Remus, slowly taking out his wand. 

“Padfoot. Stop,” said James. 

“ _Stupi—_ ”

“ _Expelliarmus!_ ” shouted James, disarming Sirius at once. 

Sirius looked shocked and betrayed at the same time. 

“James! The dirty git deserved it! Why don’t you understand?” roared Sirius, his rage boiling over. 

“Sirius! Listen to yourself! Why does it matter to you! Is his life worth so much of your time? Your hatred? Move on! I don’t care what the prick said about me, why should you?!” shouted James, almost as angry as Sirius was. 

Remus attempted to pull Sirius back, but Sirius shook him off. He gave James one last dirty look before collecting his wand and stomping off into the castle. 

James sighed deeply and walked towards Snape. He put his wand into his pocket and looked down at Snape. To my utter surprise, he offered Snape his hand. 

Snape looked disgusted. He forcefully swatted James’ hand aside and stood up on his own. To my further surprise, Snape had the audacity to spit in James’ face. Spit in his face! 

“I don’t need the help of filthy Mudblood lovers like you, Potter,” said Snape, venom present in his voice. “Pathetic. Chasing after something that’s not even worth the dirt on this floor,” said Snape, coming incredibly close to James. 

James looked murderous. A vein in his neck was pulsing, looking like it was about to burst. His hands were clenched painfully and his eyes were dark. I had never seen him so angry and it scared me. I was surprised Snape hadn’t run off already. 

James raised his fist and I almost screamed. I closed my eyes before his fist connected with Snape’s jaw, but heard nothing. No smack or the sound of someone falling to the ground. Nothing moved. I dared to open my eyes and found James’ fist one inch from Snape’s face. Snape’s eyes were shut in fear, but James did not touch him. I could tell from the way James’ fist was trembling, that he wanted to really badly, but he didn’t. My mouth was hanging open and my heart was beating hard. 

James slowly lowered his fist, anger still present in his voice. 

 “Never. Never talk about _anyone_ like that, Snape. No one is worth less than the dirt on the ground besides people like you. It’s people like you who make this world a dirty place, not Muggleborns. It’s people like you and the person you call ‘The Dark Lord’ that contaminate our world. Not them. _Never_ talk about Muggleborns like that around me,” James almost hissed at him. He gave Snape another hard look before turning around to walk towards the school. Remus and Peter followed shortly, seemingly shaken up about the events. 

I was too shocked to even move. No one had seemed to notice me standing there, witnessing everything. Edward suddenly appeared behind me. 

“Hey, where’d you run off to? You were there one second, then not the next,” said Edward, flabbergasted at my disappearance. 

“ _Sectum—_ ”

I didn’t answer him because I was too busy disarming Snape. He had his wand out and was aiming it at James’ retreating back. That was a dirty thing to do. A dirty, cruel, foul, unsportsman-like thing to do. 

His wand flew away from him as James turned around and finally spotted me. Our eyes met and his immediately softened. He looked calmer, still tense, but less angry. I smiled a small smile at him before confiscating Snape’s wand. 

“I’ll have to give this to Professor Slughorn, Severus. I’m disappointed. Attacking a student with their back turned? Five points from Slytherin,” I said, my voice full of disgust. 

If his eyes could have showed any more hatred than they did at that moment, they would have literally read HATRED. He was absolutely seething. If this were a children’s cartoon, there would have been smoke jutting from his ears. I didn’t let it get to me though; I just continued walking ahead of him as he stood there. Edward simply followed me, wondering what had just happened. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I entered the dormitory and collapsed on my bed. Hailey was already there, looking through her _Witch Weekly_ magazine. She didn’t look up when I entered. I assumed she had gone ahead of the Marauders, therefore missing the events that had just taken place.

“How was your date?” asked Hailey, a hint of all-knowingness in her voice. 

After what had just happened, I had forgotten all about the date. It seemed trivial now, compared to ‘The Fight’, I’ll call it, even though no real fighting took place. It was still fresh in my mind; the way James had almost hit Snape. 

“It was great. I think I really like Edward,” I replied. 

“You _think_ you like Edward? You mean, you aren’t sure yet?” she asked, looking at me. 

Damn it. She was right. You didn’t _think_ you liked someone. You just _did_. 

“No, not think. I do. I do like Edward. A lot,” I added. I really couldn’t concentrate on this right now. But, I knew I liked him so much more than my other blond dates.

“Well, that’s great, Lily. I’m happy for you,” she said. 

We were both silent for a moment. During that time, the door of our dorm opened and Hailey and I both looked up. 

“Oh, it’s you two,” said the voice of none other than Emily Flounder. 

“So happy to see you too, Emily,” replied Hailey, in a mock-pleasant voice. 

Emily glared at her, put something in her trunk and left just as soon as she came. 

When the door shut closed, I left out a frustrated sigh. Really, what was her problem? 

“Just ignore her, Lily. She has nothing better to do with her time than hate you,” she said to me. 

“Well, that’s encouraging,” I said sarcastically. 

Hailey laughed briefly. “Well, aren’t you going to ask me how my day was?” she said, sounding like a neglected house-wife. 

I sighed. Did I really want to hear about her day? Did I really want to be reminded at how much fun they seemed to be having without me? Did I really want to know?

“How was your day, Hailey?” I asked while staring at the ceiling. 

“It was great! The Marauders are hilarious, they really are. Well, excluding Peter, that is. The poor boy is usually squeaking, apologizing or fawning over James and Sirius. It’s quite disturbing at how much he worships them, actually. But, all of them are very gentleman-like and jokers at the same time. It’s a great combination, I think,” said Hailey. She sounding like she was advertising a new brand of candy. 

I smiled to myself. I could just imagine them all having such a wonderful time. I could see Sirius opening the door for Hailey, then teasing her for not being able to open it herself. Certainly different than what I saw earlier on.

I could see Remus rolling his eyes at James and Sirius’ tactics, but enjoying them and laughing along all the same. 

I could see Peter, well, doing what Peter did; squeak, apologize and worship. 

I could see James, in his nice fitting jumper, with his bright hazel eyes and wire-framed glasses, smiling and laughing in his charming manner. Just being James.

Thinking of James, the image of his fist an inch away from Snape kept reappearing in my mind. I didn’t know why he stopped. 

No, that was a lie, I did know. He didn’t hit Snape because James grew up. Last year, James would have pounded Snape for saying something like, even let Sirius jinx him up a bit. But, this year, James matured. I think he realized that he wasn’t worth it; Snape just wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth anybody’s time unless he decided to change; leave the Dark Arts and join Dumbledore’s side. It was sad that he was throwing his life away like that, but if he chose that side, the only time we would associate with him was if we were fighting. 

I smiled to myself. At first, I didn’t know why I was smiling. I thought that maybe I had fallen asleep and that I was dreaming, but I could still hear Hailey turning pages in her magazine. 

Then, an image of James appeared in my head and I felt my smile grow bigger. I was smiling because of James. I didn’t know exactly why the thought of him was making me smile, but it was. He was making me happy for some reason that I couldn’t explain, nor did I want to. 

A sudden calm was coming over me and I felt my eyes close. 

**[A/N: REVIEW SVP! :D]**


	7. The Marauders Have Come Out to Play

**CHAPTER SEVEN.**

**The Marauders Have Come Out to Play**

_“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.”_

_-Albert Einstein_

Did you know that I hated Arithmancy? I really, really did hate it. 

Not to mention it was the Monday after the Hogsmeade weekend. Always the worst in my opinion. A weekend of fun, followed by a full day of work. 

And Arithmancy. 

Joy. 

I would tell you why I hated Arithmancy so much, but I think I would cringe a thousand times over and end up with a permanently cringed face.  

Okay, fine. I guess thinking about it would help me get over it, right?

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Hey, Lily! Heading to Arithmancy?” asked James from across Gryffindor table. 

“Yeah. Are you two coming?” I asked Remus and James, while I stood up from my chair. 

“Sure,” replied Remus. 

So far, everything was going smoothly. We reached the classroom in peace, like always. James hadn’t brought up the Snape issue and neither had anyone else. I wasn’t sure if Hailey knew yet, considering I didn’t say anything. I kind of didn’t want to be the one to tell her, but I figured she had a right to know. 

James, Remus and I walked into the half-full classroom and took our seats. James sat with me again, which made me strangely happy. I shook off the feeling, only for it to lead into another one. 

Someone was staring at me. 

I’ve encountered this feeling before and I didn’t particularly enjoy it. It made me self-conscious and aware of everything. Which wasn’t necessarily a good thing. 

I frantically looked around at the small amount of people to find out who it was. I noticed James give me a strange look, but I ignored it. It was probably because I looked like a wind-up toy owl with a broken neck. 

I finally found the person. Sitting a couple seats in front of me to my left was Edward. Of course it was, who else would it have been? I always forgot he was in this class, which always made me feel a little guilty since he was the person I was supposed to be crushing on. But, I always forgave myself by seeing him smiling back at me. 

I smiled at him and he stood up. I felt my heart beat faster at my nervousness. Did I want him coming over here? I didn’t have much time to think about it because he was already standing in front of me. 

“Alright, Lily?” he said in a voice that sounded a bit like James. 

“I-I’m fine. What’s up?” I asked, slightly glancing at James who was looking at the two of us in interest. 

He was now glancing at James himself, just daring James to say something. I just knew it. I didn’t really know what he was worried about really. 

“I was just wondering if you wanted to sit with me,” he said.

Oh.

I didn’t know how to respond. I remembered the happy feeling that I had when James sat down in the empty spot beside me. Couldn’t he have asked me before James sat down? I didn’t want to flat out refuse him because it wasn’t like I didn’t want to sit with him. I did. Just not at the moment. 

UGH. Why did he have to do this to me?!

“Uhh…” I scratched my head stupidly. 

“Actually, Lily’s sitting with me today,” said James from beside me. 

I think Edward was just as shocked as I was. Neither Edward nor I expected James to join the conversation. I never really gave it much thought and I think Edward secretly dreaded the idea of a conversation with James Potter. 

“P-pardon?” asked Edward, eyebrows furrowing. 

“I said that Lily is sitting with me today,” said James. His face was completely serious, but I could tell there was a hint of amusement in his eyes. I wondered what he was playing at. 

“I heard what you said,” said Edward somewhat thickly. “I was just curious as to why you get to make Lily’s decisions for her,” he said, fully turning towards James. 

The two of them were completely ignoring the small redhead sitting in between them; the subject of their conversation, the cause of this animosity. 

“I wasn’t making a decision for her. I was simply saying that it is quite rude to ask someone to sit with them if they are currently sitting with someone else,” said James, a small smile creeping on his face. 

I bet if I walked away right now, neither would notice. 

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but are you calling me rude?” asked Edward, the colour of anger crawling up his neck and into his cheeks. 

This was getting bad. I gulped nervously as more students started entering the classroom and looking at the scene that was slowly unfolding. 

“I think you can figure that out. You’re an intelligent champ, aren’t you?” asked James, cocking his head to the side. 

“Now, are you calling me thick?” asked Edward, face getting rosier by the second.

“Would you have to ask if you weren’t?” asked James, his amusement plain on his face. 

“You rotten—”

“OKAY!” I said, stepping in between the two of them. James was still seated, and Edward’s face was incredibly close to James’.

I pushed Edward back a bit and stepped back. I smelled a pleasant smell of cologne, but I pushed it away. It wasn’t a time to be thinking about good smelling boys at the moment, after all. I had to prevent a fight that I almost unintentionally caused. 

“I’m sorry, Edward, I can’t sit with you.” He looked so sad, I almost changed my mind. Almost. I turned to James. He had a look of pure innocence on his face and I scowled. “I’m sorry, James, I can’t sit with you,” I said. His face changed into confusion as I smirked at him. I felt their eyes on my back as I walked away. I walked towards the empty seat next to Remus and asked politely, “May I sit with you, Remus?” 

Remus gave James a look and nodded. “Of course you can, Lily,” he said. He moved his bag from the seat next to him and I sat down.

During the whole class, James and Edward were having a friendly staring contest. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

After lunch, during our spare, I told Hailey everything. I told her about ‘The Fight’, Arithmancy class and how strange everyone was being.

“Hailey, do you know why everyone’s acting like this?” I asked her. 

She shook her head. “Still don’t know, do you?” she asked, not looking at me. 

“Know what? Hailey, tell me, please?” I pleaded. 

She shook her head again. “No. You have to figure this one out on your own,” she said. 

I noticed straight away that she sounded kind of sad. 

I bet I could make a list twenty things that were just…strange this year. 

_Number One: I forgave and befriended James Potter._

_Number Two: I befriended Sirius Black._

_Number Three: I befriended an old friend and unbefriended (not a word, I know) the same old friend in two days._

_Number Four: I daydreamed and was unable to answer a question in class._

_Number Five: Hailey Rodgers was sad/upset/not looking on the bright side._

_Number Six: James Potter defended Severus Snape and restrained himself from hurting him._

_Number Seven: Edward Wilkes and James Potter almost fought over seating arrangements._

Okay, not quite twenty, but seven was a lucky number after all. I always preferred three, but three was much too small a number for this year. 

I decided that I wanted to remember this list, so I wrote it down in a pretty journal that I never used but kept anyway just because it was pretty. I named it ‘The Strange Happenings of Lily Evans’ Seventh Year’. I decided I would keep it secret from Hailey because she would only say, “You’re pathetic, really,” or “Why are you doing this again?” or something along those lines. So really, under my mattress was probably the safest place for this.

I stuffed it under without Hailey noticing, who was finishing her homework or what not. Satisfied with my hiding place, I got out my homework too and drowned myself in Arithmancy. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

The next day, I avoided both James and Edward as best I could. Edward was a bit easier than James because I only saw Edward a couple times a day. James on the other hand, was in almost all of my classes and in Gryffindor, like me. It was quite hard actually, since I usually spent a lot of my time talking with James. The whole day I was just a wreck, always jumpy and nervous and not at all happy. 

“Lily, wait up!” said Sirius from behind me. 

Instinctively, I started walking faster. I didn’t need to turn around to know that James was probably with him, because the two of them were usually always around each other. 

Hailey wasn’t here to distract them while I ran away, so I was all alone. She said something about going to the library or something. Frantic, I started walking faster. 

All of a sudden, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I almost jumped from the shock. I didn’t even hear him coming. I looked at the hand on my shoulder and slowly moved up to his face. 

It was Sirius. For some strange reason, I started to feel disappointed. I didn’t know why, but I knew it was disappointment. It was the same feeling I got when Petunia called me a freak after I thought she had changed, when I got an Acceptable on an assignment (which wasn’t often), when the Gryffindor team lost a game (which also wasn’t often because of James). 

“Lily, didn’t you hear me calling you?” asked Sirius when I failed to say anything when he grabbed my shoulder. 

I casually shrugged his hand off and started walking again. “No, sorry,” I said, as he followed me. 

To my surprise, he sighed. “James told me about this. ‘Lily always pretends she doesn’t hear you if she doesn’t want to talk to you, but you know she really heard you because she starts walking faster,’” he said, matching his strides with mine. 

What? Why was James talking about me with Sirius, and why would he say that sentence in particular? I really had no idea what he was talking about so I didn’t answer and started to quicken my pace. 

“Merlin, he was right,” said Sirius, catching up with me quite easily. 

Frustrated, I finally said something. “James is not right,” I said as I stopped walking and faced him. 

Sirius smirked at me. “Then please explain to me why you didn’t answer and why you immediately started walking faster if you did want to talk to me,” he said, stopping to face me as well. 

I looked into his eyes and scowled. I didn’t have an answer for that, so I just walked away again. 

Much to my displeasure, Sirius followed and started laughing. Huge, obnoxious, chuckles came pouring from his mouth, laughing at me. 

I scowled even harder and continued walking. I noticed Sirius started wiping his eyes. And I also noticed there was a girl’s bathroom to Sirius’ left. I quickly checked my surroundings to confirm that this actually was a female bathroom (because you could never be safe with the Marauders) and ran into it. 

I didn’t think Sirius knew what was going on until he saw the closing of the bathroom door. I sat on the floor beside the door, not really knowing where else to go. I heard Sirius muttering under his breath from directly outside. 

“Damn it. Prongs will kill me,” he muttered. “Lily, come on!” he shouted, banging on the wall beside the door. 

I didn’t answer, just sat there patiently. 

“Fine, I’ll just sit here until you come out,” said Sirius. I heard the thump of his body falling to the floor. We were both silent for a moment until I heard the click-click of heels in the hall. I heard giggling girls and then a gasp.

“Eww! You perv!” shouted one of them. Then they started running down the hall, from what I heard. 

“No, I’m waiting for someone! I mean, I’m—AH. Lily, you better come out!” shouted Sirius from behind the door. 

I laughed silently to myself but still didn’t leave the bathroom. He should have just given up and left. It would have been a bit less humiliating and less effort. 

And if it couldn’t get any worse for Sirius, another set of clicking heels came down the hall, except these heels seemed more brisk, stern. I didn’t have to hear Sirius’ gulp and his hastened movements to stand up to know who was coming down the hall. 

“Black! What in Merlin’s name are you doing?” asked Minerva McGonagall. 

“Why, hello there, Professor McGonagall! How are you on this fine Tuesday afternoon?”

Smooth, I thought. Very smooth, Black. 

“Don’t give me that, Black. Tell me what you are doing outside of the ladies’ lavatory!” McGonagall demanded. 

Just not smooth enough. 

“I was just waiting for a friend,” said Sirius. I could tell he was giving McGonagall the signature ‘Marauder smile’ that all Marauders used to get out of trouble. 

“Black, this is inappropriate behaviour. I am not impressed. Detention. Now, please step away from the lavatory and be on your way,” said McGonagall, starting to walk away. 

“But, Professor! Really, Lily’s inside there and I’m waiting for her!” he argued. 

Professor McGonagall stopped walking. I didn’t think she knew how to react. Why did my name have to be thrown in there?

“I’m sure Lily is capable of finding her way back. Now, please, make your way back to Gryffindor tower before I decide a further punishment,” she said sternly. 

Sirius eventually obliged as I heard two sets of footprints heading to Gryffindor tower. 

This situation reminded me of the girl/boy bathroom sign switching where Hailey and I were caught coming out of the boys’ bathroom. Although, this was a bit less embarrassing, but the punishment was a bit more severe. 

When I was sure the two of them were gone, I slowly peeked out of the bathroom. There was no Sirius or McGonagall, only students walking to wherever they were going. I stepped out of the bathroom, and quickly started walking the opposite way to the library. 

I was walking quickly to try and find Hailey so these situations could be avoided. But apparently, I couldn’t find her quick enough. 

I turned the corner and walked straight into someone. I knew it was a person because it was cushiony, and not hard like a wall. I was walking so quickly, that I fell back and landed on the floor. My last thought was how nice whoever it was smelled.  

“Lily!” shouted a voice that I immediately recognized. I didn’t even have to think about who it could be because considering my luck, it could only have been one person. 

“Ow,” I said, cringing. 

“Sorry,” said his voice, lifting me up from the floor. 

I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes. “Why me?” I moaned.

“I really am sorry, Lily. I didn’t see you coming,” he said again. 

I sighed. “It’s alright, James. See you later,” I said, pushing myself off the wall and starting to walk away. 

“Whoa! Wait a second!” said James, pulling my arm. “Why are you avoiding me, Lily?” he asked me. 

I hesitated. Oh, so he figured it out, did he? “I’m not,” I responded. 

He gave me a look. “Oh, really?” he asked me, completely unconvinced. 

“Really,” I said. “I’ve just been really busy,” I lied. 

“Don’t give me that, Lily. We have all the same responsibilities, I actually have more. So, don’t say you’ve been really busy,” he said. He sounded a little angry, but he didn’t look it. His eyes actually looked sad. 

I sighed. I didn’t know what to say. 

“Look, I’m sorry about yesterday. I acted like a jerk, I know. I just thought it was rude that he would ask you to sit with _him_ when you were already sitting with _me_ ,” he said, scratching the back of his head with his free hand. His other one was still holding my arm. 

I sighed again. “Yeah, you were a jerk,” I said, finding that that was the only thing I could say. 

James laughed and let go of my arm. “So, am I forgiven?” he asked, the twinkle back in his eye. 

I rolled my eyes and started walking. “Why is it that you’re always asking to be forgiven, huh?” I asked him.

He shrugged. “You’re hard to please,” he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets. 

I shoved him and laughed. “Not really. You’re just incapable of it,” I said playfully. 

He gave a small chuckle and said quietly, “I know.”

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Do you want to be my girlfriend, Lily?”

I was daydreaming again, wasn’t I? There was no way that Edward Wilkes could actually be asking me that. I mean, really. 

“I’m sorry, what? I must have heard you wrong,” I said, embarrassed that I had to ask him to repeat himself. 

“I asked if you wanted to be my girlfriend,” he said. 

Oh. 

“I…”

“Yes?”

“Lily! How are you buddy, ol’ pal?” said Sirius, putting a heavy arm on my shoulder. 

Edward and I just stood there, staring at Sirius, wondering what the hell was going on. 

“Did you know I got a detention for you, Lily? That’s how good of friends we are, that I would get a detention so you wouldn’t get in trouble,” said Sirius, pulling me closer to him and giving me a friendly shake. 

“Er…”

“If you could excuse us please, Black, but we are trying to have a _private conversation_ ,” said Edward, whispering the last part. 

Sirius’ mouth made a ‘O’ in understanding. He winked at Edward, not to subtly and took his arm off of me. He smiled at me, and whispered, not to quietly, “Knock her dead!” He then patted Edward on the shoulder, not to gently and shouted, “OY! WILKES AND LILY ARE HAVING A _PRIVATE CONVERSATION_ SO NO ONE BOTHER THEM!” He then walked off whistling a tune no one else knew. 

Of course, we were standing outside of the Great Hall, just after dinner; so naturally, almost all of the school was standing there. I didn’t have to look in the mirror to know that my face was the colour of the reddest rose there was. I also didn’t need a mirror to know that my face showed the anger of a bull being provoked by a matador. And I also knew that Sirius Black would probably not live to the tender age of eighteen. 

I stomped after him, my anger and humiliation pumping through my veins. I didn’t exactly know what I was going to do when I got to him, but I knew I was going to do something. I was blinded of everyone and everything except the figure of Sirius Black, whistling his stupid, addictive tune, unaware of an angry redhead about to pummel him to the ground. 

“BLACK!” 

He turned around from his relaxed state and grinned at me. “Why, if it isn’t Lily Evans! Did I hear you hollering?” he asked me pleasantly.

“What do you think you’re playing at?” I hissed at him as my eyes turned into slits. 

“Oh, so now you want to have a conversation?” he asked me, smile disappearing. 

I scowled and glared at him. Was that what this was about? Me running away from him? Well, he should have just taken the hint and left me alone and none of us would be in this situation. 

Sirius sighed. “Look, Lily. I don’t want to be like this. We’re friends. I just wanted to talk to you and you ran away. I was trying to help you realize something that you obviously still hadn’t realized,” he said. Sirius then gave me a pitying look and walked away from me. 

That was it? That was all he was going to say? 

“Sirius!” I called. He stopped walking and slowly turned around. “What haven’t I realized?” I asked him. 

He shook his head. “You’re going to have to figure this one out on your own,” he said. 

I was baffled. He was the second person to say that to me. What exactly did I need to figure out on my own? Was it someone’s birthday that I had forgotten? Did someone need help? Was I hurting somebody? Was there something wrong with me that everyone knew except me? Was there something wrong with somebody else? Was the Giant Squid preparing to attack the school and eat me for always using it as a comparison of some sort? WHAT THE HELL WAS IT?!

I stood in the hall as students passed me on their way to their common rooms. I didn’t know how long I stood there, but it must have been a long time because the halls were now empty. I was about to start walking to Gryffindor Tower when a hand touched my shoulder. 

“Thinking, Miss Evans?” asked the aged voice of the Headmaster. 

I was so startled that my mouth hung open and I was babbling for a moment. 

“A-bl-I-Yes, sir,” I finally got out. 

He nodded with an understanding look. “Sometimes, I like to stand and think in empty corridors. There’s something calming about it,” he said, smiling at me. 

I blushed heavily, but I knew he wasn’t mocking me. He was completely serious. 

“Well, I think that I will head back to Gryffindor Tower for the night,” I said, slowly turning from Professor Dumbledore. 

“Miss Evans?” he said. I turned back around.

“Yes, sir?” I said. 

“Is there something troubling you?” he asked me kindly. 

I hesitated. Yes, there was something troubling me. But, why would an old man like Professor Dumbledore want to know about a troubled teenage girl’s problems? Didn’t he have other, bigger things to worry about, like running a school?

Dumbledore smiled. “You’re probably wondering why an old man would want to know a teenage girl’s problems for, but I always thought it best to let one’s feelings out,” said Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling. 

I was dumbfounded once again. Dumbledore always found a way to surprise you, no matter what. 

“Er, yes, sir. People have been acting strange lately, that’s all,” I said, not wanting to bother him further about my problems. 

“Ah, yes. The human race is strange indeed. It’s nothing new,” he said, smiling again. 

“There is something else, sir,” I said, hesitantly.

“Yes, Miss Evans?” he said, curiously. 

“Um,” I wasn’t sure what to say. “People said that I had to figure something out on my own, but I’m not sure what,” I said. I realized that it didn’t really make sense at all. Of course I didn’t know what I had to figure out, because I still had to figure it out. Ugh. 

“Miss Evans, sometimes you need the help of others to figure things out on your own,” he said. 

“But no one is helping,” I said, starting to feel frustrated. 

“Ah, Miss Evans, you aren’t asking the right people,” he said mysteriously. 

I thought for a moment. “You wouldn’t happen to be one of those people, would you, sir?” I asked him hopefully.

Dumbledore chuckled. “No, Miss Evans, I’m afraid I’m not. But the person you are looking for is not far,” he said. “I’m feeling like a caramel sundae with nuts. Goodnight, Miss Evans,” he said, smiling once again and walking towards the Kitchens. 

I couldn’t help but think of what a brilliant and completely nutters man Dumbledore was. As he turned the corner, I could hear him chuckle lightly. “Good evening, Mr. Wilkes,” I heard him say as he disappeared. 

My heart started to beat faster. Edward. I had totally forgotten about Edward and his question because of my anger towards Sirius. And now he was going to come and ask me again and I didn’t have an answer. 

I should have run, knowing that Edward was just around the corner, but I was rooted on the spot. But I began to wonder why I would want to be running in the first place. Shouldn’t I be running _into_ the arms of Edward, not running _away_ from him?

Oh, here he came. 

“Lily! I’ve been looking all over for you!” he said, relief flooding his face. 

“Oh, hey,” was all I managed to get out. 

He was standing in front of me now. I wasn’t sure what to say really, but he was moving closer to me. I instinctively moved back. I didn’t like people standing so close to me. 

“So, what happened earlier? You sort of just ran off,” he said. 

“Oh, haha, then?” I said. I added a laugh in there because I still wasn’t sure what to say. “I just, you know, had to catch up with old friends,” I finally said, knowing it was a pathetic excuse. 

“Right,” he said, giving me a small smile. “So, do you remember the question I asked you before?” he said, stepping one step closer. 

“Erm, no. No, I don’t,” I said, trying to buy more time to think of some sort of answer. 

“Oh, well let me ask you again,” he said. 

“Okay,” I said, my voice shaking a bit. 

“Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked, stepping in once again. 

I was now up against a wall and feeling a little pinned. I looked around and found no where to run. His arms were on either side of me, hands on the wall, making a barrier. He was also really tall, so it was all a bit intimidating. 

All of a sudden, his mouth was on mine and he was kissing me. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I was a little scared, but I knew he didn’t want to hurt me. I think Edward was trying to act all smooth and suave and fly, but it kind of looked like he was attacking me. Which he wasn’t. I didn’t feel like I was being attacked at all. 

As his lips were on mine, I thought about his question. Did I really want to be his girlfriend? I mean, I never really had a boyfriend, it was more dating. It was kind of quick too, how did he know he wanted to me as his girlfriend after one date? Didn’t he want to get to know me better before actually becoming his girlfriend? Wasn’t this a bit too fast? 

Wait. WHAT WAS I THINKING! This was EDWARD WILKES I was kissing! The boy I _liked,_ right?! I shouldn’t be contemplating whether or not to be Edward Wilkes’ girlfriend, I should have been saying yes!

When his lips were off of mine, I said, “Yes, I’d like to be your girlfriend.” I meant to say it confidently, but it came out sort of shaky and hesitant. 

He grinned, but his arms were still on either side of me. He just kind of stood there looking at me, with his eyes clouded over and a small smile on his lips. It sort of made me uncomfortable and I looked away. 

After not moving for a minute in the same position, I started to squirm a bit. I was starting to wonder if Edward had fallen asleep in that position, and therefore not moving. I started to get a little worried and was afraid to look up.

But my relief came in the form of Remus Lupin. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” asked Remus approaching Edward and I. Edward looked up at him, but still didn’t move. “Why are you standing like that?” he asked Edward, suspiciously. Then, he must have assumed Edward was attacking me, so he roughly pushed Edward. “What do you think you’re doing?! Lily, are you all right?” he asked me frantically. 

If I wasn’t in shock from how fast everything happened, I would have burst out laughing. This was just too funny. Edward had finished kissing me and Remus had thought that I was being attacked. What did that say about Edward? I knew I shouldn’t think that it was funny since he was my boyfriend (got to get used to that…) but it was quite a humorous situation. 

“What do you think you’re playing at, Lupin? Lily had just agreed to be my girlfriend,” said Edward, dusting off his robes where Remus had pushed him. He moved over to me and put his arm around my shoulder. 

Remus seemed to understand what he had just interrupted and blushed. “Oh, sorry. Congratulations to the both of you. Right,” he said, looking anywhere but our faces. “I’ll just be going then. Have fun—I mean, stay safe—er, no, what I meant to say was don’t do anything I wouldn’t—Oh, Merlin,” he said, closing his eyes. He looked up, “Bye,” Remus said, walking away. I turned to see him smacking his head and muttering.

As soon as Remus was gone, Edward cleared his throat. I was now off the wall and didn’t want to be back there. I took a big step to my right, away from the wall, directly in the middle of the corridor. 

“So, where were we?” asked Edward, stepping towards me. 

“Actually,” I said, stepping back. “I was just going to tell Hailey the news,” I said, giving him a smile. “I’ll see you later, yeah?” I said, walking away. 

I didn’t really give him a chance to respond, just sort of ran away. I needed space to breath. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“And Remus just pushed him off?” asked Hailey’s disbelieving voice. 

“Mhm,” I said, falling back onto my bed. 

“Wow,” she said. She laughed a little. “Wow,” she repeated. “But, don’t you think that was a little creepy, you know? The way you said Edward was standing over you?” she asked.

I kind of wanted to avoid that thought. I didn’t think of Edward as that type. He just didn’t fit that kind of person. It was a little creepy, but I just pushed it away as him trying to act cool and smooth. I told Hailey that and she laughed. 

“Maybe,” she said. “But, it didn’t really work, did it?” 

I laughed. She was right. This was the second time today that I was laughing at my boyfriend and not defending him. See, Edward didn’t know me at all, I was a horrible girlfriend. 

“And what did the Marauders say about your new beau?” asked Hailey. 

“I’m guessing Remus told them, so I’m not really sure since I haven’t spoken to any of them yet. But Remus, he seemed a bit uncomfortable,” I said, looking up at my ceiling. 

“Probably because he was embarrassed at almost catching you snogging,” she said, laughing again. 

I found myself laughing along with her. “We weren’t snogging, Hailey. It was a kiss,” I argued. 

“Yeah, a kiss that looked like he was attacking you,” she said. 

We looked at each other and exploded with laughter. I didn’t even know what was so funny, I just couldn’t stop laughing. 

Probably because I was excited, right?

The other girls were starting to enter the dorm. Hailey and I eventually stopped laughing after Jennifer and Alice had asked us why we were laughing about five times. We didn’t answer them because I wanted to keep our little relationship a secret. 

The last girl to enter was Emily. She gave us an evil smirk and closed her curtains around her bed quite forcefully. Of course, she had to reopen them because she had forgotten that she was still wearing her Hogwarts robes. Hailey and I almost burst into a fresh fit of laughter. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

One o’clock in the morning. I couldn’t sleep. Everyone was sleeping. I knew because of their snores and deep breaths. But for some reason, there was no sleep in me. 

I sat up in my bed and looked around. My eyes were adjusted to the dark because they had been open for the last half hour. I saw Emily’s bed, Jennifer’s, Alice’s, Hailey’s. Bored, and finding nothing to do in the dark, I grabbed a book and decided to read down in the Common Room. I quietly slipped out of the room, trying as hard as I could to make the damn door not squeak for once, but of course, it did. 

I quietly made my way down the stairs, trying not to disturb the light sleepers in their dorms. When I was almost at the bottom of the stairs, I heard voices and saw a light. 

“I have detention because of you, Prongs. I tried my best, I really did,” said the unmistakable voice of Sirius. 

I knew I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, but I couldn’t help it. What did Sirius mean by ‘because of Prongs?’ Prongs was James’ alias, wasn’t it? So, how was it James’ fault for his detention; wouldn’t it have been mine?

“I know you did, Padfoot. But, I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” said James. 

“Just stick with it, Prongs. It’ll happen soon enough,” said Remus. 

“I don’t know if I can last until ‘soon enough’ happens,” replied James to Remus’ comment. 

What was going to happen soon enough?

The Marauders were silent for a moment. There was no sound until the _th-thump_ of a book falling on wood. 

“What was that?” asked the small voice of Peter. 

“Sounded like a book falling on the floor, from the girl’s staircase,” said Remus. 

I looked down and saw my book, lying open on the stair, its words mocking me. 

“Leave it to Moony to recognize the sound of a book falling to the floor,” said Sirius. “Did it burn your ears, Moony?” 

“Stuff it, Padfoot,” replied Remus, non-enthusiastically. “Who’s there?” he called. I heard his footsteps coming closer to me.

I frantically picked up my book and started to run up the stairs. 

“Lily? Is that you?”

Too late. 

“Er, no?” I said, trying to trick them with my talented ways. 

“You sound awfully like her,” said Sirius, who had now appeared in the doorway. 

“I know, I get that a lot,” I said, gulping. 

“Lily, just come down here, we know it’s you,” said James who was standing beside Sirius. 

I sighed and slowly revealed myself in the light. The Marauders moved back to give me some space to enter the Common Room. 

“How long were you standing there?” asked Remus, glancing at James, then back at me. 

Not wanting to be caught eavesdropping, I lied. “I just got there when I dropped my book,” I said. 

“So you didn’t hear anything?” asked Sirius. 

“Nope,” I said. “Why, was there something I shouldn’t have heard?” I asked them, curious about their response. 

Peter, Remus and Sirius all looked at James for this one. “No, nothing,” he said, giving me a smile. 

“Alright,” I said. “Well since you guys are here, I guess I’ll just go back to my dorm,” I said, turning around. I was hoping they wouldn’t make me because I still didn’t think I’d be able to sleep. 

“Lily, you can stay if you want,” offered Remus.

I smiled at them. “Thanks,” I said, taking a seat at my favourite armchair. It was warm. 

“Sorry about that detention, Sirius,” I said, as everyone took their seats. 

He looked up and then looked back down. “Oh, that little thing. Don’t worry about it. It’s not like I haven’t had detention before, right?” he said, giving me a small smile. 

I smiled back. That was true. The Marauders were, well, troublemakers. They probably had their fair share of detentions. Maybe a couple hundred a piece. 

“I think I’m going to go to bed. I’m feeling a bit tired,” said James, rising from his chair. 

“Already?” I asked him, not wanting him to leave. 

He looked at his watch. “Yeah. It’s one in the morning,” he said. 

I frowned. “Don’t tell me you go to bed at one,” I said. 

“Poor wittle James had a long day,” said Sirius, giving James a strange look. 

“Okay,” I said, still not believing it. 

“Oh, and Lily. McGonagall told me that we had a patrol tomorrow. Nine o’clock. Want to meet here?” he said, at the foot of the boy’s staircase.

“Fine with me. Goodnight,” I said, smiling. 

He gave me a weak smile with his tired eyes. The fire light was reflecting off his face, illuminating the bags. James didn’t look well at all. “Goodnight,” he said. 


	8. Deathbed

**CHAPTER EIGHT.**

**Deathbed**

_“I can smell the death on the sheets, covering me. I can’t believe this is the end. This is my deathbed, I lie here alone. If I close my eyes tonight, I know I’ll be home.” –Relient K_

I woke up early in the Common Room with my book lying on my stomach. The Marauders had gone up not a long time after James had last night. Something in my gut instinct told me that they weren’t tired at all; just wanting to leave the place I was in. 

I looked around at my surroundings, my eyes adjusting to the growing light from the window. It was the same Gryffindor Commom Room: bright red and gold, warm fireplace with a freshly lit fire, arm chairs and couches, including the one I was now sprawled out on. 

Getting up slowly, I noticed a thin red blanket down near the end of my legs, probably from me kicking in my sleep. I picked it up gingerly and immediately knew who it belonged to. I smiled to myself. 

“Lily? Is that you?” asked Hailey from the girl’s staircase. 

“Morning,” I said, as confirmation. 

“What are you doing down here? Is this where you slept? I didn’t see you in your bed this morning,” she said, clad in her Quidditch robes, broomstick in hand. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” I said as an answer. “Quidditch practice?” I asked, nodding my head to her broomstick and uniform. 

“Of course, didn’t I tell you? First game’s in a week, remember? Against Slytherin,” she said, walking closer to the couch I was sitting on. 

“No, you didn’t tell me,” I said, stretching my neck and back from the awkward position on the couch. “Prepared?” I asked her as she sat down. 

“As we can be,” she answered. “Captain James has booked practises for every day of the week though,” she said bitterly, yawning.

I laughed. James was under-prepared for everything besides Quidditch. 

“I’m heading down now, want to come?” she asked, getting up from her seat. 

I gave her a Not-while-I’m-dressed-in-pyjamas-and-my-hair-looks-like-this look and she smirked. “I’ll see you later then,” she said, walking towards the portrait hole. 

“Bye,” I said, yawning and getting up. 

Curious, I walked over to the window with a perfect view of the Quidditch Pitch. I saw him there, flying around in his red and gold uniform, small red ball tucked under his right arm. He was throwing it through the hoops, then speeding off to retrieve them. I thought about the thin red blanket and smiled again. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I ate breakfast with Remus and Peter; the two other Marauders and Hailey were still taking showers after Quidditch practice. It was amazing how much one person could smell after one hour of Quidditch. It was always like that after Quidditch. James always worked them pretty hard. 

“Pass the salt, please, Remus?” I asked him, partly to see if he was still alive. I didn’t really need the salt for toast and bacon. 

“Remus?” I asked him. His skin looked pale, but yellow and grey at the same time. There were deep bags under his eyes, far worse than the ones on James’ face last night. His fingers were shaking slightly as he reached to his right to grab the salt. I watched him carefully; I was worried that his arm would fall off any moment because of the effort it took him to move it. 

“Remus, are you all right?” I asked him, glancing at Peter who was staring at his friend, whimpering. 

I had no idea what had gotten into Remus today. He seemed fine the night before in the Common Room. How was it possible for him to get such a sickness even after one night?

It was then that I remembered Remus’ condition. His condition that left him so weak and vulnerable, but at the same time deadly and dangerous. I had known the symptoms from third year, but had always denied it until that day in sixth year when he had told me why he was always in the Hospital Wing. 

I scanned my head for today’s date. It was the fifteenth of October today. The middle of the month. According to Remus’ last transformation, the full moon wasn’t due for another two weeks. Something wasn’t right.

I furrowed my eyebrows and got out of my seat. Remus was sitting on my right, arm still outstretched towards the salt but not reaching far enough to reach it. 

“Remus, you don’t look so good. Let’s go to the Hospital Wing,” I said, grabbing one of his arms. 

He shook his head stubbornly. “I’m fine,” he croaked, closing his eyes in pain. 

I knew that Remus was stubborn about his health, always claiming he was fine even if he felt like he was dying. Although his condition now seemed more serious than ever before, I thought it would be even harder to convince him to go. 

“Remus, come on,” I said, trying as hard as I could to lift him off of the seat. 

“No, Lily. Please, just let go,” he said, turning his horribly yellow eyes to me, begging. 

“Remus—” I started, going to argue once again. 

Suddenly, McGonagall was beside me. 

“Lupin, I advise you to listen to Miss Evans. She shall escort you to the Hospital Wing,” she said, looking at me. “Won’t you, Miss Evans?” she said. 

I nodded and helped Remus to his feet. Surprisingly, he didn’t weigh as much as I thought he would. No matter how stubborn Remus was, he never directly disobeyed a teacher’s order. 

Remus leaned on me as Peter stood up to assist. “No, Pettigrew,” said McGonagall, raising a hand to stop Peter. “Miss Evans can manage. You shall go to your first class. Which is with me, if I recall correctly,” said McGonagall. Peter looked disappointed. “Miss Evans, I will expect you in class in twenty minutes,” she said to me, walking away. 

I gave a helpless look to Peter, who sat down in his seat, defeated. 

Slowly, Remus and I made our way out of the Great Hall, curious faces following us out. I heard a voice say my name from behind me, but I couldn’t turn around with Remus hanging off my shoulders. Assuming that it could wait, I trekked on, Remus groaning every few feet. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Remus and I finally made it to the Hospital Wing; sweating, shoulders and legs aching. Well, I was the sweaty, achy one, Remus was groaning in pain. After a while, Remus was about as light as a cinderblock.

“We’re here, Remus,” I said to him, panting. “Everything’ll be all right.”

I tried opening the door and supporting Remus’ weight at the same time, but it proved to be a challenge that I could not accomplish. Giving up, I shouted, “Madam Pomfrey!” through the door, hoping she would hear me. 

I heard the rushing of foot steps and the small, distant words, “Oh, what now?” I waited for her to open the door with a pained look on my face.

The door opened quickly and she gasped, hand flying to her mouth. “Miss Evans! What’s happened to Lupin?” she asked me, assuming I knew the answer. 

“I don’t know, ma’am,” I said. “May I come in?” I asked, my legs slowly giving way. 

“Of course, of course! Don’t just stand there! Come in!” said Pomfrey, rushing me inside. 

She was saying incomprehensible words under her breath, fussing with the sheets on the bed. “Hurry, hurry! Lay him here,” said Pomfrey. 

I quickly lay Remus on the bed. He was now sweating too, but for a totally different reason than I was. I sat and watched by the chair beside his bed, Madam Pomfrey checked his temperature and whatever else she did with those mysterious instruments that wizard healers used. 

She didn’t seem to notice I was there because if she did she would have sent me to class immediately. But, I wasn’t complaining; I wanted to see if Remus was going to be all right. Pomfrey hurried off into her office to get a potion to help Remus recover from whatever he was suffering. That left me in silence, except the sound of Remus’ jagged breathing.

I sat there, unable to look at his pale yellow grey face, only looking into my hands. Quite suddenly, I heard the opening of curtains and saw a familiar evil face looking back at me. She laughed. 

“Jumping between men, Lily?” she asked. “How will Edward react, knowing he’d been replaced with a werewolf?” she said, simply glowing in her success. 

The word “werewolf” had jumped out of her mouth and punched me in the gut. How had she known about Remus’ condition?

“How do you know about that?” I hissed at her, looking around to see if anyone else was there. There wasn’t. 

She laughed again. “Come on, Lily. We used to be friends, or have you forgotten already?” she said, the irony dripping from her voice. “Refused to believe anyone was as smart as _the_ Lily Evans, did you?” she said, bitterly. 

“Of course there are people smarter than me,” I said, offended that she would think I was so self-centered. After all, like she said, we used to be friends. 

“Oh, did you now? Like who? James Potter, Sirius Black, Mr. Werewolf here? But not Emily Flounder, right?” she said, voice dangerously low. 

“No,” I said, startled by the hostility in her voice. “Anyone can be smart if they want to, Emily. They don’t need my consent.”

She gave me a disbelieving smile. “Really? But, no one could compete with you, could they?” she said. 

I was thoroughly confused and a little scared. I had never seen Emily act like this around anyone. She had transformed from the sweet, innocent girl with a school-girl crush, to a crazed, revenge-hungry monster. 

“Are you…jealous?” I said quietly, wondering what the answer would be.

“Jealous?” she said. “Jealous?” she repeated. “Who wouldn’t be jealous of Lily Evans? Jealousy is what drives me,” she said. I never noticed until now, but she looked possessed. Her eyes popping out of her sockets, deep purple marks were hanging from beneath them, almost like bruises. Her light blue eyes were now a mad dark blue, darker than I had ever seen them before. 

“Emily, what’s happened to you?” I asked her, standing up from my chair and approaching her. 

She laughed again. “Now you’re concerned, Lily? Now you choose to care about my feelings? Well, it’s too late now, you’re too late. Always the one getting top marks in class, being rewarded for your goodness. Then, deciding as Prefect, you would do whatever you wanted. Why James likes you is a mystery to me. All the attention he gives you only to be rejected with your superiority. Lily Evans was never good enough for anybody though, was she?” Emily asked me. I got a strange reminder of Bellatrix Black (Sirius’ cousin) who graduated when I was only in first year, but I knew she had it out for me. For any _Mudblood_ actually. It was no doubt that she had become a Death Eater straight out of Hogwarts. 

“Why didn’t you say something?” I asked her.

“What difference would it have made, Lily? Would you have tried a little less? Would you have stooped down to _my_ level?” If I looked hard enough, I could almost see the little green monster running around her, smiling its malicious smile.

“It could have saved our friendship,” I said quietly. 

She scoffed. “Like I would have wanted that,” she said. She gave me one last look and shut her curtains back around her. I only stood there, staring at her silhouette behind them. The icicle-in-my-heart sensation was coming back from that night of patrols, slowly twisting and freezing my whole body. I didn’t know how I was going to get through this. 

“Miss Evans! What are you still doing here?” asked the impatient voice of Madam Pomfrey. 

I jumped and turned around to face Madam Pomfrey. Her presence seemed to shatter the icicle as I was reminded of Remus. I approached quietly. “What’s wrong with him, ma’am?” I asked her, trying to find some relief of the cold from news of Remus’ state (considering it was good news).  

“I’m not sure yet, Miss Evans,” said Madam Pomfrey, bending over him to give him his potions.

“Could it be something to do with his condition?” I asked her quietly. 

“You know about his condition, then?” she asked. I nodded. She looked down at Remus disapprovingly. “I’m still not sure,” said Madam Pomfrey, wiping his forehead with a wet cloth. 

We were silent for a moment until Madam Pomfrey hustled me out of the Hospital Wing claiming her patients needed rest and that I could visit after dinner. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Psst. Lily,” said a whispered voice to my right. I looked up from the raven I was supposed to be transfiguring and saw Sirius looking at me, wand pointed at his chameleon. We were separated by an aisle and we hadn’t had any time to talk yet.

“Not now, Sirius,” I said, glancing at McGonagall. 

“Lily, where’s Remus?” he asked, totally ignoring what I had just said. 

Assuming he wouldn’t stop bothering me until he was satisfied, I answered him. “Hospital Wing,” I whispered back. 

“Why?” he asked. I watched as he perfectly transfigured the chameleon into a goblet, a clock, a textbook and back again. 

“Why else?” I said. “He’s not feeling well.” It was a little of an understatement, but I didn’t have time to elaborate. 

He checked the watch on his wrist and frowned. He probably assumed it was caused by the full moon as well as I. He stopped whispering to me and started to whisper to James, sitting next to him on the other side. 

I fell silent and tried to concentrate on the cawing raven. I waved my wand. The goblet would have been perfect if only it didn’t have a beak sticking out from the front. I scowled and tried for the clock. The clock hands were made of feathers. Frustrated now, my textbook had a picture of ravens on the cover, with feathers sticking out in between the pages. 

I gave up. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t focus. She was getting to me once again. The image of her bloodshot eyes was tattooed to the inside of my eyelids so I would see them whenever I closed my eyes. 

“Focus, Miss Evans,” said the voice of McGonagall from behind me. I nodded numbly as she walked away.

“Lily,” said another whispered voice, this time to my left. I looked over and saw Hailey’s concerned eyes, so different than Emily’s. 

“Yeah?” I said, turning my raven book back into a raven. 

“What’s up? What happened?” she asked. 

“Remus got sick, I took him to the Hospital Wing,” I said, feeling an immense headache coming on. 

“Is that it, or is there something more?” 

Hailey always knew if I was hiding something, but she never really said anything until she knew I was ready to tell her. In this case, I think she thought that I needed to get this out. 

I took a deep breath and started rubbing my temples, giving up on Transfiguration for now. “Emily was there,” I said, closing my eyes then bursting them back open again. 

“And?” prodded Hailey. 

I gulped. What could I say? That I made her crazy with jealousy and she knew something Hailey still didn’t know?

I just shook my head. “She said some stuff,” I said, not coming up with a better answer. 

“That’s it?” said Hailey, raising her eyebrows and transfiguring her porcupine. 

“I’ll tell you later,” I said, sighing. 

“Okay,” she said. “But why do you think she was in the Hospital Wing in the first place? Wasn’t she in the dormitory last night?” 

I shrugged. But, if I were to answer truthfully, I would say because she was going mad. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Okay, Lily. Spill the beans,” said Emily, thumping onto her bed, facing me. 

I landed onto my own bed, my fingers finding the red blanket I had left there this morning. He was avoiding me. 

I sighed. I had been distracted all day, not one of my spell’s had gone right.  

“Where should I start?” I said more to myself, but Hailey answered.

“How is Remus?” she asked. 

“Not well, by the looks of him. His skin is grey, yellow and pale. At the same time. I could fit my textbooks in the bags under his eyes. He was moaning and sweating and as fragile as glass. Madam Pomfrey doesn’t know what’s wrong with him,” I said. 

Hailey gave out a long whistle. “He was fine yesterday, though. Wasn’t he?” she asked. 

I grunted in confirmation. 

“Then what happened, after you dropped him off?” she asked. 

“Pomfrey went to get some potions, so it was just me and Remus. Then curtains opened from the other side of the room and Emily was there, looking like she’d come straight out of St. Mungo’s,” I said. 

“What’d she say?” said Hailey.

“She said she was jealous of me. She always had been. Said that I was always beating everyone at everything, James was stupid to like me, stuff like that,” I said, staring at the ceiling. 

“You better have said something back, Lily Evans,” she said, making it sound like a threat. 

“I did. I asked her why she didn’t say anything about it. She asked me what I would have done. I said it could have saved our friendship, but she didn’t want it.”

“And then?”

“She closed the curtains and Pomfrey shooed me out.”

“What are you going to do?” she asked me. 

I shrugged, because I had no idea. I didn’t know anything these days. 

“Maybe we should go visit Remus?” she suggested. 

I nodded and got up from my bed. I was about to walk out of the door when Hailey said, “Lily, don’t forget your shoes.”

Taking no notice, I slipped my turquoise shoes on and walked out the door. 

“Lily, are you alright?” she asked me. I nodded. “Because you really shouldn’t worry about Emily.” I nodded again. “She’s not in a right state right now.” Another nod. “Okay,” she said. 

Even though she ended the subject, she kept glancing at me like I was going to fly away and she had to be ready to grab me. 

We arrived at the Hospital Wing not long after. When we entered, we heard voices whispering. But, as soon as they heard our footsteps, they stopped. 

“Hey guys,” said Hailey, once the Marauders came in view. 

“Hullo,” James responded, not taking his eyes off of Remus. 

Remus didn’t look that much better than this morning. He was sleeping, I assumed, but he still looked the same. I guess the only difference was that he was a bit more relaxed and calm. 

I didn’t hear the conversation my friends were having because I was too distracted by the turquoise curtains wrapped around the bed that held Emily. Her words had stuck to me like paste and they were affecting me. Badly. 

“Hey, Lily?” said a voice. I turned around. “Are you listening?” said Hailey, searching me. 

“Yeah, sure,” I said, sitting down in one of the vacant chairs. “Madam Pomfrey still doesn’t know what’s wrong with him?” I asked them, looking around at everyone. 

The Marauders all shook their heads sadly. I nodded, not knowing what else to say. All of a sudden, Remus started violently coughing, making everyone jump and causing Madam Pomfrey to come out of her office. 

“Out! OUT!” she screeched. “My patients need REST! This is not a zoo! Everybody out!” 

Out of fright, the Marauders, Hailey and I all ran out of the Hospital Wing, glancing back at Remus to make sure she wouldn’t throw a vase at him for coughing or anything. Blimey. 

We were all out of breath by the time we were back in the Gryffindor Common Room. My turquoise shoes had almost flown off in our mad attempts to escape from the grumpy crow that was Madam Pomfrey. Sure, she was helping Remus, but she would have five students in their deathbeds with the rate she was going. 

“Nice shoes, Lily,” said James, thumping onto an armchair. 

Everyone looked over at my shoes, me included. I wiggled my toes in the turquoise material and looked up at him. He seemed to be back to normal, nothing like he was last night. I remembered the red blanket and I smiled. Maybe he really was just tired. 

“Thanks,” I replied, although I knew he was mocking me. 

“Interesting colour,” he added. 

“Isn’t it?” I said, sitting down across from him. 

“Where’d you get ‘em?” he asked, a smile slowly spreading across his face. 

“Muggle store downtown London,” I said. “Why, want a pair?” I asked him. 

“Sure, why not? Christmas then?” he said, clearly joking. 

“Of course,” I said, leaning back. “Any particular colour, or would you like the same?” I said, nodding down at my shoes. 

“I wouldn’t dream of anything besides those. Size eleven and a half,” he said, grinning. 

“Got it,” I replied. 

Hailey cleared her throat. “Now that we’re done arranging Christmas presents,” she said, staring at James and I. “Have any ideas on what’s wrong with Remus?” she asked. 

Thoughts of Remus had just successfully reminded me of things I had momentarily forgotten for ten glorious minutes.

Emily. 

I groaned quietly, not wanting to be heard. I doubt I would have been in the busy Common Room though. 

“No idea,” said Sirius, glancing at James and Peter. “Wormtail?” he asked Peter. 

Peter squeaked. “Nope. Prongs?” he said, looking at James. 

James was silent for a moment. “Some ideas, but each as unrealistic as the next,” he said. “Lily?” he said, with those sad, hazel eyes. 

My mind went momentarily blank. “U-um, what?” I said. Everyone stared at me. “Oh, right,” I said. “Nothing. Hailey?” I asked, continuing on with the pattern. 

“Don’t know,” she said. “But, I have a question.” No one said anything. “What’s with your nicknames?” she asked, looking around at the three boys. “I mean, Prongs? What are you, some kind of fork?” she asked James. 

James and Sirius started to laugh. Peter looked a bit nervous for some reason. “Fork? Never got that one before,” said James. 

“What do you mean? So you’re not a fork then?” I asked, now curious. 

“Nah, not a fork,” said Sirius laughing. “But James-ie here had a little accident with a stag back in fifth year,” he said. “Didn’t you, Prongs?” James stopped laughing. Sirius put a hand up to the side of his mouth, blocking James’ view. “Got a little too close and got _pronged_ in the arse. He’s got little marks to prove it too, doncha James?” said Sirius, winking at him. 

James coughed uncomfortably. “Erm, yeah. Hurt like hell, it did,” he said, looking down and ruffling his messy hair. 

“And what about you?” said Hailey, pointing at Sirius. “What’s yours again? Pad-something or other?” 

“Mine?” said Sirius, eyes flying wide open. “W-well mine, you know, it’s nothing really,” he said, looking like James had when he had told James’ story. 

“What do you mean it’s nothing, _Padfoot?_ ” said James, eyes bright. He looked at us. “Young Sirius here thought he take a look through the girl’s lavatory in fifth year. When he came out, he had _something_ stuck to his foot,” said James, laughing. 

Sirius looked horrified. “Prongs! How could you?!” he exclaimed. James only shrugged and continued laughing. 

“Sorry, mate. You had it coming,” he said. 

Hailey was now laughing. “And what about Peter?” she asked. “Wormtail, was it?” 

“Ahh, good ol’ Wormy,” said Sirius, recovering from his own embarrassment. “What was the story behind that one again, Pete?” he asked him, scratching his head. 

Peter squeaked and looked around. “U-um,” he gulped. “Sirius thought it would be funny to, erm, throw a worm at me,” he said, starting to sweat. “And it got stuck in my trousers,” he said, giving a small smile. 

James and Sirius started roaring with laughter. “Nice one, Pete,” said James, wiping his eyes. 

Hailey and I looked at each other, wondering what was wrong with these blokes. They were just so strange. But, even though I thought they were a bit mad, I couldn’t help but have a little smile planted on my face. 

“Was this back in fifth year, too?” asked Hailey. They all nodded. “And Remus? Does he have one of these ridiculous nick names too, or what?” she said, laughing. 

All at once, the Marauders paled and stopped laughing. James gulped and rubbed his head. “Well, Remus is kind of a special situation,” he said. 

“Well, what is it?” asked Hailey, her laughter falling away. 

I wondered what had gotten into everybody. They had all suddenly stopped laughing. I tried remembering Remus’ nickname, but I couldn’t remember it. Monkey, was it? Money? Mo—

“It’s Moony.”

My face froze. I understood now. Werewolf. Full moon. Moony. 

“Moony? What’s so special about that?” asked Hailey. 

How stupid could they be?! Moony?! He was a damn werewolf and they were basically giving away his secret by naming him Moony! Stupid, stupid blokes! 

“Well, Remus has a bit of a _connection_ with the moon,” said Sirius. 

I almost scoffed out loud.

Hailey furrowed her eyebrows and crossed her arms over her chest. “Connection, how?” she asked. 

No one answered. 

“Well?” she asked. 

“He loves the moon,” I said, knowing it was a full-out lie. If anything he would _hate_ the moon if it was as painful as the books said. 

“What?” said Hailey and the Marauders. 

“He loves the moon,” I replied. “He likes to look at it,” I said. 

“He loves the moon?” Hailey repeated. 

The Marauders all looked at each other, confused. 

“T-that’s right. Moony loves the moon. Makes sense, right?” said James, picking up on the lie. 

“How did you know that, Lily?” asked Hailey. 

Oops. Just a little flaw in that plan. “I—well he—told me once. Yeah,” I said, not sounding convincing at all. 

“Oh, I see,” said Hailey. Apparently she bought it.

James coughed. “Well, I got some Transfiguration to finish. McGonagall is going to kill me if I don’t give in my essay soon,” said James, picking up his rucksack and walking towards the Fat Lady. “Off to the Library I go,” he said, the portrait closing behind him. 

Sirius yawned. “Maybe I’ll go take a nap. McGonagall won’t mind if it’s another day late,” he said, getting up. “See you later,” he said. 

“Sirius, wasn’t that essay due last week?” asked Hailey. 

“Yep. But since it’s already late, one more day wouldn’t hurt, yeah?” he said, walking towards the staircase. “Coming, Wormtail, or are you going to stay down here and entertain the ladies?” he asked, grinning. 

Peter immediately stood up and ran up the stairs like the couch he was sitting on had suddenly sprouted legs and was chasing after him.

Hailey started to say something, but I couldn’t hear her. My head was spinning and a thought was slowly evolving, like a spider slowly weaving her web. Was it a coincidence that all four Marauders had gotten their nicknames in fifth year, or was it planned? If Moony’s name was given birth from his condition, did they all happen to adopt nicknames, or was it something else? Did Prongs really get pronged in the arse, did Padfoot really have a pad on his foot, did Wormtail really have a worm hanging out of his trousers or were they all cock-and-bull stories made up on the spot?

With the Marauders, you could never really know. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Sirius! Sirius Black!” I screamed in his ear. “Wake up!” I yelled again.

I was up in the seventh year boys’ dormitory. Please, please don’t make me think about why I was there, because really, I didn’t know what I was thinking. I was Head Girl for MERLIN’S sake! And here I was, breaking the rules! And not to mention, making myself very uncomfortable. 

Sirius was sleeping on his stomach, his arms sprawled in every direction, half his body hanging off the bed. His mouth was hanging open and there were armful’s (maybe even truck’s worth) of clothes, well, everywhere. Surprisingly enough, it didn’t smell half bad. I guess blokes had their standards, too. 

“PADFOOT!” I tried, since nothing else was working. I gave him an extra jab in the side for good luck. “GET UP!” I shouted. 

“Hm? What is it, Moony?” he said, drowsily. “It’s a Saturday! I don’t want to study with you, now let a man get his sleep,” he said, falling asleep once again. 

“Sirius! It’s not _Moony_ , it’s LILY EVANS!” I said, hoping to get the message across. 

“Evans?” he asked, lifting his head. “Lily? What’re you doing here?” he said, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. 

“I’m looking for James, we have to patrol tonight. He said he’d be in the Common Room, but he’s not,” I said. It was five minutes after nine. “Where is he?” I asked him. 

He yawned. “Dunno.” There was a pause. “Well, goodnight!” he said, thumping back down onto his bed. 

“What!” I said, slapping his back. “You have to help me find him!” I said. 

“WHY?!” he whined. 

“Because you’re his best mate and I need to know where he is!” I replied. 

“Fine,” grumbled Sirius. He got up from his bed and started rummaging through his trunk. Apparently not finding what he was looking for, he started rummaging through the clothes on the floor. 

“Now, where are those robes I wore—ah, here it is,” he said, turning his back to me. 

“What is it?” I asked, curious about what he was holding. 

“Nah-ah-ah, Evans. Marauder secret,” he said, winking. 

I scowled and sat down on his bed. “Fine,” I said. “Well, go on, find him,” I said, annoyed. 

I heard a whole bunch of whispering, then a loud yell (that sounded a lot like James), Sirius shushing and more whispering. I think I heard my name thrown in there a bit as well. Then, Sirius put whatever it was in the pocket of his robes. 

“All set,” he said. “He’ll be there soon. Now can I go back to bed?” he asked me, looking at his bed longingly. 

I rolled my eyes and got up. “Thanks,” I said, leaving the room. But, I didn’t think he heard me because I heard the loud, obnoxious snores that belonged to Sirius Black. 

Chuckling slightly, I went down the stairs, praying to Merlin that no one would see me. 

I guess Merlin heard my prayers because no on paid attention to the redheaded girl leaving the boys’ staircase. As I sat down in one of the armchairs casually, I waited about ten seconds until the portrait door flung open and in ran a panting James, stuffing something into his pocket.

“Damn it, Lily,” he said, gasping for breath and coming towards me. “I’m so sorry, I got so caught up and I lost track of time.” He bent over, then changed his mind and sat down on the floor. “Just give me a minute to breathe.” 

I waited patiently as he took deep breaths sitting on the floor. I was smiling slightly at him.

The portrait opened again and I looked up. It took me a couple of seconds to register who was actually walking through the door because they weren’t supposed to be here. At least in my opinion. 

“Emily?” I asked, out of my shock. 

She and James both looked up at my voice. I didn’t know if it was the lighting in the Common Room, but she almost looked normal. There was still something about her dark blue eyes though that told me something still wasn’t right. 

“Surprised to see me, Lily?” she asked, walking towards James and I. 

James stood up from the floor. He seemed very uncomfortable and tense when she passed by him a little too closely.

“W-weren’t you in the Hospital Wing?” I asked her, finding my inner Gryffindor courage to confront her. 

“Madam Pomfrey claimed she could do nothing,” she said shrugging. Her tone almost suggested we were friends. “So, here I am,” she said, giving me an evil smile. 

James coughed. “Well, shouldn’t we be going, Lily?” he said to me, sensing that there was something wrong. “We’re already,” he looked at his watch, “ten minutes late.” 

I glanced back at Emily, who was still giving me that warning smile, and nodded. I got up from my seat, unnerved, and walked over to the portrait hole with James. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

The first few minutes of our patrol were silent. Neither of us said a word, not wanting to be the first one to talk. I had so many questions about the Marauders that I knew he would never answer and had so many problems to just let off my chest. 

“What is it with Emily?” asked James, suddenly. 

“W-what?” I asked, a bit shocked from the break in silence. 

“What’s her problem anyways?” he asked, his voice raising. 

“I—”

“I mean, why does she hate you so much? What did you ever do to her?” he asked, sounding absolutely murderous. 

“James—”

“There really is no reason for her to be so hostile, you didn’t do anything wrong, did you?”

“Well, actually—”

“No, you didn’t. I know you didn’t.” 

I sighed. I gave up trying to interrupt; I figured he had to say everything he had to say.

I waited and waited, but he said nothing else. “Are you done?” I asked him cautiously. 

He nodded. “It just doesn’t seem fair,” he said. 

I shrugged. “Nothing can be done about that,” I answered. 

“What happened between the two of you?” he asked. I could hear the curiosity in his voice, yet a small hesitation. I understood why though; the last time this subject came up, it was kind of embarrassing on my part and, er, humbling, let’s put it, on his. 

“Well…” I started. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, eyes focused on his feet. “We used to be friends,” I said. 

“I knew that,” he said, making it sound like the most obvious thing. “How did it end?” he asked me, looking up. 

I gulped. It was now or never. “Okay, first things first. You must wait until I’m finished talking until saying or thinking anything, understood?” I asked him. It would be so much easier if he agreed.

He hesitated, but nodded. “Okay, go,” he said. 

“All right,” I said nervously. This conversation was like a train heading for a broken track. “Um, well, Emily has always fancied you,” I started, assuming it was the easiest route to take. “While I, to put it lightly, didn’t.” I said grimacing. 

James laughed. “You don’t need to sugar-coat it, Lily,” he said. 

“Hey, I’m talking here,” I said, reminding him of our agreement. He immediately stopped laughing. “Right. And you remember that day in fifth year, after our Defence O.W.L?” I asked him, grimacing again as memories flooded back. 

He laughed again. “How could I forget?” he asked me. 

I put a finger to my lips. “Well, that night, I guess my yelling at you had pushed her off the edge and she started hanging out with FM—er, Felicity and Megan.” I was getting too used to talking to myself in my head. EFM was only to be used in inner head talk. If someone found out that I talked to myself in my head, er, I probably would be made fun of or sent to St. Mungo’s. But, it wasn’t like I had conversations with myself, right? You’re totally right, Lily.

Oh, damn.

“So that’s what you meant by me getting in between you two,” mumbled James. 

“Yes, but not in the way you would first think,” I said, making sure that he didn’t get the wrong idea, like me fancying him or anything. Because I didn’t. I didn’t fancy him now, either. Just making that clear. 

“Well, that explains a lot,” he said, running a hand through his hair. I knew he was thinking about our first patrol when we had heard EFM talking about us. “But, I can’t help but think there’s something else,” he said. 

I sighed. Was I that easy to read? Basically everyone who knew me knew there was _something else_. And there was always _something else_ with everything. That generally meant that I had to tell them because I simply couldn’t keep my mouth shut when someone knew there was _something else_. If that made any sense what so ever. UGH. Lily, just shut up.

“Lily?”

“She was jealous of me,” I said, deciding again, that there was no time like the present. “She hated that I was smart. And…” I hesitated. Would James appreciate being reminded of his school-boy crush and his, er, rejection? I wouldn’t. It was a bit of a touchy subject.

“And…?” he asked, looking at me. 

“Nothing, nothing else,” I answered, shaking my head. “She was just jealous, that’s all. Jealousy drove her,” I said, repeating her words. 

I was going to end it there, but I realized that I probably sounded a tab bit self centered. “I’m not conceited or anything though, because it sounds conceited, but she told me herself. I’m not assuming anything, I got it from the first source,” I rushed out, clearing my name of all arrogance. 

James laughed. “Calm down, Lily. It’s not that hard to believe really. I mean, who wouldn’t be jealous? You’re _the_ Lily Evans,” he said. 

I had heard that phrase WAY too many times in one lifetime. Being _the_ -BLOODY-Lily Evans meant BLOODY nothing! 

“Would you stop saying that, James?!” I shouted at him. “Who cares if I’m _Lily Evans_?! You’re bloody _James Potter_! Alert _The Prophet_!” I said, throwing my arms up and ready to rip my hair out like a madwoman. I turned around and faced him, stopping us both in the middle of the corridors.

“Whoa, Evans, whoa. Take it easy, I was just saying,” he said, holding his hands out. “I was just saying that you’re Lily Evans,” I was about to go ballistic again when he put a warm hand over my mouth. It wasn’t sweaty. “Let me explain,” I glared at him. “I’ve said this before, and I know you don’t like to hear it,” I rolled my eyes. Then, why tell me? “But I’m telling you anyway. Lily Evans is basically the name _to_ envy. Anyone and everyone who’s heard that name knows and expects the best from it. In almost everything you do, you succeed. Well, minus Quidditch,” I scowled. He grinned. His hand was still on my mouth. “I don’t want you getting a big head like mine,” he said, tapping his head with his wand. I smiled against his hand. “But, I’m just saying. You’re Lily Evans, whether you like to hear it or not.”

James slowly took his hand off my mouth and I was still smiling. He turned me around and started walking. 

“It’s not your job to boost my self-esteem, you know,” I said to him, still smiling. 

“Well, I’m not going to tear it down,” he responded. 

We walked in silence, neither awkward, nor tense. Just comfortable. 

“Thanks, James.”

“Anytime, Lily.”

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

James and I walked through the Portrait Hole an hour and a half later. There was no one there and the fire was slowly dying out. James flopped himself onto the couch I slept on last night. He stretched his arms out on either side of it, tilted his head back and yawned. 

“Tired?” I asked him, sitting down next to him. 

“A bit,” he said. 

“But, you went to bed early last night, didn’t you?”

There was no reply. 

“James?” I asked him, looking into his face. 

His eyes were closed and his breathing was slow. I wished I could fall asleep that easily. Damn. 

I moved closer to him to wake him, but I stopped. He looked so peaceful, I couldn’t wake him now. I got an idea. I rushed upstairs (but quietly) and grabbed the blanket sitting on my bed. I rushed back downstairs (still quietly) and put it over him. He snuggled into it and I smiled. I knew it was his. And this way, I would be giving it back to him without the embarrassing conversation that probably would have gone:

_“Er, James. Here’s your blanket back.”_

_“How did you know it was mine?”_

_“Uhh, gut instinct?”_

_“Er, what?”_

_“Um. Nothing. I-am-just-a-crazy-lunatic-who-might-also-be-psychic-and-could-possibly-run-Freedman-out-of-her-job-because-she’s-getting-too-old-anyways—”_

_“Er, what?”_

I shook my head to rid my mind of that terrifying conversation that I would make sure never took place as long as Petunia was a Muggle. 

I looked back at James’ face that was like a baby sleeping. Except he wasn’t cute like a baby, more like handso— 

Oh my God. Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod. Did I just—? No. No, I did not. 

I looked around the room, looking anywhere but his face. I could just FEEL the redness in my cheeks. Not finding any other place to look, I quickly ran up the stairs. I wasn’t sure if it was quietly or not.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I couldn’t look at James the next morning. It was too embarrassing. I mean, you didn’t think of your friends that way, you just didn’t, it wasn’t nor—

“Lily!” 

I turned around. That voice couldn’t have been James’ because he had already gone ahead of me to breakfast and this voice was coming from behind so it had to be…

“Edward! Hey!” I said, shocked. 

“I’ll catch up with you later, Lily,” whispered Hailey, slipping out of sight. 

“Hey!” he said, running up to me. He swooped in and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. It shocked me a bit that he did that, but I guess he could now since he was my boyfriend. “I tried saying hi yesterday, but you were hauling that Lupin around. I mean, doesn’t he have friends to do that? Nasty sight he was, wasn’t he?” asked Edward, clearly happy. 

I got angry. What gave him a right to insult my friends right in front of me. “Remus is my friend,” I said, giving him a good glare. Boyfriends are not supposed to insult your friends. His friends are my friends, my friends are his. Rule #1 in my book. 

Edward was shocked at my look. “O-of course. I meant nothing by it. Just saying that a lady like you shouldn’t be doing things that we guys should be doing,” he said, flashing a grin. 

My eyebrows shot right up. _A lady like you shouldn’t be doing things that we guys should be doing?_ What the HELL was that supposed to mean?! 

“A lady like _me?!_ You _guys_?!” Respect for women. Rule #2. (Sounds a bit feminist, but d’you know what? Women can handle themselves, thank you very much.)

“Yeah, you know. Girls do the cooking, guys do the labour,” he said, beaming at me. 

Deep breath, Lily, just BREATHE. Count to ten before doing anything rash. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. And ten. Breathe. Don’t-knock-out-your-boyfriend’s-blinding-teeth-for-being-so-incredibly-incredibly-thick. Breathe. 

“Lily? Are you all right?” asked Edward, putting a hand on my shoulder. 

“Do you know what, Edward?” I asked him, not exactly using the friendliest voice. “I need some time alone for a second. I’ll see you later, yeah?” I said, walking away. 

“Did I say something wrong?”

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

**Lily, what has the paper ever done to you? –James**

I looked down at the paper I was angrily scribbling notes on to find it ripped in several places. Already irked, I wrote back to him.

_Not in the mood, James. –Lily_

**Why, what happened?**

_Nothing._

**Well, clearly something did happen because the paper is paying dearly for it.**

_James, just—UGH. Leave me alone._

I really wasn’t in the mood to have a conversation with someone. Especially NOT James. I mean, this was my first fight, I guess you could call it, with Edward and I really didn’t want to be sharing it with James, of all people. If I was going to share with someone, it would be Hailey. I didn’t need a bloke to talk to about how stupid blokes were. 

**Come on, Lily. Just tell me and I promise you I will.**

_I don’t want to talk about it._

**Yes. Yes, you do.**

_No, I really don’t._

**Was it Edward?**

How the HELL did he know? AHH. I am going to rip something apart. Oh, look. Paper. 

**Lily…?**

_Why do blokes have to be so INCREDIBLY THICK?!_

Way to not talk about it, Lily. Geez. 

**Ah, the wonders of the male gender. We are quite under-developed, aren’t we?**

_Not under, maybe too much that you think that you’re better than females!_

I couldn’t stop, it was like my hand had a brain of its own. I didn’t _want_ to tell him, but I couldn’t help it. My hand just wouldn’t listen.

**Did he say that? Well that’s not acceptable, is it?**

I controlled myself. Other people weren’t allowed to be included in this. It was our first fight, so it was entirely our own business. No one else. Except, I wasn’t sure if Edward knew we were in a fight or not. So, maybe I was the only one who knew.

_No, he didn’t say that. We’re not talking about this._

**You’re right, we’re not. We’re writing about this.**

_Witty, James._

**I try. Now, what was it about the stupid male race?**

_You’re just insufferable. That’s it._

**…I’m insufferable specifically, or all males in general?**

_Oh, just shut up. Vector just asked you a question._

“I’m not sure, Professor,” said James, looking up at Vector.

“Very well. I suggest you pay attention, Potter. Henley, then?” said Vector, barely even changing his face expression. 

_Do you always get away with not paying attention?_

**I’m expected to. I’m a Marauder.**

_Well, that explains everything. Is that the answer of how you knew my sour mood was because of Edward too then?_

**So, I was right. It was because of Edward.**

Oh, DAMN! I wasn’t supposed to say that. Well, I couldn’t take it back now, so…

_What? No, what I meant was—_

**It’s okay, Lily. Everyone has problems. And I didn’t know because I’m a Marauder, I was just guessing. And maybe because he’s been staring at you for the whole class. But that might have been because he’s your boyfriend…you know.**

_What?! You better not be lying, James Potter._

**Why would I lie, Lily?**

_I don’t know._

**I wouldn’t lie to you, Lily. I’m telling the truth.**

_Okay, okay. I believe you._

**Right. Just as long as you trust me.**

He sounded like it was a life and death situation. I mean, why would he care if I trusted him or not? I obviously did, but why the sudden need for confirmation?

_I do. Why are you so worried?_

**I’m not. Don’t look now, but he’s looking again.**

_What?!_

**Lily! I said don’t look now!**

_Sorry! I couldn’t help it._

**Well help it because he’s doing it again.**

_Ohmygod!_

**Oh, I give up. You’re hopeless.**

_He’s my boyfriend, James! What do you expect me to do?!_

**Answer the question Vector just asked you.**

What?! WHAT?! Panic, panic, panic!

“Miss Evans?”

How did I get out of this? Vector didn’t like me as much as Slughorn did so suggesting a pass wouldn’t necessarily work. What did I did?! James was giving me a thumbs up sign and I had NO idea what he intended I did. Give Vector a thumbs up? Oh, yeah, because that would work well, James. Thanks a lot.

“I-I’m not sure, Professor.”

“Well, is the whole class just asleep today? I’m disappointed. ‘I’m not sure’ is not going to work on the N.E.W.Ts! Let’s see if Grady can answer?”

It worked! It worked! I thought that only worked on Marauders, but apparently not! 

**Well done, Evans. Nicely done indeed.**

_You shouldn’t be encouraging me!_

Even though it was a pretty fine move. But, you didn’t hear it from me. So, my mind is saying, ‘Thank you, James. It was nicely done indeed.’ While my other logical, Head Girl mind which was currently stuffed it a dumpster was scolding me.

**Well, why not? I’m a—**

_I know, I know. A Marauder. I’ve only heard it, let’s see, 28587203984 times._

**Bit of an overstatement, but I guess it’s close enough. Oh, before I forget, thanks for my blanket back. How’d you know it was mine?**

Uh oh. Here came the uncomfortable conversation, but Petunia was still as Muggle as can be. 

_Um, no problem. I kind of just guessed it was yours…_

**But what if it wasn’t? You were just going to give away a stranger’s blanket like that?**

_I hadn’t really thought about it like that…_

**Then why’d you give it back?**

_Because I just knew it was yours! And I was right, so what does it matter!_

**Okay, okay! I was just saying thanks…calm down.**

Okay, that wasn’t as uncomfortable or awkward as I expected. But it still was a little. 

_Is he still staring?_

**Is this why you keep me around, Lily? To be your watch-guard?**

_No! You’re my friend, therefore you have to help me! Is he looking?!_

**Nah, not right now.**

“RRRRIIINNNNNGGGGGG!”

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Hey, Lily! Wait up!” I turned around to see a familiar bob of blonde coming towards me. 

I cleared my throat and continued walking. I still wasn’t sure if he was aware we were in a fight, because I was the only one currently mad. He probably didn’t even know he did something wrong. 

“Lily! Didn’t you hear me calling?” he said, catching up with me. 

“No, sorry. I didn’t. Excuse me, I have to use the loo,” I said, walking away. 

He grabbed my arm, forcefully. “Are you mad at me?” he asked, looking angry himself. 

“Maybe I am. Or, maybe I just really need to go to the lavatory. What’re you going to do?” I asked him, glaring. 

“You haven’t even told me why. What did I do wrong?” he asked, softening his look and letting go. 

I almost felt sorry for him at that moment. I mean, he couldn’t help it if he was an insufferable prick. But like I said, I _almost_ felt sorry for him. 

“You’re going to have to figure this out on your own,” I said, walking into the lavatory right across the hall. 

In the bathroom, I heard footsteps and Edward’s voice some way off. 

“Potter! Hey, Potter!” he shouted. 

“What do you want, Wilkes?” asked James, sounding a bit…angry?

“Whoa, what is it with everyone?” asked Edward, returning the sentiment. “Listen, I saw you passing notes or whatever with Lily. Do you know what’s wrong with her?” 

See, times like these, Edward was normal. He was a normal human being who thought of others like he thought himself. Just when he was around me, he just seemed, different. Or maybe I was just imagining things.

“There’s nothing wrong with her, it’s you. I don’t know what you did, Wilkes, but whatever it was, it got her pretty angry. So, whatever it was, I would apologize fast. And watch it,” said James, lowering his voice and walking away. 

I felt a feeling of thankfulness towards James for defending me like that, but not exactly giving anything away. Not like he knew much to give away or anything, but whatever.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Hailey and I were walking down to Herbology when I started to just feel really cold. I was shivering even though it was probably the warmest day in October. I had a slight headache and my throat was aching. 

“Lily, are you all right? You don’t look so good,” said Hailey from my side. 

“I’m fine,” I replied. Her statement sounded familiar to me, but I had been the one asking it.

“Are you sure?” she asked. 

I nodded, trying to minimize the volume a bit. 

She looked at me worryingly as we entered the greenhouse. We sat down in our spots and I just put my head on the desk and closed my eyes. I heard whispered voices and felt the cold air coming in from the open door. And then I was asleep. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“What happened to her? I mean, she was fine yesterday, wasn’t she?” said a familiar voice from my right. 

“Miss Evans has gotten the flu, Mr. Potter. I assure you that she will be fine, please go to your next class!”

“I’m not leaving until she wakes up,” said another voice that did not belong to James. Was it…Edward?

“I’m sorry, Mr. Wilkes, but I cannot allow that. She will be fine!” she said. “Now go! She needs her rest!” 

“But—”

I groaned. My head was pulsing and I shivered. I pulled the blanket up closer to my face. “Shh, stop yelling,” I croaked from my bed. 

“Lily!” screamed Edward. Well, I wasn’t sure if he was screaming or not, but I couldn’t really tell with my headache. 

“Shh,” I said again, wincing in pain. 

I heard laughing in the background and recognized it immediately. “Are you sure she’s not hung over?” he whispered. 

“Shut up, James,” I managed to say through my pain, my eyes still closed. 

He laughed again and I heard him walking away. “I’ll come see you and Remus later, Lily. Feel better, all right?” he said, closing the door behind him. 

“Lily? Lily, are you all right?” asked Edward, from my right. He was whispering now, but it still sounded like a ship’s horn inside my head. 

I moaned. “Quiet, please,” I said again. 

“Sorry,” he said again, more quietly. “And…and I’m sorry for whatever else I did to make you angry. I didn’t mean to, I swear. And, if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be like this right now, sick with anger at me. I’m truly, truly sorry,” he said, his voice so low now. 

I turned away from him and managed to open my eyes. He thought I was sick because I was so _angry at him_?! What kind of obnoxious—

“That’s sweet, Mr. Willkes. But, I’m afraid my patient needs rest and not heartfelt apologies. I’m now going to have to ask you to leave now that she’s woken up. Goodbye, you may visit after dinner,” she said, probably physically pushing him out of the room. I heard him protest, but Madam Pomfrey won in the end. 

I had never felt so thankful to Madam Pomfrey in my life. I guess the poor old woman had her plus sides as well. She was a hard working woman who really did care about her patient’s health. I was a bit unkind earlier. 

“Here, Miss Evans, drink this,” she said, handing me a purple potion. Purple being my favourite colour, I decided it couldn’t taste that bad, right? I sipped it and spit it out. 

“EUGH! What is this?!” I shouted, forgetting about my headache, which I was so subtly reminded of when my words started vibrating against my skull. 

“It’s for your recovery, Miss Evans, now I suggest you drink it up unless you _want_ to be lying in my hospital bed for the next few weeks,” she said, walking away. “Goodnight, Miss Evans.”

I glared at the potion like it was the source of my discomfort. Holding my nose, I bravely chugged it all down. It was burning my tongue and the taste was still present in my mouth. I didn’t know why people held their noses when they had to eat/drink something terrible because it never really worked anyways. Truth is, if it’s terrible enough that you had to hold your nose in the first place, then it’s probably terrible enough that it’ll still taste terrible even if you’re holding your nose. So, the real way to eat/drink something terrible is to suck it up, Princess, and swallow the damn thing. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I woke up five hours later to the sound of moaning. I opened my eyes and saw myself beside Remus’ bed. He was sleeping calmly, looking a lot better than before. I looked around again and saw that four other beds were occupied. I searched their faces and saw that they were James, Hailey, Sirius and Peter. 

“What’re you guys doing here?!” I asked James, the closest one to me. Weren’t Remus and I supposed to be the sick ones? What were they doing in the beds?

“SHH!” said James, on the bed next to me. 

I stifled a laugh. I knew what that was like. “Sorry,” I whispered. “When you said you’d come by later, I didn’t know you’d be staying,” I said, not able to keep a laugh in. 

“Oh, har, har,” he said sarcastically. “It seems that we’ve all got whatever you’ve got,” said James, wincing in pain. 

I felt a bit guilty, but couldn’t help but feel a little happy as well. At least I wasn’t sick all by my self, right?

Madam Pomfrey came hustling out of her office where she kept her potions. She had five of them in her hands, purple and bubbling. She handed one each to Peter, Sirius, James and Hailey. Then she walked over to Remus and woke him up carefully. 

“So, you know what’s wrong with Remus, then?” I asked her, seeing the potion in her hands. Everyone perked up. 

“Yes, he has the same thing you lot have. Only, Lupin here has got it worse because of—”

James and Sirius both started coughing violently and sent a look at Madam Pomfrey. She seemed to understand what they were signalling and changed her sentence immediately. “—his weak immune system,” she sighed. “He can’t even handle a simple wizard’s flu,” she said, giving him his potion. 

“Now, you lot better get some rest,” she said, looking at us. Nobody moved. “Now!” she yelled. We all hustled under out sheets and pretended to sleep, although no one really wanted too. When she was gone, I sat up on my bed and started laughing. James started laughing too, but no one else really knew why. Hailey and Sirius were staring at us strangely, and Peter had taken Madam Pomfrey’s order seriously and was already asleep. 

I didn’t really understand why I found this situation so funny, I just did. And James did too, apparently. I remembered thinking something about the five of us being in our deathbeds because of Pomfrey if she continued to run us out of the Hospital Wing. I mean, we weren’t necessarily in our deathbeds, and it wasn’t necessarily Pomfrey’s fault, but we were still all in the Hospital Wing as patients. I guess as friends, we endured everything together, even the flu.  

**[A/N: I'm updating 2 chapters at once because I kind of forgot to upload chapter 7 when it was done xD so I'm doing both at the same time :) Please REVIEW!]**


	9. A Little Fresh Air

**CHAPTER NINE.**

**A Little Fresh Air**

_“Fresh air makes me throw up. I can't handle it. I'd rather be around three Denobili cigars blowing in my face all night.” –Frank Sinatra_

Two days later, Pomfrey released all of us from the Hospital Wing. Everyone had fully recovered and hadn’t missed much work because it was now Saturday. Edward had visited me every chance he got, apologizing for everything he did, over and over again. I had gotten sick of telling him he was forgiven the first twenty times, so eventually, I resorted to just nodding to every “Sorry!” he threw at me. If this was what our fights were going to be like, I never wanted to fight ever again.

I could always hear Sirius and Remus laughing from the opposite side of the room at me, probably because of the frustrated look I always had on. Hailey sent me sympathetic looks but was usually laughing it up with Padfoot and Moony. Peter just watched Sirius and Remus most of the time. But strangely, whenever Edward came to visit, James was always asleep. 

“Hey, Lily! You’re out! Why didn’t you tell me you were getting out today? I would’ve come and picked you up!” said Edward, walking with me. Everyone else was probably tired of Edward’s endless apologies as much as I was and started walking ahead of us. “You’re not still mad at me, are you?” he asked me, sounding distressed. 

“No, Edward! I told you, I’m not mad anymore!” I said, exasperatedly. What didn’t he understand?! “Are you sure because I’m—”

“Edward, please don’t say you’re sorry,” I said, closing my eyes. “I’m not mad, I promise,” I said, looking into his eyes. “I’m not mad,” I said, more slowly, to make sure he understood. 

“Okay. You’re not mad. All right. That’s good, then,” he said, nodding. 

We both fell silent. Neither of us had anything to say now that that was over. 

“Er, did I miss anything in Arithmancy yesterday?” I asked him, finding nothing else to say. 

“We didn’t have Arithmancy yesterday,” he replied. 

“Oh.”

“You want to go on a walk with me, Lily?” he asked me. 

“Aren’t we walking right now?” I asked him, trying to be witty. 

He didn’t laugh. “I meant outside. You know, by the lake,” he clarified. 

“Oh. Ha. Sure,” I said, silently embarrassed that my attempts went unnoticed. 

We walked in silence to the grounds. I shivered once we were outside because I had forgotten I hadn’t brought a coat and it was now approaching the third week of October. Edward shivered also and brought me closer to him. 

“Cold?” he asked. 

I nodded. Immediately, he took of his jacket and put it on my shoulders. I was grateful for it, even though it was a bit thin. I smiled up at him. “Thanks,” I whispered. I gave him a kiss on the cheek.

 He led us over to the tree that I had spent many countless hours with friends after exams, studying and just hanging out. It was my favourite. I wondered if Edward knew or not. 

“This is my favourite tree,” I said, just to make sure he knew. 

“Really?” he asked looking at me. “I’ve never seen you here before. It was just the first one I saw,” he said, looking away. 

Okay, not really something you wanted to admit to your girlfriend, especially after a fight. But, whatever. I pushed it aside. “So, why’d you want to come out here?” I asked him. 

“Just wanted some privacy,” he said, sitting down against the tree. He sounded a bit sad. 

“Is there something wrong, Edward?” I asked him, joining him on the grass.

He didn’t answer for a moment. 

“You don’t actually fancy me, do you?” he asked, not looking at me and playing with a blade of grass. 

My jaw felt like it was filled with rocks. It dropped to the floor as soon as the words left his mouth. 

“W-WHAT?!” I asked him, standing up. “You don’t think I _like_ you?! Edward, I’m your girlfriend!” I shouted. The leaves fluttered in the wind. 

“That doesn’t mean anything, Lily!” he shouted, now getting up himself. “I’ve tried everything, but you still don’t. I know it. I thought you did, you know, before Hogsmeade, so I asked you out—”

“But I did! I do!” I said, wondering what the hell was going on. 

“I even tried acting like Potter just to—”

“WHAT?!” I roared. “What the HELL are you talking about, Edward?!” I shouted at him, becoming even more bewildered by the moment.

He sighed and sat down again. His head dropped into his hands. 

“Edward, tell what the BLOODY HELL is going on, right now,” I said, controlling my voice. Screaming wasn’t going to get me answers. 

He sighed again. “Look, I know you fancy Potter.”

Brain was exploding. Heart stopped. Eyes were bouncing on the ground. Jaw was no longer part of body. Couldn’t breathe. 

“W-what?” I managed to whisper. 

“I knew it. I was right. Oh my God,” said Edward, grabbing his head and closing his eyes. “I knew you liked him, so I tried acting like him. I copied him. I didn’t know what you found so attracting, his bloody feminising jokes, stupid hair ruffling. It seemed stupid to me, but you obviously fancied him more than me,” he said, after I said nothing.

“You _bloody_ idiot. What the—” Lily, don’t swear. Lily, don’t take out your wand. Lily, keep you’re hands to yourself. Lily, breathe. “Edward, you’ve got to be the stupidest bloke I have ever met,” I muttered under my breath. All those things that Edward had copied, that stupid prat, were traits of the _old_ James. He wasn’t like that anymore and I knew it. Did he not see how much James had grown up?

“Now you’re insulting me? Like this isn’t insult enough,” spat Edward. 

I closed my eyes and forced myself not to Avada him right there. “Edward, I don’t fancy James. I can’t believe you would even _think_ that. How could you?” I asked him, unable to look at his face. 

“Don’t stand there and tell me you don’t, Lily,” he said. “Just, don’t lie to me, all right? This is humiliation enough.”

I sat down, unable to stand up anymore. What went through blokes’ mind was beyond this universe. And they thought women were bad.

“Edward, I don’t know what it’s going to take to get it through to you, but I DO NOT fancy James,” I said quietly. 

“Then why do you prefer to sit with him over me? Why do you spend more time with him than with me? Why do I catch you staring at him all the time? Why is it that whenever I see you together, you’re laughing? Why is it that you finally decided to become his friend this year? Tell me, Lily, because I have no idea why!” he said, standing up and towering over me. 

“Did you listen to what you just said, Edward? You’re being ridiculous!” I said. “Did you ever consider that all those things were what friends did? Did you ever consider that maybe I spent more time with him was because he was in my house? Did you ever consider that maybe James grew up and I decided to give him a second chance?” I said, now standing up. 

He stared me in the face, his eyes mad. Then all of a sudden, his expression changed and he sat on the ground again. 

“I give up, Lily. I give up trying to impress you, to win you over. I give up because I can’t compete with Potter,” he said, looking into the distance. 

“That’s too bad, Edward,” I said quietly, taking off his jacket. “Because you were never competing with James. You impressed me already; you had already won me over because I was already your girlfriend. If you were just yourself, things would probably have been different. I’m sorry that you had to get jealous of James because you were so totally wrong. But now, you lost everything you already had. Goodbye,” I said, dropping his jacket on the floor and walking away. 

I hadn’t noticed it before, but the sky was covered in grey clouds, moving fast. The wind was howling and I could hear the thunder coming. But, I didn’t make any move to get into the castle faster. I wanted to get wet. I wanted to be drenched in rain. I wanted to get sick again and spend my weekend in the Hospital Wing. I wanted to just forget about what happened. I wanted to be one of those stars in the movies who stood in the rain after catching their boyfriends with their best mate. I wanted to be a clichéd nut case who loved standing outside in a thunderstorm. I wanted to stand there and hope that I was just having a bad dream. 

I could smell the rain coming. I could hear it preparing to fall in giant drops. I could see the trees anticipating it. I could taste the moisture in the air. I could feel it coming. 

Changing direction, I turned and headed for the Quidditch Pitch. It was the only place I could think of going at the moment. 

When the rain started coming down, it came down in buckets. It started even before I reached the Pitch, making it hard to walk. Considering my luck, I knew I had chosen the worst storm of the year to break up with my boyfriend. 

I finally made it to the Pitch and walked straight out to the middle of it. I looked out past the castle and saw lightning rip through the sky. The rain was hitting my face painfully, but I was glad for it.

_“Look, I know you fancy Potter.”_

Those words had been rotating around my head ever since he had said them. I still didn’t believe it. How could I fancy James? It was just the most unbelievable thing I had ever heard. I didn’t see how it could be a possibility. I mean, I hated the bloke for six out of the seven years I knew him. We had only been friends for a couple weeks now. He was over me as well, wasn’t he? He hadn’t asked me out since sixth year, so he must have been. I didn’t understand. How could I fancy James?

I started to cry. I couldn’t help it. Everything single thing I was feeling was being released out of me through my tears. 

Not soon after, I realized how ridiculous I was and started laughing. Now, I really was one of the stars in the movies because things like crying in the rain only happened in corny romance novels and badly written movie scripts. All I needed was a man to come sweep me off my feet. 

Never mind, that would just be too much for me. Please, God, don’t send a man to sweep me off my feet. I would probably explode if it was James. Oh, please, please, please don’t send a man. DON’T. PLEASE. I take it back, don’t listen to me, please.

The rain was slowly stopping and I found myself disappointed. If it was going to rain, it might as well have lasted a bit longer. I still needed time to think about everything and I needed the rain to do it. It was the only distraction that wouldn’t remind me of something wrong in my life. 

I found myself on the wet, muddy ground. I had no memory of going to sit down, but that’s where I ended up. The rain had turned into light spitting and I stood up. The ground gave a satisfying _squelch_ from underneath me and I could feel every part of me was soaking. My robes were plastered onto my body and my hair was dripping. My makeup had probably run down to my feet, but I didn’t care. 

“Lily! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” 

I was so scared that the voice might have belonged to James that I didn’t notice the voice was female. I turned around quickly and saw Hailey standing not a far way off from me, giving me a look like I had just told her I was pregnant. (Which I wasn’t.)

I didn’t answer as she ran towards me. “You look a mess! What were you thinking?!” she asked me. 

 “I think I fancy James,” I told her. I didn’t even know where that phrase had come from. I didn’t know I was going to say that until I had. I had no idea when my mind had confirmed it, because I hardly had any time to think about anything. But now that it was out, I couldn’t deny it. I think I always knew it all along, just refused to believe it. It seemed to make sense. 

I thought about everything that happened in the past few days. Everything pointed to fancying James. It was the only thing that fit. All of a sudden finding him handsome, knowing on instinct whose blanket it was, the thought of him making me smile, noticing the specific colour of his eyes, just everything. 

Hailey didn’t say anything. I imagined her expression now matched the one I had when Edward had said it. But now, it didn’t seem so unbelievable to me. Hailey still didn’t say anything, but took my arm and started to drag me. I didn’t know where we were going, but all of a sudden, we were sitting in the Quidditch change room. 

Hailey sat me down on one of the benches and sat across from me. She was surprisingly calm. “Start from the beginning,” she said. 

I took a deep breath and poured everything out to her. I told her about Edward giving me his jacket, kissing him on the cheek, everything that happened, down to every last detail. She remained quiet the whole time, proving to be the best listener. She didn’t interrupt me at all, even when things I said made no sense what so ever. I told her about not being able to believe me ever fancying James, and then it becoming not so unbelievable. 

“I didn’t even know it, but I fancy him,” I told her. 

She nodded and smiled. “You figured it out,” she said. Her smile grew wider. “You figured it out, Lily!” Then, she grabbed my arms and started to dance around the Quidditch change room. I think if there were anymore badly written movie scenes today, I would have to think of a title for my life. Next thing I knew, I would have a band of musicians following me around and creating a soundtrack. 

 “Hailey! Hailey, stop!” I said, yanking my arms from hers. I needed time to think, breathe, blink. I sat down again. “I’m not sure if I should be feeling happy right now,” I said to her, feeling worse after every passing second.

She took her place again in front of me. “Well, why not?” she asked me, confused. 

“Well, for starters, I just broke up with my boyfriend,” I said to her. 

She gave me a strange look. “But, you don’t fancy him,” she said, still confused. 

I stared back at her. “But, I fancied Edward at one point, didn’t I? He has feelings, too, you know,” I said. “Just because I now fancy James, doesn’t mean I—” I stopped talking. I dropped my head into my hands. “Oh, I’m a horrible person, aren’t I?” I moaned. 

“What?!” shouted Hailey. “No, no, Lily! You’re not a horrible person!”

I refused to believe her. I was and I knew it. “But, I had a boyfriend who I liked, then I started to like someone else! I even told him I didn’t like him! What kind of person does that?! I’ve only been dating him for a week!” I shouted, grabbing at my hair. 

Hailey gave me a look. “Then, would you rather stretch out your relationship longer and torture the poor man when you fancy another bloke? Wouldn’t that be more of a terrible person? Trust me, Lil, you did the right thing,” she said, smiling at me. 

“But, I didn’t break up with him because of James. Hell, I didn’t even know I fancied James until Edward came along,” I argued. 

“Lily,” she said, putting her hand on mine. “Who’re you trying to kid, me or you?” she asked me. 

“I’m not trying to kid anyone!” I said. I stood up and started pacing while Hailey watched me. 

“But, even you said it, Lily. You broke up with him because he was acting like someone he wasn’t, just to impress you. That’s what you told me,” she said. 

“I don’t even know why I broke up with him!” I said, frustrated, confused, annoyed, and fifty other emotions all at once. 

“Do you regret it, Lily?” she asked me quietly. 

“No,” I said immediately, because I didn’t. “I’m just confused about the actual reason behind it,” I said. 

“You know what, Lily?” Hailey asked me after a while. 

“What?” I asked her, uninterested. 

“I think you need comfort food. Screw thinking it through, it’s just exhausting. You’ll deal with it when it comes because you’re good at that anyways. Come on, I can hear that sundae just calling,” she said, dragging me off the bench. 

I groaned, but smiled at the same time. I could hear that sundae calling as well. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

After eating pounds of ice cream, fudge and whatever fatty goodness those house elves put in those sundaes, I went upstairs to take a shower and change my clothes. The hot water was so welcome after sitting in wet robes for a good amount of time. It was also another opportunity to think about what happened even though Hailey had forbidden me not to. She couldn’t control what went on in my head; if she could, we’d all be in big trouble. 

After getting the smell of rain off of me, I changed into my most comfortable clothes. A pair of worn out sweatpants and a huge sweater. I had probably gotten a cold after the rain escapade and I was freezing. Now, I was thinking it wasn’t such a good idea. 

I got out my homework and decided to do something productive on my weekend of disasters. Might as well just get it done early and have free time, right? 

The dorm was empty right now for which I was grateful. It was dinner, but I had no appetite. Those sundaes were a killer. I had no idea how Hailey could possibly eat any more. 

Apparently I spoke too soon as the door opened. I looked up and my heart beat faster in fright. Emily walked in, looking normal but with those same dark blue eyes. When she saw me, she gave me a wicked smile. She walked into the bathroom and I took my chance to get the hell out of there. 

I took my bag and work downstairs to the Common Room. There were only a couple of fourth years, probably refusing to eat because they thought they were fat or something. But, I knew they’re stomachs were probably grumbling an earthquake. 

I sat down in my favourite armchair by the fire. I could feel myself getting sick. It was getting a little harder to breathe through my nose and I could feel the familiar aching in my throat. I had no idea what I was thinking wanting to spend my weekend sick. Especially after just spending three days in the Hospital Wing. URG.

I got out my Transfiguration textbook, parchment, quill, ink. I had to write notes on the work I had missed and I figured I should get that out of the way. I curled up on the armchair and started reading. My fingers immediately started playing with my quill, a distraction. My eyes tore away from the book and started following the direction of my quill. Back and forth, moving through my fingers. It was quite hypnotising actually. I was so immersed in my quill spinning that I didn’t notice footsteps behind me. 

“Why aren’t you at dinner, Lily?” asked a voice from behind me. 

I didn’t look up. I knew who it was already. My back stiffened and I felt goosebumps rise all over my arms. I really didn’t want to be here right now, but I had no choice. I couldn’t get up and leave because he’d probably think that was rude. Plus, where would I go? I couldn’t exactly go back to the dorm because of Emily and I wasn’t leaving Gryffindor Tower dressed like this. So, I cleared my throat and tried acting normal. 

“I was eating sundaes with Hailey. Not hungry anymore,” I replied, still not looking at him as he sat down on the armchair next to mine. 

“Sundaes?” he asked. “Any reason why, or did you just feel like eating them?”

Oh, damn. What did Hailey know about me dealing with things when they came at me? I was horrible at it.

“Well, she figured I needed comfort food,” I told him, my eyes still on my quill that was no longer moving. 

“Comfort food? For what?” he asked me. 

I was surprised he knew what comfort food was and what it was used for. Wasn’t that supposed to be a chick thing?

“Edward and I broke up,” I said, the words popping into my mouth before I could think about it. 

I could see James’ relaxed form change as soon as I said it. 

“Why?” he asked me, voice still neutral. 

“Because of y—er, that it, it wasn’t working,” I said, catching myself at the last second. I couldn’t let my tongue slip right now. My newly found revelation was depending on it. 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said to me, truly sounding sorry. 

I shrugged. “It’s no big deal,” I said, even though it totally was. Not the breaking up part, but the part that came afterwards.

“You sure?” he asked. 

I nodded, still averting my eyes from his face. 

“Look me in the eye and say it,” he said. 

I panicked. If I didn’t look him in the eye, he would know I was lying. If I did, he would still know I was lying. 

I hesitantly looked up. I saw his jaw line, his mouth, his nose and finally his wonderfully hazel eyes. I felt a warmth flood through me, but I noticed from the corner of my eye, the fire was only burnt wood and sparks. 

“It’s no big deal,” I found myself saying. I didn’t look away. I could feel him searching my eyes to see if I was telling him the truth. 

Okay, I needed a title. The Life and Lies of Lily Evans? Green-Eyed Red Head? Head Girl, Not as Easy as It Sounds? Something else equally corny and unacceptable?

I finally tore my eyes away. It was getting unbearable. I couldn’t look into his eyes for any longer or I would probably explode. There was just something about them that made it impossible to look away. Like finding your Christmas present hidden in your parents’ closet in November. It just couldn’t be helped. 

I cleared my throat and looked at my textbook. I pretended to read it, but nothing was registering in my head. I didn’t even know what it was about. After five minutes of pretending to read, I shut my book noisily and startled James. 

“Sorry,” I said quietly. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied. 

All of a sudden, it felt awkward. It wasn’t comfortable like it was during the patrols. I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible, only I had no where to go. 

“So, why aren’t you at dinner?” I asked him, trying to break the tension. 

He cleared his throat. “I think it’s the aftermath of the flu. I’m just not hungry,” he said, looking into the dying fire. 

I nodded, but in the middle of my nod. I gave out a loud sneeze. I was sick. 

“Are you sick again, Lily?” asked James, with a disbelieving laugh. 

I rolled my eyes. “I think I am. I kind of got caught up in the storm,” I said, altering my story a bit. 

His eyebrows shot up. “Why were you outside in the first place? Didn’t you see the clouds?” he asked me. 

“Erm, well. Edward wanted to take a walk,” I said uncomfortably. 

James seemed to understand what that meant and everything got awkward again. “Oh, sorry,” he said, wincing. 

I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it,” I said smiling, repeating his words.

The portrait hole opened and I turned my head to see who it was. I heard them before I saw them; Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail and Hailey. (She didn’t really have a nickname…)

“Hey!” said Hailey when she saw us sitting there. 

I smiled. “Hey, how was dinner?” I asked her, not really wanting to know.

“Wonderful as always. You missed it, Lily, there was Shepherd’s Pie!” she said. 

Ah, Shepherd’s Pie. Probably the most heavenly food ever made. Especially Hogwarts Shepherd’s Pie. It was one of the things I missed the most during summer break. My mouth started watering. 

“Too bad,” I said. 

“So, you broke up with Edward, then?” asked Sirius, thumping onto a couch. 

I was surprised and I looked at Hailey. She had picked up a pillow and was now smacking Sirius in the head with it. 

“You inconsiderate jerk!” she yelled. She turned to me. “Sorry, Lily,” she said wincing, then returned to attacking Sirius with a pillow. 

I started to laugh. The scene in front of me was just too funny. I was supposed to be upset and everything because I broke up with my boyfriend, but actually I was upset and everything because I fancied another bloke. And now, my best friend was pummelling the other bloke’s best friend for being an inconsiderate jerk. While the other bloke’s other best friends watched uninterested like they saw this everyday. And the other bloke was sitting there, not really doing anything; eyes focused somewhere else, probably lost in his mind, like I usually got lost in mine. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I decided to write my mother because I haven’t written her in such a long time. I should have written when Edward asked me out, but I forgot. I know, I know, what a horrible daughter, right? But, everything just seemed to happen all at once and I got distracted. 

I was up in my dorm and Emily wasn’t there, so I was good. Plus, Hailey was with me, so she couldn’t really do anything anyways.

_Dearest Mum,_

_I know I haven’t written in a while, I’m really, really sorry. So much has been happening and I got a little carried away. So, I’m going to fill you in. You should sit down if you aren’t because this is going to take a while… Oh and don’t show this to Daddy, or anyone else for that matter, please, or I shall never come home._

_So, a couple of days ago, Monday to be exact, a boy named Edward asked me to be his girlfriend. I know, who would want to date Lily Evans? But, I liked him so I agreed._

_Oh, wait. I have to go back. You remember James Potter, don’t you, Mum? The one I was always complaining about, Head Boy? If you don’t remember, please look back to all the letters I have sent you for the last six years and I guarantee that you will find his name SOMEWHERE. Anyways, so this James Potter happens to be one of my best mates now, isn’t that strange?! I don’t know how it happened, but he must have grown up and I must have lost my mind for a couple of minutes. But, the past is past and I’m glad it happened._

_Back to Edward…_

The letter went on and on about what happened the last few weeks, outlining everything. I told her about getting sick, about patrols, about Emily, about my movie life, everything. After four feet of parchment, I finally got to the Edward break-up. I knew she’d be shocked at that part. And then, half a foot later, I got to James. 

I could always tell my mum everything. I told her about all my school crushes in my letters because I knew she would never tell my dad. She was like Hailey in a way, easy to talk to and a good listener. Of course, here I was writing and she was reading, but it was basically the same thing. 

_And now, I don’t know what to do. I fancy James and I don’t know if he fancies me. He’s one of my best friends, Mum. You’re not SUPPOSED to fancy your best mate. It never works out in real life. In the movies sure, but not my life._

_That’s basically all that’s happened for the past few weeks. I know I should have told you sooner, but I hardly had time to think._

_Tell Daddy I said hi, that I love him, and I’ll send him a really long letter really soon. Tell Petunia, well, you can make something up because you know I don’t know what to say. Hope everything’s well with_ _Vernon_ _._

_Love and miss you! Eagerly and somewhat impatiently awaiting your letter and your love,_

_Lily_

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I woke up early the next morning. No one was awake yet since it was a Sunday morning. I got dressed and grabbed the thick letter. 

The Owlery was chilly. I pulled my sweater closer and sneezed. I was definitely sick and I probably had to start carrying tissues around. 

“Tuney!” I called, looking for my owl. Tuney had been Petunia’s childhood nick name, and I know, why would I ever name my owl after my sister who I didn’t even communicate with anymore? Well, when I was the tender age of eleven, I looked up to my sister, believe it or not. She was mad at me when I had gotten the owl, so I decided to name it after her. But, years later, she started resenting me more and more. Turned out that naming my owl after her was a mistake. But, I still loved good ol’ Tuney. 

“Tuney, where are you?” I asked, holding out my arm. I heard the flapping of wings and saw the familiar shape of my small brown owl flying to me. 

“Hey, Tuney, how you been?” I asked her. “Sorry I haven’t seen you in a while,” I said. She nipped my finger as I tied the letter to her leg. “Take this straight to Mum, not anyone else. If someone else tries to take this letter, make sure to nip them until Mum comes home, understood? And wait there until she done writing a response,” I asked her. It was amazing how well she understood me. She hooted which I took as a yes. “Okay, off you go, have a good flight,” I said, as she took off. 

I watched as Tuney disappeared into the morning. The sun was rising up and it felt great just to watch it coming up. Deciding it would look better from outside, I hurriedly left and made my way to the Entrance Hall. It was cold, but it was refreshing. I liked this kind of weather, but it probably wasn’t the best idea considering I was sick. I went back to the tree from yesterday and sat down. 

The leaves were orange. Just looking at these leaves could have changed my favourite colour to orange. Hogwarts always looked the prettiest in the fall. I sat there for a couple more minutes before deciding that it was cold. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I went back to the dormitory to find Hailey and Jennifer getting dressed in their Quidditch robes. Hailey’s eyes were partly closed and her hair was tangled around her face. She could have been sleepwalking.

“Practice again?” I asked her, sitting down on my bed.

She made a sort of groan noise which I took as a yes. Eyes still closed, she tied her hair back. “I am going to kill him when we win that game,” mumbled Hailey, getting her broomstick.

Jennifer was already ready, looking as awake as I was. “I’ll see you there, Hailey,” she said, going to the door. “See you later, Lily,” she said to me. 

I smiled back and looked back at Hailey. She had fallen asleep on her bed. I looked at the clock; 7:03. It wasn’t even that early. 

“Hailey, come on, Capt’n James will kill you before the game, never mind after,” I told her, dragging her off her bed. 

“Uhhhhhh,” she said, standing up and rubbing her eyes. “Are you coming?” she asked me sleepily. 

James was the Captain of Gryffindor Quidditch Team. That meant that he was going to be at the practice and I was going to be watching them. The thought of seeing James made my heart beat faster and my face heat up. It made me flustered and unaware of what I was doing. Oh, Merlin. I had it BAD. 

“Yeah, I’ll come,” I said, answering her question and grabbing my jacket. “I don’t think you’d make it there if I didn’t,” I added. She was probably too tired to really understand that I was going because of him. Because I did want to see him. Really bad. 

I ended up pulling Hailey halfway there until I refused to go any further unless she went herself. I pinched her side and she woke up and started walking for herself. 

“Geez, Hailey, it’s not even that early,” I told her, massaging my aching arms. 

“I couldn’t sleep last night because you were up writing that bloody letter!” she growled. 

“Oh, come on, Hailey, it wasn’t that late,” I said, rolling my eyes. 

“Well it is if you’re getting up at the crack of dawn every bloody morning. I mean, just because _he_ can, doesn’t mean I can. I’m not a bloody rooster for Merlin’s sake!” she said. I was usually the non-morning person, but today, it seemed like the roles were switched. 

I didn’t say anything else on the way to the Quidditch Pitch because I figured she’d start complaining about turkeys or something. Also, because I was too nervous, anxious, whatever you want to call it. My stomach was queasy and my heart was beating unnaturally fast. 

I saw the red and gold uniforms out on the Pitch. A couple were already flying around, but I noticed a specific person was not.

“Rodgers, you’re late!” he said as we approached. 

Hailey made a noise and muttered something about stupid Captains under her breath.

He looked at me. “What’re you doing here, Lily?” 

“Wanted some air and decided to watch your practice, is that okay?” I asked him, hoping he would let me. 

“Sure, why not? Okay, team—”

“Hey, why does your girlfriend get to watch and my girlfriend doesn’t?” asked a sixth year boy named Gareth Grand. 

My heart stopped then went into overdrive. Did everybody think that there was something between the two of us or what?

James seemed to not know what to say for a second, but then regained his composure. “Because your girlfriend’s in Ravenclaw and I don’t want our secrets flying out. And Lily’s not my girlfriend,” he said, just to clear things up.

Something fell inside of me. I found myself kind of liking the idea of being James’ girlfriend. After only one day of actually knowing I fancied him, I hadn’t really gotten a chance to think of what it would be like to _date_ him. 

“Well, how do you know she’s not going to spill our plays?” asked Grand, pulling me out of my daydream. 

I noticed Sirius was there for the first time as he smacked him on the head. The rest of the players groaned.

“Do you not recognize her, you prat? She’s a Gryffindor,” replied Hailey, sounding like an old mother extremely annoyed with her son.

Gareth Grand scowled and glared at Hailey and James. I smirked to myself and went up to the stands. I was starting to not like this Gareth Grand and I got the impression that neither did the team. 

I watched as James said a couple words and the whole team took off. It was quite impressive seeing the red and gold fly around the Pitch at once. There were balls flying around everywhere. Hailey and Sirius were hitting the bludgers back and forth, one right after another. Gareth Grand was keeper on the team, while James, Jennifer and a little fifth year named Nikki Kenneth played chasers. Then, barely visible, flying faster than light was little Jonah Freigh, Gryffindor team’s seeker. Just by their practice, I had a good feeling they were going to win. With a team like ours, it couldn’t go any other way. 

I sat in the stands for an hour, watching them play Quidditch. Surprisingly, I didn’t get bored like I thought I would. Hailey and Sirius would drop by and have a little conversation until James would call them to over. There was a little tugging at my chest hoping that James would come and talk to me, but he never did. I was disappointed. I knew that I was turning into a pathetic little frump of a girl. Next thing I knew, I’d be writing in my diary like it was my best friend, hoping that it would write back to me. 

“Good practice, team,” said James as everyone walked into the change rooms. I waved to Hailey signalling that I would be leaving. Who knew how long it would take them to change and shower and whatever else they did? 

As I was walking away, I heard a voice behind me. I turned around. 

“Hey, Lily! Wait up!” said James. 

I think it was the first time I was actually glad to hear those words. It was the first time I actually wanted to wait up. 

“Hey, James,” I said, beaming at him. “How are you?” I asked him as he caught up. 

“Sweaty,” he said. 

“Charming,” I replied, giving him a look. “No shower for you?” I asked. 

“Showers are taken up,” he said. “I don’t really feel like waiting, so I’m going up to Gryffindor tower,” he said. “Maybe even the Prefect bathroom,” he added, thinking about it. 

“Ahh, good choice,” I said, smiling. That was one nice lavatory. 

“So, how’d you like that practice?” he asked. “Boring, isn’t it?” he said, laughing. 

“Surprisingly not,” I replied. “But, that Gareth Grand sure is a character,” I said, my pulse quickening. 

He gave a short laugh. “He’s definitely well known, that one,” he said. “ALWAYS has to get his word in. Not always a good thing. Annoying prat,” he said the last part under his breath. 

“Why have him on the team, then?” I asked him, puzzled as to why you would want someone like that around you all the time. 

James looked at me like I was mad. “Because he’s good,” he said. Quite obviously. “He may have a big mouth and an annoying girlfriend who clearly likes me—”

“What?!” I shouted. “How on earth do you know that?” I asked him, feeling something growing inside. 

He winced. “Didn’t mean to say that one out loud…”

“James…” I said, rolling my eyes. 

“I’m not lying, Lily. I swear. Every single bloody time I see her, she walks too close, blinks too much, blushes like a tomato. Blokes may be stupid, but not THAT stupid. Except maybe Grand, he doesn’t see a thing,” he said, ranting on and on. “But he’s a damn good keeper and I can’t punish him for that, he’s essential,” he added on.

I shook my head. He was truly unbelievable. But, what if I started acting like whoever this girl was what if he read the signs and found out? Oh, damn, damn, damn, damn.

A girl with big black curls and dark eyes walked by us. I noticed she was wearing Ravenclaw colours. She started swinging her hips more and smiled at James. James coughed uncomfortably and I felt a hand on my back. My eyes opened wide as James pushed me along the corridors. I looked back and her mouth was hanging open, just standing there, watching us leave.

“Sorry about that, Lily,” he said, removing his hand. 

“That was her?” I asked him. He nodded. 

“Nightmare, isn’t she?” he said, shivering. 

“She’s pretty,” I found myself saying. I felt myself growing angry and hostile. I wanted that girl to take her long black hair and her dark eyes and leave James alone. She could go and screw—Wait. Was this…jealousy? 

I was mentally knocking my head against a table. I was hopeless. Pathetic. I needed to lock myself up in a cupboard. I didn’t even know the poor girl’s name.

“What?” asked James, stopping in the halls. His expression was unreadable. 

“N-nothing,” I said. I couldn’t let James know I was jealous, that was just unacceptable. I couldn’t have him know that I fancied him, not yet. Maybe even never. Maybe this was just a little faze that every girl went through, mine was just coming a little later.

“Are you all right, Lily?” he asked me, looking into my face and putting a hand on my shoulder. 

I closed my eyes. I couldn’t look into his eyes right now, not now. I couldn’t handle it. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said. “Not used to so much fresh air, it makes me a little crazy,” I said, laughing nervously. That was partly true at least. 

“Okay, if you say so,” he said, taking his hand away. “Just don’t faint on me or anything,” he said, glancing sideways at me as we started walking again. 

“I won’t, don’t worry,” I said as we passed by the Prefect bathroom. “Hey, aren’t you going to go shower?” I asked him, pointing to the door next to Boris the Bewildered. 

“I think I’ll walk you up first,” he said, smiling. “If you don’t mind,” he added. 

One of my eyebrows rose and I smiled. “What a gentleman,” I said. 

Right at that moment, someone came out of the Prefect bathroom. I turned around and my breath caught short. 

“H-hello, Edward,” I said. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. This was not good. 

I saw Edward’s face fall at the sight that befell his eyes. “Potter,” he said nodding to him. He just looked at me and walked off. 

I was hurt and shocked, but I couldn’t blame the bloke. I mean, I did break up with him. And not to mention that I was with James, who he accused me of liking. This didn’t look good at all. 

“Well,” said James, soon after Edward was gone. “That was pleasant,” he said with no emotion in his voice. I looked up at him and he looked upset. 

“Come on,” I said. “Let’s go.”

The look on Edward’s face was haunting me. He looked so disappointed and hurt. I mean, I’m not one to be conceited, but I think I humiliated him just now. I told him he wasn’t supposed to be jealous of James because I didn’t fancy him, but that was a downright lie. I had just proved him right. 

James and I no longer said anything as we walked to Gryffindor Tower. We passed by and a corridor and an image of Professor Dumbledore appeared in my mind. I then noticed this was the corridor we had the conversation about my problems. 

_“Miss Evans, sometimes you need the help of others to figure things out on your own.”_

It was Edward’s help I needed. I needed his help to figure it out. So, now, I had used him and dumped him. What kind of person was I? 

I must have had a distressed look on my face because it grabbed James’ attention. 

“Lily, are you okay? I can get Sirius to beat that arse up for you,” he said, holding my shoulder. 

I laughed, but tears started to pool up in my eyes. “No, James. It’s not him. Sirius will do no such thing,” I said, trying to blink the tears away. 

“How ‘bout a prank then, Lily? Marauder style,” he said. 

I shook my head. “Don’t, James. It’s really not him. I’m the one that broke it off,” I said to him. 

Oops. That slipped out. 

James stood up straight. He looked around and found what he was looking for. He grabbed my arm and dragged me into an empty classroom. He locked it and sat me down at a desk. 

“Are you regretting it, Lily?” he asked me, concerned. 

I shook my head and sniffled. Damn cold. 

“Then what is it?” he asked, curious. 

I closed my eyes let a few tears leak out. But I quickly wiped them away because I’ve been crying too much in front of James. He was probably getting sick of it. 

“I can’t tell you, James,” I said, quietly. 

He seemed shocked, but backed off. “Okay,” he said. I couldn’t look up at him; I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop if I did. 

He unlocked the door and I followed him out. “You can manage getting back to Gryffindor Tower, right?” He was leaving me? Now? “I really need to shower, I can start to smell myself,” he said. 

I nodded, not really seeing any other choice. He nodded too and turned the opposite way. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Hailey was already back by the time I returned. She was finishing homework or something and surprisingly, no one else was in the dormitory. 

I had done a lot of thinking on the way. Mostly it was about fancying James. The whole idea was wrong. It couldn’t happen, I wasn’t allowed. At least not now. The look on Edward’s face was just something that I couldn’t digest. I had told him I didn’t fancy James. But how could I deny it any longer? All my actions pointed to it. I would be surprised if James didn’t know by now, he read GG’s girlfriend’s actions pretty well. 

I thought about all I had done to Edward. He was a nice bloke, a tab bit thick for a Ravenclaw, but he really did nothing wrong. I didn’t like him like I liked James, no way, but there was still a spot for him. I wasn’t about ready to just forget about him and move on with James. First, because Edward had feelings too. He was a human being like James and I and I was pretty sure he wouldn’t appreciate me prancing around with James. So, until Edward was over me, I could not like James. 

“Lily Evans, what thick-headed scheme are you cooking up in that mind of yours?” asked Hailey from her Charms textbook.

I groaned. “I hate blokes. I hate them all and wish that they would all just leave me the hell alone.”

“What is Edward doing now? Just drop him out of your life, Lily. It’s better that way,” she said, almost predicting what I was going to say.

I groaned again. “It’s so hard, Hailey. I can’t just drop him out, even if I don’t fancy him. I mean, I _told_ him I didn’t fancy James. Now, look what I’ve done! I’ve trapped myself!” I said to her. 

Hailey closed her book. “Look at it from a different perspective, Lil. You saved him more hurt by doing it this way.” I looked at her sceptically. “Lemme explain. Edward and you are dating, you start fancying James, but you don’t know it yet. Edward catches on, he’s hurt. You deny it, you break up with him. You are now free to like whoever you want,” she finished. 

_Surprisingly_ , I didn’t feel much better. “Explain to me why this is helping?” Merlin’s socks, I should just go visit my friend the Giant Squid in the lake. I’m sure he’d like that. Maybe I should just start dating him too, because then I’d be officially able to date James. 

“You didn’t let me finish,” she said. “Now picture it this way, Lily. It starts the same up until Edward catches on, he’s hurt. You confirm it, you break up with him. He now feels cheated. You and James start doing your thing while Edward is heartbroken. I’ve said this before, Lily. The first way was better.”

I contemplated it, but it still didn’t make that much sense. Either way seemed bad to me. UGH, this confused me even more. 

“I don’t think I should fancy James,” I said, feeling like I had lost something I couldn’t replace. 

“Okay, Lily. That was the stupidest thing you have ever said in your life. Take it back right now,” she said to me. 

“I can’t take it back. You didn’t see Edward’s face, Hailey. He was so…disappointed. Hurt. And that was because of me,” I told her. 

“Lily, look at me,” she was now standing up and holding my face. “You have to pick one because you can’t have both. Are you going to pick Edward, the Witless Wonder? Or, James, the Sex God of Your Dreams?” she asked me. 

I rolled my eyes at her names. Witless Wonder? Sex God of my Dreams? Interesting, I didn’t know I had a Sex God in my dreams. Apparently, I do, and his name was James. 

Before I had a chance to say anything, there was a tapping at the window. I looked over and saw Tuney flapping her little wings at the glass. I hurried over to open it. I quickly untied the letter and threw her a treat. “Thanks,” I said as she flew to her cage that I kept in my room. 

“Who’s it from?” asked Hailey. 

“My mum,” I answered, looking at the neat handwriting on the front. 

_Lily love,_

_I’m proud of you for surviving! I couldn’t have done it myself. But, I do have a question. This James Potter, he can’t possibly be the one who pulled all the tricks on you, Honey? The one that asked you out a dozen times a week? That one, Lily? Oh, my. Well, I applaud you for befriending him, Hun. Good on you._

_Lily, I can’t make your decision for you. I can’t tell you what to do because love is not to be meddled with by mothers. I know that whoever you choose will be the right one. But, Honey, make sure you follow what your feelings want, not your mind. You always were the intelligent one, Flower, but this time, it won’t help you. It will just confuse you more, trust me on this one._

_Honey, people move on. Don’t worry about the past, because it’s already gone. And do something for yourself for once, love. Edward will get over it. Move on. I know that you pick them well, you won’t disappoint. But, whatever you do, Lily, make sure it’s what you really want. What you feel is right. It’s the only way._

_Love, you said your life was turning out like a movie, didn’t you? Maybe it’d end like one too…_

_Your father sends his love and kisses, he’s waiting for your letter soon, dear. Petunia says hello and hopes you’re having fun. Just between you and me, I think_ _Vernon_ _’s on the verge of proposing, but I couldn’t be sure._

_I know you can do this, Lily. I love and miss you,_

_Mum_

_P.S. I think that James Potter is a very fetching name, don’t you, Hun?_

I smiled. I loved my mother to pieces. She always had the best advice that I could easily understand. I’m sure Hailey’s was just as valuable if only I knew how to interpret it. 

“So, what’d she say?” asked Hailey, eagerly. 

“She likes James and thinks I should pick him over Edward,” I told her. 

“She _said_ that?” asked Hailey, amazed. 

“Not directly,” I said, handing her the letter. “But see that little note down at the bottom? That’s what she’s hinting at,” I told her. 

“ _Fetching name?_ How does that translate into ‘Pick James over Edward, love,’?” 

I shrugged. “It’s my mother,” I said as an explanation. 

“Your mother’s brilliant,” said Hailey, looking down at the letter. “So that’s settled then,” she said, smiling. 

I sighed. “It can’t be that easy,” I replied. 

Hailey rolled her eyes. “Yes, Lily, it really can. You’re just so used to everything being complicated that you’re making it complicated. Just relax and take the easy way out this time.”

“That’s not true,” I argued. 

“Lily…”

“Okay, fine,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I just need time to think,” I told her, getting up to leave.

“Lily, thinking is bad for you…” she started, but I had closed the door. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I went outside because it was the only place I could think of going. I brought my mother’s letter with me and kept reading it over and over. _But, Honey, make sure you follow what your feelings want, not your mind._ I didn’t know which one was which. _Honey, people move on. Don’t worry about the past, because it’s already gone._ That was hard to do, it was only yesterday. _But, whatever you do, Lily, make sure it’s what you really want. What you feel is right._ I didn’t know what was right! AHH. 

“Lily? What are you doing here?” 

**[A/N: I don't know why I always write this because no one seems to do it anyways...but, please, please, please REVIEW. Thanks...]**


	10. Just a Stupid Crush

**CHAPTER TEN.**

**Just a Stupid Crush**

_“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7_

“Lily? Hello? What are you doing here?” he repeated again. 

“I could ask you the same thing,” I said. 

He looked down to the ground by my feet. There was a piece of parchment fluttering lightly to the ground. I looked at my hand and noticed my letter was no longer there. He grabbed it before I could even react.

“Hey, what’s this?” he asked, holding it up to his face. 

I ran at him. “No, Sirius, no! You can’t read that!” I jumped, reaching my arms up to get it. My humiliation was just fingertips away.

“ _Lily love,_ ” he started to read. “ _I’m proud of you for surviving! I couldn’t have done it myself…_ ”

“NO! Sirius, give it back!” I said, still jumping like a damn kangaroo on a pogo stick. 

“ _Love is not meant to be meddled with by mothers? James Potter is a fetching name?_ Lily, what the hell is this?” he asked me, still holding the paper high over his head. 

I gave up. There went my secret. And my dignity. Was there a deep hole here somewhere? Preferably six feet deep or deeper? Or maybe I really should just visit old Squidy soon, he must be getting very lonely. 

I sat down and dropped my head in my hands. I started rocking back and forth. “This is just a bad dream, Lily. You can wake up, come on, just wake up,” I started muttering under my breath.

Someone was shaking me. YES! It really was just a nightmare! 

“Lily! Lily…” I looked up, expecting to find Hailey. Instead, I found Sirius’ grey eyes looking back at me with a piece of parchment in his hand. 

I groaned and just went back to my rocking. 

“Lily, tell me what’s going on right now,” he said, shaking the letter in my face. 

I looked up. I could see those words haunting me. _And do something for yourself for once, love. It’s the only way. I know that you pick them well, you won’t disappoint. Love, you said your life was turning out like a movie, didn’t you? I know you can do this, Lily._

I tried to grab the letter from Sirius’ hand, but he was too quick for me. I glared at him and stood up, trying to look intimidating. “Give it back, Sirius,” I said. 

He cocked an eyebrow. “Tell me what’s going on first,” he said, waving the letter again. 

“Why should I?” I asked him. “You’ll just tell everyone anyways,” I whispered. 

“Lily,” he said. “Lily, I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to,” I looked up at him. He looked genuine. “Marauder’s oath,” he said, putting his hand over his heart. 

I contemplated this. He wouldn’t swear anything on the “Marauder” name unless he truly meant it. He sounded honest enough. 

I sighed and sat back down. “Fine,” I told him. 

He sat down too. “Okay, but we have to make some sort of deal,” he said. 

I rolled my eyes. “What kind of deal? You’re getting me to spill all my secrets! Isn’t that enough?” I asked him, anguished.

“But, I can’t be sure. So, when I feel like you’ve said enough, you’ll get this back,” he said, waving around my letter. 

I sighed. “Okay,” I said. “What do you want to know?” I asked. 

“What is this about?” 

“Did you read the whole thing?” I asked him, not really wanting to say anything. 

“Skimmed through. But I know enough.”

“Well then, you know who it’s about.” Saying the names would be hard…

“I’m figuring Wilkes and Prongs,” he said, looking at the letter. 

I rolled my eyes. “Not exactly what I would have called them, but yes,” I said. 

Sirius coughed. “Er, what exactly happened with Wilkes?” he asked me. 

I felt my face getting red and I started playing with the grass. “Well, I broke up with him because he thought I fancied James.”

He paused for a minute. “Do you?” he asked me hesitantly. 

Slowly, I started nodding. 

“Oh,” he said, taking it all in. Somehow, I didn’t think “Oh” was all he wanted to say. This news was too big for just an “Oh”. “So, I’m guessing that was the biggest of news?” he asked.

I nodded again.

“What is this ‘fetching name’ business?” he asked. 

I blushed again and shook my head. Why, oh why, did I have to bring the letter outside? It was too bloody embarrassing to stay anywhere besides inside my trunk. 

“Lily…a deal’s a deal,” he said.

I sighed. “It’s my mother’s way of saying that she,” I gulped. “Thinks James is a good choice,” I said, deciding it best to just let it all out. 

“Wow. Your mum’s brilliant,” he said, amused. 

“It’s not the first time I’ve heard it,” I said, rolling my eyes. 

I suddenly got panicked. “But, Sirius, you can NOT tell!” I said. “You can’t tell anyone, not Remus, not Peter, not Sir Nick, not McGonagall, not your pet snail, and especially NOT James,” I said, poking his chest for every name I said, poking him a little harder at the last name. 

He gulped and rubbed where I had poked him. “But, Lily! Do you know what this could do?! This could change the HISTORY of HOGWARTS!” he exclaimed. 

“Exactly why you can’t say anything!” I countered. 

“Lily, that makes no sense—”

“Sirius, Marauder’s oath!” I said, bringing his hand to his chest to remind him. 

He looked shocked, then sighed. “Fine, I won’t tell anybody. But, Lily, you’re making a—”

“I don’t want to hear it, Padfoot,” I said. 

“But—wait, did you just call me Padfoot?” he asked me, eyebrow cocked. 

I blushed. “Did I? I can’t remember,” I said, even though I did. It kind of just slipped out, really. I didn’t really mean to…

“Whatever. But, just promise me something, Lily,” he said. 

“What?”

“You have to tell him one day, Lily. You have to,” he said, looking more serious than I’d ever seen him. Pardon the pun. That got old in first year. 

“I-I don’t know—”

“You have to, Lily. You don’t know how much you did to him, not liking him in the least. He has to know. He deserves it, Lily. You know he does,” he said, sounding almost sad. 

I looked down at the ground, ashamed. It was true. All those years of me rejecting him, it must have taken a lot out of the bloke. He might not have shown it, but it must have affected him somewhat. 

I nodded. “I’ll tell him, just not now,” I said. I decided that even if he didn’t like me (I shivered inwardly, wishing that wasn’t the case), he did deserve it. Hell, it would be better if he did reject me, so I got a taste of my own medicine. Even thought I cringed at the thought. I deserved it too.

Sirius smiled brightly. “Excellent!”

“But, Sirius, what if he doesn’t fancy me back?” The question slipped out before I could think about it. It had been bouncing around my mind for a while now, but I hadn’t said anything until now. It had been the truth I had been dreading since I figured it out. I mean, he had stopped asking me out, hadn’t he? Tasting my own medicine would be tough.

Sirius looked a bit shocked. “Lily, I can’t tell you that. Marauder oath,” he said, placing his hand back on his chest. “I keep them, I promise,” he said to me. 

I nodded, disappointed. If anyone knew the answer, it’d be Sirius. But, I couldn’t blame him for remaining loyal to his friends. At least I knew he’d keep _my_ secret.

“Can I have my letter back now?” I asked him as we started walking back to the castle. 

“Just one more question,” he said, moving it out of my reach. 

I groaned. “What now?” I asked him, dreading what it’d be. 

“Why were you outside?” he asked. 

Oh, that wasn’t so bad. 

“The castle was getting stuffy. And I needed space to think,” I told him. “Why were _you_ outside?” 

“I was getting some extra practising done,” he said holding up his broom. Funny how I never noticed that until then. 

“Satisfied now? Can I have it back?” I asked, holding my hand open. 

“One more question.”

“That’s what you said last time,” I said, getting extremely sick of this. 

“I promise it’s the last,” he said, taking the letter out of my reach. 

I rolled my eyes. 

“Do I get to tease you?”

“What?” I asked him, thoroughly confused.

He puckered his lips at me as a response. “You want to _snog_ him, you want to _love_ him, you want to _touch_ him, you want to _date_ him—”

Face as red as the devil himself, I lunged at Sirius and tried getting my letter out of his hands. “Give it to me, you prick of a hippo, give it back!” I shouted. 

He was laughing, enjoying my displeasure and embarrassment. He had lifted the letter in the air long before I had thrown myself at him and I was back to hopping. 

“Padfoot? Lily? What the hell is going on here?” asked a voice from behind me. 

I stopped hopping and turned around. 

“Oh, it’s only you, Remus. I thought it was—”

“Moony? What are you doing outside?” 

I gulped down my words. “Why, hullo, Prongs! Moony!” said Sirius, jubilantly. 

“Hi, Padfoot,” said James, strangely, revealing himself from behind Remus. 

I would have been lying to myself if I said he didn’t look wonderful. Because he looked absolutely that. Wonderful. His face was clean of dirt and whatever else after Quidditch practice. His hair was still slightly damp, still messy, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. All it needed was a good little ruffle. 

“What are all of you doing outside?” asked James, reading my mind and ruffling his hair. I think I almost died. I was indeed turning into a swooning third year girl.

“Getting a bit more practice time,” said Sirius, raising his broom. My letter was still in his hand. But, a thought came to me as I saw Remus’ wand hanging out of his pocket. I cursed myself for not thinking of it sooner.

“ _Accio letter!_ ” I whispered, my wand pulled out. Sirius didn’t have enough time to react this time; he was having a much more pleasant conversation with James. 

I grabbed the letter as it flew towards me, Sirius’ eyes following the one thing that gave him the opportunity to ask me whatever he pleased. I tucked it safely into the inner pocket of my robe and grinned at him. He searched through his robes, and I panicked a bit. I had forgotten he could easily just take it back…

“Damn it! I never bring my wand to Quidditch,” he said, muttering under his breath, still searching his robes. 

“What are you doing outside, Lily? Thought it made you crazy?” asked James, smiling slightly. 

I grimaced and blushed. Ha, I did say that, didn’t I? “Oh, you know. Figured I was already mad enough, so, I, um, it couldn’t make it worse, could it?” I said, thinking it up on the spot. 

That seemed to get Sirius to stop searching his robes and Remus to give me a strange look. James laughed. “Got that right. You _are_ mad one, Lily Evans,” he said. 

I gave a weak laugh. It wasn’t really uplifting to know your crush thought you were mad. It made you feel quite stupid actually. 

Sensing something was up, Sirius coughed. “Well, Moony, you have yet to answer the one question we’ve all answered,” he said, changing the subject. 

“I heard someone singing,” I glared at Sirius, he beamed back, “and thought I’d see who it was,” he finished, giving Sirius and I a strange look. 

Sirius smiled innocently. “Well, now that that’s settled, why don’t we all go back into the castle. I’m quite hungry, it’s around lunch now, I think?” he said, moving us all along. 

I found myself beside James and I subtly saw Sirius wink at me. I blushed and glared at him. He was doing this on purpose. But, Merlin’s socks, he smelled so good; it was making my mind spin. And it wasn’t an overpowering smell, like those fourth year boys who sprayed bottles and bottles of cologne on every morning so you could smell them before you saw them; it was a nice smell, and you could only smell it if you were standing very close to him. Which I was. 

“I was just thinking,” said Sirius. Remus smirked but didn’t say anything mean. “And I realized, Prongs, that you have quite a _fetching_ name, don’t you think so, Moony?” he said, throwing an arm around James, the other around Remus. 

Oh, I was going to _murder_ him. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Okay, so, I was starting to regret telling Sirius anything. I mean, I was pretty sure he wouldn’t say anything to anyone, but he had been dropping _subtle_ clues ever since. It was now Monday. And I knew Remus was getting suspicious. 

Example #1:

_“Padfoot, can you pass the salt?”_

_“Why don’t you ask Lily, she’s right there,” Sirius would say, winking._

_“Er, all right. Lily, can you pass the salt?” he would ask me, giving strange looks around the table._

_I would pass the salt to him, glaring at Sirius. Of course, glaring would undoubtedly indicate something was going on, but it was what I had to manage with before I got around to killing him._

_Sirius would beam at us as Remus would give him strange looks._

Example #2:

_James would move to the table where he and Sirius normally sat during Potions, only to find it occupied by Hailey. Hailey would be just as confused as James would be, but he’d go to the next available spot; next to me._

_Remus would raise his eyebrows at me, then turn around just in time to stop Peter from blowing up their cauldron._

There were plenty more but I was just too exhausted to think about them right now. This had to stop or James would know my secret and if he was ever going to find out, I’d rather it’d be me who told him. 

“Sirius, we need to talk,” I said, finding him alone in the Common Room. 

“What is it, Lily? Anymore secrets you would like to tell Auntie Sirius?” he said, grinning. 

 “Look, you’ve got to lay off the hinting,” I said, lowering my voice and narrowing my eyes. “It’s got to stop, okay?”

Sirius pouted. “But, it’s so much fun, Lily,” he said. 

I rolled my eyes. “Sirius, I said I would tell him, just not now. Let me have my chance,” I said. 

“Fine,” he said, sighing. “You aren’t the only one getting sick of it,” he muttered under his breath.

“What?” I asked, eyebrows shooting up. 

“Hmm?” he asked, acting like he hadn’t said anything. 

“What did you just say?” I asked him, growing even more suspicious. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Lily,” he said, far too innocently. 

“Sirius…” I said, growing extremely frustrated. 

“What? I didn’t say anything!” he said, getting up.

“Fine,” I said, angrily and getting up after him. “Just stop hinting, okay?” I said, frustrated as hell and almost yelling now. 

James was suddenly behind me, a look of disappointment on his face. “Stop hinting what, exactly?” he said in a low voice that sent shivers down my spine. 

I coughed. No one said anything for a moment. 

“Hinting what I wanted for Christmas,” said Sirius, matter-of-factly. 

James’ eyebrows knitted together. “And what would that be, Padfoot?” he asked, somehow sounding unconvinced despite Sirius’ convincing mask of a face. 

Sirius didn’t say anything at once. He seemed panicked; like he didn’t know what to tell him. 

I frantically searched my mind; trying to find an appropriate thing that Sirius would want. Let’s see, he was reckless, stupid and a boy. 

“A motorbike,” I blurted before I had time to think how this gift was inappropriate. Sirius probably didn’t even know what a motorcycle _was_. Damn it. 

“A motor-what?” asked James, one eyebrow raised. 

“You know, James,” said Sirius, excited, putting his hands in front of him like he was gripping the handle bars. “Vroom, vroom. Motorbike,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing. 

I could just picture him on it right now, his face pulled up in a reckless grin, wearing a bad-ass leather jacket. It just suited him. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the image. It was so Sirius. 

“A flying motorbike,” I said again, not thinking. It just fit along with Sirius’ personality. Flying + Motorbike = Sirius. Not to mention it was so much more dangerous therefore more appealing to him. 

Sirius eyes lit up like a child being rewarded with chocolate. “A flying motorbike,” he said to James, nodding his head fiercely. He reminded me of an overly happy dog. 

James was stunned into silence. His eyes were wide open, contemplating whether or not Sirius and I were lying to him. I couldn’t face him or he’d know in an instant. I was already regretting saying anything; a flying motorbike? Come on, Lily. That was ridiculous. It’d never convince him. 

James’ eyebrows furrowed again. He tapped his chin thoughtfully. “A flying motorbike, huh?” Sirius nodded enthusiastically. I scolded myself; I had planted a seed of desire in his mind. _Grrreeaaattt._

“What do you think, Prongs? Wouldn’t it be great? You could see everything from up there. Imagine the roar of the engine, the wind in your hair. Amazing,” he said, eyes going blurry from his vivid daydream. Again, if Sirius was found crashed into the tree somewhere, I had no one to blame but myself. 

“Hmm,” he said, hand still under his chin, eyebrows still furrowed. He looked down at the ground. “Hmm,” he said, a smile gracing his features. I felt my heart speed up. Oh, man. “What exactly is a motorbike, Lily?” he asked, suddenly confused. 

“What?!” asked Sirius, horror striking his face. “You don’t know what a motorbike is, Prongs?!” 

“Well, no,” he said, somewhat embarrassed. 

I laughed lightly. “That’s all right, James. You were born and raised as a wizard. You aren’t expected to know,” I said, finding his embarrassment extremely adorable. “I’m curious though, Sirius,” I said, turning to him. “How exactly do _you_ know about motorbikes? Weren’t you born and raised as a wizard, like James?” I asked him. 

Instantly, his eyes turned dark. “No, not quite like James, Lily,” he said, malice present in his voice. I could tell this was a touchy subject. I knew it was wrong to pry, but my curiosity deepened. 

I looked over at James, wondering what his expression might have been. I knew he must have already known what this was about, being Sirius’ best friend for seven years. 

His wonderful face looked angry and sad. He looked over at Sirius in sympathy and sat down on an armchair. 

“You see, Lily,” he started. The expression in his eyes frightened me. “My family’s not exactly what you would call, open-minded, I guess you could say,” he said, eyes focused downward. I took a seat, intrigued. 

“They don’t really like anything _not_ pure-blood,” he said, angry. “You’ve had the pleasure of meeting my dearest younger brother, Regulus,” he said, almost spitting the name. 

Somehow, I wasn’t shocked. The way Sirius was so —how would you say it— open-minded, I guess, about everything and everybody. The striking difference between him and his brother wasn’t exactly a secret. But, I hadn’t known the full story until now, I guess. 

“My whole family’s been in Slytherin since the first Black. Well, with the exception of me of course,” he said, throwing me a smile. There was a hint of pride and smugness in his expression. “I liked that I was different. I liked rebelling from my parents and my heritage. 

“One summer, I couldn’t stand being in the same house as my family, being near all their talk about pure-bloods. I still don’t. So, almost every day, I spent my time in the nearest Muggle village, eager to learn everything about them. They really liked that,” he said, smiling without humour. “And there was this motorbike,” he said, his expression changing, eyes now nostalgic. “It was beautiful. Sleek, black, fast. Just _beautiful,_ ” he said, sighing. 

With this story, he made it sound like the ridiculous Christmas wish I had come up with was true. 

“How come you never told me about this motorbike before, Padfoot?” asked James. 

Sirius shrugged. “I forgot until now,” he said, truthfully. He smiled. “So, are _you_ going to get me a motorbike, Prongs?” he asked, enthusiasm back in his voice, like we hadn’t just had a terrible conversation about his family. 

James ran his hand through his hair. Every time he did that, it made my fingers itch. Not necessarily in a bad way, like I wanted to hit him or anything; it was more of a desire to touch his hair… 

“Er, one problem, Padfoot,” he said, embarrassment returning. I smiled to myself. “I still don’t know what it is,” he said, scratching his head. 

Sirius barked out a laugh. I noticed that there seemed to be more and more dog features about him. I had a strange urge to pat his head…er, forget I said that. 

“You know what a bicycle is, don’t you Prongs?” he asked him. “Remember Moony was trying to explain it to us…”

The mention of Moony’s nickname triggered something in my brain. It had been something that I had been meaning to ask the Marauders for a long time, I just never got around to it. There was something fishy about their nicknames, not just the curious incidents that all seemed to happen in fifth year. There was a deeper significance to them, a deeper understanding that I did not know. Something happened in fifth year that made them all suddenly acquire nicknames for each other. Something. 

“Lily? Lily…” said a voice I had no trouble recognizing.

“What?” I asked, looking up at his face. His hazel eyes searched mine. 

“What do you think about the flying motorbike?” he asked, amused. He obviously liked Sirius’ idea. 

I scowled. “It’s dangerous and reckless. I personally think it’s the stupidest thing ever. And I don’t want to hear another word about it,” I said, looking at Sirius. I had almost forgotten about the reason I brought this up. To hide what I _really_ wanted him to stop hinting at. 

Sirius looked confused, but recovered. “Aw, come on, Lily. It’s not so bad,” he said. He was probably confused because I had been the one to request the idea in the first place. I cringed. Stupid.

James looked at me. “Why? Doesn’t it seem fun?” he asked, excitement shining in his eyes. 

I rolled my eyes. “Sure, if potentially killing yourself from falling through the sky if fun,” I said, getting up from my seat. “I think you should stick with broomsticks, James,” I told him. The sound of his name sent my heart into overdrive. 

He frowned. “Really, I don’t see the difference between the two,” he said, staring at me with those eyes. 

I lost my composure and regained it again in a second. “Motorbikes, especially flying ones, are not Ministry approved for all I know. Broomsticks, however dangerous they may be, are at least _legal_ ,” I said. 

The blokes smirked at the last word. “That hasn’t stopped us before,” muttered Sirius under his breath, so quietly, I almost didn’t catch it. 

I started to panic, deep inside. Legal. Were they doing something _illegal?_ Something that could get them expelled? I almost started to hyperventilate. 

“What?” I managed to get out, using all my force to stay cool. 

“Just think of it, Lily,” said James, an excited grin replacing the smirk. “If it’s just as dangerous as a broomstick—which they aren’t. Dangerous, I mean—then what’s the difference if it’s Ministry approved or not?” he asked. 

I glared at him. “I’m not having this conversation,” I said, Sirius’ words still fresh in my mind. 

I stalked off, hearing Sirius’ laughter in the background. I still couldn’t believe _I_ was the one who suggested a _flying motorbike_ for Merlin’s sake. And what were they doing that was _illegal?_ UGH. Stupid Marauders. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Lily, just drop it. _Please_ ,” said Hailey’s irritated voice. 

I had been ranting and ranting about the Marauders and their stupid Marauder-ing antics for the past half hour. I thought I had gotten over their thick-headedness, but the word _illegal_ kept drifting non-too-innocently into my head. I didn’t care if they were my friends and I was crushing (very much) on one of them, they were still the stupidest blokes in this world. Well, besides Edward, that is. 

“I can’t, Hailey! I mean, _ILLEGAL!_ ” I repeated for the—er, I’d lost count…

“I heard you the first time, Lily,” she sighed, rubbing her temples. “Just please stop shouting,” she said. 

I sat down stubbornly on my bed and crossed my arms over my chest. I felt like a five year old. “Fine,” I said. “But _illegal?!_ ” I muttered under my breath. I couldn’t let it go. 

“D’you know what, Lily?” said Hailey, suddenly cheerful that I was no longer pacing the room in front of her and making her dizzy. She sprung herself off her bed and started pulling my arms. “Let’s go take a walk around the castle. It’ll help clear your head,” she said, pulling me out the door. 

I groaned, but didn’t object. I had finished my homework already and was incredibly bored. Dinner wasn’t for another hour and it would help to take my mind off things. 

We were walking in silence; Hailey obviously couldn’t take another second of my voice. I didn’t want her to plead with me to stop again, so I didn’t say anything. But, I still hadn’t let it go. Stupid rule-breaking blokes with stupid, confusing nicknames. UGH. 

And their nicknames. All my frustration from towards that subject was all bottled up because I couldn’t rant about _that_ to Hailey. She still didn’t know about Remus and I wasn’t exactly allowed to tell her. And if I didn’t tell her, there would be no reason for her to be suspicious. It was all just a vicious circle of words dancing around me.

“Lily, I can tell by the horrid expression on your face that you’re still thinking about it,” said Hailey. “So, please stop. Just let it go. You know the Marauders wouldn’t do anything stupid,” she said lightly. 

“Do I?” I muttered. “Stupid blokes.” 

Hailey sighed heavily. “Please, please don’t worry about it. You know they’re perfectly capable of handling themselves. They wouldn’t do anything that could put them in serious danger,” she said. 

I seriously doubted that. Thoughts of flying motorbikes came whizzing through my mind…

“I don’t care what you’re thinking, Lily. I know you’re thinking up something that would prove me wrong, but I don’t care. I know they aren’t doing anything stupid,” said Hailey, extremely confident. 

I rolled my eyes, then sighed. I guess I could at least _pretend_ that they weren’t doing anything stupid. Just turn a blind eye. It wasn’t that big a deal, right?

We continued walking, the subject obviously dropped. We were going nowhere in particular, when suddenly, we heard very _inappropriate_ noises. Cough. Cough. _Very_ inappropriate. 

“What is _that_?” asked Hailey, clearly disgusted. 

I winced as it got louder, but continued walking. As Head Girl, I had to at least tell them to get a room or something. Really, it was that wrong. 

“ _Ahem_. Could you two—” I stopped mid-sentence. I had turned the corner leading to where the noises were coming from and my breath stopped coming. There, were the two people I couldn’t possibly have hated more at the moment. 

“Edward?!” I blurted, seeing the familiar bob of blond, pinning someone to a wall. He turned around to look at me and revealed the person he was so forcefully snogging. 

“Emily?!” came Hailey’s surprised tone from beside me. 

I stared into the face of Emily Flounder. She was smiling at me serenely, but there was something else behind it, like she was judging my reaction. There was still something horribly off about her deep-set, dark blue eyes. 

My eyes were probably as big as dinner plates, but I refused to let my mouth drop. As Hailey had said, many weeks ago, it was rude and bugs would fly in. So I kept it shut. 

I gave a tiny cough as I looked into the crazed eyes of Emily and the dropped jaw of Edward, they’re limbs tangled together. “As I was saying,” I said, clearing my throat. “Could you two, er, find somewhere more _private_ ,” I winced, “to do that, please?” Whoo, that was tough. 

Emily seemed like she was expecting something entirely different and the corners of her mouth drooped. Edward now looked pained, like I had done something that he desperately wished I hadn’t. I simply turned around and walked away with Hailey trailing on my heels. 

Once Emily and Edward were out of earshot, Hailey pounced on me. 

“You’re not upset, are you, Lils? Because they’re both motherfu—”

I gave her a sharp look, cutting off her profound language. Really, there was no need. “No, I’m not mad. I could care less actually. Edward is free to, er, make his mark on others now,” I said, wincing slightly. The image disturbed me. 

“But, you’re not upset or anything? I mean, it’s only been a couple days…” she said, uncertainly. 

I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t upset. It surprised me how much I didn’t care. There was no aching in my chest, sadness, guilt, nothing. Just freedom from his grip. “I’m not upset. Besides, now I can fancy James properly without feeling guilty,” I said. My voice sounded happy, but inside, I felt a small emotion of fear. Did I really want to fancy James freely?

This answer seemed to satisfy her and she beamed at me. “So, you’re going to tell him, then?” 

The idea of it sent her into excited skipping, a grin spreading across her face. For me, it made my heart beat uncomfortably fast. It panicked me and I struggled to keep my breathing even. Tell him? NOW? No, no, no, no, no. I couldn’t. 

I shook my head quickly as a panicked look overtook my face. I stared at Hailey and she seemed shocked by my reaction. 

“No?!” she asked me. “Lily, why not?” she asked me.

“I’m not ready yet,” I said, gulping air down. 

“Lily, stop being ridiculous. What is there to be ready for?” she asked me, disappointed. 

Truthfully, I was waiting for it to pass. All these silly emotions would slowly dissipate and I would no longer have this absurd crush. It was just a faze anyways, wasn’t it? Everyone got it eventually; I was just a little late. 

I wondered if I continued to tell myself that, it would actually sound convincing.

“Lily? You blanked on me again,” she said sighing. 

I laughed nervously. “The time will come,” I said. “Maybe it’ll even pass before I even tell him. So, I won’t really have to tell him at all,” I said, talking too fast. 

Hailey seemed horrified. “Lily, that will never happen. I will MAKE SURE you tell him before it passes. Which I doubt it will,” she said, her too high confidence coming back. 

I sighed. I wasn’t going to win this. 

“See, I knew you would believe me,” she said smugly. “You’ll tell him,” she said. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Sirius stopped hinting. I couldn’t help but let my relief flood my face. He sat with James like normal and Hailey sat with me. 

James seemed…odd. He seemed to notice there was a change in Sirius, as well, but he wasn’t as enthusiastic. He almost seemed like he was disappointed Sirius had stopped, but relieved all the same. It was all very confusing, to say the least. 

“Lily, we have patrols tomorrow,” he said to me at lunch. 

I nodded and kept my face normal, although my heart lurched. I thought about the two hours I’d be spending with him _alone_ at _night_ since I figured out that I _fancied_ him. Breathe, breathe, breathe. 

Sirius seemed to notice my small episode and smirked at me from across the table. I glared at him and he grinned back. Stupid wanker. 

And there was that one thing that about the nicknames that was still bothering me. There had to be some kind of double meaning behind it. Moony obviously meant his condition of being a werewolf and not a strange obsession with the moon. And I still highly doubted that they all happened in fifth year. It was too coincidental. 

“Why are you brooding, Lily?” asked James from across me. 

I looked up from my mashed around food into his hazel eyes. I was momentarily too shocked to speak. I really had to get over this crush thing quickly. “I—I’m not brooding,” I said, glowering at him. 

He raised an eyebrow at my expression and stared back. 

Eventually, my angry resolve faded at the concerned look in his warm eyes. I sighed and went back to mashing my food. 

“Lily, what’s bothering you?” he asked again, making my head rise to meet his gaze. 

I stared at his face. There was confusion and worry in his expression. I couldn’t tell him. Not now, at least. But if we were alone, I didn’t know if I could stop myself from letting everything loose. 

I smiled at him weakly. “It’s nothing, really,” I said. He wasn’t convinced. “I’m just not hungry,” I added as an excuse to my plate. 

He still didn’t buy it, but let me be. It was a pathetic excuse, I know, but I couldn’t tell him now. I knew if I was ever going to bring up the nicknames, it couldn’t be around the other Marauders. I knew it wouldn’t work. Their united front would definitely destroy my scepticism, and I couldn’t let that happen because I knew there was something else. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Lily, could you _please_ pay attention when I’m talking to you?” asked Hailey. 

I looked up at her, grimacing an apology. She didn’t seem to be angry, just a little peeved. “Sorry, Hailey,” I said, looking at her. 

“Okay, what’s wrong with you today?” she asked me. “You seem, almost nervous,” she asked me, staring at my quill, moving back and forth through my fingers. 

“Nervous?” I asked her, giving an anxious laugh. “Nah,” I said, denying it. 

She gave me a tired look. “Lily,” she said, fed up.

I sighed. “There’re patrols tonight,” I told her, not able to hold it in any longer. 

She gave me a sympathetic look. “Don’t worry about it, Lily. It’ll be fine,” she insisted. 

I grimaced, not truly believing her. I was still trying to think of ways to bring up the subject of nicknames because it had to be tonight. I didn’t know when I’d be able to ask him again, next week was too far away. And this could end several ways.

Option #1:

After I asked him about the nicknames, he _could_ get defensive and call me rude for prying. Then I would apologize and he would (hopefully…) forgive me. Then, we’d stop talking about it. 

Option #2:

After I asked him about the nicknames, he would deny it and laugh it off. He would defend their stories about the prong-in-the-arse, pad-on-the-foot and worm-as-a-tail. I would ask him about “Moony” and he would say that they decided all of them needed nicknames and the situations just happened to _appear_. 

Option #3:

He would tell me flat out what was going on, with much persuasion on my part. Then he would spill all of their Marauder-ing secrets and I would be disappointed. James would apologize profusely for all his wrong doings and I would (obviously) forgive him. 

Okay, so maybe Option #3 was a bit farfetched, but a girl could hope, couldn’t she? I was sort of preparing to expect Option #2, but I didn’t like it. It was so like the Marauders to keep their secrets amongst themselves, which made sense. But that couldn’t stop me from being curious. And Option #1, it just wasn’t like James. He wouldn’t get defensive of all things that could happen, and I knew that. 

As I trudged down to the Common Room at 8:55, I kept thinking about what I was going to say, but I still had nothing. I couldn’t exactly prance up to him and say, “Say, James. There’s something fishy about your nicknames. Tell me,” because that would simply be rude. And I definitely wasn’t going to go up to him and say, “I don’t believe you got pronged in the arse. Show me.” I just shivered at the thought. Erlack. I was afraid that if I didn’t think of something soon, I’d end up saying that or something else equally embarrassing. I shuddered. 

I sat down on an armchair, eyebrows pulled together in thought. If I wasn’t thinking so hard, I would have noticed the footsteps coming towards me, or the dark shadow forming from behind the chair. 

“Lily, time to go,” he said softly, but it still managed to sprout goose-bumps down my arms. I was disgusted with myself; it was starting to get irritating, this crush business. 

I nodded, recovering from my little fright and stood up. I followed his tall figure to the Portrait, holding it open for me as I passed. I was still too nervous to say thanks, so I gave him a smile. His returning one made my heart flutter. I scowled. 

James chucked. “You always have an upset expression on your face, Lily. Cheer up,” he said, nudging my arm lightly. 

“I have a lot on my mind,” I muttered, peeved at my stupid body reactions. It disgusted me how _girly_ I was acting. Ugh. 

“Like what?” he asked, curiously. 

I sighed and let my face relax a little. “There’s a lot,” I said, warning him. 

“I can take it, Lils,” he said. 

“Please don’t call me ‘Lils’,” I said, making a face. “Too many bad memories,” I said, thinking about ‘Tuney. 

He gave me a look. “Like what?” he asked, curious. 

I glared in front of me. “My sister,” I said. I didn’t give him a chance to answer because the shortened form of my name gave me an idea. “Speaking of nicknames…” I started. 

He gave me a side-long glance. “What about them?” he asked. 

I hesitated. What now? “Er, well you know _your_ nicknames in particular…” I said. I couldn’t even finish my sentences, how pathetic. 

“Yes…?” he asked me.

“There’s something more to them, isn’t there?” I asked him, looking into his curious face. 

The moment of truth. Either Option #1, 2, or 3. 

He laughed. So far, we were heading towards Option #2. I was disappointed and let it show on my face. “You’re a smart one, Lily Evans,” he mumbled under his breath, but not quiet enough that I couldn’t hear it. 

That wasn’t planned. “Pardon?” I asked him, not quite sure if I heard right. 

He looked up at me. “Why would you think that?” he asked me, genuinely curious. 

I hesitated again. Would he turn towards Option #1? I was scared to find out, but my longing to know the secret was too overpowering. 

“Well, I thought of Moony,” I said, judging his expression. It hadn’t changed. “And his _condition_. That’s what his nickname refers to, right?” I asked him. Part of me wanting him to say no, but a bigger part wanted me to be right and to reveal the huge secret the Marauders revolved around. 

To my surprise (again), he sighed. He wasn’t denying it or laughing or spilling his secrets either. Was there an Option #4? 

“Yes,” he said simply. 

I continued to pry. “And yours? Prongs? Did you _really_ get pronged in the arse?” I asked him, not taking my eyes away from his face, afraid I’d miss a fleeting look that would give him away. 

He didn’t respond, but took a long, deep breath. He turned to look at me. “Not exactly,” he said, wincing. “But, Sirius did,” he said, chuckling at the memory. 

My heart beat faster. I blamed it on the excitement on discovering something, refusing to encourage the crush. But if Padfoot got pronged in the arse, wouldn’t that make _him_ Prongs? Oh, whatever. I’d figure it out eventually. 

“And Padfoot? What of that?” I asked him. 

He tapped his chin. “No, it was toilet paper from the men’s lavatory,” he said, laughing again. 

My eyebrows pulled together. “Wormtail?” I asked him. 

“It’s hard to say,” he said, thinking hard. “It’s definitely a possibility, but I couldn’t be sure if it really happened,” he said. He turned to me and smiled a crooked grin. My breath caught. “Satisfied?” he asked me. 

My eyes widened. “Hardly,” I said. If anything, I was MORE curious. I knew there was something else now that I knew the stories behind them were bogus. I was so close, I could smell the sweet smell of victory. It smelled quite good. 

Oh, never mind. That was me standing too close to James. Must stop that. 

“There’s still something else, James,” I said. He didn’t answer. Just kept looking ahead, smiling. “Remus’ has to do with his condition, right? You don’t _all_ have a condition, do you?” I asked him, not able to imagine all four boys having a dangerous, horrid, painful condition. I shuddered at the thought. That would be terrible. A nightmare. 

James laughed. It was a sound that relaxed me out of the fear I was feeling. “I wouldn’t say _condition_ exactly. It’s more of what we _are_ ,” he said, smiling at me, like I’d missed some sort of joke. 

I was probably even more confused than before. That didn’t make any sense. And he wasn’t sticking to the Options. It was all very frustrating. I didn’t like his constant riddle speaking. He must find another way to talk. 

“What you _are?_ What is that supposed to _mean_?” I asked him, frustration evident in my voice. “So you are some kind of fork, then,” I muttered, angry that I wasn’t getting any closer to figuring this out than I had before. 

He laughed louder than before. “I promise you I’m no fork, Lily,” he said, still laughing. “But, I am something. And that, I can guarantee,” he said. I could almost see the shimmer in his eyes, even in the dark.

Well, we weren’t getting anywhere. He was a prong. Whatever that meant. “Are you a royal pain in the arse? _Pronging_ people in their sides with your annoying little self?” I asked him, extremely irritated at the rate I was going on figuring this out. 

He laughed again. “Now, now, Lily. Be nice. I can’t possibly be _that_ bad,” he said, rolling his hazel eyes. (I had managed to stop attaching the word ‘hazel’ when I thought of ‘eyes’ for a while, but it had managed to return. Damn crush.)

I sighed. No, he really wasn’t that bad. He just happened to be here when I was frustrated. “No, you aren’t,” I said. He laughed. “Do Padfoot and Wormtail refer to what Sirius and Peter _are_ , too?” I asked him. 

He nodded, happy. “But, I probably shouldn’t be telling you this,” he said, thoughtful. “Marauder business and all,” he said. Then he shrugged. 

“Well, why are you telling me this?” I asked him. “I thought Marauders didn’t reveal their secrets,” I said, rolling my eyes. It was sounding like they were a gang of Muggle magician. I remembered my eighth birthday when my mother hired a magician at my party and how I thought it was _real_ magic. I’d like to see his face if I could show him what I could do now. 

He shrugged again. “Even if I did tell you this, you still wouldn’t figure it out,” he said, indifferent. 

I suddenly started to panic again. That one little word was bouncing across my head, gaining speed. “It’s not illegal, is it, James?” I whispered. 

James seemed to stiffen. He didn’t answer. 

His silence frightened me. Before, I was angry at the thought of them doing something illegal. Now, it scared me half to death. 

“If it is,” I said, quietly. “Don’t tell me. Just don’t get caught, okay, James? I don’t want you getting expelled or anything,” I finished, panic continuing to grow. 

When he responded, it was just as quiet. “Don’t worry. If we were caught, we wouldn’t get _expelled_ ,” he said. 

The words alone would have been enough to calm me, but the way he said it made me more panicked. It sounded like something _worse_ would happen if they were caught. Like getting expelled was the least of their worries. My mind fabricated the thought of Dementors. I couldn’t help it. I was scared. 

My breathing started to quicken. The thought of James in Azkaban was just too terrifying. I wasn’t sure if it was because of my stupid crush or because the thought of _anybody_ in Azkaban was terrifying. I didn’t want to differentiate between the two, it was too disturbing. 

James seemed to notice the edge of hyperventilation. “Are you all right, Lily?” he asked me, putting a hand on my shoulder. 

I didn’t look at him and nodded. “Just don’t—” I wasn’t quite sure what to say, because now I was almost positive that they were doing something illegal. “Don’t get caught. Or hurt,” I said, quietly. Both ideas were just too much to bear. If anything happened…

He seemed to hesitate a little before pulling me into a bone-crushing hug. Surprisingly, the pressure felt good and I sighed so only I could hear. 

“I probably shouldn’t have told you all that,” he said, the sound of his voice making his chest vibrate. “But, don’t worry, Lily. We’re all safe,” he said in a strained voice. 

I couldn’t help but believe him. Despite his tone of voice, I felt calmed. He let go of me eventually, claiming that we couldn’t stand here for the next hour and a half. I disagreed with him; I definitely could. He was very warm. And comfortable.

URG. He just made it worse. Hugging me was a very, very bad idea for someone who had a crush on him and trying to get rid of it. Very bad. It made me want to fancy him just so I could enjoy his arms around me. Stupid, stupid. 

The patrol seemed to go by too fast for my liking. As much as I wanted to deny it, I was having far too much fun and I didn’t want it to end. I loved spending time with him. Just him. It made me feel happy. It helped me to relax and let my mind sleep for a bit while my feelings took over. It was a relief to have him around. 

We said goodnight and I went up to my dormitory, still smiling. I realized that I liked James far too much for me to not like him. It wasn’t just a faze I was going through, I really did like him. It was what I wanted and not what I thought was logical. Because love wasn’t logical. It was stupid. But who cares? It felt good. 

**[A/N: WOO! Chapter Ten, finally :D so, since I updated, please REVIEW! it would make my day, I promise XD Thank you <3]**


	11. Frustrating Confusion

**CHAPTER ELEVEN.**

**Frustrating Confusion**

_“People need trouble -- a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don't mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy.” –William Faulkner_

I woke up cheerful. Now, that didn’t happen very often—actually, it never did—so I should have been expecting something wrong. But, I was in too much of a good mood to ruin it with my pessimism. 

Brushing my teeth was enjoyable. Combing my haystack of hair was pure happiness. Waking up Hailey for her Quidditch practice was bliss in a box. The loud snores from Emily’s bed didn’t deter my mood. As long as she was happy with Edward, I was happy fancying James. Even thinking about Arithmancy first thing in the morning made me delightful. Because I knew that _he_ would be there. 

“Would you please keep you and your chipper mood away from me?” grumbled Hailey as we walked towards the Quidditch Pitch. 

I was somewhat worried that if she kept this up, her negativity in the mornings would stay, that is, it would turn permanent. I think I liked the happy-morning Hailey better, rather than the grumpy, murderous one. But, I laughed anyway; my mood not easily destroyed by her bad one. “Cheer up, Hailey! It’s a beautiful day!” I exclaimed, looking around at the dark sky, thin, fast moving clouds and felt the cold wind pierce my face. “Perfect,” I sighed, not really thinking about the weather anymore. 

I could hear Hailey’s eyes roll. “I need Grande here. At least I could take my anger out on _someone_ ,” she grumbled again. 

I didn’t answer. I assumed that if I laughed again, she would start whacking me with her broom. And that scared me. 

We finally arrived at the Pitch, Hailey glaring daggers at her Captain. He rolled his eyes and smiled at me. I smiled back, wondering if he noticed my overly cheerful mood as well. 

I knew Sirius had, because he kept trying to catch my eye. I ignored him and went to sit in the stands. James talked to them quickly and they all took off as usual. I watched them fly around until a _whoosh_ -ing sound appeared to my right. I looked over and felt a small gasp escape from my lips. 

“You seem happy this morning,” he said in that voice of his. His hair was windblown, perfect. He was smiling that crooked grin I grew to love, crinkling his hazel eyes. Wonderful. 

“So do you,” I said, after my inspection was done. 

He shrugged carelessly, sitting on his broom like he wasn’t hundreds of feet from the ground. “It’s a nice day,” he said, smiling widely. 

“I think so, too,” I responded, pleased to know he agreed with me because it was, really. If you didn’t mind the wind, dark skies, and the cold, that is. Which I didn’t. Not on a day like this. 

He grinned again and sped off, waving a hand at me as he raced away. I watched his blur race around, his strange happiness giving him more speed, it seemed. He put the Quaffle through the hoops before poor Gareth Grande had time to prepare himself. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Okay, Lily. Spill the beans. Why are you so _happy_?” asked Hailey. 

The clean, fresh air this morning seemed to have cleared her head as it did mine. She seemed less irritated at being up so early this morning, but still apparently irritated at my mood. 

I shrugged and smiled. It was hard keeping a smile off my face. “What’s not to be happy about?” I asked, my voice almost musical. 

She gave me a hard look, then it softened. She sighed dramatically. “Love,” she said, quietly. 

The word scared me. Love? She thought this was why I was happy? Because of love? 

“What?” I asked her, my cheerful mood slightly hesitant. 

She glanced at me. “You’re so obviously in love that you don’t even notice it,” she said, sighing again. She did not smile, completely serious. 

I turned defensive. “Whoa, you’ve got it all wrong,” I said, holding my hands out towards her. “You think I’m _in love?_ ” I said, whispering the words. 

She rolled her eyes at my secretiveness and nodded curtly. “What else could it be?” she asked me. “No one would think that this horrible weather was _perfect_ ,” she hissed at me. 

I rolled my eyes. “That’s not true. James did, too,” I said. 

She didn’t look at me. She simply shook her head. Her lips moved, but I couldn’t hear what she said.

“Really, Lils, don’t deny it. You’re in _love_ with him,” she said, louder so I could hear. 

I laughed. “Impossible, Hailey. I mean, I know things kind of moved quickly with James, like the friendship for example, but _love_? You’re way off,” I said, smiling. 

Another sigh came from her. “Whatever you say, Lily. But I know, you know, we all know, it’s true,” she said, rolling her eyes. 

We remained silent for the rest of the way back. She was still too tired to argue effectively for me to have even a moment of doubt. I sauntered on, keeping the small smile on my face. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

 

My good mood seemed to last all through breakfast, even making me try different foods for once. I know, gasp-worthy. Although, it seemed James was the only one besides me who seemed happy. Hailey was fighting to control her eyelids from falling closed; Sirius was grumpy for some reason or other; Remus was looking a bit pale because of the approaching date and Peter was just Peter. 

If my mood couldn’t get anymore perky, I even went to Arithmancy early. The first one there, could you believe it? Yeah, I know, neither could I. But, apparently it didn’t seem so unbelievable for Hailey. 

“Lily,” she said, looking like she had to control herself. “I’m going to try to say this nicely, but I can’t guarantee anything,” I smiled, which seemed to infuriate her further. “Okay, it was cute in the beginning, but now it’s getting slightly irritating,” she said, her forehead twitching as she said it. “Just tone it down a little, okay? And if you don’t, then at least ask James out while your happy high lasts. Then at least something productive could come out of this over-perky mood,” she said, expression softening. 

I stared at her, horror-stricken. Ask out James? NO WAY. Never. Even if this sugar-high, it seemed, lasted, I didn’t think I was that elated to ask him out. Uh-uh. 

I winced slightly, mood deterring for only a second. “I’m sorry I’m irritating you, Hailey, but I can’t help it. It seems like every single cell of my body is happy. I don’t know why. But, asking him out is something I CANNOT do,” I said. 

She sighed. “I was afraid of that. But you have to do something, sometime,” she said.

I shook my head vigorously. “No, not yet,” I said stubbornly. 

Her eyebrows pulled together. She was obviously frustrated with me, but it wasn’t my fault she was impatient. I said it would happen soon enough, didn’t I?

“Fine,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ll just have to take matters into my own hands,” she muttered. “And maybe Sirius’.”

Realistically, I should have been panicked by her plans. She said she would take matters into her own hands (and maybe Sirius’) and who knew what that would lead to? Ultimately, I think it would somehow involve some sort of clichéd plan to get us together; which I would NOT agree to. If this was going to happen (don’t stress on the when, because I would start hyperventilating…), then it was going to happen my way. No outside interference because that was just…not what I wanted. This was just James and I, not Hailey and Sirius and Remus and Peter. I knew that friends were important, but important enough to set us up in an extremely embarrassing and unnecessary way? I didn’t think so. As my mother so wisely put it, mothers should not meddle with love (which this wasn’t, it was just a little crush…) and neither should friends. And that’s the way it was going to be. 

“You seem quiet now, Lily. You’re not panicking about what I said,” she said, monitoring my face suspiciously. 

I smiled and nodded back. 

“Why?” she asked, extremely curious and eyebrows furrowing. “Aren’t you going to throw a fit or something?” she asked me, teasing. 

I laughed; something she wasn’t expecting. I shook my head. “I’m in too much of a good mood to take your words to heart,” I said, laughing again at her irritated face. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

The strange high seemed to dwindle down after classes were over. And it was a good thing to because I was afraid Hailey or Sirius would put some kind of poison in my pumpkin juice or stuff a beetle down my robes to take out their frustration. To be fair, if I wasn’t so happy, I would have been angry myself. Usually, overly peppy people bugged me. I mean, what could they _possibly_ be so happy about?

Oops. I guess I was kind of an overly peppy person today…

“Finally,” sighed Sirius at the silence in the Common Room. The Marauders plus two were lounging around the fire, finishing homework and what not. I was watching Hailey and Remus duel it out in an entrancing game of Wizard’s chess, therefore shutting me up for the time being.

I glared at him, not entirely giving up on the idea of snuffing him out. “Shut up, Sirius,” I said. 

He laughed. “I guess now comes the negativity, right?” he said, still chuckling. 

I rolled my eyes and didn’t answer him. Turning away from him, my eyes glanced at James, slouched in a chair. He had his Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook open on his lap, but his eyes weren’t moving. It was like he was just staring at it; much like I was staring at him. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and I heard Sirius chuckle. I ignored it. 

I turned back at to the chess game, but it no longer seemed intriguing as it once did. Now, I was more interested in watching him.

_No, no, no!_ my head argued. WHAT was I thinking?! Interesting in watching him?! Eugh, I sounding like a creepy stalker girl obsessed with her crush. Erlack. That was disturbing. I mean, I accepted that I fancied him a little, but _watching him_?! 

This was getting out of hand. I started fidgeting. The sudden urge to just glance at him was so overwhelming that it took all my power to keep my eyes focused on the chess game. But now, I couldn’t see the chess pieces moving or hear Hailey and Remus’ friendly banter on who would win. All my energy and mind was focused on that one face. 

I stood up abruptly, almost knocking down the chess board. The miniature chess pieces yelled at me angrily, calling me names and such, but I really wasn’t paying attention. I could feel his eyes on my back and felt the heat rise to my cheeks. “I’m going on a walk,” I announced, deciding that I needed to get out of this room. Right now. I couldn’t trust my eyes to obey my wishes instead of theirs. 

I walked briskly to the Portrait, trying to get out of the room as fast as possible. I’m sure I caused a small scene amongst my friends, but really, who cared. 

There wasn’t much noise in the corridors of the castle, being a Thursday night. Most of the students were in their Common Rooms or heading there or something like that. It was welcome, the silence. Time to think. 

I sat down against the cold wall on the stone floor. The portraits on the wall were some of the things that took me by surprise once I entered the world of magic. Well, besides the fact that there actually _was_ a world of magic, that is. I felt extremely lucky that I could be a part of it. I wouldn’t—couldn’t—give it up for anything. 

I watched the portraits move so freely from one frame to another. A frame holding two young ladies caught my attention. They were bickering over some dress or something. They appeared to be sisters. 

“No, Matilda! These robes are mine!” shouted the older one. 

“Oh, please, please, please, June! Let me borrow them, please?!” pleaded the younger. 

June had a hard look on her face, but it slowly turned soft. She fingered the robes slowly and eventually gave in. “Oh, fine. But if you get _anything_ on these robes, you will have to buy me _five_ more,” said the older, handing the pretty robes over to her sister.

Watching the two sisters, I thought of my own, Petunia. Oh, ‘Tuney. Always so…difficult. It made me sad that we could never bicker like that. Never wanting to admit she wanted to be a part of this world, yet I knew she did. She was in denial, that one. It even made me wonder if she was jealous of me, but I quickly dismissed the idea. She wouldn’t be jealous of me, of all people. _She_ was the blonde one. And wasn’t it a saying that blondes had more fun, or something like that? I scoffed. Never mind. Petunia wouldn’t know fun if it wiggled its arse in her face naked. I mean, she had to just come out of her tightly wound bun and let her hair down sometimes. I knew it sounded a bit hypocritical coming from the inventor of the goody-two-shoes, but compared to me, she was goody-five-shoes or something. Mhm. 

“Why do you always have that sour look on your face?” asked a voice from above. 

My body reacted before my mind did. My mouth dropped open before I told it to. Blush reached my cheeks before I could even understand why. My head snapped up before I could argue and demand that it didn’t. And goose bumps on my arms had recognized that voice before his sentence was finished. 

“J-James,” I almost whispered. My mouth formed that name before I could forbid it to say it. 

“Lily,” he said, sitting next to me. He bent his knees and draped his long arms on each one. “I thought you said you were walking,” he said, conversationally, looking around at the portraits. 

“Got tired,” I said, looking away from him. I refused to let my eyes wander. It was the reason I left the Common Room anyway. Ah, curses, why did he have to follow me here?! And why did he have to smell so—Lily, stop it. ARGH. 

“Hmm,” he said, still looking around. “You never answered my question,” he said, looking at me. 

I could feel the warmth of his eyes on my head, but I refused to look up. Instead, I looked at his pinky, dangling a foot away from my face. I wondered what it would be like to just reach out and touch it. 

Wait, did I just think that? Touch his pinky? What was wrong with me? First, I wanted to pat Sirius’ head for a strange reason. It seemed right—I know that makes me seem like a lunatic (which I probably am…) but he just seemed so, pat-able? Was that a word? Oh, whatever. And I’d also wanted to run my fingers through James’ hair. Okay, maybe that one was a bit more understandable. I mean, he did it so often, a girl could only wonder how soft it really was for him to keep ruffling it. It did look soft though.

And now I wanted to touch his pinky. But that one was strange. I couldn’t imagine how any girl would want to touch his pinky. I think I was coming down with something. I mean, touch his pinky? Disgusting. 

“Lily?” he asked, lifting his hand and waving it in my face. 

Oh, that was a stupid move. Moving your pinky _closer_ to my face. Really, man, did you have any sense in that head of yours? Or did it all float through your overly fluffy hair? 

“Hm?” I responded, still staring at his pinky. I remembered that I had touched it once. In that stupid promise he made me do. I can’t even remember what that was about. Funny, I don’t remember how that felt. I had taken the great chance for granted. 

“Have you fallen asleep? Hello? Lily?” 

“I’m not asleep, but it would make more sense if I was,” I grumbled, coming out of my strange pinky trance. 

“You do that a lot, too,” he said, amusement in his voice. “And you still haven’t answered my question.”

I shook my head. I had to get a grip. No more of these odd trances. It wasn’t healthy. I must pay attention. 

…Er, what did he just say?

“Sorry, what?” I asked, blush coming back again. 

He chuckled. “Why do I even try?” he said, under his breath. “Why do you always have a nasty sort of look on your face?” he asked me again. 

Oh, now I remembered. Hmm, I didn’t know I always had a nasty look on my face. 

“What if that nasty look on my face is just how my face is?” I asked him, suddenly getting offended. I turned to look at him, but he was turned away. 

He seemed a little shocked at first, then he laughed. “Impossible,” he said simply. And left it at that. 

Now I was confused. That’s it? That’s all he’s going to say? “Er, what’s impossible exactly?” I asked, all offence aside. 

“Nothing is,” he said, turning to look at me. 

WHAT? Didn’t he just say—? Huh? Question mark? Rubber chicken? What was going on here?

“Huh?” I asked him, finding that was the only thing I could say. Not very intelligent, I know.  

He laughed. Again. What was so funny? “Never mind,” he said, still laughing. 

I scowled. “Can you please explain what’s so funny? I don’t like being confused. It’s really frustrating, you know,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. 

“Sorry, Lils,” I scowled deeper at the nickname which I’ve already asked him not to call me. Apparently he had bad memory along with the no sense. He really should stop fluffing his hair; it was letting too much information leak out of his head. “What I meant to ask you was why you had a nasty look on your face _most of the time_ ,” he said, correcting himself. 

My eyebrows pulled together. “Because maybe blokes like you are confusing birds like me into insanity,” I said. I realized after I said it that could be translated two ways. Eek. 

His face changed into shock, then he collected himself. “Why exactly am I confusing?” he asked me, choosing his words carefully. 

“Maybe it’s because you say the strangest things. Like some rubbish about impossible and possible things, then some things about nasty looks and some things about some other things, and it just makes every simple thing seem confusing,” I said, all in one breath.

He seemed to be the confused one now. “Er, what?” he asked. His eyes turned to mine. All their hazel gloriousness turned to me at once. 

“I-uh-er,” I stuttered. I seemed to lose all sort of sense of words. But, I shook my head, trying to regain myself. “Nothing, never mind,” I said. 

Maybe we should just stop talking for the moment. Because apparently, we couldn’t have a conversation together without one of us being confused. It was all very frustrating. I mean, we usually had wonderful, intellectual conversations. Now, all I could think about while talking to him was rubber chickens. What was that all about? 

“Lily, are you okay?” he asked me, putting a hand on my shoulder. 

Well, his pinky was touching me—actually, his whole hand was. But, strangely, that’s not what I wanted. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just give me a minute,” I said, not looking up at his face, because I decided that that was the reason for all my confusion. Just keep my eyes from his face and it would be fine. Right?

Oh, piss posh with all this crush business. It was so—UGH.

“Maybe we should get up to the Common Room. It’s almost curfew,” he said, getting up. He offered me a hand. 

And there it was. My chance. 

I reached out gingerly and took his hand. He heaved up and pulled me off the ground. He didn’t let go of my hand completely once I was standing up beside him and neither did I. 

I looked up at his face, my hand still slightly touching his. He was looking back, apparently not bothered by the fact that there was still contact between us. We stood there, pinkies slightly touching; not moving, just staring. 

A clang from the suit of armour to our right broke our gazes and our contact. I retracted immediately, blush rushing up to paint my face. Well, I got my wish. 

“Who’s there?” asked James, apparently not affected by the strange situation we were just in. Whatever or whoever it was, didn’t come out from their hiding place. James approached it carefully, taking his wand out of his back pocket. He disappeared behind it, not making any noise. Then, all of a sudden, he appeared, holding something in his hand.

When I actually saw what was dangling from his fingers, I squealed. I couldn’t help it. It was a _rat._ EWWW. I mean, he was holding it by the tail…! It was all long and thick and like a worm—

Tail like a worm. Hmm. 

“Just a rat,” he said, giving the rat a fierce glare. It seemed to whimper away from him. 

“Put it down!” I squealed again, like a six year old. “Aren’t you worried it has rabies or something?” I asked him, unable to keep the disgust out of my voice. I mean, why would you _touch_ that?! EW!

He laughed. It wasn’t a ha-ha laugh though, more like an I-know-something-you-don’t laugh. “Nah. For some reason, I don’t think his rat does,” he said, poking its over large belly. 

I shivered. Just the thought of it running around—EUGH. “Please, just let it go,” I said, shivering. 

He poked it again when it squeaked. “Why?” he asked. “Does it bother you?” he asked me. Somehow, he sounded kind of angry at the rat and I almost felt sorry for it. 

“Yes, it does bother me, James,” I said, still staring at the rat. “Please? Just let it go,” I said. Even if it was a disgusting little creature, it didn’t deserve to be poked like a Muggle lab rat.

He looked up at me, then back down to the rat. He glared at it one more time before putting it on the ground. It scuttled away, squeaking.

I shivered as I stared at its tail. Something was not right…

“Okay, ready to go back up?” he asked me, apparently over the rat incident. 

I nodded. We started walking, when we heard another scuffle. Oh, not this again. I rolled my eyes when James went back to investigate. 

“Oh, come on, James. Please don’t torture this rat, too,” I said to him, turning back. But, he didn’t immerge with a rat this time. This time, he was launched backwards onto the floor by a blast of blue light. 

I hesitated only a fraction of a second before I realized what had happened. I pulled out my wand and shouted “ _Stupefy!_ ” in the direction of where the light had come from. It must have hit its mark because I heard a muffled thump to the floor.

James started to come around by then, groaning and rubbing his head.

I ran over to him. “Are you okay?” I asked him, helping him get off the ground. 

He groaned. “Stupid git,” he said, still rubbing his head. 

I was about to ask him who hit him, but I lost my words for a second. He looked so funny. His glasses were askew and his hair seemed more ruffled than usual from flying through the air. And he was rubbing his head. I stifled a giggle. 

“Who hit you?” I finally managed. 

“Snape,” he snarled. “Stupid, oily, big-nosed git…” The list went on and on, but I stopped listening. I went to where the curse had come from and found what I was looking for. There was Snape, stunned by my wand. 

“Lily? Did he get away…?” 

I just stood there, staring at the figure on the floor. Had he been there the whole time?

“Whoa. What happened to him?” asked James from behind me. 

I raised my wand. “Stunned him,” I replied. My voice was quiet. There was something bubbling inside me. 

“We better get him out of here,” sighed James, somewhat reluctantly. 

I recognized that something inside of me as anger. “Why should we?” I hissed, turning to him. 

He was taken-aback by the hostility in my voice. “Lily—”

“What? I mean, he attacked you, didn’t he? He was eavesdropping, wasn’t he? Maybe we should just leave him here,” I said. I had no idea what was coming over me. 

He was still too shocked to speak. I would have been too if I wasn’t so angry. I mean, Lily Evans being _mean_. _Not_ doing the right thing. I would have gasped. 

“Lily, I know you’re mad. So am I. But we can’t just leave him here,” he said, softly. 

I glared and moved out of the way. He sighed, rubbed his head and muttered, “ _Locomotor Snape_ ,” and started walking in a direction that seemed to be leading to the dungeons. 

“Are you coming?” he asked me. 

I was still in a bad mood, but I followed him anyway. Besides, the anger was slowly fading and I didn’t want to be left alone. 

We were quiet on the way to wherever we were going. The anger had completely worn off and another feeling was coming. Shame. What had I done? I had stunned another student then threatened to just leave him there. After curfew. How unlike Lily Evans. It was just frightful, the thought of doing something like that. Ugh. The things I did in the presence of James Potter… He must think I’m bipolar. 

“Where are we going?” I asked him, quietly. 

“Dungeons. Slytherin Common Room,” he said, just as quietly. 

“Slytherin Common Room?” I asked him, surprised. “You know where that is?” 

He laughed. “Do you _know_ who you’re talking to, Lily?” he said. 

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, how could I forget? You’re a _Marauder_ , you know _everything_ ,” I said, sarcasm dripping from my words. 

I could hear him smirking in the now fading light. “Not _everything_ , just a lot of things,” he said.

I shook my head and reluctantly smiled. I peeked at him from the corner of my eye and saw that he was looking at me. I blushed, embarrassed that I was caught looking at him. The whole pinky episode was still fresh in my mind. 

“What happened back there?” asked James. 

I immediately thought of the pinkies and the blush flooded my face again. Were we actually going to talk about that?

“What?” I asked him.

“You know. You kind of turned…evil for a second,” he said, cautious. 

Oh. That. Funny way of putting it, really. Evil Lily. Haha. 

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want. I was just curious, that’s all,” he said. 

I cleared my throat. “I—er, don’t know what happened. I just sort of became defensive of,” I couldn’t believe I was going to say this, “you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” I said, highly uncomfortable. My face was probably radiating heat waves. 

“Well, thanks,” he said, rubbing the back of his head. 

I glanced at him. “No problem,” I replied, my voice an octave higher. Awkwarrrdddd. 

We arrived at a stone wall. I couldn’t imagine that this was the Slytherin Common Room. I mean, it looked like any other stone wall. James set Snape down in front of it, then motioned for me to come follow him. He started walking towards a stone pillar. 

“Come on, Lily,” he said, from behind it. 

“What exactly do you want me to do?” I asked him, confused. 

He came over to me, rolling his eyes. He grabbed my hand and walked behind the pillar. My heart started beating erratically in my chest. I prayed he couldn’t here it. How embarrassing! What was he _doing?_

“What are you doing?” I hissed at him. 

“Shh,” was all he said. He pointed his wand to Snape and muttered, “ _Ennervate_.”

I watched, heart still beating abnormally fast, as Snape started to come around. He grabbed at his head then immediately grabbed for his wand that was still in his hand. Then, he looked around him, a horrid expression on his face. He looked murderous. Getting to his feet, he cursed loudly about Mudbloods and Potter or whatever. He almost shouted the Slytherin password and stormed into the door that appeared suddenly on the stone wall. 

We waited there, behind the stone pillar, for quite a while. I was still aware of James’ warm hand wrapped around my own and his sweet smell of him wafting towards me. 

“Can we go now?” I whispered, looking at him. 

He had a rugged piece of parchment in his hand. “Shh,” he said. “ _I solemnly swear that I am up to no good_ ,” he whispered. 

I rolled my eyes. “James Potter, I forbid you to prank the Slytherins or break into their Common Room or whatever you are _solemnly_ thinking of. I—”

He wasn’t listening to me. “Shh,” he said again. “ _Mischief managed_ ,” he whispered. Then, he was pulling me from behind the pillar in the opposite direction. “Come on. We have to move quickly. Filch is on the second floor and we can dodge him if we move fast,” he said, still holding my hand. 

“What? James Potter, what is—”

He shushed me again. “Just trust me, Lils,” he said, smiling a crooked grin. 

I scowled and looked around me carefully. He had said ‘Mischief managed.’ What had he done? Set off a dungbomb somewhere? What _could_ he have done in that short amount of time? 

“James,” I said. I couldn’t keep my heart rate down while he was still holding my hand. 

“Yes?” he said, looking back at me. 

“What did you do?” I asked him, narrowing my eyes. 

He laughed. “I don’t know. You tell me,” he said to me. 

“Well, I don’t know. You _solemly swore you were up to no good_ ,” I said. “Then you said _mischief managed_. What mischief have you managed exactly?” I asked him, suspicious. 

He laughed again. I was getting quite used to the sound, no matter in what situation he used it. “Don’t worry, Lily. I didn’t do anything,” he said, looking ahead of him again. “Unless of course you count that I’m out after curfew, but so are you,” he said, turning back to me to see my reaction. 

Strangely, I wasn’t upset. I knew the time had passed and curfew would come and go eventually. Really, it didn’t matter to me anymore. 

I shrugged. “If we get caught, we could just say we’re on official Head business,” I said, smiling. 

He laughed. “That, Lily, is an abuse of the Head Girl and Boy badge,” he said in mock horror. 

I rolled my eyes. “It’s just once. Besides, if we move quick enough, we won’t even have to say anything to Filch, right?” I asked him. 

He nodded, giving me a peculiar look. “I’m surprised you haven’t asked me about that yet,” he said. 

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes again. “I tried, but you shushed me and told me to trust you. So that’s what I’m doing. Besides, you wouldn’t tell me if I asked you anyways. You would say some rubbish about Marauder secret or something,” I said to him. 

His look became amused. “Hmm. Actually, I probably would have told you. But since you’re choosing not to, I guess I am too,” he said. 

My mouth dropped open. WHAT? He was going to tell me? “Aww, come on, James. Tell me,” I begged him. 

He shook his head. “Nope. You lost your chance,” he said, throwing me a grin. 

“James!” I whined. “That’s so unfair!” I said. 

He smirked. “Only kidding, Lily. I wouldn’t have told you,” he said. “Marauder secret,” he said, winking, giving me his widest grin. 

I glared at him for confusing me yet again. He laughed, again, and I sighed. This was all so frustrating. 

We reached the second floor corridor and I could see Filch’s lamplight around the corner. He held my hand tighter and pulled me to the staircase. Somehow, it shouldn’t have surprised me that he was right about Filch, but it did. I was shocked that he had known exactly where Filch was. I think secretly, in my head, I told myself there was no way he could know that and he was just bluffing. But, apparently not. 

We ran (quietly) up the stairs to Gryffindor Common Room. Luckily, we didn’t run into anybody else on the way, besides Filch of course. I was still thinking about how he had known Filch’s location. I had a hunch that it had something to do with that piece of parchment, but I wasn’t sure exactly how. Did he have some sort of tracking charm on people and told him where everyone was in the school? Nah, that was impossible. He couldn’t possibly have gotten everyone’s location on one piece of paper. That would have taken months, years even.

But with the Marauders, I guess you could never really know. 

“What are you thinking about, Lily?” he asked me as we approached the Fat Lady. 

“How you knew where Filch was,” I answered. 

“Fluxweed,” James said as we approached the Fat Lady. 

She gave a slight look of disappointment at us being out after hours, but didn’t say a word. I smiled at her and she tutted back. 

“So, you’re never going to tell me then?” I asked him as we entered the Common Room. 

He smiled. “Maybe, maybe not.” He let go of my hand and the air seemed cold when it was gone.

I scowled and noticed that Sirius, Peter and Hailey were still sitting at the armchairs from earlier. 

“Hey,” I said, sitting down. 

“Out after curfew, Miss Head Girl?” asked Sirius, smirking at the two of us. James had sat down as well and was glaring fiercely at Peter who was squeaking and rubbing his belly. I gave James a strange look. What could Peter have done that merited that awful glare? And why was he rubbing his belly?

I didn’t answer him and continued to look at Peter. He was fidgeting in his seat, making small, sharp movements. His front teeth were hanging out of his mouth and his hands were hanging limply in front of him.

Something was off. 

“I’m going to bed,” I said, getting up. I needed to think things through…

“I’m coming,” said Hailey, leaving her seat. “Night,” she said to the blokes. “Tell Remus I hope he feels better. He gets sick often, doesn’t he?” said Hailey. 

Sirius nodded glumly, but everyone besides Hailey knew the real story. 

I changed, washed up and then thumped onto my bed. I stared at the ceiling, trying to work everything out. There was something going on here and I had to figure it out before it drove me mad.

“So, what happened?” asked Hailey, sitting down on the end of my bed. 

“What do you mean?” I asked her, not looking away from the ceiling. 

“Well, you were out after curfew. Did you decide to ask James out after all?” she whispered, a hidden excitement in her voice. 

I pursed my lips. “No. And nothing happened. We just ran into Snape, that’s all,” I said, not exactly telling her what happened. 

“Snape?” she asked, surprised. “Did James hex him or anything?” she asked, excited again. 

I rolled my eyes. “No. He was actually quite civil,” I said. Now that I thought about it, he was actually _kind_ to an extent. Kind to Snape, imagine that. 

Suddenly, Hailey was bouncing on my bed, a huge grin on her face. “You know what this means, don’t you, Lils?” she asked me. 

I looked up at her. “What?” I asked, too tired to play guessing games or tell her off for that name. 

“‘The _day that I go out with James Potter is the day that the Marauders are civil to Snape,’”_ she said, in a voice that was supposed to be mine. “Don’t you remember your little wager, Lily? You said if James was civil to Snape, you’d go on a date with him,” she said in a hushed voice. “And this is perfect because now you fancy him back!” she said, almost squealing. 

I was shocked. I was surprised she remembered that. Even I didn’t remember that, the one with the mind like an elephant. But, with her reminder, I could slowly remember the conversation forming in my mind. Something about lavatory pranks, killing Potter and Black, me in denial, and the wager. 

“See? I knew you remembered,” she said, still whispering. Her smile was taking up half her face. 

I shook my head. “I’m not ready, Hailey. And besides, how do you know if he’s going to ask me out in the first place?” I asked her a small seed of fear and rejection forming in my chest. 

She gave me a wry smile. “Don’t worry about that, m’dear. Just worry about what you’re going to wear next Hogsmeade weekend,” she said, getting off my bed. 

I panicked. “No! No, Hailey, you cannot do this,” I said, too shocked to get out of my bed. “Hailey—”

“What are you screaming about, Lily?” asked Alice as she entered the dormitory with Jennifer. “What happened?” she asked, taking in my open mouth. 

I struggled to close it. Damn Alice and her timed entrance. Now I couldn’t say anything to Hailey. Daaammmnn. “N-nothing. Nothing happened,” I said, glaring at Hailey. She merely stuck her tongue out at me and smiled. 

I closed my curtains around me. URGH. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Now that my chipper mood was gone, I could only take her words to heart. There was nothing I could do about it. She was going to interfere and I couldn’t do anything. I really wasn’t ready for this, I was going to embarrass myself, James doesn’t like me anyway—

Okay, Lily, you have to calm down. It won’t help if you suddenly start hyperventilating. It won’t help at all. No need to worry about it now, it was next week. Inhale, exhale. Good. 

Now that I was thinking rationally, I might as well try to get some things organized. All I had to do was NOT worry about the next Hogsmeade weekend because I would go into panic-mode. And that was never a good thing. 

There was something going on with the Marauders. And it wasn’t like a prank or something. It was something else entirely. This was much more serious, possibly even illegal. I shuddered at the thought, but pushed it away. He promised me they were safe; they wouldn’t get caught. 

And whatever it was, it had to do with their nicknames. Prongs, Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail. Wormtail. I’d start there. There was something there and I knew it. That rat ( _shiver_ ) was the key to this somehow.

I remembered what James had said on patrols last night. _‘I wouldn’t say_ condition _exactly. It’s more of what we_ are. _’_ Are. The Marauders were something. Something! AH. What was it? Something to do with their nicknames, I was sure. 

Wormtail. All I could think of was that rat. That rat with the overly large belly and the disgusting tail. Wormtail was Peter, right? So, if Peter was Wormtail and it somehow had something to do with what he was, did it mean he was a _rat_? 

Whoa, Lily, you’re definitely going crazy. Peter was not a rat and even a first year could tell you that. But, there was a sort of rat-esque thing about him…

Okay, enough. That was rude. I was comparing Peter to a rat. I mean, I know he’s not as…blessed, I guess you could say, with the looks the other Marauders had, but that didn’t mean I had to go calling him a rat. Really, that was rude. 

This was so frustrating. What could it possibly be? Now that the stories were confirmed to be false, then there must have been something else. 

Maybe I was looking in the wrong place. Maybe all of this had to do with Remus, AKA Moony. Remus was a werewolf, hence the name ‘Moony’. That was simple enough. Wormtail. I could only think of a rat, and that was it. A rat and a werewolf. They were both, what, animals? Could you call a werewolf an animal? Oh, this was pointless. I didn’t even know how or why the rat had anything to do with it anyhow. For all I knew, he could be a worm. Ugh, never mind, that was even worse. All I had to go on was that a rat had a tail like a worm like Peter’s nickname, Wormtail. 

And Padfoot and Prongs. I didn’t even have _anything_ on those two. Those would be the hardest to figure out. Padfoot. A pad on a foot? A padded foot? Foot pads? I was lost. Next. Prongs. Something sharp. Prong, fork, tip, annoying, irritating. 

Something we _are_. What _were_ they exactly? 

Okay, I had to let this go or I’d drive myself insane. There was no way I could figure this out tonight. It was too complex for one night of thoughts. I had to know more, have more information. Ah, damn Hailey for bringing up the subject about nicknames anyway. If she hadn’t, I’m pretty sure I would never have thought of this in the first place. UGH. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I didn’t get much sleep last night. It was probably around three in the morning when I finally fell asleep, but my dreams were filled with werewolves, rats, worms, padded feet and James with a tail. I know, I know. My saneness was slowly leaving me. 

Since I was so tired, I didn’t get up early for the Quidditch practice. My mood was strangely the opposite of yesterday’s. I was just too preoccupied with other things to be happy today. It was too tiring. 

“What’s up with you, Lily?” asked Sirius at breakfast. 

“Tired,” I replied, yawning. 

He laughed. “Crash from yesterday?” he said. 

I didn’t even have enough energy to glare. How pathetic. “Shut up,” I said. But I was yawning, so it sounded more like, “Sh _awww_ _awww_ p.”

He just laughed again. 

I woke up a bit in Transfiguration when I noticed Peter. He was glancing around nervously. I couldn’t help but imagine him with ears, a tail and fur. I shook my head to rid my mind of that disturbing image. 

Remus was looking as peaky as ever. It was the twenty-fourth of October now, so the full moon was approaching. It made me anxious. I had seen the scars on his body once, and they were terrifying. 

James was looking a bit anxious. It might have been because of the Slytherin/Gryffindor Quidditch game tomorrow, but maybe not. I mean, with a team like his, I was sure they would beat them, no problem. But, what did I know about Quidditch, right? 

“Lily,” whispered Hailey from beside me. 

“Yeah?” I said, glancing at McGonagall. 

“Either there’s something incredibly interesting about the Marauders, or you’ve taken a liking to every single one of them,” she whispered to me, without taking her eyes off her textbook. 

I blushed. “I still only like one,” I said, very, very quietly so no one could overhear. 

“Okay. That’s a relief. What’s so incredibly interesting about them?” she asked me. 

I wasn’t sure what to say. I mean, I couldn’t really tell her anything unless I told her about Remus. 

I sighed. “Nothing. I’m just worried about Remus,” I fibbed. “He doesn’t look well, does he?” I asked her. 

Her eyebrows pulled together. “No, he really doesn’t. Something doesn’t seem right with that boy,” she whispered, almost to herself. 

I gulped quietly. Hailey must have been suspecting something. She was bright; she would figure it out sometime, just be too embarrassed to say anything about it when she figured it out. It was a pretty hard accusation to make. You couldn’t just go around calling people werewolves.

“Mmm,” I said as a response. Hopefully it sounded convincing. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

James had a look of concentration on the whole day. His eyebrows seemed to be permanently knitted together in thought and his mouth was pulled down into a frown. You would have to repeat his name several times over for him to acknowledge you. But he still managed to look handsome, as always. 

“Prongs,” said Peter for the fifth time in a row. I think he was afraid to nudge him a little in case James was feeling a little violent. Sirius had gone somewhere, Hailey was in the library and Remus had gone to bed early. So, it was only James, Peter and I. 

“Prongs,” he said again. 

I felt sorry for the bloke, so I pinched James quite painfully, in my opinion, and went close to his ear. “JAMES,” I said. 

That seemed to have gotten his attention. I smiled at Peter and he squeaked; a noise that sounded vaguely familiar. Hmm…

“What?” asked James, rubbing his arm. 

“What exactly have you been thinking of that you can’t even hear people calling you?” I asked him, smiling slightly. 

He blushed. “Quidditch plays,” he replied. 

I raised an eyebrow. “Peter’s been calling you,” I said, turning back to my Charms book. 

He turned to Peter. “Sorry, mate. What did you want?” he asked, eyes blurring over. 

“I-I didn’t mean to bother you, Prongs,” he said, letting a small squeak out. 

“It’s okay, Wormtail. Just get on with it,” he said, somewhat impatiently. 

“Padfoot wanted me to tell you he went to the Kitchens and that Moony went up to bed. And I need help with Potions,” he added on, a faint blush painting his cheeks. 

I couldn’t help but look up at James. He was impatient with Peter, I knew, but he sighed and his face relaxed. “Did you tell Padfoot to get me something?” he asked, glancing at me. 

I blushed and looked back to my textbook. 

“No! Sorry, did you want something?” asked Peter, nervously. 

“Nah, don’t worry about it, Wormtail. What did we get in Potions again?” he asked, weariness in his voice. 

It’s weird how wrong I was about James. I mean, I was usually a pretty good judge of character (I know it’s wrong, but I couldn’t help myself), but I was totally wrong with James. I thought he was an arrogant jerk, bullying toe-rag. Now, I knew he was a sensitive, funny, patient, considerate, kind, all-around-decent guy. He was a bully, yes, but also wasn’t. I’m sure Peter could have easily been victim #1 before Snape, but instead they were friends. And he was helping him with Potions homework, like an older brother. It made me smile. 

“Come on, Wormtail. You can do this. What is one potion that has the shredded skin of a boomslang, lacewing flies and fluxweed? Think now,” he said, coaxing Peter along. 

I watched in curiosity. James didn’t have his book out; he wasn’t even looking at Peter’s. He seemed to just know it. Another wrong judgment of character; James was a genius. 

Peter’s face was contorted in thought. His face kind of resembled a rat…

No, Lily. Stop. You must stop referring Peter to a rat. It’s rude. 

“Polyjuice Potion?” tried Peter. 

“Yes!” exclaimed James. “And what does Polyjuice Potion do?” he asked. 

Again, Peter thought. If he held a piece of cheese by his mouth and started nibbling, he would look like a—

AH. Lily!

“It allows you to change into someone else?” he responded hesitantly. 

“Right on!” said James. 

I was pretty sure Peter was passing Potions because of James, Sirius and Remus. 

“Anything else?” James asked Peter. 

“I think I can manage the rest,” he said. He looked up at me and squeaked when he found that my eyes were on him. 

My eyebrows were pulled together again. I wouldn’t be thinking about this rat so much if it didn’t have something to do with their nicknames. I simply couldn’t let it go. This was so damn frustrating!

“Lily?” asked James. I looked up at him. 

“Mhm?” I responded, the image of the rat still in my mind. 

“What are you thinking about so hard?” he asked, leaning back in his chair. 

“The truth?” I asked him. 

His eyebrows rose. “Sure,” he said, suddenly tenser. 

“I’m trying to figure out the mystery of your nicknames. And I think the rat from last night has something to do with it,” I said, watching both the Marauders carefully. If I got some sort of reaction…

Peter’s head shot up from his Potions book and he started to whimper slightly. Shock flitted through James’ features, but was gone in a second. He was good at this.

“Why would you think that?” he asked, carefully. 

My eyebrows furrowed again. “Wormtail,” I said, staring at Peter. “Tail like a worm. Like a rat’s tail,” I said, trying to fit it together. 

Neither one said anything, but Peter was glancing nervously at James. He had a sort of twitch that reminded me of…

“A rat?” asked James, tearing my eyes off of Peter and onto him. “But, how does that connect to Peter?” he asked me, some kind of emotion in his eyes. 

“Well, besides the nickname, I don’t know,” I said, growing frustrated. “But, I will figure it out,” I promised him. I stuck my finger out at him. “Because I know there is some kind of reason to it. I doubt you would just start naming you’re friends after rats,” I said. “And you said you _were_ something, right? So—”

“Lily, maybe you shouldn’t talk about this now,” he said hesitantly, looking around.

I looked around and saw some third years staring at us. They quickly averted their eyes when I glared at them. A little fright was a good way to punish, I say. I turned back to James and Peter. Now, they both looked a little nervous. “I’ll figure it out,” I said, quietly. 

Just at that moment, Sirius walked into the Common Room holding all sorts of sweets and pastries. A couple of them were in his mouth as he walked towards us. 

“Here, James,” he said, throwing a couple of pastries at him. 

“Cheers,” he replied, catching them easily. “Nice, cream puffs,” he said, stuffing them in his mouth. 

“Wan’ s’m ‘ilee?” he asked me. The food was affecting his speech, but I knew he was saying, “Want some, Lily?” I shook my head politely, trying not to show my disgust on my face. 

James was licking his fingers. “Why not, Lils?” I winced. “They’re good,” he said. 

“Apparently,” I replied as Sirius started putting sweets into his mouth, one after another. “But I think Sirius will enjoy them much more than I will,” I said, my nose scrunching up. 

James seemed to catch my expression and laughed. He kicked Sirius’ leg. “Oi, Padfoot. Stop eating like a _dog_ ,” he said, laughing. 

I knew I had missed something when Peter gave James and anxious look and Sirius raised an eyebrow. But, Sirius got over it pretty quickly as he shrugged. “Soee ‘ilee,” he said, smiling widely. 

I grimaced and looked away. Just at that moment, Hailey walked through the Portrait. “Hey,” she said, as she walked towards us. She took a sweet from Sirius’ hand and popped it in her mouth. 

“’EY!” he said, covering his sweets defensively. Hailey laughed.

“Where’s Remus?” she asked, chewing the sweet she had managed to take from him. 

“Sleeping,” replied James, yawning. “Hey, Padfoot, Hailey,” he said, pointing at the two of them. “I want you two well rested for tomorrow. Go on,” he said, shooing them away. 

Sirius gave him a look that clearly said, “Who are you, my mother?” and Hailey rolled her eyes. “I swear I am going to murder you tomorrow, James, when we win the game,” she said, glaring at him. 

“Oh, fine,” he said. “Stay up all night and fall off your brooms tomorrow. See if I care,” he said, yawning. “I’m going to bed. G’night.”

James got off his chair and stretched his long, lean body. He yawned again and started climbing the stairs. Sirius had managed to finish the lump of food in his mouth and was starting on the ones in his hands. Hailey was yawning even though she had told James off for telling her to go to bed. 

Sleep suddenly sounded very appealing to me. After getting only a couple hours of shut-eye last night, I climbed the stairs with Hailey on my heels. I fell onto my bed with thoughts of werewolves, forks, rats and dogs. 

**[A/N: Okay, kind of a crappy chapter. Boring. Sorry :S... Anyway, I hope you will forgive me enough to leave a review. And if your wondering about the whole pinky thing, I have no idea. I was really tired and couldn't find anything else to replace it with when I was fully rested, so it stayed. Anyway, please review! XD]**


	12. The Lion Within

**CHAPTER TWELVE.**

**The Lion Within**

_“You might belong in Gryffindor,_

_Where dwell the brave at heart,_

_Their daring, nerve and chivalry_

_Set Gryffindors apart.” –The Sorting Hat, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone by J.K. Rowling_

I woke up to the sound of Hailey’s deep calming breaths. I was quite used to these as she did them before each game. In, out. Always the same. 

“Morning Hailey,” I said, sitting up in my bed and rubbing my eyes. I yawned widely. “Ready for the game?” I asked her. 

Her eyes were closed and she was concentrating very hard on her breathing. Today, she seemed a bit more tense than usual. “Mhm,” she said. 

I nodded and yawned again, getting out of my bed. 

After my shower, I had to decide what to wear. I put on a pair of worn out jeans and a thick sweater. After that, I added another jacket, just because I was prone to getting cold. And of course, since I had to show some Gryffindor pride, I donned my red and gold scarf and a gold headband. I’m pretty sure my red hair would go along well. I know a gold headband was a little tacky, but it was a prank gift from Hailey one Christmas. She had wanted me to show a little Gryffindor spirit at her first game so she bought it for me. She got me other things as well; this was just sort of a ‘Gotcha!’ type thing before the actual gift. 

After I was done getting ready and Hailey’s continued calming exercises were over, Jennifer, Hailey and I all left the Gryffindor Common Room together and headed to breakfast. Jennifer didn’t talk much and Hailey was strangely quiet as well, so we walked in silence. Usually, Hailey wasn’t as nervous as she seemed to be today and it kind of tensed the atmosphere. I mean, she had nothing to worry about, did she? She said that they were going to win, right? 

We walked into the Great Hall and the Gryffindor Table erupted in cheers as Jennifer and Hailey walked towards them in their vibrant red and gold uniforms. There was a strange excitement in the air for the first Quidditch match. The Slytherins were visibly sneering at us, obviously as confident as the Gryffindors about the winner in this rivalry. 

We made our way to the GQT (Gryffindor Quidditch Team, for short), easily visible by their uniforms. I saw James, the same look of concentration on his face from yesterday. Today, there seemed to be some bags under his eyes. I had a feeling he didn’t get much sleep. 

“Eat up, eat up,” said Sirius, pushing food towards Jen and Hailey. “Come on now, you all need your energy,” he said. Strangely enough, he seemed to be the mother of this team. “James, stop your sulking. We’re going to win this, are we not, Gryffindor?” he shouted in a mighty voice. The surrounding Gryffindors responded with an enthusiastic cheer. James gave a small smile, but otherwise didn’t touch his food. 

Gareth Grande and Sirius were probably the most enthusiastic out of the team. Nikki Kenneth was surrounded by her fifth year friends, a small look of anxiety on her delicate face. Jonah Freigh, the third year, looked a tab bit nervous. Okay, maybe ‘tad bit’ was a little off. Er, ‘little off’ was probably wrong too. 

All the tension in the air surrounding the team was unbearable. Was it always like this? This was the first time I sat with the GQT at breakfast because I was never able to stand James and his cockiness. But now, I wanted nothing else to see some extra arrogance. It was better than this. I was afraid they were going to lose. 

James stood up. “It’s time,” he said to the team. They all looked up at him and stood up. Loud, obnoxious cheering followed them out of the Great Hall. 

Now I was feeling nervous. I had not been able to eat anything because I was catching whatever the GQT had. Millions of hippogriffs were flying around in my stomach and…

“Don’t worry about it, Lily. They’ll be fine,” said Remus from beside me. I had just noticed he was there. 

I turned around and nodded. “What about you?” I asked him. “Are you going to be fine?” 

He seemed a bit taken aback at my question, but nodded. “I should last the match,” he said, giving me a small smile. 

“How many days?” I asked him quietly. 

“Three,” he responded. No eavesdropper would know what we were talking about. 

Remus, Peter and I decided to head out early to get seats. I couldn’t eat anyway, so there was no point in staying. There was a cold wind, but the sun was visible through grey clouds. Remus said it was acceptable weather for Quidditch. I guess if Remus said so, then it was to be trusted. 

“You don’t play Quidditch, Remus?” I asked him, trying to calm the nerves with conversation. 

He laughed. “Nah, not while like this. Could you imagine me on a broomstick, flying around and dodging Bludgers?” he asked me, a light tone in his voice. “I’d be on the ground five minutes into the game.”

I looked over at him and shivered at the thought of him hurt. As if werewolf transformations weren’t enough…

“What about you, Peter?” I asked the small boy. 

He squeaked. He did that a lot, I noticed. “No. I’m not very good,” he said, shyly. Somehow, I believed him.

“You’re not a Quidditch player, Lily?” asked Remus, grinning the trademark Marauder grin. Even though it was trademark, they all had their own way of doing it.

I rolled my eyes and smiled back. “No, I’m pretty sure James steered me off that course. I only came to the games because Hailey made me. And I have horrible coordination,” I said to him.

We were sitting right in the front, the first row in the high stands. The time wasn’t passing fast enough. I started to tap my fingers against the wood impatiently. But, soon my fingers were getting cold. 

“Five more minutes,” said Remus. My leg started to bounce up and down. 

Then, Madam Hooch walked onto the Pitch carrying a box. Everyone erupted into cheers. Finally. 

The SQT walked out first. Green and silver roared, or hissed if you would prefer. The rest booed. 

GQT walked out and you would think the Quidditch pitch turned into a rock concert. Blue, yellow, red and gold boomed their cheers, shutting out the pathetic jeers from the green and silver. It was obvious there was some favouritism in the crowds. 

I caught Hailey, James and Sirius’ looks from up top. Hailey still looked slightly nervous. James’ face was like a mask; no sense of nervousness or arrogance, just blank. Sirius was smiling widely, even waving around at everyone. That made me feel slightly better. 

Madam Hooch ordered the Captains to shake hands. James stepped forward and grabbed Mulciber’s hand. They both squeezed as hard as they could. James’ face remained emotionless. Mulciber’s jaw tensed slightly. I rolled my eyes. Males and their testosterone. 

Madam Hooch said some words—clean game, fair playing, no body-checking, blah, blah, blah—and the players mounted their brooms. All players and Madam Hooch rose into the air. Hooch opened the box and blew her whistle. 

Commentating on the match was Frederic Kipper, fourth year Ravenclaw. He started up immediately. “And Gryffindor Captain James Potter is in possession of the ball! He passes to Nikki Kenneth, to Jennifer Sampson, back to Potter—GRYFFINDOR SCORES!” Three quarters of the crowd cheered. I was in too much shock of the speed of this game to even do anything. How did Kipper keep up?

“Slytherin in possession, Keeper Roger Bletchley passes to Chaser Trent Pucey—Black sends a Bludger his way, he dodges—OH! And Rodgers comes out of nowhere and sends one flying to his head—he drops the Quaffle, but dodges the Bludger—Sampson catches the Quaffle, dodges Mulciber—ouch, gets hit by a Bludger sent by Hornby, too bad—Slytherin in possession, Itheca has the Quaffle, passes to—NO! It’s intercepted by Kenneth! Fast one, she is—it’s passed to Potter, Potter to Sampson—she drops the Quaffle—OH! Kenneth regains it, shoots, SCORES! TWENTY-NIL TO GRYFFINDOR!” shouted Kipper over the crowds. 

Now, I had time to react. I let out a loud, joyous whoop of delight. I saw James had a small smile on his face now, obviously pleased by the outcome. I smiled and watched as the game continued. 

The game continued much this way, Gryffindor scoring often. Five minutes later, Slytherin started to get a bit restless and the match turned dirty. I didn’t know much about Quidditch, but I knew enough to know that those moves were not allowed. And also because Remus was shouting himself hoarse from beside me. 

When the score was seventy-twenty to Gryffindor, I noticed something was off with the team. Slytherin seemed to be getting dirtier (if that were possible. Small Nikki Kenneth already had a bloody nose and Grande was nursing a black eye), and the GQT was getting a bit anxious it seemed. 

Despite their worries, they continued playing. Sirius lost his temper a couple of times and got a little carried away with his bat. But, we needn’t discuss that. 

Gryffindor scored a couple more times before I started to get worried. Mulciber and Hornby were eyeing Sirius with murderous looks. I was scared that they would gang up on him. 

When I mentioned this to Remus, he laughed. “Sirius can handle himself. I’d be more worried if they were targeting Nikki Kenneth. She already got hit once,” he said, frowning. 

I nodded, but I couldn’t help but feel anxious. Something was going to happen, I felt it in my skin. 

“GRYFFINDOR SCORES AGAIN!” came Kipper’s happy voice. “And what a great shot by Captain Potter. Excellent,” he said. 

I relaxed a little. Gryffindor was now leading one hundred ten-thirty. The match was basically in the hat. 

Apparently, I relaxed too soon. I saw Mulciber and Hornby, a Bludger flying towards each of them. They both sent them flying and for a split second, I thought they were going towards Sirius. He seemed to think that as well as he lifted his bat. Then, all of a sudden, they were going the opposite way, right into Hailey. 

At that moment, Kipper’s voice boomed, “And Freigh’s seen the Snitch! Look at him go! Where’s Lancy?”

I didn’t know where to look. I saw a Beater’s bat fall out of someone’s hand. Beater’s never dropped their bats, did they?! Something was not right! I heard a high pitched scream and the crowd erupted into cheers. The noise was deafening. My eyes frantically searched through the air for any sign of the three beaters. Bludgers were flying through the air, but still no target. 

And then I saw her, broom and body, both flying towards the ground. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“HAILEY!” screamed a voice. It took me a second before I realized it was mine. She was falling, falling. I couldn’t watch, yet I couldn’t take my eyes away. Hailey—she was falling—my best friend—

I felt the tears in my eyes as she came closer and closer to the ground. Wasn’t there anything—?

“She’s slowing down!” said Remus from beside me. 

And he was right. Her body was slowly, slowly but surely, losing speed. When she hit the ground, she didn’t hit it as hard as she would have, well, before. 

I let out a gasp and got the hell out of there. I needed to see if she was all right, if she was still breathing, if she was still in one piece. 

I wasn’t the first one down there, surrounding her. Madam Hooch was there, looking livid. Of course, the GQT was there, along with the Professors. 

“What happened?”

“How did she fall?” 

“Is she _alive_?” 

So many question and not enough answers. I pushed my way through the crowd, trying to get as close to her as I could. Madam Hooch started briskly walking away, screeching at the SQT to land on the ground immediately. 

Out of nowhere, Hailey was being pulled onto a stretcher and being brought away from the Pitch, lead by McGonagall and followed by the GQT. I kept pushing through until I reached them. Sirius was the first one I saw, he was holding her wrangled broom and Beater’s bat. I ran up to him. 

“Sirius!” I yelled, wiping the tears from my face. 

He turned around, his face pulled down. He seemed shocked at my appearance and then walked over to me. “She’s alive, Lily. Just unconscious. Come on,” he said, pulling me along. 

“What happened?” I asked him as we trailed the floating stretcher. “All I saw were the Bludgers, but that’s it,” I said, trying to figure out how it all happened. 

Immediately, his face turned dark. He was looking straight ahead and his hands tightened on her broom. “I thought the Bludgers were coming for me,” he said. 

“Me too,” I responded. “How did they do that?” I asked him. 

“Typical Beater move. You aim for one person, but they go a different way. It’s all in the way you hit it. I should have seen it coming,” he said, shaking his head and looking in the direction of Hailey’s stretcher. 

“It’s not your fault, Sirius,” I said. 

He smiled at me, but didn’t answer. 

“But, Hailey saw them coming, didn’t she?” I asked him. “Couldn’t she have hit them or something?” I still didn’t understand what happened. 

Sirius looked scary. He was glaring and his jaw tightened. “It all happened so quickly,” he said, voice very low. “I didn’t see it all, but I saw the Bludgers going towards her and her bat was falling through the sky. I don’t know how that happened. She’s never dropped her bat before…” he said, deep in thought. 

We arrived at the Hospital Wing, a crowd of red and gold surrounding Hailey. Professor Dumbledore must have owled her parents because Mr. and Mrs. Rodgers were standing anxiously inside the Hospital Wing when we arrived. Everyone gave Hailey and her parents some space. McGonagall laid Hailey on a bed as Madam Pomfrey started checking for broken bones and such. 

The GQT, Remus and Peter (I had no idea they were here) and I sat anxiously on some chairs magicked by Professor McGonagall. Grande now had some ice against his eye and Nikki Kenneth was cleaning up her nose. Even though they were the only ones really hurt, the whole team looked absolutely horrible. 

Besides Hailey, I worried mostly about James. He didn’t move, didn’t do anything except breathe. I wanted to say something, but Sirius put a hand on my arm and shook his head. 

“Nice catch, Jonah,” said James suddenly, bringing everybody around to look up. He smiled at Jonah who opened up his hand in his lap. 

There, in the palm of his hand, sat the Golden Snitch. I was so preoccupied with Hailey’s condition that I hadn’t noticed that the Snitch had been caught. Gryffindor had won the game. 

Jonah’s small little face was wrinkled in thought. “But, where was Lancy? It’s like he wasn’t even behind me,” he said quietly. 

No one said a word. I remembered Kipper saying something about not knowing where Lancy was…

Madam Pomfrey came towards us. “She will live. There is no need to get in a fuss. She had a couple of broken ribs and a broken wrist. But she is fine; I assure you she only needs rest. Now, please, go and take your showers,” she said, wrinkling her nose. 

The team seemed to be relieved at the news and slowly started to get up. Nikki Kenneth left with her friends; Jonah Freigh with his; Gareth Grande’s girlfriend came to pick him up, sending glances at the Captain; Jen left with Alice. Only the Marauders and I were left. 

I walked over to Hailey’s bed and sat down next to it. Mr. and Mrs. Rodgers were sitting silently by her other side, holding her hand. They were whispering silently amongst themselves. 

“Hello, Lily, dear,” said Mrs. Rodgers, seeing me. 

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Rodgers,” I said politely, smiling at them.

“How’re your parents holding up?” asked Mr. Rodgers. Our parents had met one or two times when we went over to each others houses in the summer. 

“They’re fine,” I responded. 

There was no more conversation anymore, only Hailey’s deep breathing. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Sirius left soon after, claiming he couldn’t stand his own smell. Remus and Peter left with him to go to lunch. James stayed a bit longer, but left without a word ten minutes following Sirius. I stayed because I had nothing else to do while worrying about Hailey. 

There was something terribly wrong going on. Hailey should have been able to defend herself with her bat. But, she had dropped it…

Nobody of the GQT knew what had happened to her. Sirius seemed to be the one who saw most of it. Everyone, James included, was too caught up with Jonah and the Snitch that they hadn’t seen how Hailey had dropped her bat. 

So, we were all left in the dark about Hailey’s injuries until she woke up. She was sleeping now, all her energy was gone. Mr. Rodgers had to leave because he got an urgent call from the office, leaving only Mrs. Rodgers. 

“Lily, dear,” said Mrs. Rodgers. “You don’t know what happened, do you?” she asked me. 

I shook my head sadly. “I saw the Bludgers coming towards her and then I lost sight of her. But, Sirius Black said that she dropped her bat somehow, and I don’t know how that could have happened,” Mrs. Rodgers looked at me, pleadingly. “I’ve watched every single one of Hailey’s games, Mrs. Rodgers, and I know that Hailey has never dropped her bat before. She’s one of the best beaters,” I told her, trying to reassure. 

Mrs. Rodgers nodded. “I’ve never approved of Quidditch,” she said, looking at Hailey’s face. “It’s too dangerous. Makes me anxious,” she said, giving me a small smile. “But Hailey was happy playing, so I agreed to let her. Now,” she took a deep breath. “Look where that’s gotten her.”

“Mrs. Rodgers—”

“Lily? Mum?” 

Mrs. Rodgers and I both looked down and saw Hailey’s eyes fluttering open. Mrs. Rodgers started to cry and I smiled. 

“Mum, what’re you doing her?” she asked, groggily. “Oh, don’t cry, Mum, I’m fine,” she said, moaning. 

“Oh, Honey! I thought you were dead, when Professor Dumbledore owled us—”

“Mum! I’m fine! See, I’m not dead, I’m fine. I promise,” she said. “Don’t worry about me,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Really, why are you crying, Mum?”

Hailey caught sight of me. “Lily! What happened?! Did we win? What was the score?” she asked, getting all excited. Then she winced. I bet she regretted getting all worked up. 

I grimaced. “Gryffindor won. Two hundred sixty to thirty. Jonah caught the Snitch, right when you—”

“Really, Hailey. Is Quidditch all you can think about?” asked her mother, disapprovingly. “You could’ve died and all you want to talk about is that wretched sport!” she said. 

I was taken aback. Mrs. Rodgers was such a kind woman; I’ve never heard her raise her voice. Not at anyone. 

“Mum! What’re you talking about? I’m fine. If it wasn’t for that stupid Slytherin fifth year—”

“Hailey! You’re up!” came Sirius’ relieved voice from the entrance. “You had us worried there!” he said smiling at her. James followed, smiling too. 

Mrs. Rodgers was frowning deeply and she got up. “I’m going to go tell your father you’re awake,” she said, walking away. 

“Hailey, are you sure you’re okay?” I asked her, watching her mother walk out of the Hospital Wing. 

“I’m fine, Lily. Just a little sore,” she said, smiling at me.

“What happened?” I asked her as Sirius and James sat down where Mrs. Rodgers had been sitting. 

“You mean you didn’t see?” she asked, shocked. We all shook our heads, wincing. “Well, it was all Tyler Lancy’s fault, you know, Slytherin seeker. I saw the Bludgers going towards you, Sirius,” she said, pointing. “But then, I realized it was a false trail, heading to me,” Sirius nodded glumly. “So, I got ready to hit them, but Lancy came out of nowhere and knocked my bat out of my hands!” she exclaimed. 

Sirius and James were furious. “HE DID WHAT?!” Sirius yelled getting out of his seat and pacing the floor in front of her bed. “WHAT A FUC—”

“Sirius!” Hailey yelled. “We’ll just get him disqualified or something. Calm down. Let me finished my story,” she said. 

He sat down, still fuming. James was gripping the side of the bed, knuckles white. 

“Since I didn’t have my bat, so I figured I’d try to dodge them. But, Lancy had taken me by surprise, so by the time I turned to look for them, one hit me in my gut, hence the broken ribs and the other hit my wrist. I lost my balance and fell,” she said, shrugging. “I thought I was a goner,” she said. 

We all winced at her words. “Someone slowed down your fall. Otherwise, you would have been,” said James. 

To our surprise, she smiled. “Well, I’m fine. Really, Madam Pomfrey can work wonders. It’s only sore,” she said, laughing at our shocked faces. “And we won didn’t we? I bet Lancy feels really stupid now. He lost the Quidditch match trying to do me in.”

We all laughed hesitantly. She was taking this way too lightly. But, that was Hailey, for you. 

“What about my broom?” she asked suddenly. “It didn’t get ruined did it?” she asked, wincing. 

James grimaced. “It’s not in horrible shape, but Flitwick and Hooch are trying to do some repairs,” he said. 

“Well, that’s a relief,” she said. 

Mrs. Rodgers came back into the room. “Sorry, dears. But could I have a word with Hailey for a moment?” she asked us, tight-lipped. 

James, Sirius and I nodded and stood up. We said goodbye to Hailey and promised to visit later on.

“So, what d’you reckon will happen to Lancy, Mulciber and Hornby once we tell Madam Hooch what happened?” I asked the boys. There had to be some kind of justice here. 

Sirius was angry again. “Mulciber and Hornby will get away with it. Lancy will maybe get a three game suspension, maybe less,” he said, hands clenched into fists. 

“WHAT?!” I exclaimed, mouth falling open. “That’s it?!”

James nodded sadly. “Technically, Mulciber and Hornby didn’t break any rules. They used a beating technique and Sirius and Hailey fell for it. It’s perfectly legal,” he said. I couldn’t believe this. “But Lancy, I think Sirius is right about that, too. You aren’t allowed to knock a Beater’s bat out of their hands, but since nobody saw it happen besides Hailey herself and the match is over, there’s a possibility he might not even get a punishment,” replied James. 

I couldn’t believe my ears. A Quidditch player was laying in the Hospital Wing, recovering from a broken wrist, a couple of broken ribs and falling through the sky because some arse knocked away her only sense of defence and he gets away without a punishment? Where was the JUSTICE?!

James seemed to sense my mood. “It’s the rules of Quidditch, Lily. There’s nothing we can do about it,” he said. 

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Since when do the rules apply to you two? Why do they suddenly mean so much now?” I said, angry at them for accepting this. 

“We have our limits, too, Lily. If we didn’t follow any of the rules, there would be no difference between us and a couple of mountain trolls on brooms,” said James. They weren’t offended by my accusation. Sirius was even laughing. 

I didn’t have anything to say, so I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted. This didn’t seem fair. 

“Cheer up, Lily. Madam Hooch has a heart. She won’t let him get away with it,” said James, putting an arm around my shoulder. “Don’t worry about. Sirius and I will put up a fight.”

I was comforted by his words, but still didn’t change my expression. What kind of pouter was I if it only lasted a couple of seconds? Not a very good one. 

James laughed at me. “Even if he didn’t get a punishment, Sirius and I will get our way with him. If his team doesn’t first, that is,” he said. Sirius started barking out laughs. 

“What? What d’you mean?” I asked him. Aw, damn. He made me not pout. 

“Well, it’s because of him they didn’t win the game, isn’t it? If he wasn’t so busy trying to knock Hailey’s bat out of her hand, he would have seen Jonah flying towards the Snitch. And when he did, it was too late. We’d won the game,” he said, triumphant. 

Well, when you put it that way…

“So, really, Lily. You should feel sorry for the bloke. And by the look on Madam Hooch’s face after Hailey fell, I’m sure they got it pretty bad. Look on the bright side, Hailey’s fine. She was laughing even. If anyone should be upset about this, it should be Hailey. Don’t worry about it,” he said, arm still on my shoulder. 

I turned and smiled at him. He smiled back as we walked towards the Gryffindor Tower. 

Suddenly, I heard a loud growling. I turned around, startled. “What was that?” I asked. 

James laughed as he turned around and faced Sirius. “Hungry, Sirius?” he asked, still laughing. He took his arm away. I almost grabbed it and put it back, but I didn’t. 

“Damn straight,” said Sirius. “It’s dinner. Come on, let’s go,” he said, rubbing his stomach. He pulled me and James in the opposite direction. 

As I thought about it, I realized I was quite hungry myself. I hadn’t eaten all day. 

“Sirius is like a food clock. His stomach always knows when it’s time to eat,” James told me. “Very reliable, his stomach.”

I raised an eyebrow at Sirius. “It’s true. By the time we get to the Great Hall, there will be hoards of people walking in for dinner,” he said. 

I wasn’t so surprised to see that he was right. I mean, he had done it before; that day after he discovered my letter, he said it was lunch, but he didn’t have a watch. Anyway, I guess you could say that you could always trust Sirius on food. 

“See, what did I tell you, Lily,” he said, walking into the Great Hall. Indeed, there were people sitting down for dinner. I looked over at the Slytherin table and saw everyone’s sulking faces. I smirked. Lancy was sitting with his fifth year cronies, being glared at by the older members of the SQT. They looked murderous. 

Sirius, James and I saw Remus and Peter in out usual seats. We went over to them and sat down. “Hey! How’s Hailey doing?” Remus asked as James and I sat across from them. 

“She woke up and was laughing. So, I’d say she’s fine, just a little sore,” I said, grabbing food and putting it on my plate. My hunger was really catching up with me. 

“Wow. That’s great,” said Remus. He was still looking pale and a bit tired. 

“I think I’m going to go visit her again after dinner,” I said. I wondered how long she’d be in the Hospital Wing for. With Madam Pomfrey, she’d be lucky enough to be out by next month. 

“I’ll come with you,” said James from beside me. 

I smiled at him and went back to my food. I had just realized how close he was sitting next to me. Not that I minded, of course, it was just unexpected. Our legs were touching. If I moved my arm a little, I would bump his. 

We were silent as we ate until Sirius said, “Oi! Wormtail, you know that’s disgusting,” he said, giving Peter a look. 

I looked over at Peter, curious about what he was doing this time. He had a piece of cheese in his hands, in front of his mouth, slowly nibbling. I was shocked. If he could look anymore like a rat, he would have fur, rat ears, a worm-tail and he would be thirty times smaller. 

My mouth hung open at his image, a pure rat. I couldn’t deny it any longer. No matter how rude it was, Peter somehow had something to do with a rat. There was no other explanation. And his nickname fit, so really, it was the only plausible explanation for it. 

I turned away, trying not to be rude. Well, ruder than calling someone a rat, but you know. I didn’t know how he was a rat, but that was something I could think about later. Rat=Peter=Wormtail. That’s all I had to worry about for now. 

Two down, two to go. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“I have to stay here for another FIVE days?!” I heard Hailey shouting even before I entered the Hospital Wing with James. 

“Hun, it’s to make sure you get a full recovery. Please don’t argue with Madam Pomfrey. She’s only doing her job,” came Mr. Rodgers’ stern voice. 

“Lily!” she said when I came into view. “James! Please, please tell these mad old people that I will not—cannot—stay in here for FIVE days! FIVE!” she said, almost hysterical. 

Her parents were looking at her sternly and Madam Pomfrey was fusing over her. I wasn’t quite sure what to say. I didn’t want to get in middle of this. 

“Er—Well, Hailey. It’s better than a whole week, isn’t it?” I said, hesitantly. Her parents seemed to approve. 

“Lily! You can’t do this to me!” she turned to her parents. “What about class?” she said. “Do you know how much school work I’m missing? And it’s N.E.W.Ts this year, Mum!” I knew she was using this as an excuse. She would pass N.E.W.Ts regardless. 

Her mother gave her a stern look. “I’m sure the Professors would not object, Hailey.”

James spoke up. “Besides, Lily and I will be your personal tutors. I’m pretty sure Remus and Sirius wouldn’t object either,” he said. 

I caught Mr. and Mrs. Rodgers’ looks at James’ proposition. They seemed impressed. I hoped he wasn’t trying to impress them because of Hailey…I gulped. 

Hailey looked betrayed. “No! Five days?” she moaned. 

“We’ll visit you at breakfast, lunch and dinner and any other time in between,” I promised her. Class would be dull without her. I wasn’t looking forward to it.

She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “Five days?” she moaned again. 

“Really, Hailey. You’re acting like a baby,” her mother said. “It’s embarrassing,” she said, giving Hailey a stern look. 

Hailey glared. “Well, you’re treating me like a baby, so I’m going to act like one. We need to have some sort of a compromise, here! I’m seventeen years old!” she said. 

Then, Madam Pomfrey looked up at us. “No more visitors! Your time is up. Please leave,” she said to James and I. 

I gave Hailey a sympathetic look and she glared at me. I guess I deserved that. I mean, I did kind of defend her parents. But, there was no need to cause a scene. 

James and I walked slowly back to Gryffindor Tower. I usually hated walking slowly, but with James, I walked as slow as I could. Time always seemed so short with him. 

“I have a question for you,” I said. 

He looked at me curiously. “What is it?” he asked. 

“About your nicknames, again,” I responded. 

He rolled his eyes. “Come on, Lily. Not this again,” he said, sighing. “I should never have told you in the first place. It’s better you don’t know,” he whispered, because of the other students around. 

I ignored him. “Does it have to do with animals?” I asked him quietly. 

He glanced at me but didn’t answer. “What’s it to you?” he asked me. 

“Just answer the question, please?” I asked him. 

He sighed. “I’m not supposed to tell you,” he said, hesitantly. 

If I played my cards right, I knew I could get him to tell me. “But, technically, you’re only answering questions. What if I guessed it?” I asked him, smiling my I-know-you-want-to smile. 

He hesitated again. “Technically, I guess I’m not telling you…”

Almost there, come on, Lily. “So, you’ll answer my questions?” I asked him hopefully. 

He glanced at me again. “I don’t know…” he said. “I’ve already said too much,” he said. “Moony would kill me,” he said.

“Okay, how about you don’t confirm anything. You just tell me if I’m wrong,” I offered, smiling widely. 

“What’s the difference?” he asked me, laughing. 

“Well, if I’m right, you won’t have to say anything, therefore you are technically not saying anything. But, if I’m wrong, you could just simply steer me on the right course just by saying no,” I said, satisfied with my logic. 

He considered it. “Well, if we’re getting technical, I guess that works,” he said, sighing. “If you figure this out, you know I’m a dead man,” he said to me. 

I smiled. “You trust me, don’t you?” I asked him. 

“Of course I do,” he said automatically. 

“Then you have nothing to worry about,” I said, confidently. 

“So, all I have to do is answer ‘No,’ or not at all,” he said. 

“Yup.”

We arrived at the Fat Lady Portrait. James gave the password and we entered the Gryffindor Common Room. Sirius and Peter were playing a game of Wizard’s chess and Remus was reading a book. 

“We’ll do this later,” he whispered in my ear. “I’m pretty sure they won’t be pleased,” he said, motioning to the Marauders. “Common Room at two?” he said. 

I nodded, not able to say any identifiable words at the moment. Blush was rising in my cheeks, goose-bumps were rising on my neck and arms and my legs were giving way. I sat down in the armchair quickly before people started asking questions. 

“Oi! What were you two whispering about?” asked Sirius, momentarily taking his eyes away from the chessboard. 

“I was just telling Lily how bad Peter was going to beat your arse,” said James, easily, throwing me a grin. “Wasn’t I, Lily?” he winked. 

I wasn’t sure how much of this I could take. I nodded hastily, smiling slightly. Oh, man. This was getting out of hand. I couldn’t even talk, I couldn’t—AH! Stop oogling him, Lily!

Remus looked at us over his book. His eyebrows made a funny shape at us, but then he looked away. I blushed again. I bet he knew. I bet they all knew. How embarrassing. UGH. 

Sirius said some sort of angry response and chucked a discarded chess piece at James’ head. He caught it easily and laughed. Damn him and his fast reflexes. 

I excused myself from the Common Room once I was sure my legs were sturdy enough to support my weight. James winked at me again and mouthed ‘Two’ as I left. I almost had to sit down again, but I forced myself to get a grip. Really. 

Once I got to the seventh year girl’s dormitory, I went to my bed and started to breathe really deeply. 

“Lily? Are you all right?” said a voice from the direction of Jennifer’s bed. 

“Oh! Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I didn’t know you were here,” I said, blushing again. 

“That’s all right. How’s Hailey?” she asked, coming out of the shadows. 

“Oh, she’s fine. She woke up just a little sore. She has to stay for five days though,” I responded, smiling. 

“I’m sure she didn’t like that much,” she said, laughing. 

“No, not really,” I said, agreeing. “Where’s Alice?” I asked her. 

She rolled her eyes and smiled. “With Frank Longbottom. They’re basically inseparable,” she said. 

“Aww,” I said, smiling. Frank Longbottom was a clumsy seventh year Gryffindor. He mostly hung out with the other blokes our age; excluding the Marauders. “Leaving you a bit lonely?” I asked. 

She sighed. “A little. But as long as she’s happy, I guess. They’re going to get married, I know it,” she said, laughing. 

I laughed with her. “Well, whenever they’re together, you could always track me or Hailey down,” I offered. Jennifer and I never really hung out that much. I’m pretty sure we’d be good friends. 

“Thanks!” she said, smiling widely. “That’s a good idea. And I’m sure Hailey would get lonely once you and James hit it off,” she said, winking roguishly at me. 

I blushed. My heart rate increased. “W-what? What are you talking about?” I asked her, trying to deny my blush. 

She rolled her eyes. “We might not talk much, Lily, but _everyone_ knows you two are going to get together _sometime_. It’s just taking a bit longer than everyone expected. Plus, I’ve seen you two. It’s cute,” she said, laughing. 

I blushed again and mumbled something in my defence. She merely laughed and brushed it aside. “It’s okay, Lily. You don’t have to say anything,” she said. 

Jennifer never was the snoopy one, or the gossipy one. Truthfully, I think she could care less about girly things. She obviously cared to some extent, but I think she preferred Quidditch. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was what she chose as her profession.  

I waited impatiently for the time to pass. It was only eight o’clock. How was I going to wait until two? 

I got out my homework and decided to finish it for the weekend. I had a lot, but the more the better, I say. At least it could occupy me until two in the morning. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I watched the clock in the darkness. It read one-fifty eight. Two more minutes. Two more minutes until I saw him again. These were probably the longest two minutes of my life. 

I didn’t even know why I was so anxious. He was a bloke for Merlin’s sake. I was getting all worked up over a bloke. Really, really pathetic. But, somehow, this was different. I know I said that about Edward too, but really, this was different. First reason was because, well the obvious, he wasn’t blond, nor did he have blue eyes. He had black hair with hazel eyes. Nice. 

Second reason was because, obvious again, he was James Potter. And you could never expect normal with James Potter. 

Third reason was because I never really felt like this with all my other crushes. I don’t know how to explain it. Whenever I knew I was going to see him, my nerves went all funny. It’s like I’m nervous to see him, yet I can’t wait until I do. It’s the strangest thing. 

One-fifty nine. 

Okay, I needed to focus myself. I couldn’t forget the real reason we were meeting so late (or early, depended on which way you looked at it), not because I wanted to see him. Well, that was part of the reason, but he didn’t know that. It was because I was going to find something out about the Marauders. Something incredibly secretive and incredibly big and possibly even illegal…

Two o’clock. 

I got out of my bed as quietly as possible. Everyone was softly snoring, even Emily, to my relief. I thought she would be the hard one to defy, but apparently not. I took my wand with me and did a silencing charm on the door because it had that annoying creaking problem. 

I quietly stepped down the stairs and into the Common Room. The fire was small, but I could feel its warmth from the foot of the stairs. I saw James on a couch quietly staring into the fire. I walked towards him and sat down. 

“Okay, time to talk,” I said, ignoring the fact that he looked absolutely wonderful in the firelight. 

“Er, aren’t you supposed to do the talking and I simply say no?” he asked, smiling wryly at me. 

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Okay then, should I start?”

He didn’t answer. I took that as a yes. 

“I just have to clear things up. This is illegal, right?” I asked quietly. 

There was no answer. I was prepared for that, so I moved on. 

“Illegal for Hogwarts?” 

No response. 

“Illegal for Ministry of Magic?” 

Again, silence. He gave me a look like he was monitoring my expression. I didn’t allow my face to change. I was going to make sure I wasn’t shocked tonight. I had to expect everything. You had to when you were friends with the Marauders.

I stared at him. “And it all has to do with your nicknames and Remus?”

I felt like I was talking to myself. This was extremely annoying. But, it was part of the deal and I was getting what I wanted, so, I guess I had to deal with it. 

“Do your nicknames somehow have something to do with animals?” I asked him.

He gulped and remained silent. 

I wasn’t sure how I was going to phrase my next question. If I was wrong, I’d seem like a complete lunatic. “And Peter’s animal is a rat?” I asked, quietly and slowly. 

I saw his Adam’s apple bob. Silence. 

Hmm. Okay, so now we were going somewhere. So, then Peter was a rat. I couldn’t help it if that was rude, because it was the truth. Nothing I could do about it, sorry Wormtail. 

But, Padfoot and Prongs. I still had no idea what those two were about.

“And Padfoot and Prongs, they’re animals, too?” I asked. 

Silence. 

“What are they?” I knew he couldn’t answer that, but I couldn’t help it. I really had no idea. 

He grinned. “Can’t tell you that, Lily. Not part of the deal,” he said. 

I pouted. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea in the first place. 

Something from before started coming back. “ _Are_ you these animals?” I asked quietly. 

He gulped and looked at me nervously. No answer. 

Whoa, how was that possible? Peter was a rat. Sirius was a Padfoot, James was a Prong. Whatever those were. I felt like I was missing something vitally important, but I couldn’t figure it out. Something was tugging at me, and I knew it was incredibly close. I could feel it! What was it?!

“Lily?” said James. 

His voice startled me. It hadn’t been long since he talked, but I still wasn’t expecting it. 

“Yes?”

“Anymore questions?” he asked me, crooked grin on his face. 

“Yes,” I said, even though it wasn’t true. I didn’t have anymore questions, but I didn’t want him to leave. I’ve been looking too forward to this for it to end this shortly. I had to think of something, quick. “What about last night? That parchment,” I said, suddenly remembering. He said he would answer my questions, right?

“That’s not a question,” he said, grinning. 

Well, it worked, didn’t it? He wasn’t refusing to answer. “Did that parchment have something to do with how you knew where Filch was?” I asked. 

No answer. Hmm. 

“Do you have some sort of _tracking_ charm on people?” I asked him, my curiosity getting the better of me. 

No answer again. Interesting. 

“Does this have to do with your nicknames as well?”

James thought about it for a moment. When he decided whatever he was thinking about, he didn’t answer. 

Hmm. How many mysteries did the Marauders have? I mean, I felt like I was unravelling some part of the mystery only to find that I had to unravel a different part to finish unravelling the first. If that made any sense. UGH. 

James laughed. It was a pleasant distraction. “You thought all this out, didn’t you, Lily?” he said. “You haven’t had any wrong answers yet.”

That part was true. “I’ve been losing sleep because of you,” I said. “You Marauders,” I quickly corrected before he starting thinking I was dreaming of him and specifically him. 

“Why are you so interested, Lily?” he asked me. 

I hadn’t really thought about that. Maybe it was because I couldn’t resist not knowing something. I know, I sounded like an incredible nerd, but it couldn’t be helped. If I didn’t know something, it would tug and tug at my mind until I figured it out. Just part of who I am. Or, the more obvious reason, was because I fancied James and I wanted to know him. But, I couldn’t go around telling him that, could I?

“I’m trying to figure you blokes out,” I said. “You’re far too mysterious for your own good.”

James grinned. “Isn’t that part of the appeal? What attracts the ladies?” he asked me, clearly teasing. 

I blushed. “You’re such a pig sometimes. I don’t know why I’m friends with you,” I said, attempting to punch his arm. 

He caught my fist in his hand and held it, laughing. “Only joking, Lils,” he said. Damn that cursed nickname. “But, how would the school react if they knew Remus was a werewolf and there were three un-registered—” James froze. 

My ears perked up. “Un-registered?” I pushed.

“Never mind. Forget you heard that,” he said, panicked. “Moony’s going to kill me,” he muttered under his breath. 

“Un-registered what?” I whispered. So close, so close. That one word was on the tip of his tongue…!

He didn’t look at me and groaned. “Don’t make me tell you, Lily,” he pleaded with me. 

I was shocked. It sounded like I was torturing him. Like he was torn between telling me and staying loyal to his friends. I wouldn’t make him choose. Even though I could, I wouldn’t. After all, they were my friends, too. 

I nodded. “But, if I guessed, it’s not you’re fault, right?” I said, quietly. “All you would have to do was not say anything.” 

He glanced at me, the firelight reflecting momentarily from his glasses. He didn’t say anything. I took that as a yes. 

I smiled at him. I think after this, I fell a little deeper in the puddle that was this crush. He was loyal to his friend and I respected that. It also made me weak in the knees to think about how this loyalty would be transferred in a more-than-platonic relationship—Stop! I couldn’t think about this now, he was right here. 

“Thinking?” he asked me. 

I nodded, trying to hide the blush that was suddenly there. 

“I’m kind of surprised you haven’t figured it out yet,” he said, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. “You’re so close,” he said, quietly. 

“I know!” I muttered. “I’m not thinking clear enough right now.”

“Maybe you just need sleep. If I know you right, I know you know this. You just can’t remember. But, it’s not something unheard of for you,” he said. 

“And the parchment? Have I seen that before?” I asked him. 

“Probably not. But one thing at a time, Lils,” he said, smiling. 

I rolled my eyes at the nickname. “Why must you call me that?” I asked him. 

“What, ‘Lils?’” he asked, grinning. 

I nodded, wincing. 

“Because I like it,” he said, shrugging. “It suits you,” he said. 

I blushed. He liked it? How could he possibly like it? I mean, it was hideous, really. 

He laughed again. “What’s so wrong with it, Lily?” he asked me. 

“Bad memories,” I said, sighing. “My sister Petunia used to call me that when we were younger, when she liked me,” I wrinkled my nose. “And now, she doesn’t like to talk to me because I go to a ‘freak’ school and she’s scared she’s going to catch ‘freak’ or something,” I said, shrugging. “It just reminds me of her.”

He seemed shocked by my story, but didn’t say anything about it. “I won’t call you that if you don’t want me to,” he said, after a while. 

I considered it. Surprisingly, I didn’t accept right away like I thought I would. 

I shook my head and smiled. “No, it’s all right. Besides, I need new memories anyways. The old ones are getting dull,” I said, shrugging. I could get used to the nickname. It wasn’t _so_ bad. 

Well, it was. But the thought of James saying made it a tab bit better. 

James a bit confused, but agreed. “Okay. ‘Lils’ it is,” he said. 

I was tired, but I held back a yawn. I didn’t want to sleep yet. 

“Sorry, Lils,” he grinned at the name. “The Quidditch match drained all my energy,” he said, yawning. “I think I’m going to have to go to bed.”

I tried to not let the disappointment show on my face. It seemed so short. It was always too short with James. I sighed. “Yeah, me too,” I said. 

He smiled. “Don’t go too overboard thinking about this. It’ll do you no good,” he said. 

I shook my head. “I’ll figure it out,” I promised him. 

He sighed, getting up from the couch. “I know you will. I’m just worried about your reaction when you do,” he said, quietly. 

“It’s that bad?” I asked, looking up at him. 

“Well, I’m not sure.” 

“How’re you not sure?” I asked him. 

“Um, I’m not trying to be a jerk or anything, Lily,” he said, hesitantly. “But, you seemed to be more, forgiving, I guess you could say, this year. I don’t know. But, maybe it is bad. I can’t be sure until you find out,” he said, ruffling his hair. 

I stood up and put a hand on his arm. “Don’t worry, James. I won’t freak out or anything. As long as you’re not hurting others or yourselves, I’ll try and keep my head,” I said. 

He smiled. “Can you guarantee that, Lily?” he asked. 

I hesitated slightly. Could I? “Yes. I promise that I will try my hardest not to freak out,” I said, holding my right hand in the air. He laughed.

“And you won’t tell anyone, right?” he asked. 

“James! How could you!” I said, mock-offended. 

“Just checking,” he said, smiling. “Goodnight, Lils,” he said. 

“’Night, James,” I responded. Then, the Gryffindor Lion inside of me pushed me to do something very courageous. I stood on my tip-toes and kissed him on the cheek. But, that seemed to be the limit of my inner Gryffindor courage as I ran up the girls’ staircase. 

**[A/N: Okay, chapter 12. How did you like it? There's a little more drama...and a little more courage on Lily's part. I know it's very small, but still, it's a big step for her, so give her a break. Anyway, when I'm done this, I'm going to rewrite some of it and repost with a different name. Most of it will still be the same, but feel free to reread if you want ;) And when I'm done that, I was going to do a complementary fanfic told from James' point of view. I think it'd be interesting to see his perspective...SO! You know what to do...REVIEW! XD]**


	13. Answers

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN.**

**Answers**

_“I'll tell you this is something that you'll never hear. They knew it then and they've been holding back for years. And if you're not getting answers, ask better questions.” –Cartel, A_

I ran up the stairs; face burning, legs failing, goose bumps rising, heart fluttering. I stopped outside my dormitory door for a minute to catch my breath. Had I actually done that? Wow. 

I opened the door quietly and went inside. I sat on my bed, thinking about what I had just done. I mean, I had _kissed_ him. On the cheek, but I still did it. I mean, AHH. I really wished Hailey was here and not in the Hospital Wing. 

I couldn’t sleep now. I was way too awake to sleep now. I had a lot to think about. I knew I could figure this out tonight if I wanted to. And tomorrow was Sunday, so no problem. 

I closed the curtains around my bed and put a silencing charm around me. Just in case I wanted to whisper things out loud; it helped me think. 

Okay, first things first. Peter was a rat somehow. I still needed to figure out how exactly. (UH! I was so close I could taste it! I knew this!) Sirius was something with padded feet? An animal, I knew that much. Padfoot. Some kind of padded foot. AH. Prongs. James was an animal with a prong of some sort? Something sharp…

I figured Sirius would be the easiest to discover out of the two, so I started with him. Since Peter’s had something to do with his appearance, I assumed Sirius’ would, too. Well, he was good-looking. That didn’t really help. I couldn’t exactly call and animal good-looking. He had—

Wait. Waaaaaiiiitttt. Oh my God. OH MY GOD. NO #*$&$^# WAY. 

No, Lily. This wasn’t possible. There was no way that three under-aged wizards could be unregistered—

MERLIN, he said they were un-registered, didn’t he?! 

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD. 

James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew were un-registered Animagi. 

How was this possible? How could they be? I mean, what…? I was at a loss of words. Just, it—what, how—huh?

Deciding that thinking about it wasn’t going to help; I reached for my school bag. If I wanted answers, that’s where they’d be.

I grabbed it and left the dormitory. I couldn’t read here, I’d draw too much attention to myself. And, with this new situation, I couldn’t have anyone finding out. Three teenaged Animagi’s futures were in my hands. 

Luckily, James had gone up to his dorm like I had and I had the Common Room to myself. The firelight was slowly fading, and since the house elves wouldn’t appear as long as I was here, I had to use my wand light. 

“ _Lumos,_ ” I muttered. Instantly, the tip of my wand ignited and I reached into my bag and grabbed my Transfiguration textbook. I flipped the book open and quickly found the Animagus section on the book. It said that Animagus transformations were highly dangerous, difficult. It allowed the witch or wizard to change into the animal that most reflected their personality at will. I knew Professor McGonagall was one, a cat, and there had only been seven _registered_ Animagi in this century…

Oh, what would the Ministry do if they knew there were three Animagi running around Hogwarts…?

Somehow, I still didn’t believe it, but what other explanation was there? Peter was a rat because, well, that’s what his personality reflected. And—wait. If Peter was a rat, then was that rat from the other night…? No, he wouldn’t. Would he? Oh, never mind. I had other matters to worry about, rather than if Peter was eavesdropping on James and me or not. 

Sirius could be a, a what? He was loyal, playful, a good mate and had padded feet. A—a dog? 

A dog! Yes! _He reminded me of an overly happy dog._ I had thought that once! A dog! _I had a strange urge to pat his head_ because his Animagus form was a DOG. Padded feet. Padfoot. Genius. 

Now for the hard part; Prongs. An animal with prongs. Something sharp that could _prong_ you. Something was tugging at my mind… ‘ _But James-ie here had a little accident with a stag back in fifth year…’_ had been Sirius’ reason for James’ nickname. 

_“And yours? Prongs? Did you_ really _get pronged in the arse?”_

_“Not exactly. But, Sirius did.”_

Of course Sirius did, because _James_ was the stag! A _stag_! A _STAG!_ Stags had antlers, sharp _prongs_. Damn, these blokes were _smart_. 

I gazed at the fire, shock running though my veins. Animagi. Ani-freaking-magi. Seventeen year olds. Unbelievable. 

But, there was still something missing. _Why_? No seventeen year old boys would just decide to become Animagi because they felt like it. I mean, there could be terrible, terribly bad consequences. If something had gone wrong, they could have stayed like that for the rest of their lives. Imagine James with a pair of antlers sprouting out of his head; Sirius with fur; Peter with a tail. I shivered. They were brilliant, yet the stupidest blokes I knew. Really. 

James had said that it all had to do with Remus and his condition. His condition with the Moon. His lycanthropy. But, how did Animagi relate to werewolves…?

I took out my Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook and flipped to the chapter on werewolves and other dangerous creatures. I skimmed through, reading the dangers of werewolves. It said they were a danger to humans. Nothing about animals…

I didn’t understand. Were they running around with a werewolf as _animals_? Were they going out with Remus on full moons? 

I shook my head and closed the textbook. No. This wasn’t possible. I was just dreaming this. The Marauders were not Animagi. How could they be? I scoffed. It was impossible. Most full grown adults couldn’t have done it. And this happened in _fifth_ year. They were fifteen when this happened. I mean, come on. I had to think realistically. It couldn’t be. There had to be something else. 

And yet. Ah, that fateful word. Yet, there seemed to be no other explanation. Everything fit. All of James’ clues, nicknames, descriptions, everything. It was the only thing that made sense, yet didn’t. It all made fit perfectly, yet how could it be? I couldn’t believe it, yet there was nothing else to believe. I was stuck in the middle. 

I sighed. This was all too much for me and I was getting a headache. I needed to sleep. I needed a break from all this. It was too much for me to handle. I mean, you didn’t find out you had three Animagi friends everyday, did you? I just needed to sleep for now. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

For the past few nights, I hadn’t slept well at all. Last night was no exception. My dreams were filled with images of dogs, rats and stags bitten and bleeding by a werewolf with blood on its teeth. Not that I thought Remus would do anything like that—God no—but as a werewolf, he wasn’t Remus. 

I got up at around noon on Sunday. I still had a small headache since I didn’t exactly get the situation off my mind completely. I was surprised I fell asleep at all. I was kind of hoping that this whole Animagi thing had been a dream, but I knew it wasn’t. 

I got out of my bed eventually. Everyone was sleeping still, except Emily, to my surprise. I also reminded myself that I had to go visit Hailey or she’d kill me. 

I hopped in the shower, letting the hot water relax me. My shoulders and neck were hurting because of that horrible sleep last night. It helped me clear my head and think clearly. 

Okay, so I accepted the fact that James, Sirius and Peter could _potentially_ be Animagi. Okay. And I accepted that they could _potentially_ be running around with a werewolf once a month. All right. What I didn’t accept was how incredibly stupid these four blokes were. If I found out they had done this for a _laugh_ , or something like that, I would hurt them myself; never mind a full grown werewolf. Psshhh.  

After my very long shower, I changed and prepared myself to go meet Hailey. Obviously, I couldn’t tell her anything because she didn’t know about Remus. And because I promised James I wouldn’t tell anyone. So, I needed to disguise my face of any surprise, shock or whatever else and act like the Marauders were a bunch of normal teenage wizards. Like they should be.

The halls were relatively quiet. There weren’t many students around because it was a Sunday, after all. I wasn’t sure where the Marauders were and I wasn’t quite prepared to see them yet. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. No, never mind that—what were you _supposed_ to say? There was nothing you could possibly. 

I reached the Hospital Wing and found Hailey chatting happily with a second year Gryffindor by the name of Howard Drench. Well, actually Hailey was chatting, Howard was staring at her, quite scared. 

“Morning, Hailey,” I said, sitting down next to her bed. She turned to me and glared. Apparently she was still mad. 

I sighed. “I’m sorry. But, since you’re still mad at me, I’ll just go…”

“No! No, Lily. I’m not mad, please stay,” she begged. 

I grinned at her. I knew that would work. I sat down again. “So, how’re you holding up?” I asked. 

She rolled her eyes and pouted. “This is so unfair, I mean, I’m fit as a fiddle. Even the soreness is going away. I mean, I feel absolutely _fine_ ,” she said, wincing. 

I gave her a look. 

“Okay, maybe it hurts a little, but why must I stay here? It not like I’m going to go riding a broom again. My parents have forbidden me to play Quidditch—”

“WHAT?!” I said. 

Hailey glared at the air. “Yeah, didn’t I tell you? They won’t let me play anymore because they say it’s too dangerous,” she scoffed. “And that’s complete rubbish if you ask me, but did they listen? Of course not. This is the first time I’ve been hurt this bad and it’s really no big deal. I mean, I’m fine,” she said, wincing again. “I’ll be able to play once these wretched five days are over and I’ll be good as new,” she said. 

“D-do James and Sirius know?” I asked her, shocked. I didn’t think Hailey’s parents would go _that_ far. 

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, they left about ten minutes before you came. Of course, James didn’t say anything, but I knew he was upset. Sirius was pacing and yelling, so they got kicked out. He doesn’t think they’d be able to find anyone else in time. I mean, the reserve is good, but he’s not _that_ good. Sirius doesn’t think there’s enough time to train him. But, that’s okay,” she said, shrugging. 

“What do you mean that’s okay?!” I asked her. “This is Quidditch we’re talking about!” I said. I had grown a little soft spot for Quidditch now that three, well four if you included Jennifer, of my mates played. I could at least enjoy it now since James wasn’t an annoying prat anymore. 

She shrugged again and smiled at me. “Well, I’m going to continue playing, obviously,” she said, simply. “Aren’t I, Howey?” she asked the second year. He gulped and nodded. She winked at him which caused him to blush. 

“Hailey, what if your parents find out?” I asked her. 

She shrugged. “What are they going to do, take me away from Hogwarts?” 

“They could,” I responded. 

“They could, but they wouldn’t. It’s my last year at Hogwarts; do you really think they’d take me away before N.E.W.Ts? And by the time N.E.W.Ts are over, Quidditch will be, too. So really, I have nothing to worry about,” she said, smiling. 

“What if they take away your broom or something?” I asked her. 

“Easy. I’ll just use the ones the school has. I mean, it’s no big deal. They’re no where near my model, but they’re acceptable. No worries,” she said. 

“And if they told Madam Hooch? And forbidden you to play?” I asked. 

She scowled. “They can’t do that, it’s absolutely ridiculous,” she said. But by the expression of her face, she knew it wasn’t. 

I didn’t doubt it. The Rodgerses were very protective of Hailey since she was the youngest child and only girl in a family of five. It didn’t sound that unbelievable that they would involve professors to keep Hailey safe. 

She was still scowling. “I’ll talk to Madam Hooch once I’m out of this overly sanitary room. Really, would it kill anyone to have a little dirt around here?” she asked, changing the subject. She looked over to Howard Drench. “Would it kill you if it was a bit dirtier in here?” she asked him. He shook his head, afraid that she would attack him if he said no. “Exactly. It doesn’t need to be a freaking hospital,” she said. 

I gave her a look. I think the white walls were getting to her head. “Uh, Hailey, this is a hos—”

“I know! I know what it is! And it’s driving me mad!” she said, whining. “Even ask Howey, here! I’ve been talking about chickens all morning!” she said, throwing a hand in Howard’s direction. “Chickens!”

I gulped and looked over at him. He nodded quickly, very afraid. “We’ll get you out of here. Maybe you should sleep a bit more,” I said, patting her arm. 

She shook her head, like she was in pain. “No, Lily, you don’t understand,” she said. “I can’t just sit here and not move when I’m perfectly capable of it. I’ll stay if I’m actually sick, like that flu we had last week, but Lily. I’m perfectly fine,” she said. 

I sighed, but suddenly got an idea. “Why don’t you drive Madam Pomfrey insane,” I whispered, smiling. “Insist on helping and doing things so that she sees that you’re fine and has to let you go,” I said. 

She thought about it, then sat back on her bed and sighed. “She’d restrain me to the bed in minutes. She has a wand, Lily. I’d never get a chance,” she said. 

“Visitor time is over, Miss Evans!” said Madam Pomfrey, shuffling towards us. “Miss Rodgers needs her rest, thank you,” she said, bringing me out the door. 

“Bye, Hails,” I said. “I’ll come visit you later, okay?” I promised. 

She nodded, giving me a desperate look. “Howey and I will be waiting,” she said, waving at me. 

I smiled. Poor Hailey. She absolutely refused to stay still unless she actually couldn’t physically do something. And the Hospital Wing walls could get kind of blinding if you stared at them for too long. 

I decided to go down to lunch since I didn’t really have breakfast and I was getting hungry. Maybe I’d even run into the Marauders…

The Great Hall was relatively full, but there were still some empty spaces. I looked around for the infamous four, but they were no where to be seen. Something wasn’t right, but I ignored it when I saw Jennifer waving me over. She was sitting with Alice and Frank. I smiled at her and walked over. 

“Hey!” she said when I approached. “Where’ve you been? I saw your bed was empty this morning…”

“Oh, I went to go visit Hailey,” I said. “Do you mind if I join you…?” I asked, timidly. 

“No! Go ahead,” she said scooting over. We sat across from Alice and Frank, who had eyes for only each other. 

“Hey, Alice, Frank,” I said, smiling at the two. 

“Hey, Lily,” said Alice, taking her eyes away from Frank for only a second. 

“Hiya, Lily,” responded Frank. 

I could tell they were holding hands from underneath the table because only one hand was visible on the table, holding their forks. Alice was lucky she was left handed, or that would have been extremely hard…

“Okay, whoever’s playing footsies with me better stop,” said Jennifer, staring at the two of them. They both blushed heavily and looked at each other. Aww. 

I suddenly felt kind of…weird and I found myself looking around the table for someone. I shook my head and stopped. He wasn’t there, I already knew that. 

“Hey, Lily. Aren’t you going to eat something?” asked Alice from across the table.

I stared at her and saw Frank discreetly glancing at her from the corner of his eye. There was something in his eyes…

“No, I’m not really hungry,” I said, pushing my plate away. “I’ll see you later, yeah?” I said, getting up from my seat.

As I walked away, I heard Alice say, “Was it something I said?” 

I was being irrational. Really, this was pathetic. Did I really expect something to happen between me and James?

…

I did. I wanted him. I wanted him to look at me the way Frank looked at Alice. I wanted to hold hands with him under the table and play footsies. I wanted what Alice and Frank had. I wanted it all and more. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I went outside again. My uncontrollable thoughts were too much for this small castle. I needed to go out there so my thoughts could just float away without being restrained by the ceilings. 

There was still no sight of him. Or the rest of them for that matter. I didn’t know where they went. I mean, how many places in Hogwarts was there to go, anyway? They couldn’t have left the grounds. Could they? Where would they go, Hogsmeade?

I wished I had that ragged piece of parchment that had tracking charms on people. Then, I would know exactly where they were. 

I didn’t know why I was acting like this. Really, it was pathetic. He was a goddamn bloke for Merlin’s sake. And I was getting all depressed because he was missing for a couple of hours. Really, I didn’t know what was getting into me. Were all crushes like this? My other ones weren’t…

I imagined seeing a stag, a dog, a rat and a wolf running around in the reflection of the lake, but I quickly looked away. I was mental enough without imagining animals in my head. 

“Lily?”

Oh, great. I didn’t need this now. 

“Erm, hi, Edward,” I said, getting up. “I was just leaving, sorry,” I said, walking away. 

“No, Lily, wait!” he said. I turned around slowly. “Look, I know I’ve been a real jerk. I know. Can we just talk?” he asked. 

“Talk about what exactly?” I asked him, turning around. I wasn’t angry, though, like all those other girls were when they confronted their exes. I was more…tired sounding.

“About us,” he said, stepping closer. 

I raised an eyebrow. “Us?” I said, simply. 

He grimaced at my tone. “Look, about Emily…” he said, rubbing his head. “It was just a one time thing, it didn’t mean anything—”

“Edward, you don’t have to explain yourself,” I said. “I understand that you’ve moved on, so have I, so let’s just part as friends, okay?” I said, walking away. 

“No, Lily, please!” he said. I stopped walking. “I want you back,” he said, quietly. 

I turned around. I was shocked. Blokes were confusing. If he wanted me back, why would he go around snogging the faces off other girls? It didn’t make any sense to me. But, even if he didn’t snog Emily, I still wouldn’t have taken him. 

“I’m sorry, Edward. But I don’t fancy you like that anymore. I’ve moved on,” I said, just as quietly. 

“I’m sorry if I hurt you, Lily. I didn’t mean to, I was jealous! Please, just give me a second chance,” he said, almost begging. 

I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Edward,” I said, walking away. 

“Who is it?” he asked. 

The moment of truth. Did I tell him?

No. I simply shook my head and walked away. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I went to go visit Hailey again before dinner. I was starting to get worried, the Marauders were still AWOL. 

“You haven’t seen the Marauders since this morning, have you?” I asked her. 

She shook her head. “No, I haven’t seen them since. But, I did see Alice and Frank…” Hailey continued to babble on and on about her visitors, but I lost interest. 

Where had they disappeared to all day? I asked people around Gryffindor Tower if they had seen the four blokes, but every said no. I even sent a fourth year to their dormitory to see if they were there. He came back shaking his head. I asked almost all the Gryffindors if they’d seen them, but no one had since this morning. 

“Lily? Are you listening?”

“What? Sorry. I’m just really worried…” I said, staring at her. 

“About what? The Marauders can handle themselves. What do you think is going to happen? They aren’t going to get eaten by the Giant Squid.”

Well, that was stupid. Squidy would never eat anyone. He and I had an understanding. He wouldn’t eat my potential boyfriends and his mates. Squidy was once my potential boyfriend before, if you remember correctly. 

“Well, I don’t know where they could be. I really need to ask them something,” I said. I still hadn’t forgotten about the whole secret business. Pretty big thing to forget. 

Hailey gasped. “YOU’RE GOING TO ASK JAMES OUT?! HELL YES! FINALLY!” she said. 

I looked around. No one was there. “Hailey! SHH. I’m not going to ask him out,” I whispered. 

She looked put out. “Well, what are you going to ask them?” she asked, disappointed. 

I sighed. “It’s nothing, never mind. Hey, where’d Howard go?” I asked her, pointing to the bed and trying to change the subject. 

“Madam Pomfrey sent him away because he wasn’t getting the rest he needed here with me. She said that just because I didn’t want to stay here, I couldn’t bother the other patients and delay their recovery process or something like that. I stopped listening after he left,” she said, shrugging. “So, now, I’m going crazy all on my own,” she said, sighing. “Can you just get sick and stay here with me?” she asked. 

I didn’t have a chance to respond because Madam Pomfrey came and shooed me out. Sometimes I really hated her. I didn’t even get a chance to tell Hailey about what happened with Edward. 

I walked out of the Hospital Wing and went in the direction of the Gryffindor Common Room. I wasn’t in the mood to eat dinner and I wasn’t really hungry anyway. 

While I was walking, I ran into Edward and Emily. When she saw me, she immediately grabbed for Edward’s hand and started smiling at me. I smiled back. She wasn’t going to intimidate me. Whatever she was planning, it wouldn’t work. I’d make sure of it. 

Edward was pulling away from Emily slightly and had a rotten look on his face. If she was planning something—which I was ninety-seven percent sure she was—it was kind of evident that Edward didn’t exactly want a part in it. I wasn’t sure if he was sincere when he asked me to take him back, but it didn’t matter regardless. 

I walked by them without incident. I looked back momentarily to see that Emily now had her hand off of Edward and was walking a bit further away than necessary. That girl was definitely up to something. 

The Common Room was relatively empty. I looked around again for the Marauders, but they weren’t there. I didn’t think I was expecting them to be until I felt disappointment wash through me all over again. 

I sat down by the fire on my favourite armchair. Where could they have possibly gone for the whole day? They just disappeared without saying anything to anyone. 

This probably had to do something with their whole secretiveness and I wanted to know what it was. I wanted to discover the Marauders and know them. After all, they were my friends, right? I had a right to know their secrets, right?

The Portrait opened and my eyes shot up immediately. If it was the Marauders, I would basically attack them. 

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Whoever it was, they were walking very, very slowly through the Portrait and annoying me to death. I wished they would just hurry up and walk through already!

A black tuff of hair emerged and my heart sped up. Then, the whole head came through and the flame that was my hope was quickly put out. It was only Keith Jenning in fifth year with his girlfriend, something-what’s-her-face. I looked back over to the fireplace, not wanting to see them holding hands or anything. I was afraid of my own reaction. 

The door closed and Kenny and his GF went into some corner to snog. I had a rotten expression on my face, but I was determined to keep looking at the fire and only the fire. 

The door opened again, but I didn’t look up. I would just be disappointed. It wasn’t worth it. 

Then, suddenly, I heard it. His laugh. It filled me up until I could no longer keep my eyes on the fire. My head spun and my eyes found him. His eyes were bright, his cheeks were red from the cold and he was laughing. I momentarily forgot my anger at them as my heart melted. I couldn’t help myself, it just happened. 

I got a grip and put a determined look on my face. “James BLOODY Potter!” I shouted. The Marauders all looked over at me as I started stomping towards them. “Where the HELL have you four been? I thought you were BLOODY kidnapped by some crazy loons or eaten by the Giant BLOODY Squid!” I shouted at them, face burning up at my anger. Hm, I didn’t know I’d freak out THAT much. Apparently, I’ve been holding in a lot more than I thought. 

The Marauders all looked scared and Peter was cowering behind Remus. James gulped and put a hand on my arm. “Lily, maybe we should go somewhere more private,” he whispered, looking around at the shocked and curious faces. 

I glowered, but nodded. He seemed relieved that I had agreed and immediately started leading me upstairs to his dorm. I knew it would cause a flurry of questions, but I didn’t care. I wanted answers and I wanted them now. 

James opened the door to their dorm and I stalked in, still fuming. I sat down on one of the beds and glared at them. James cast a Silencing Charm around the room so no one outside would be able to hear our conversation and locked the door. But, it didn’t seem necessary since no one said a word. 

Sirius and Remus went to their respective beds and Peter went to his, still frightened. James stood in the middle of the room, eyeing me. I stared back, trying not to let his eyes smoulder my anger. 

After the long silence, I sighed. There was no reason to act angry. I realized that now. And I still had a million questions to ask them; anger wasn’t going to get the answers. 

No one seemed to want to break the silence. I sighed again and cleared my throat. “Where have you been?” I asked them, in a calmer voice, looking down at the ground. 

James sighed too, apparently relieved that I wasn’t shouting. “We were out,” he said, hesitantly. 

I rolled my eyes. “I figured that, considering the fact that you seemed to disappear off the face of the planet,” I said, frustration coming back. 

No one said anything. “Look, I know about it, James,” I said, looking up at him. Might as well get it over with. 

For some reason, James wasn’t shocked. His reaction was almost like he was reading my reaction. He was expecting it, I think. The rest of the Marauders looked at James, confused. 

“I knew you would figure it out,” he said, not taking his eyes off of mine. 

“Figure what out, Prongs?” asked Sirius, curiosity getting the better of him. He would probably throw a fit if he did know, but you know what they say; curiosity killed the cat. Er, well, in this case, the dog. 

James didn’t take his eyes away from me. “Do you want to tell them, Lily? Or should I?” he asked. He looked almost pained. 

“Whatever’s best for you,” I whispered, not breaking my gaze.

He nodded. “I’ll do it, then. It’s partially my fault anyway,” he said. He finally looked away and I instantly wished he hadn’t. He sighed heavily and faced Remus. 

“Remus,” he said, face completely emotionless. I wondered briefly why he was confronting Remus only. The image of a bloody stag reappeared in my mind, but I quickly pushed it away. 

Remus looked suspicious. “Lily knows about your—er—furry little problem,” James continued, struggling for words. Remus’ eyebrows furrowed and he nodded curtly. “And now she knows about our furry little problems,” he said, motioning to Sirius, Peter and himself. 

Everything seemed to happen at once. Peter was squeaking and rocking himself back and forth. Remus looked like he was about to have a heart attack and Sirius’ eyes were popping out of his face. 

“W-wh-what?” asked Remus, finally. I grimaced. “H-how?” he asked, looking from me to James. “You didn’t _tell_ her, did you?” he asked. 

I decided to step in now. I couldn’t let James get all the blame for this. “James didn’t say anything,” I said, standing up beside him. “I figured it out on my own,” I said, staring at him. 

Remus paled. He looked even sicker with the approaching full moon. “H-how?” was all he managed to say.

“Your nicknames. There was always something about them that bothered me. And then Hailey had to ask what the stories were behind them. But, the stories behind them didn’t seem right, since yours,” I said, looking at Remus, “referred to your—furry problem,” I said, using James’ description for it. Remus cringed. “And so, I confronted him until he told me they were all phony,” I glanced at James from beside me. “That’s all I could get out of him though. And then, I figured out the rest.”

No one said a word. Sirius was shaking his head silently. Remus was still sitting on his bed, dangerously pale. Peter’s squeaking could still be heard in the silence. I stood beside James, nervous of what they would do now. 

“Remus?” I said quietly. He looked up, gulping. “Please don’t be mad at James, it’s really not his fault. He kept his mouth shut, I swear.” No one but James and I knew that there was a double meaning to that phrase. 

Remus looked from James to me, still looking pale. Surprisingly, James hadn’t said a word. 

Eventually, Remus nodded. “All right. But, how did you figure it out, Lily? We’ve been extra careful,” said Remus, looking scared.

I let out a breath of relief. “It wasn’t easy,” I said, truthfully. “I lost a lot of sleep over it, actually. There was just something about your nicknames that pushed me. I knew yours, Moony, stood for your condition. So, I thought the rest of them had to do something with what James, Sirius and Peter were. Then, that one night when I left the Common Room and James followed me out,” I glanced at him. “We saw a rat,” I glanced at Peter and saw that he winced. “And I connected that to Peter, Wormtail. After a lot of thought, I figured out that the three of you were Animagi,” I said. I let the actual words sink in. I took a deep breath. No one moved. “Then, I figured out that Sirius was a dog,” I glanced at him and he gulped. No objections there. “And that James was a stag,” I said. 

It was quiet in the boys’ dormitory. I’m not sure anyone knew what to say. I was starting to get nervous. Maybe, I was just so totally wrong that they were trying to compose themselves from bursting out in laughter. 

As the silence continued, I started to get really anxious. Or, maybe I was just a loony case and they were silently plotting how to get rid of me in the most discreet way. I started to fidget. 

Suddenly, James started chuckling softly. “Nothing gets by you, does it, Lils?” he asked, using the nickname that was growing on me. He smiled a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

I smiled timidly and stared around the room at everyone’s face. “You aren’t mad, are you?” I asked them. 

“Amazed, more like,” said Sirius. “I didn’t think anyone would be able to figure it out. I thought it was the most guarded secret,” he said. Then, he suddenly grinned. “Do you want to see?” he asked, excited. 

I was shocked by his quick acceptance that I knew. “See what?” I asked him, confused. 

He was grinning full out now. “My dog form, of course! Aren’t you curious?” he asked me. 

I was too shocked to say anything, but I could feel the curiosity bubbling inside of me. How was it done? How did you just transform into a dog like that? I wanted to see it. 

I felt myself nodding. His grin grew bigger, it that were humanely possible. He leaped off his bed, but when his feet reached the ground, he landed on all fours instead of twos. 

A big, black, shaggy dog pranced over to me, tongue lolling out of his mouth. I recognized Sirius’ light eyes shining up at me. If dogs could smile, he definitely was. 

To say I was in awe was an understatement. I felt like passing out. I walked back cautiously and sat down on James’ bed. Sirius followed, tail wagging back and forth. 

I heard James laughing lightly at my shocked face. I reached a hand out and petted Sirius’ head. He barked, startling me, as my hand touched his rough fur. My strange impulse to pat his head was now satisfied. 

I smiled. “That’s cool,” I said, lamely, not knowing what else to say. I continued to scratch his head. He seemed to like that. 

“All right,” said James. He was leaning on Peter’s bed post. “Stop showing off, Sirius. Save some of the fun for the rest of us,” he said, smiling. Sirius barked again and walked off. I turned my head slightly to look at James and when I looked back, Sirius was already back in his human form. He was still grinning. 

Suddenly another thought came into my mind. “Why did you become Animagi?” I asked them. I looked over at Remus because I knew he was were it all revolved. “It has to do with your condition, doesn’t it?” I asked him. 

He looked up at me, looking a bit less pale than before, but pale regardless. He nodded and smiled. “They figured it out when we were only in second year. After telling them, I was afraid they were going to ditch me out of fright, but they did something so much more than I expected. James got this crazy idea of becoming Animagi so they could accompany me during full moons since werewolves are only a danger to humans,” he said. He was smiling while he spoke, but I could tell there was another emotion hidden in his voice. Was it remorse? 

“How did you do it?” I asked James. I fought to keep my voice under control. They were still the stupidest blokes I have ever met, regardless of why they were doing it. 

He smiled at me. “Well, Sirius, Peter and I started researching everything we could on becoming Animagi. It took us three years, but we finally managed in our fifth year,” he said, simply. 

I was starting to get frustrating now; I could feel the familiar irrational anger rising. “But, why?” I asked him, furrowing my eyebrows. “Do you _know_ how dangerous that could have been? I mean, over-aged wizards can barely do it. If you did this just for the thrill—”

I was interrupted by Remus. “No, Lily. It’s not like that, really. Before fifth year, I was alone when I transformed, and with no one around, I bit and scratched myself. I was lost for the night and the wolf inside overtook my mind. But, when they come out with me—I don’t know how to explain it exactly—I can keep my mind a little. I feel less wolfish, if that were possible. And I do less damage to myself while they’re there.”

I could feel my anger being replaced by respect. I sat in awe of these four boys. And here, I thought I understood the bond they shared with each other. But, apparently, I didn’t know anything. I realized that I was extremely wrong about them for six years of my life. I thought them the most arrogant, trouble-making people in the history of the world’s existence. It was a possibility they were, but there was something more to it. They were also the most loyal friends a person could ask for. 

My heart sped up as the final realization hit me. They were doing this for Remus to help him through the one thing affects his whole life. They were risking their lives to help a friend. 

“Remus, you make us sound like saints,” said James, suddenly. He was smiling. 

Remus smirked at James’ remark. “Oh, but I know you’re far from that,” he said. James smile grew wider. 

“Okay, what are you waiting for, Peter?” came Sirius’ happy voice. “Show her yourself,” he said, grinning at the small boy. 

Peter squeaked and looked at me timidly. Immediately he was transformed into a small, grey rat. I couldn’t help but let out a small squeal as he fell off the bed, onto the floor and started scuttling around. I lifted my feet off the floor. I wouldn’t be petting him like I had Sirius. 

Sirius barked out a laugh that sounded familiar to his dog bark. “Apparently you don’t like rats,” he said, laughing at me. 

I grimaced as Peter changed back. “I’m sorry, Peter. It’s not you, I just don’t like them in general,” I said, trying to apologize. 

He smiled timidly and nodded. “I know. A lot of people don’t really like rats,” he said. He seemed kind of sad when he said it and I felt sympathetic for him. 

Now, the best for last. I gave James and eager look. “And you?” I asked. “Can I see yours?” I tried to mask the over-enthusiasm in my voice, but it was just overflowing inside of me. A stag!

He seemed hesitant. He looked up at the ceiling, monitoring the height. “Do you think it’d be okay, Remus?” James asked him. 

Remus shrugged. “You’ve done it before, haven’t you?” he asked, smiling. 

“Just go for it, mate,” said Sirius. “I know you want to,” he said, grinning. 

James grinned back. I could tell there was an excitement shining in his eyes. I smiled at him, feeling the excitement being reflected back at me. 

James was standing there, then in a moment, an enormous, rich brown stag stood in his place. 

I gasped, taking in the image of him. He looked magnificent. His large antlers were inches from the ceiling and his coat glimmered in the dim light. I couldn’t help myself; I stood up and reached my hand out to touch his neck. 

He was soft. I moved my hand up to his face and recognized the hazel eyes staring back at me. My breath caught at the beauty of him. That was the only way to describe him; beautiful. 

I had forgotten that we were in the middle of a boys’ dormitory and that all of James’ mates were sitting around us. I was too absorbed by James to remember anything. 

My hand was still on his face when Sirius coughed. “All right, all right. You said I was showing off, Prongs? Look at you, mate,” he said, laughing at him. James’ head shifted under my hand and he snorted in Sirius’ direction. Sirius merely laughed. 

I took my hand away and James transformed back. He was smiling that smile I loved and my heart rate increased. 

“Amazing, wasn’t it?” he asked me, eyes bright. 

It took me a minute to compose myself. When I did, I made a face and smacked him across the head. “You’re too arrogant for your own good,” I said, sitting back down on his bed. 

Sirius was laughing. “Too bad, Prongs,” he said. He scowled at Sirius and I smiled. 

It was amazing, though. Better than amazing. He was probably the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. But, we didn’t need him knowing that. 

I still had a thousand questions sprouting in my mind. “So, where were you today?” I asked, getting over the initial shock of my friends transforming into animals. 

Nobody answered again. James cleared his throat hesitantly and looked around at the rest of them. Sirius shrugged as if he could read James’ mind and Remus nodded slowly. I furrowed my eyebrows at them.

“What’s going on?” I asked them. “What aren’t you telling me?” I said, looking at James specifically.

He cleared his throat again. “Okay, we’re going to tell you, Lily, but you have to promise not to freak out,” he said, holding his palms up to me. 

I forehead creased but I kept cool. “Okay. No freaking out from me,” I said, struggling not to lash out in frustration. 

He took a deep breath. Sirius looked bored. “Okay, we—er,” he hesitated. 

I rolled my eyes. “Just spit it out, James,” I said to him, frustration getting the better of me. 

He smiled slightly. “Well, we went to Hogsmeade,” he said finally. 

My first reaction wasn’t anger, like he thought it would be. Truthfully, I was confused. 

“How?” I asked, curiosity thick in my voice. “How did you get past…?” I asked, realizing I sounded extremely thick. They were the Marauders. Nothing made sense with them. The past hour should have been enough proof for that. 

He smiled slightly, sitting down next to Remus on his bed. “Well, we have other ways of getting where we want to,” he said, throwing smirks around the room. They all answered back. I furrowed my eyebrows again. I hated being the only one who didn’t know what was going on. 

“Care to explain? Or are you going to make me figure that one out, too?” I asked, dreading the idea of losing more sleep over their never-ending mysteries. 

They all smiled this time. “I don’t think you’d be able to figure this one out, Lily, even if you tried,” said Sirius. He sounded amused. 

I scowled. I wasn’t sure whether to take that as an insult. If I put my mind to it, I’m sure I _could_. 

James laughed at my expression. “Remember that piece of parchment, Lily?” he asked me, bringing me back to that night. 

The others gave James curious looks, but he ignored them. I nodded at him, wondering what that piece of overused parchment had anything to do with this. 

“Well, that piece of parchment is the core to this,” he said, confirming my thoughts. All but one. 

“How?” I asked him. These horrible mood swings were horrible. I would be angry or frustrated then decide it was stupid, only to have another one of their stupid mysteries thrown on me again, reacting with another fit of anger or frustration. Really, would it ever stop? 

He grimaced. I knew he couldn’t tell me, no matter how much he wanted to. I looked down, dejected.

“It’s a map,” said a voice that wasn’t James’. I looked up again at the speaker and found Remus. He was staring around at the other blokes. Sirius was confused and looked a bit annoyed. James was shocked, but didn’t look as upset as Sirius did. And Peter just looked nervous as usual.

No matter what the others were feeling at the moment, I focused my attention on Remus. “A map?” I asked. I could feel the questions burning the inside of my mind. A map of _what_?

He nodded. He looked like he was battling with himself. A mix of happiness and torment. Like he felt guilty for feeling happy. It was strange. “A map of all of Hogwarts. But, not only is it a map, it shows us everyone in the school. We can know everyone’s exact location without even moving a muscle,” he said, looking up at me. All of a sudden, the happiness burst through and the guilt quickly faded away. 

I was in shock. Again. A map of Hogwarts that showed everyone’s precise location. It was all fitting together now. How James had known where Filch would be before we ran into him. And all those times he knew where to find me, like he had a sixth sense. I realized now that I wasn’t far off. 

I didn’t say anything for a moment; I was letting the awe of it all soak into my head. Was there anything these blokes _couldn’t_ do? 

“Wow,” I finally managed to get out. 

James laughed and Remus was already rummaging through his stuff. Sirius was still looking slightly annoyed and I felt guilty. He probably didn’t like that I knew about _all_ their most protected secrets. But, the guilt was washed away when I realized he knew _my_ most protected secret. 

Remus handed a rugged piece of parchment to James. He whispered something incoherent to him and smiled. James smiled back. “Do you want to see?” he asked me, the excitement back in his eyes. 

I could hardly deny my curiosity and James’ enthusiasm. I was quickly by his side and Remus moved to James’ bed to make more room for me. I sat eagerly beside James, ignoring the fierce thumping in my chest in reaction to his proximity. 

James held the parchment in front of us. He tapped his wand to his the centre and muttered, “ _I solemnly swear I am up to no good_.” I watched as dark ink lines started spiralling out of James’ wand onto the parchment, weaving through each other, connecting to every corner of the parchment. I felt my jaw drop. When I thought it was over, green words appeared across the top. They read: 

_Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs_

_Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers_

_are proud to present_

_THE MARAUDER’S MAP_

I laughed with shock as I finished reading the words. My eyes continued to roam the parchment, absorbed by the shapes and tiny words that fluttered across it. I don’t know how long I was staring at the parchment until I reached a particular spot of the parchment. I read the small words, _J. Potter, S. Black, R. Lupin, P. Pettigrew_ and to my surprise, _L. Evans._ I scanned the surrounding area to find that it was Gryffindor Tower and our names were located in the boys’ dormitory. I felt my mouth hang open even more, if that were possible. 

“W-wow,” I gasped, not really knowing what else to say. James chuckled. 

“You did all this?” I asked them, finding my voice again. I looked around at everyone. 

James nodded. “We all did. We decided that, as Marauders, we needed somewhere to put all of our new discoveries. And hopefully, pass this along to our kids as some sort of aid,” he said, grinning.

I rolled my eyes. “Of course. What was it that it said? Aid of Mischeif-Makers, or something?” I asked, wondering when their genius would end. 

Sirius was now grinning, all trace of annoyance gone now. “That was my idea,” he said to me. I rolled my eyes again. 

“How did you do this?” I asked them, again. And all this time, I thought they could care less about studying and work. Had I known what they were really doing…

“Remus did most of the research on the works of it; the brains, you could say. Peter did the researching of the castle, finding handy shortcuts with his shape. Sirius and I put together the map, finishing odds and ends. It was a team effort,” James said, smiling his wonderfully wonderful grin. 

“Always so wrong…” I muttered to myself.

“Wrong about what?” asked James. Apparently he had heard. 

I looked up at him to find his face was troubled. It shocked me. “Wrong about you blokes,” I hesitated. “Don’t be offended, but I always thought you didn’t stick to anything. I thought you had a smaller attention span than a fly,” I said, wincing slightly at the accusation. Oh, how wrong I was. 

Surprisingly, they all laughed. None of them had taken offence like I had thought. Instead, they found it incredibly amusing. 

“You know we had to keep up that front, Lily,” said James, smiling. “Wouldn’t be too good for the Marauder reputation if everyone knew that we were brilliant blokes, now would it?” he said, winking at me. 

My heart raced, but I ignored it. Instead, I rolled my eyes, pretending to be annoyed rather than horribly affected by him to the extent that I couldn’t form words. 

I got a grip of myself. “Well, that still doesn’t explain how you were in Hogsmeade,” I said. 

He regarded me with a look. “Doesn’t it?” he asked me, like I was missing a very important point. 

It took me a while to understand, but suddenly, it came to me like an anvil falling out of the sky. “You found passageways _out_ of the school?” I asked them. I distantly remembered him saying something about other ways out…

James nodded. “Seven in all,” he said, monitoring my expression. “We think that Filch knows about some of them, though,” he said.

I had been in shock too many times today that I didn’t feel anything this time. It was like I was expecting it. It didn’t seem as surprising to me as I thought it’d be. 

“Remind me never to underestimate you blokes again,” I said, finally. 

They all laughed. “No problems there, Lily,” said Sirius. 

Strangely enough, I agreed with his words. There were no problems, for now. To my shock, I was taking this extremely well. I wasn’t freaking out or irrationally harming anyone, not even screaming. I was actually quite impressed with my unusual coolness towards everything. I could feel the tightly wound Lily slowly unwinding into someone I was comfortable with. And for now, I was happy knowing that. 

**[A/N: Sorry for that incredibly long wait...I've seem to run out of inspiration :S Anyway, I know that this chapter is kind of bad, compared to the last chapter especially. Don't worry, James and Lily will get together soon, I promise. :D**

**Also, I've been updating my one-shot collection called Mr. Hangman. It was originally a James/Lily one-shot, but I suddenly decided to make it a collection. I've unfortunately run out of fresh ideas, so, if you want, please leave a review with some suggestions... :D Please and Thanks.**

**So, please REVIEW! XD]**


	14. Doubt

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN.**

**Doubt**

_“Laugh at yourself, but don’t ever aim your doubt at yourself. Be bold. When you embark for strange places, don’t leave any of yourself safely on shore. Have the nerve to go into unexplored territory.” –Alan Alda_

I wasn’t sure what I was allowed to tell Hailey. There was so much I couldn’t say that it felt pointless to even say anything at all. I couldn’t tell her about my out-of-character kiss on the cheek because she would ask why I was meeting with James in the first place. Although, if she did know about the small, insignificant kiss, she would have gone beserk. And I couldn’t tell her about yesterday in the boys’ dormitory, because she would have asked what I was doing there and what we talked about. And both were strictly off limits. I had made my own Marauder Oath yesterday, although without the ‘Marauder’ part, promising to keep my mouth shut. 

It was all extremely frustrating, to say the least.

“So, what did you do yesterday?” Hailey asked me from her bed. 

I hesitated slightly, but she didn’t seem to notice. “Well, I finished all my homework and went to bed early,” I said. I hated lying to Hailey, but it was the only solution to this mess I’d gotten myself into. Well, it wasn’t a mess, more like a…burden. Actually, no, not even. Oh, I didn’t know what to call it. Just something I couldn’t tell Hailey.

“Really? That’s it?” she asked me, clearly disappointed. 

I nodded, hiding a grimace. “I was really tired,” I said, trying to cover up my lie. 

She furrowed her eyebrows. “Come on, Lily. You need to live a little,” she said, “Now that I’m sitting here _crippled_ ” —she said the word like it was cursed— “I need you to live for the both of us,” she said, sadly. 

I rolled my eyes at her melodrama. “Really, Hailey. You’re going to get better. It’s only a couple of days,” I said to her. 

“It’s only MONDAY, Lily! I have until THURSDAY!” she cried. 

I sighed. It did seem like a long time. Class was unbelievably dull sitting by yourself. “Hang in there, Hailey,” was all I managed to say to comfort my friend. 

And almost like tradition now, Madam Pomfrey came out of her office to shoo me out. I obliged as Hailey sent me another tortured look. 

I sighed again and started walking to my next class. Which was DADA. Of course, Hailey was in that class with me also, so it was going to be another lonesome hour for me. 

I walked into class and sat at my usual spot. 

Shortly after, the Marauders walked in and my spirits lifted. I couldn’t help but regard them in a different light now. You would, too if you knew that they were Animagi at the age of fifteen. It still was a wonder to me how they managed it. 

I also wondered why I didn’t freak out or stop talking to them or anything dramatic. I was surprised that I had accepted it so early. It was strange how quickly I managed to let them go along with this. I knew that if I found out in fifth year, I would have chewed them out pretty badly and maybe even told Professor McGonagall. I guess I had loosened my tightly wound bun. Which was a surprise to me. 

James smiled and sat down next to me, to my surprise and delight. “Hey, Lils,” he said, grinning at the name. “Mind if I sit with you today? You looked kind of lonely back there in Charms,” he said, smiling happily at me. 

I couldn’t help but smile back. “Of course!” I said. “But what about Sirius?” I asked, feeling slightly guilty that he was being ditched for my happiness. 

He shrugged carelessly. “Sirius doesn’t mind,” he said. “He can handle a day without me,” he finished, grinning again. “Unless of course you’d rather sit with one of them,” he said teasingly. 

“No, no!” I said, a little too quickly. “I mean, I’m sure you don’t want to sit with me, never mind them,” I said, blush rising in my cheeks. That was a close call. 

James laughed. “Oh, no, no. You’re _my_ responsibility,” he said, grinning.

My own reaction surprised me to his teasing remark. I felt ridiculously happy that he said that I was _his_ responsibility, yet I secretly dreaded if he actually meant it. Was I really just like a chore for him? Just a pile of dishes he had to clean up? 

I ignored the confusing thought as the DADA professor entered class. He always had a nervous look about him; no one thought he would last very long. After all, the job was cursed, wasn’t it? 

We were supposed to be taking notes on defensive spells in the text, so I let my mind wander a bit. Not that I was being cocky or anything, but I knew my stuff. Also, because I didn’t think I could concentrate very well when I was very aware of James Potter sitting next to me.

I sat staring at my book in front of me simply for something to do, but the words weren’t making any sense. My eyes kept trying to turn a couple inches to stare at the person sitting next to me, but I managed to keep them under control. I started twirling my quill in my fingers, but it didn’t take away the distraction. Eventually, I just gave up trying to block him out because it was obviously not working. And it wouldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. 

I was aware of how his hand was just inches away from mine and how his leg was bouncing up and down, like he was anxious about something. 

I couldn’t stop my imagination getting the best of me. During the whole class, my mind wandered to corners of my head that I attempted to keep stored away. All the ridiculous thoughts that I struggled to lock up were suddenly flying out of their drawers, elated that they were finally free to explore. I couldn’t contain them. 

At first, my mind took me to thoughts of kissing James. My face grew red just thinking about it and I struggled to just compose myself. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I couldn’t rein the thoughts in. I couldn’t stop imagining about how his lips would feel against mine, the feel of his hair on my fingers…

I exhaled sharply and got myself together. These thoughts were highly inappropriate when he was sitting just inches away from me. Actually, these thoughts were highly inappropriate no matter where he was. Unless we were actually dating, then I could think about it any time I wanted…

I shook my head. This was getting way out of hand. First, I was getting myself worked up for nothing. There was a big chance that nothing would even happen between us because first of all, I was a chicken. I didn’t have enough courage to ask him out and I didn’t even know how he felt about me. Ugh. It was all so frustrating. 

I sighed and James glanced at me from the corner of his eyes. I smiled shyly at him and he smiled back. He seemed relaxed, the opposite of what I felt. I struggled to compose my face so he wouldn’t see the frustration and sadness probably evident on my face. 

My breathing was evening out and I continued to take deep breaths. I needed to calm down if I was going to get through the remainder of this class. My eyes jumped up to the clock on the wall and only ten minutes of the hour-long class had passed. 

I groaned quietly and James gave me another glance. I grimaced slightly, out of his sight of course, and stared down at my textbook in front of me. How was I going to last another fifty minutes? There was no way. During that time, I would probably do something so irrational that I would have to hide in my dormitory until the year was over. That was how desperately I wanted this class to end. 

Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea that James sat with me after all. 

I closed my eyes in concentration and took a deep breath. I could do this. This wasn’t the first time James had sat beside me. I could handle it. 

James’ hand moved minutely and I felt a sudden urge to just reach out and take it. I clenched my fist painfully so my hand wouldn’t decide to act on its own accord. It was all I could do from keeping the distance between us. 

A small cough came from my left. I turned my head sharply to meet the eyes of Professor Burklen, our DADA professor. His face was twitching slightly and I gasped. 

“Miss Evans, may I see your work, please?” he asked politely. He was nervous, I could see, but nowhere near nervous than I. 

I hesitated, my fingers resting on my textbook. My eyes fluttered across my desk and reluctantly glanced towards James. He looked as panicked as I felt. 

“I-I haven’t done any yet, Professor,” I admitted sheepishly. I couldn’t believe I was admitting to not doing work. 

Actually, I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t _done_ any work either. 

He still seemed hesitant, but persisted. “May I ask why, Miss Evans?” he asked me. 

I could feel everyone’s eyes on me as I racked my mind for some kind of excuse. Immediately, the blush rose into my face. I couldn’t exactly say that I was too distracted by James to do any work, but it was the only thing that sounded somewhat believable right now. 

“I—er, don’t feel well, Professor,” I lied. I was actually shocked to say that the lie came easier than I would have thought. Maybe the Marauders were rubbing off on me. 

He contemplated my look for a bit before passing it off as the truth. “Would you like to go to the Hospital Wing, Miss Evans?” he asked me, very politely. 

I wasn’t sure what to do. James was giving me a questioning glance and the professor was checking my reaction. Eventually I nodded and got up from my desk. I gathered my things with slightly shaky hands and walked towards the door. 

“Er, Professor?” asked the all-too-familiar voice. I turned my head to see James raising his hand ever so slightly and facing Professor Burklen. 

I bit my lip anxiously as James glanced in my direction. He sent me a fleeting smile. 

“Yes, Mr. Potter?” he said, nervously again. 

“Would you mind if I took Lily to the Hospital Wing? She doesn’t look well,” he said, giving the teacher a pleasant smile. 

I felt my eyebrows jump into my hairline, but I quickly reformed my expression. Instinctively going along with the plan, I made myself look as sick as possible, even trying to make myself look pale, if I could. 

I felt the Professor’s shocked eyes search my face and James’ face. He seemed perplexed and I could hear the whispers of our classmates starting up. I ignored them and focused everything into looking as sick as I could. 

“I-I guess that would be all right,” Burklen said eventually. I have no idea why, but I felt a sudden impulse to exhale deeply. Was this even right, letting James come with me? 

I shook away the doubt as James stood up, grabbing all of his things with one arm. He moved to my side and he walked me out the door. My heart was bursting, but I ignored it as I remembered that he was standing right next to me. 

“You put on a good show, Lily,” he said, once we were far from the class. 

I blushed and didn’t meet his eyes. The sudden bravery to lie to Burklen had disappeared and I felt shy all of a sudden. 

“So, where are we going?” I asked him when I finally found my voice. 

He smirked at me. “Well, we’re going to have to flush out your alibi, aren’t we?” he asked me, guiding me in the direction of the Hospital Wing. 

I blushed again at my own lies. Stupid, stupid. I hoped that he didn’t know the real reason I hadn’t got any work done. But there was no way he could know, right? 

“You seem different, Lily,” he noticed, eyeing me carefully. 

I fought the blush rising in my cheeks because it was true. I took a deep breath. “Really?” I asked, somewhat breathlessly. “How so?” I tried acting oblivious, although it was evident to both of us that I wasn’t. 

He gave me a confused look. “I don’t know. You seem kind of anxious. And quiet,” he said, thoughtfully. “You aren’t _actually_ sick, are you?” he asked, stopping me and looking into my face. 

Stupid as I was, I looked back, which didn’t help me keep calm. I struggled for words and my palms were starting to sweat. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and his eyes were searching my face…

I quickly looked away and started walking again, not waiting for him to catch up. “No, I’m fine,” I replied to his question. It wasn’t exactly the truth, nor was it exactly false. It was teetering on the borderline. 

He caught up with me easily. “Are you sure, Lily? You still look a bit anxious to me,” he said. “There’s not a test coming up that I don’t know about, is there?” he asked, somewhat teasingly. 

I appreciated his efforts to lighten the mood, but I didn’t really respond how he might have hoped. “Not that I know of,” I replied, not knowing what else to say when my mind was so jumbled. 

I watched his eyebrows furrow out of the corner of my eye. I knew that I was making it obvious that something was up. It was only a matter of time before he figured it out. 

I almost started to hyperventilate at the idea of him knowing. It was almost too much to bear. I closed my eyes briefly and almost walked into a suit of armour. 

I stopped to steady myself and continued breathing deeply. I felt James’ hands grab my arms. I closed my eyes, not thinking I could take it if I saw his face so close to mine. I just wished what ever was happening to me, it would just pass soon. 

“Lily? Are you all right?” asked James’ concerned voice. 

I kept focusing on breathing in and out steadily before I answered him. “Fine. Just give me a moment,” I said, still not opening my eyes. 

“Are you sure? Can you walk?” he asked me. 

Now, I opened my eyes cautiously. He was closer than I expected. His concern-filled eyes were staring me right into mine and I could feel his warm breath on my face. He looked so gloriously wonderful. 

The proximity of his face was messing with my thoughts horribly and my self-control had been muddled with. Before I knew what I was doing, I leaned forward. My lips closed the space between our faces and they were pressed against his.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

It took me a second to realize what I was doing. It was so gentle at first that I didn’t realize. 

When the thought finally registered in my mind, I didn’t pull away like I thought I would. To my further surprise, I pulled myself closer to him, flinging my arms around his neck and into his hair. 

His hands immediately wrapped around my waist. I gasped slightly, but still didn’t pull away. 

It was like nothing I ever imagined. I could feel James’ surprise as I kissed him, but there wasn’t any reluctance. There were no words to describe it. I could feel his body pressed against mine; his lips moving with mine; his arms around my waist, pulling me closer; my hands in his smooth hair. It was like the butterflies in my stomach were now having a bonfire in my chest. 

It was over too soon. Since we were only human, we had to stop to breathe, but James didn’t let me go and I didn’t drop my arms from his shoulders. My eyes were still closed, but I could feel his gaze on my face. I was almost scared to open my eyes. 

When I did, I inhaled sharply. He was still impossibly close to me. His eyes were brighter than I’ve ever seen in my life. He wasn’t smiling, but he didn’t need to. The happiness in his eyes said enough. 

After I let the shock wash through me, I felt an unexplainable joy erupt in my chest. Since he was still holding me impeccably close, the only conclusion that I could come to was that James still fancied me. He still wanted me. And I never wanted to leave the warmth of his arms. 

I couldn’t help it, but I started to smile. It grew and grew until a small giggle escaped from my lips. I stifled the oncoming giggles at James’ confused look. 

“What brought that on?” asked James casually, like he was asking about why I’d spontaneously started dancing in the middle of the hall instead of kissed him. His voice was strangely—but pleasantly—deeper. 

I suddenly became self conscious under his piercing eyes and I no longer stood on my tip-toes. My arms sagged a little on his broad shoulders and I let a little space in between us. 

Before I could respond, James slyly pulled me closer, closing the space I had managed to make. I smiled, but didn’t look up at him. 

“I’m not sure,” I said, quietly. My voice sounded strange to me. 

We were quiet for a moment and I looked up at him hesitantly. There was a small smile planted on his lips. Lips that were so soft—er…no. I couldn’t think about that. Not now. I didn’t know if I could resist kissing him again if he came too close or if I stared at him for too long …

James grinned suddenly and let go of me except my hand. He started to pull me in the opposite direction. 

“Where are we going?” I asked him. I found that I liked the feel of his hand with mine. Very much. 

“Hospital Wing,” he replied, smiling my favourite crooked smile at me. 

“Why?” I asked him. It seemed such a trivial thing right now when all I could think of was how James fancied me back. Imagine that! I grinned. 

“We still need to make sure you’re all right,” he said. “I’m still wondering if you’re completely sane.” I could tell he was teasing, but it seemed like he might actually believe his words. 

“I’m fine, James,” I said, shyly. The sound of his name from my mouth was like eating my favourite sweet for the first time in months. 

He turned to smile at me again, causing my heart to accelerate. “I still want to be sure,” he said. He was still grinning stupidly and I couldn’t help but grin stupidly back. 

We entered the Hospital Wing, James letting go of my hand. I tried to hide my disappointed look, but I think he saw it anyway. I caught sight of Hailey in her bed, a look of deep concentration on her face as she read a book. 

“Hey, Hailey,” I said, unable to keep all of my excitement from bubbling up. 

She looked up, startled and stared at James and I, both smiling widely and standing a little too close. I realized that I was supposed to be looking sick and I wiped the grin off my face and moved off to the side a little. 

“Hey,” she said, sounding happy, but confused. “What’s up with you two?” she asked, probably wondering why we looked so happy.

I masked my elation and pretended to look sick. James seemed to realize what I was doing and immediately played along. “I got sick in Defence Against the Dark Arts,” I said, putting a hand against my forehead. 

Right on cue, Madam Pomfrey came bustling out of her small office in the corner of the room. 

“Miss Evans? Potter? What are you doing out of class?” she asked, approaching us. 

I faked my sickness again and explained that I wasn’t feeling well. She made me sit down on a bed and started to examine me. I felt James and Hailey’s eyes on me, but I ignored them both. I knew Hailey was curious and confused, and I knew if I looked at James now, it would take all of me to keep from smiling. 

“Potter, what are you still doing here?” Pomfrey asked him. “Shouldn’t you be getting to your next class?” she asked. 

I turned to look at him hesitantly and I was sure he read the emotion in my eyes. I didn’t want him to leave. Not yet. He winked at me subtly and turned to Madam Pomfrey. 

“Right. I’ll be going now,” he said. He turned around and walked out the door. I listened till his footsteps faded, but I knew he wouldn’t be far off. 

Madam Pomfrey turned back to me and it took my full efforts to keep from hyperventilating. It was unbearably hard to keep my pent up feelings…well, pent up. I wanted to scream and run around the castle and ride a broom and dance for Merlin’s sake! I didn’t want to be here in this too-white room, waiting for a diagnosis that did not exist! I wanted to be out of this room!

I barely noticed Hailey eyeing me strangely. Knowing her, she knew there was something going on between James and I. If anyone saw us together, they would know immediately. After all, everyone noticed when James and I became friends. Even the Slytherins did. If we actually started dating…

The word sent a thrill through my body and I struggled even harder to keep from bursting out in something. I noticed my breathing increase minutely and I even felt a faint blush on my cheeks. Madam Pomfrey eyed me strangely as she continued her examination. Hailey was scowling at me and I gave her a small smile; only a fraction of a fraction of what I was feeling right now. 

“Miss Evans, it seems that you are fine,” she said, frowning as she looked at me. “If you continue to feel unwell, please come back to see me,” she said, dismissing me. “Off to class,” she turned her back and walked straight into her office. 

I turned, too, until I heard a faint _ahem_ , behind me. I turned to Hailey hesitantly. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her expression was accusing. “What in Merlin’s name was that?” she whispered fiercely. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said somewhat guiltily. 

Her eyes became slits on her face. “I may be lying in a hospital bed, Lily, but I’m not thick,” she said dangerously. “Tell me now.”

I gulped. Could I tell her everything that happened? Could I say all the things I wanted so much to say that I was bursting at the seams? 

“Miss Evans! Off to class please!” Madam Pomfrey said, scuttling out of her office with a bubbling potion in her hands. Hailey was still glaring at me, but I felt relieved. 

“I’ll visit you later, Hailey,” I said cautiously. Her expression didn’t change as I tried to send her a telepathic message that I would tell her later. I didn’t think she got it. 

I stepped out of the Hospital Wing and started walking in the direction of the DADA class. I didn’t particularly want to go there, but it was the only direction I could think of. 

Suddenly, hands grabbed me by the waist and pulled me into a small crevice of the wall. I gasped and a hand flew up to my mouth. But, I recognized the familiar scent of him and I relaxed immediately. But that didn’t last long because my heart started to pound against the inside of my ribs, sending me almost into hysterics. 

“It’s me,” he whispered, taking his hand off my mouth. 

“I know,” I whispered back, trying to control my shaking voice. 

“Did I scare you?” he laughed silently. 

“A little.”

“Sorry,” he said, grinning. He didn’t look sorry at all, but frankly, I didn’t care. 

I grinned back. “It’s all right,” I said. 

“So, what now?” he asked me, taking us out into the crevice. His hands left my waist and I tried not to react to the lack of his touch. 

“That’s a very good question,” I replied. What were we supposed to do? I mean, this had to change _something_ in our relationship, didn’t it? I mean, I _snogged_ him. Mates don’t just snog like that without something changing, right? That wasn’t how things worked. 

But what if things didn’t change between us? What if we stayed with the ‘still friends’ status? Could we deal with that? Could _I_ deal with that? I mean, the sexual tension would be kind of unbearable for me. After all, I had been the one to kiss him. 

And I WANTED things to change. I wanted to be his girlfriend. It was the most logical decision, wasn’t it? Yeah, it was. So, something needed to happen! We both fancied each other, didn’t we? We both liked each other, didn’t we? 

But, what if he thought that I was being too forward or something? What if he thought we were moving too fast and was turned away from it? What if he didn’t want a commitment? What if I was just some tool to him? What if he _didn’t_ fancy me?!

I couldn’t stop the hysterics from bubbling up. My breathing quickened and I stopped walking. I probably looked like the Giant Squid would if he were to come on land. Struggling for breath and out of place.

“Lily?! Lily, what’s wrong?” James asked me, grabbing my shoulders. “Can you breathe? Do you need Madam Pomfrey? Are you okay?” he asked, panicking. 

I struggled and managed to get a small reign of my actions. I felt like a fool. “I’m fine,” I gasped. “One sec,” I added. 

I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing. What an overreaction.  

“Lily?” he asked again. “Are you okay?” he asked cautiously. 

I refused to open my eyes. This situation was much too similar to one before and I didn’t think I could contain myself if I lost control again only to be rejected. It would not happen. 

I directed my face towards the ground so even if I was tempted to open my eyes, I wouldn’t see anything to make me lose my words. “Are things going to change?” I asked him quietly. I was almost begging him. 

He took his hands off my shoulders. I heard his breath stop short, then continue again, slightly rougher. I peeked a look at him and found that his eyes looked pained. Pained. 

I could only come to one conclusion at the misery in his eyes. He didn’t fancy me. I knew it. The realization hit me like the Hogwarts Express full steam ahead. It was all too clear. He was my friend, but obviously nothing more. He hated that he was hurting me like he was, but that couldn’t change the fact that he didn’t fancy me back. 

I stopped the tears that were threatening to leak. I couldn’t show him how much this hurt. It would just make him feel even more miserable, but that still didn’t change anything. He wouldn’t fancy me because he felt sorry for me, would he? 

“What do _you_ want, Lily?” he asked me, quietly. He didn’t meet my eyes. 

“I—” I hesitated. “I don’t know,” I replied meekly. I didn’t think I could confess my feelings to him. This was embarrassing enough. 

He nodded sullenly and didn’t say a word. 

“Miss Evans? Mister Potter?” said a kind, old voice. 

We both looked up at our names and met the wise eyes of Professor Dumbledore. We both unconsciously took a step away from each other and I blushed deeply. 

“Hello, Professor,” James said politely. He didn’t smile. 

“What are my Head students doing out of class?” he asked, a troubled look on his face. 

I dipped my head in shame. 

“Lily wasn’t feeling well, so I was ordered to escort her to the Hospital Wing,” he said. Polite, stiff, cold. 

Dumbledore frowned slightly. “I see. Are you quite well now, Miss Evans?” he asked me. 

I looked up at him, blush still heavy in my cheeks, and nodded once. I looked back at the ground again. 

“Very well,” he said, the troubled look was still present on his face. “I suggest you return to your class,” he said, holding out an arm in the direction of DADA. 

We both nodded and moved awkwardly away. The stiff uncomfortable silence remained throughout the walk and I was fighting tears. 

James knocked on the door and opened it. We walked in and took out seats. I didn’t respond when Professor Burklen asked me whether I was feeling better. I didn’t react when James sat down next to me. I didn’t read the book that I had managed to open on my desk. I couldn’t do anything except stop the rivers that tried to force their way out. 

The bell rang and James rose to his feet. He grabbed his things and left without a word to anyone. I felt myself staring at his back in desperation. Was this how it was going to be from now on? This was the direction things were going to go? Not the other way around? 

I searched for the closest lavatory before I broke down. Did he know how much he was hurting me right now? Did he know how it felt to have your heart ripped in two and left to bleed?

Of course he did. He had that happen many times. Only, I had shredded his heart in more than two and it was too far gone from bleeding. 

I guess I deserved it then. Fair was fair. I hurt him, he hurt me back. It was the circle of life. I was a cold-hearted bitch who didn’t care about other people’s feelings. Maybe he was trying to teach me a lesson. Maybe he knew I would eventually fall for him in the end, even if he didn’t like me back. And maybe, maybe he wanted me to know how it felt to be rejected so harshly that you could actually feel your heart break. 

I wiped at the tears streaming down my face. What was I thinking? James would never do that. I had hurt him, yes, and I deserved it, yes, but he would never do that. Hadn’t I seen the pain in his eyes for rejecting me like that? And now, now he was avoiding me because he couldn’t lead me on anymore. He wouldn’t be my friend because he knew that I would always want more. 

James was a good person. And a good friend. And I was a horrible person. I didn’t deserve people like James. 

I walked out of the bathroom and outside on my way to Herbology. The sharp, cold air hit my face like shards of glass. I probably deserved that, too. What an awful person I’d been. 

If only I’d just said yes to him in fifth year. If I had gotten over my stupid obsession of no wrong-doings then and maybe now we would have still been together. Maybe if I had just said that one three lettered word instead of the stream of never-ending insults, things would have worked out differently. 

Or maybe if I hadn’t lost control and kissed him, I’d still have him as a friend. Maybe I’d still have a part of him, if not the whole part. 

I sat as far as I could from the Marauders. I would no longer associate with them. If James didn’t want me anymore, I wouldn’t bother him. And with James, came Sirius, Remus and Peter. You wanted one, you got all. So, if I couldn’t have James, I couldn’t have the rest of them. 

The realization of being short three friends hit me harder than the cold wind. They were some of the best friends anyone could ask for. Yes, I had Hailey, who had been with me from the beginning, but she was probably mad at me for not telling her what happened. And, no one could replace the Marauders. 

I stared at the back of his head. I could feel the curious stares of the Marauders on me, but I ignored them. He would tell them soon enough. I didn’t think I’d be able to. 

The hardest thing about this was that I didn’t think it would pass. Even when I grew older, I knew that every time I thought about, or even saw James, I would wonder what would have happened if things had changed in the way I wanted. If we had gotten together. Maybe we would have gotten married. And had children. And lived in Godric’s Hollow, the famous wizarding neighbourhood. And we would go over to our parents’ houses to celebrate Christmas and Easter and whatever else holiday there was. And we would be together. 

The thoughts of our possible future cut into me like a knife. I couldn’t think about these things because they were another tear in my already broken heart. Because the truth was, there was no one quite like James Potter. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Lily, please tell me what happened,” she said again. Her angry tone of voice had changed into a pleading one, full of concern. I didn’t know what to tell her. That I had kissed James, but he didn’t fancy me back? No. It was like pouring alcohol into a fresh wound. 

I sighed. “Something happened,” I stated lamely. 

“Well, I figured that, since you’re acting like your family’s died or something,” she said. “Oh, no!” she shouted. “You’re family’s not…?” 

I shook my head. “No, they’re fine. It’s not that,” I said. I sighed again.

“Then what is it?” she asked me, her patience slowly waning. 

“It’s James,” I said quietly. The sound of his name from my voice sounded alien to me. I didn’t like it anymore. 

Hailey’s concerned face immediately transformed into a face of pure shock. “What about him?” she asked me. 

I didn’t look up at her. My fingers were playing with the bed sheets. “Something happened…” I repeated again. 

“What…?” she asked, her head inclining towards me. 

I exhaled deeply and prepared my heart for this. I thought it would hurt. “I kissed him,” I almost whispered. 

“…What?” she said back. 

I closed my eyes. “I _kissed_ him,” I said, my heart pounding at the word. 

“Lily!” she said, her voice exploding with happiness. She grabbed me face in between her hands. “This is great! Excellent, really! So did he ask you out?!” she asked, almost jumping out of bed. 

I could feel the tears coming. So far, I had managed to keep them in since the bathroom, but now, they couldn’t be stopped. I felt my face cripple in her hands and she immediately let go. Her grin turned into a confused line and her eyebrows knitted together in concern. 

“Lily, what happened?” she asked me carefully. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?” she asked. 

Not on the outside, he didn’t. The inside though…

“Lily, tell me what happened, please?” she said again. “I’m dying here.”

I gave a weak laugh and wiped my face. “It’s nothing,” I said. “I’m just being an overdramatic fool. It’s nothing,” I repeated. 

This time, she looked angry. “Lily Evans. I know you better than that to know that it’s not just _nothing._ I’ve only seen you cry three times and those were under pretty bad circumstances. So, unless James killed one of your non-existent cats, then you better explain yourself,” she said sternly. 

I looked down again. “He doesn’t fancy me,” I finally said. Saying the words out loud wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I had gone through the whole day repeating it over and over in my head; I think I got used to it. No matter how much it hurt, I knew I had to believe it sometime, right?

“What?” Hailey sounded horrified. “He said that?” she exclaimed. 

I shook my head miserably. He didn’t have to say it. It was pretty obvious. “I asked him if things were going to change between us,” I said. 

“And…?” she prompted. 

“And he knew that I liked him more than he liked me and he didn’t want to hurt me. He just…” I couldn’t finish. 

“He said that?” she asked, surprised and angry. 

I shook my head again. “He didn’t have to. I could see it,” I said, my voice shaky. 

She didn’t answer. She knew I was right. 

“What are you, some kind of psychic?” she asked me, bitterly. 

I looked up at her tone of voice. I expected sympathy, concern, comforting. I got clipped, angry and sarcastic. 

“What?” I asked her. 

“How could you possibly have known that?” she asked me in the same tone. “Have you now received the mystical gift of the ‘Inner-Eye’ or can now perform Legimancy or something?” she asked. 

I just stared at her. What was she talking about? 

“Well?” she asked me. Her arms were folded over her chest, her face stern. 

“N-no,” I stuttered. 

“Then how could you _possibly_ have known if James fancies you or not?” she asked me, glaring.

“Well, because—”

“No, there is NO because! Unless you have developed the skill or mind-reading, or have some kind of psychic ability, or even slipped some Veritaserum into his drink, I HIGHLY doubt you could know if he fancies you or not!” she said, face turning red in anger. 

I was at a loss of words. 

“But—”

“Lily Evans!” she said. I stopped short. Her voice sounded exactly like my mother’s. “What ever you _thought_ you saw, or heard, or whatever, it was a misunderstanding. You _think_ too much. Just relax, please! Don’t think it though for once! Take risks! Be wild! Trust your instincts!” she said. 

“But not thinking it through, being wild and taking risks got me in this damned situation!” I yelled back. “And my instincts are telling me that I’m a damn wanker on her arse who has had the heart ripped out of her chest!” I yelled at her. 

We sat there glaring at each other until I heard the familiar scuttling footsteps of Madam Pomfrey coming to shoo me out. I stood and prepared myself to leave, pardoning Pomfrey of the errand. I was getting sick of these white walls. They were driving me mad. 

“Just talk to him, Lily. I think you’re wrong,” said Hailey quietly as I walked away. 

“See you,” I replied icily instead of replying to her request. 

“What’s going on—” 

I shut the door. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

What did Hailey know about it anyway? Did _she_ have Legimancy powers? No. So, unless James told her himself, she wouldn’t know. And I don’t think he would have. He wasn’t some girl who gushed about his feelings with his mates. 

My room was empty save for me. Hailey was rotting away in the Hospital Wing, Jennifer was off doing her homework, Alice was probably cuddled up with Frank and Emily was most likely plotting some other evil plan to get to me. Well, whatever it was, it was probably better than what I was feeling now.

My bed was the biggest comfort to me right now. I couldn’t even write to my mother because it was so humiliating. This was the first time I had been rejected this badly. I had shed my skin to start fresh, only to be burnt by the harsh sun. 

Occasionally, a tear would fall, but I would wipe it off and continue to sit on the sill and stare out the window. The light was slowly fading and I could see the small light from Hagrid’s hut. 

Maybe it was just a big misunderstanding. Just a lack of communication on both our parts. If I had asked the right question, and he had answered with a clear response, maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here right now. 

The hypothetical questions were irritating me to death. So many ‘what if…’s and ‘maybe’s and ‘possibly’s and I wanted to strangle them. So what if things didn’t work out? So what if I had made a mistake? So what? There was nothing I could do. 

A voice from my head reminded me of my second choice. I _could_ talk to him. Or I _could_ kiss him again and be rejected again, you know, just so my heart would just become ghost of the past. _That_ was a possibility as well. 

I sighed, I knew Hailey was right. It was the only logical way out if I wanted to be at least his friend. It was the only thing to do if I wanted things like they were before. 

Maybe I should just talk to him. If I got an actual confirmation, maybe it would be easier for me to get over him. I could deal with it. Right now, I was going back on my decisions and my doubt was driving my already mad mind further into insanity. I could feel myself losing it. 

I sighed again, fogging up the glass in front of me. Like a broken hearted teen from books, I drew a withered heart with my finger in the fog. Another tear slipped out. It was unbearable.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Tuesday morning came and went. I ate breakfast with Jennifer, Alice and Frank, averting my eyes every time Frank or Alice made eyes at each other. I played with my food, occasionally nibbling at it and denied everyone’s questions if I was truly okay. 

I could hardly remember what we did in class that day. I was only aware of how Remus was absent, how aged Sirius appeared to be, how nervous Peter looked and how empty James’ eyes were. I couldn’t get them off my mind. 

I couldn’t take my eyes off him either. I hated how his lips were turned down in the corners in a permanent frown. His forehead was creased with stress. Occasionally, his hazel eyes would show a spasm of pain, but then were quickly masked with the same blankness as before. He hardly said a word to anyone, answering only small questions that Sirius would ask him. I small part of me wondered if he was in pain.

How could this have happened? How could have one of the best months of my life end so quickly, without warning? How could everything I had changed for have gone to waste? 

And why had he stopped fancying me? What had I done to repel him so deeply that he only wanted to be my mate? Had he finally just realized that I had a horrible personality and I was a waste of his time? What had made him stop? 

I remember when James and I first became mates. I wished that when he started to really get to know me, he would stop fancying me forever and would run away with his stupid crush snapping at his heels. Now, that was the last thing I wanted. 

I could feel people’s curious stares and hear their whispers. It was obvious even to the professors that there was something going on between James and I. I was sitting by myself in the farthest corner from them. They no longer waited for me at the end of class. They no longer talked to me or sent me small smiles during while the teacher dragged on and on. 

I was back at the window in my dorm. I heard someone enter, but I didn’t turn to see who it was. I didn’t care. As long as they didn’t bother me, I wouldn’t bother them. 

“So,” said the voice that made me turn my head sharply. Emily Flounder. Damn it all to hell. 

“What?” I replied, glaring at her. 

“What’s gotten into you and the Head Boy?” she asked, sitting down on the bed closest to me. “It seems like you’ve gotten into some sort of a spat,” she said, thoughtfully. 

I flinched. “It’s none of your business,” I said acidly. Who the hell did she think she was?

She looked at me apologetically. I felt like spitting in her face. “Forgive me,” she said, holding out her palms to me. “I was only trying to help,” she smiled at me and left. 

I felt new tears coming now. I didn’t know why. I knew I shouldn’t have let her get to me, but it was so hard. All my defences were down now and I couldn’t protect myself. It was too much of an effort. 

I heard more footsteps outside the door and I quickly wiped my face. No one would see me cry like this. 

“Lily?” asked Jennifer. “Are you in here?” she said, entering. 

“Yeah,” I replied, my voice shaking. 

“Oh, thank Merlin,” she said, closing the door behind her. “Alice went to the Kitchens with Frank and I didn’t want to be alone,” she said, sitting down where Emily had been. 

I gave her a weak smile. 

“Hey, are you all right?” she asked me, noticing my probably red eyes. 

I laughed slightly and nodded. I wiped my face again. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied. 

She didn’t seem convinced. “I don’t believe you, Lily,” she said, giving me an accusing stare, like Hailey had. 

I sighed. 

“It’s James, isn’t it?” she asked me softly. 

I flinched again. Why was it so hard to hear his name? “Is it that obvious?” I asked her, laughing weakly. 

She smiled. “Yeah, just a little,” she said. “What happened?”

I sighed. How much did she know?

Despite my reluctance, I ended up telling her everything that had happened. About how I had ended my relationship with Edward because of the confusion and denial I had been in with James. I told her about yesterday and today and everything I was feeling. By the end, I felt like a thick bandage had been unwrapped around my chest. I wasn’t sure if it was a relief, or a bigger burden.

“I think Hailey’s right,” she said. “I think you should talk to him.”

I knew Hailey was right, but somehow, I didn’t think I could do it. It was hard enough telling this too Jennifer, never mind James. 

“I’ll try,” I told her. And I would. 

“You have patrols with him this Wednesday night, don’t you? Why don’t you do it then?” she suggested. 

I felt the blood drain out of my face. Two hours alone with him? Could I handle it?

Jennifer seemed to read the distress on my face. “Don’t worry, Lily. You’ll be fine, all right? You need to work this out,” she said, putting a hand on my arm. “You’ll work this out,” she confirmed. 

For the sake of my heart, I hoped so. 

**[A/N: Okay, so it's been a long time, I know. But, I hope you'll forgive me with this chapter...exciting, wasn't it? :D You know what to do...XD]**


	15. Warmth

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN.**

**Warmth**

_“Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.” –Oscar Wilde_

I couldn’t sleep. The full moon’s light was creeping in through the window and shining on my face. It was almost as if it was mocking me; smiling and shining while I was alone and cold. 

Eventually, I got out of bed and sat on the window sill again. My restlessness was caused by the anxiety I felt over the ominous moon. Four boys were risking their lives for one another and I was in love with one of them. 

Wait. Did I say ‘in love’?

Yes, I confirmed to myself. In love. I was horribly and undoubtedly in love with James Potter. 

I almost fell off the window sill at the realization. Love, it was a new thing to me. Sure, I loved my family, my friends, this school. But LOVE love? It was different. And painful. And just…disappointing. 

I realized I had been hoping that my life _would_ turn out like a film or a romance novel. For example, the boy loves the girl all along; she finally realizes that she loves him back and they would get married and have beautiful babies. You know what I’m taking about, don’t you? I wished that that was how it happened with James and I. Instead, I got a truck-load of disappointment and hurt. 

I thought I imagined it, but I heard the distant howling of a wolf. Even if it was a hallucination or not, I shuddered. What if one of them had been hurt? I mean, Peter was so small; a rat against a werewolf? There was no way he could come out unscathed. And Sirius, the overly cheerful dog that could miscalculate Remus’ strength and end up injured. And James. The beautiful stag that hasn’t left my dreams since I saw him; how could something so beautiful possibly fight something as terrible as a werewolf? And what if he did get hurt? Or what if one of them used too much strength against Remus? I mean, werewolves were strong but they weren’t indestructible. 

I had to stop thinking about them. It would be easier to let them go without them constantly being on my mind. And without his face permanently tattooed into my head. I needed to gradually get them out of my life. It would be easier that way. 

Fresh tears sprang into my eyes. How could love be so wonderful? All I did was cry these days. I just wanted it to stop. 

I climbed back into bed. I had suddenly become cold. Violent shivers started to shake my body and I curled into a ball, trying to stop them. Right now, I wanted nothing more than James. The memory of James’ warm arms wrapped around me sprang into my head. The thought made tears start again. Was this ever going to end?

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I didn’t get up the next morning. It was too much effort. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Lily, are you feeling all right?” 

I opened my eyes and saw Jennifer’s face next to mine. Her eyes were concerned. 

I sat up in my bed. “What time is it?” I asked her, rubbing my eyes. 

“Eight o’clock. You missed dinner,” she said. 

I yawned. That would have made a bit more sense if she had said ‘breakfast’ instead of ‘dinner’. “What? Dinner?” I asked, getting out of bed. I looked out the window and saw that the light was quickly fading. Had I really slept the whole day?

“Yeah. Are you okay?” she asked again. 

I didn’t answer. 

“Lily, you don’t look well,” she said. “Should you go to the Hospital Wing?” 

I shook my head. I couldn’t see Hailey right now. And last night was the full moon, so Remus must be in there, too. I couldn’t bear to think of what would happen to me if all the Marauders were in there as well. I flinched. 

“Lily?”

“Yes?”

“It’s about James, isn’t it?” 

I exhaled deeply and found my breathing was uneven. I nodded again. 

“You have patrols in an hour,” she reminded me softly. 

I didn’t respond and walked into the bathroom. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

Would he actually show up? 

I was shivering even though I was sitting in front of the blazing fire. Younger students were slowly making their way to their dorms, while older ones finished homework. A queasy feeling was growing in my stomach and I felt that if I stood up right now, I’d just have to sit back down.

I’d taken a very long, hot shower. Even then, I still felt cold. It was the coldest winter night inside of me. 

“Ready?” asked a voice behind me. 

I jumped in my seat and looked up. He was looking away from me, standing stiff and straight to my right. There was no emotion on his face, just a blank look staring off in the opposite direction. 

My heart was racing, but it tripped often; I winced every time it did.  

I stood up and walked to the door. I was thankful my legs were working properly. How was I going to explain if I suddenly collapsed on the ground?

I opened the Portrait door and stepped out. The sudden lack of the warmth made me shiver. I saw out of the corner of my eye, James reach out, but then withdraw. My heart tripped again. 

The silence was ringing in my ears. I hated it. 

I took a deep breath. It was now or never, right? 

“James,” My heart scraped its knee. “Can we talk?” I asked him. My voice trembled all the way through. 

“About what?” he asked me, voice blank. 

I took another breath. “About us,” I replied. My voice was quiet.

I saw James stiffen beside me. I had to hold back tears. 

“What about us?” he asked me. His voice was hard. 

I looked at the ground while I spoke. It was easier this way. If tears started, I wouldn’t let him see. 

“You don’t want to be my mate,” I said. My voice was almost a whisper. 

James startled me when he laughed. Not in a funny way though. “No, I don’t,” he replied. 

My heart had sprained its ankle. 

“Why?” I couldn’t help but ask. I needed to know the whole truth.

He didn’t respond for a moment. “It’s too hard,” he said finally. He sounded wounded. 

“Why is it too hard?” I asked him. I almost didn’t want to know.

“Because I want so much more.”

My heart stopped running. What? I was aware that my legs had stopped moving. My head had snapped up at him and I noticed that James had stopped a couple feet in front of me. His head was dipped. 

“What?” I asked him. The disbelief was thick in my voice.

James took a deep breath. What was happening here?

“I fancy you, Lily. And being your friend is too hard for me when I want to be so much more,” he said. 

I thought my sanity had finally left me. I had to be imagining this. Nothing was making sense. 

A shuffling sound made James turn around. I was still in the process of figuring out his words to have any sort of reaction to the noise. 

“Who’s there?” he said, getting out his wand. “ _Lumos_ ,” he muttered. A light sprung out of the tip. 

He started walking towards the corner where the sound had come from. He shone the light in the corner and a couple of fifth years were sitting there, holding hands. 

He sighed. “Get up,” he said, tiredly. They got up hesitantly. “Five points from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. Get back to your Common Rooms,” he said. They nodded and ran away. 

He turned back around, looking right at me. I was looking back and I couldn’t look away until I got the whole truth.

He sighed and looked away. He started to walk right pass me. 

“Wait,” I said, turning around. He stopped walking. “I don’t believe you,” I said. My voice was angry. Why would he lie to me?

He turned around. “What don’t you believe, Lily?” he asked me. He was furious. 

“You’re lying,” I replied, just as angry. “You don’t fancy me,” I said. I could feel the moisture in my eyes. 

“Why would I lie about that?” he asked me. He was walking towards me. “I fancy you, Lily. I’m not lying. I fancy you,” he said. 

I didn’t look away, but the tears were starting. My heart was aching. “Stop,” I said quietly. “Stop lying,” I sounded so pathetic, I almost slapped myself. 

He sighed and looked away. “Why won’t you believe me?” he said gently. 

“Because on Monday…” I started. Could I finish? “You didn’t want things to change between us,” I said. My voice was surprisingly even, though the tears were now rivers down my cheeks. 

“What?” asked James sharply. “When did I say that?” he asked me. 

“You didn’t,” I said. “But I could see it. I asked you if things were going to change and you looked sad. You didn’t want things to change,” I said, confused. “Didn’t you?”

“No!” he said. “I thought _you_ didn’t want things to change,” he asked, just as confused as I.

“What?” I asked him. I wiped the tears from my cheeks as they slowly stopped.

“You asked me like you didn’t want things to change,” he accused. 

“No!” I said. I was laughing now even though nothing was funny. This whole situation was so unbelievable. And confusing. I could barely understand what was going on. “No, I asked you if you wanted things to change because I was worried you wouldn’t want things to!” I said. 

James’ face was confused. “Why would you think that?” he asked me. It sounded like he thought I was stupid. Which I was. Ugh. 

“I don’t know,” I said. My laughter wasn’t stopping. “Oh, Merlin. What a mess,” I muttered. 

“Wait, so you thought I _didn’t fancy you_?” he asked me, incredulous. “How could you—when I kissed you—are you _sane_?” he asked me. 

I blushed and looked down. Apparently not. 

“Will you go out with me, James Potter?” 

I had no idea where that had come from. It was almost like another girl with my voice had materialized in front of me and asked James out. Because I couldn’t have possibly done that. No way. 

“…What?”

“Will you go out with me?” I found that it was indeed me when I felt my accelerating heart and the shape of my mouth as I finished talking. Definitely me. 

I looked up at him, waiting for his response. I was sure that his answer would be yes, but maybe it wouldn’t. Oh, Merlin, what if he said no?

“Are you serious?” he asked me. His eyes were as wide as a House-elf’s, except no House-elf’s eyes would ever measure up to James’. They were just too perfect. 

I nodded and gave him a weak smile. Please say yes. Please, please, please. 

The suspense was terrible. It was like a termite eating at my insides. My stomach was clenched and my hands were starting to sweat. Why wasn’t he answering?!

“Well, yeah, I guess…”

Well, yeah, I guess? Was he kidding me?

“Yes?” I asked him, doubt thick in my voice. 

He gulped largely and nodded. He looked like a scared mouse. It was adorable, yet kind of discouraging. 

“Yes,” he said. 

I felt fireworks erupt in the hollows of my heart. A huge grin stretched across my face and I walked up to James and gave him a big hug. I couldn’t explain any of my actions tonight, they were all so irrational. 

He seemed hesitant at first, but then his warm arms wrapped around me and brought me closer to him. I couldn’t help but sigh in content. The warmth that I’d been lacking had suddenly come back with a vengeance. I almost felt too hot. Or maybe that was James. I had no idea. 

“Thank you,” I said, snuggling myself into his chest. It was so warm. (!)

I felt him laugh. “For what?” he said, resting his chin on my head. 

I smiled. Was his voice always this pleasant? “For saying yes,” I replied. 

He laughed again. “You’re very welcome,” he said. But, suddenly, he let go of me and I felt a frown replace my smile. “Someone’s coming,” he whispered. He got out his wand again and faced the direction where I could now hear gentle footsteps. I gulped and followed his example. 

“Who’s there?” he called. The footsteps stopped momentarily, then restarted again, approaching us. 

“Good evening, Mr. Potter,” said an amused voice. 

I recognized the voice immediately and an immense blush rose to my cheeks. This could not be happening. 

James lowered his wand immediately. “Good evening, Professor,” he said, greeting our infamous Headmaster. 

“How are you tonight, Miss Evans?” he asked me. 

I smiled shyly. “I’m fine, thank you,” I replied. 

Dumbledore smiled pleasantly back. He seemed less troubled than our last encounter. Actually, he seemed ecstatic. Much like James and I were. And last time, he seemed upset, much like James and I were. Hmm. 

Dumbledore chuckled. “I guess you two caught me out of bed,” he said. 

James and I both took in Dumbledore’s appearance. He was wearing purple robes and a purple night cap. It was strangely fitting. 

“Well, you’re a Professor, sir,” said James uncomfortably. 

He laughed again. “Yes, I suppose you’re right, James. They’re horrible, these late night cravings,” he said. His twinkling eyes were visible even in the dark. “Continue on with your patrols,” he said. His winked and started walking in the direction of the Kitchens. 

James and I watched in awed confusion at Professor Dumbledore’s retreating back. What a strange, wise old man. 

Once Professor Dumbledore was out of earshot, I started laughing. This night was the strangest night I have ever lived to see. 

James chuckled and grabbed my hand. I stopped laughing as I looked at our hands together. It was so nice. I looked up at James hesitantly. He was grinning and looked absolutely happy. 

“Come on,” he said, swinging our arms. “Let’s finish patrols,” he said, pulling me towards him. 

I smiled. Finally the better sides of love were looking up.  

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

The patrols were finally over. I said this every time, but that was the best patrol since patrols ever started. I couldn’t stop smiling. And my heart was just about ready to explode out of my chest. In a way, it was sort of a relief to get away from James, because if I didn’t, I was almost positive I would pass out. It would also be nice to have a second of thought. 

“I guess that’s goodnight then, Lily,” he said, smiling at me. 

I smiled shyly back, but I wasn’t ready to leave just yet. 

“Er, about our date,” I said to him. 

The strangest expression fluttered on his face. Almost like sadness. “You’re not cancelling on me, are you?” he said teasingly. But, I kind of got the impression he was serious underneath it all. 

“No, no!” I rushed out. I didn’t want him thinking that. “No, I’m not cancelling,” I said again, just for reassurance. 

He grinned. “All right. What is it?” he asked me. 

“Well, I was wondering if we were going to Hogsmeade. For our date,” I said. 

He shrugged. “It’s up to you,” he said. “You asked me out, remember?” he reminded me. 

I smiled. “That’s true. So, Hogsmeade it is,” I said. “When’s the next visit anyway?” I pondered out loud. 

James shrugged again. “Next weekend?” he said. 

“That seems about right,” I said, frowning. Did I have to wait that long until our date? Time passed so slowly. 

James smiled again. “Too long for you?” he teased. 

I nodded, blushing again. It was too easy to show James how I felt. I wondered if it was the same with him. 

“I was wondering if I could do something…” said James. He sounded so unsure, self-conscious. 

“What would that be?” I asked him, looking into his eyes. I lost all thought for a second. 

He didn’t answer for a while. I was getting really curious. And anxious. Then, he shook his head. “Never mind,” he said. He took a step back from me. “Night, Lils. See you tomorrow,” he said, smiling. 

He turned around and walked up the stairs leading to the boys dormitories. He left me standing in the middle of the Common Room wondering what the hell that was about. 

I still had a confused smile on my face as I walked towards the girl’s staircase. As I put my foot on the first stair, James appeared on the foot of his. 

“Lily?” he said, entering the Common Room again. 

“Yes?” I asked him, still confused. 

He seemed to have a struggle over his body, like he was contemplating doing something and not. It was quite amusing watching, yet I didn’t like seeing him so confused. 

“Never mind,” he sighed. This time I was even more confused and my eyebrows knitted together. 

He turned to go, but I didn’t let him. “James!” I called. 

He came back down. “Yeah?”

“What is it?” I asked him. “Just say it,” I said. 

He stared at me determinedly and started to walk towards me. And in a second, his lips were on mine and I was kissing James Potter for the second time. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Goodnight, Lily,” said James, the trace of laughter in his voice. His arms let me go and he ran up the stairs before I could even regain my breath. 

I don’t know how long I was standing there, staring after the boy who had long gone upstairs. I was distantly aware of my mouth hanging open and the tingling of my lips. After a while, I raised my hand to my mouth and smiled. Oh, I was in deep. 

I sighed in content and raced up the stairs as quietly as I could. I didn’t know love could be this wonderful. So far, I had only gotten the negative side-effects of it. I couldn’t explain it even if I tried. 

I opened the door quietly and stepped in. Everyone was snoring softly, so I assumed they were all asleep. On the way to my bed, I noticed Hailey’s empty one and a flood of guilt crashed over me. The last time I had gone to visit, it had ended with an argument. And, I didn’t even get a chance to talk to her today. What kind of friend was I?

I climbed into bed and swore that I would go and see her first thing tomorrow. If not, I would go see her at lunch or right after Transfiguration tomorrow. Oh, when she heard the news…

Despite my promise, I couldn’t get to bed. When something bothered me, or I had something pressing to do the next morning, I couldn’t get it off my mind until it was done and out of the way. Such an annoying habit, I know, but it was the only way I could assure myself it would get done. And it was vital that this got done in particular. 

I was tired, but I couldn’t bring myself to fall asleep. Now, all my thoughts were revolving over James; the taste of his lips, the warmth of his arms, everything about him and more. My heart ached just to see him again. 

“Lily?” called a quiet voice from the darkness. 

“Yes?” I whispered back. It was Jennifer. 

“How were patrols?” she asked me, opening her curtains so I could see her outline in the dark. 

I smiled to myself. “Fine,” I replied. 

Jen snorted. “Just fine? You sound more than fine to me,” she whispered back. 

I stifled a laugh. “We have a date,” I responded. 

“Wow, Lily! Congratulations!” she said, struggling to keep her voice at a whisper. 

This time, I couldn’t hold in the laugh. “Thanks,” I said. Thankfully, she couldn’t see my blush in the darkness. 

“That’s great, Lily. Next thing you know, you’ll be married off and having babies,” she said, laughing. 

I blushed scarlet. “It’s just a date,” I said. Although, I couldn’t stop the images of James and I sitting on a porch, watching our kids playing in the front yard from appearing in my mind. I smiled. I was such a fool. 

“For now,” she said quietly. “Goodnight, Lily.”

“Night,” I replied. 

I snuggled deeper into my bed and thought of James. I wondered if he was thinking of me now. I sighed. When did I become this pathetic? I smiled again and closed my eyes. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

I got up before anyone in my dorm. The sunlight was slowly coming in through the window. I sat up in bed and smiled. Last night I hadn’t had any nightmares. 

I got out of bed, washed, dressed and got my things in under half an hour. I quickly left the room, making sure I hadn’t woken anybody up. 

It was Thursday, meaning Hailey was meant to be out today. I rushed down to the Hospital Wing, anxious to see her. My last visit had ended badly and I desperately wanted to fix things between us. I mean, she was my best friend and I needed her. 

“Hailey?” I whispered as I entered the still Hospital Wing. 

“Yeah?” she replied, just as quietly. 

I stepped in and saw her sitting up in her bed, reading a textbook. She looked surprised, and I smiled shyly as I approached her. 

I could tell that both of us were a bit embarrassed about what happened last time, enough though it was my entire fault. I sat down by her bed. 

“What are you doing here?” she asked me, smiling.

“To say I’m sorry,” I said, looking down at my hands. 

She laughed. “It’s not your fault, Lily. I shouldn’t have said those things. Just forget it, yeah?” she said, hopeful and repentant. 

I blushed. “Well…”

“What?” asked Hailey, confused. 

I cleared my throat. “Something happened,” I said, my blush growing deeper. 

“Are you going to say that every time, Lily?” she asked, getting curious.

I blushed again. And before I could think, I jumped into a detailed account of what had happened last night. 

Hailey proved to be the best listener she had ever been; eyes focused on me, nodding, ‘aww’ing, smiling, laughing, commentating at all the right spots. When I was finally done, she waited patiently until I smiled at her, then jumped into her own animated account of what she thought of mine. 

“Lily, you are basically one of the luckiest girls in the world,” she said, finishing off her rant. “I mean, your own love story has worked out, which doesn’t happen often,” she finished with a sigh. 

I blushed again, but smiled. 

“I knew it would happen eventually,” she said. “And _you_ asked him out? I wasn’t expecting that, but everything else, of course. But anyway, how’re other things?” she asked me. 

I shrugged. “Well, the whole James thing was pretty much all of my time, so you know. Nothing really. How about you? You’re getting out today!” I said, just remembering. 

Hailey nodded excitedly, eyes shining. “I know, eh? It feels like forever since I’ve been on a broom, I can’t wait,” she said, almost jumping out of her bed. 

“But, what about your parents?” I asked her, anxiousness returning. 

She shrugged, a sour look on her face. “I don’t care what they say. They’re not stopping me from playing Quidditch,” she replied. “But I feel sorry for that bloke,” she said, pointing her head in the direction of a curtained bed, lowering her voice. “I saw Pomfrey carrying him in on a stretcher early yesterday morning. I didn’t see who it was, but he was pretty scratched up,” she said, still whispering. 

In the middle of her explanation, cold sweat covered my forehead and my heart was crashing against my chest. I knew who that bloke was. And who his friends were. 

“Lily?” she said, waving her hand in front of my face. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Are you going to be sick?” she asked, worried. 

I shook my head and forced my eyes back towards Hailey. “N-no. Everything’s fine,” I said, getting a hold of myself. 

She would find out soon. Whether she figured it out on her own, or forced it out of the Marauders, she would know soon. What worried me was what her reaction would be when she did. 

“Okay…” said Hailey, suspicious now. “Are you sure?” she asked me. 

I nodded. “Yeah. Fine,” I said. 

At that moment, the door creaked open and in popped a head to which I was very familiar. My face heated up and I could hear my heart beating loudly in my ears. 

“Morning James!” Hailey exclaimed loudly, a grin spreading on her lips. She winked at me, to which I glared. 

James seemed surprised by Hailey and he jumped slightly before waving at her. He noticed me sitting next to her, blushing and awkward, and grinned at me, coming over to us. 

“Hey,” he said, glancing at Hailey and looking at me. “What are you doing up so early?” he asked. I wasn’t sure if the question was directed at me or Hailey, but we both answered anyways. 

“Just catching up on my homework,” said Hailey, pointing at the abandoned textbook on the bed. 

“I came to see Hailey,” I replied, trying to reduce the blush on my face. 

James nodded, sitting down. I noticed him glance towards the bed that held Remus, but look away shortly after. 

“You’re getting out today, aren’t you?” he asked her, smiling. 

She nodded. “When’s our next practice?” she asked him. 

He scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. “Er…” he said. 

“What?” asked Hailey, furrowing her eyebrows. “What have my parents told you?” she asked, getting angry now. 

He looked at her apologetically. “Well, they asked me not to let you back on the team,” he said, upset. 

Hailey was about ready to explode. I was just too shocked to speak. I knew Hailey’s parents, but I didn’t think they’d go that far to stop her from playing Quidditch. I mean, asking team Captain to not let her on the team? A bit over board, in my opinion.

“And what did you tell them?” she asked, obviously struggling to keep her cool. 

“I told them that whoever made the team was my decision, but I would take their views into consideration,” he replied. 

Hailey closed her eyes and balled the sheets into her hands. I backed up a little. This wasn’t like Hailey at all. She always looked on the bright side of things. She looked scary at this moment; a bomb ticking closer to zero. 

“Hailey?” I whispered, trying to figure out if she was okay or not. 

She breathed deeply and eventually let go of the sheets. “I’m fine,” she said, opening her eyes. She took another deep breath. “If it weren’t for my parents, I’d still be on the team, though. Right?” she asked James. 

He nodded, barely aware he had narrowly avoided an explosion. “Of course you would be. You still are. I wouldn’t cut you because of a little accident,” he said. 

She nodded, satisfied. “I think I need to have a little talk with my parents,” she said, glaring into the air in front of her. 

James coughed and stood up. “Don’t start anything unnecessarily,” he warned her. “I think I’m going to go now,” he said, glancing at the lone bed warily. 

I stood up, leaving Hailey still glaring into the empty space. “Wait up, James,” I said. I wanted to talk to him so desperately, yet I still felt the nerves building in my stomach. “I’ll see you later, okay, Hailey?” I said, touching her shoulder. I winked at her when she caught my eye. She smiled slightly and sighed. 

I left the Hospital Wing with James beside me. I smiled involuntarily as he closed the space in between us. 

There was a slight tension in the air around us. Maybe it was because I was standing too close. As I walked, I slyly moved over, so I wouldn’t be tempted to do anything rash, like I had last night. But, just as slyly, James closed the space again and I felt the tension return. 

We didn’t say anything and walked in silence until we reached the Great Hall. I realized it was a bit early for breakfast, but we went anyways. We split up momentarily so we could sit at opposite sides of the table. While the tension disappeared for a second, I took a deep breath and tried to calm my racing heart. Merlin, I was hopeless. Utterly hopeless. 

I sat down and he followed, sitting across from me.

“So,” he said, piling food onto his plate and looking up at me. 

I smiled. “So,” I replied. 

He grinned. “How’d you sleep?” he asked. 

I let out a laugh. “Fine, and you?” 

“All right,” he said, still grinning. 

“Great,” I replied. 

The awkwardness was probably visible to everyone around us. We had stopped talking, but there was still a smile planted on my lips. 

While we ate, I couldn’t help but look up at him from time to time, and he would respond by looking back and smiling. I smiled and blushed and the pattern would repeat. It was all very…I don’t know. 

“Hey, look at the two lovebirds!” cried Sirius when he came down and saw us. He grinned and thumped James on the back. It was a bit of a relief to have Sirius around, but also more embarrassing considering our awkward moments.

I rolled my eyes while James glared at Sirius. Sirius just grinned back and sat down next to James. “So, Lily. Have you snogged ickle James yet?” he asked, winking at me. 

My eyebrow rose as James started to choke on his food. A sly smile fell on my lips and I stared at Sirius. “And what if I say that I have?” I countered. 

What was wrong with me? This wasn’t my usual behaviour. Normally, I would blush and look away, or glare at Sirius for such a typical piggish remark. 

Sirius looked surprised and blinked like an owl. “Well, I would say, good for you, I guess,” he said, not expecting my response.

I pretended to think. “And if I said I didn’t?” 

Sirius scratched his head. “Then I would say,” he paused to smile, “what are you waiting for?” he said, grinning. 

James smacked Sirius’ head and smiled at me, embarrassed for his friend. I ignored him for a second. 

“Well, then I say that I haven’t,” I said. 

Sirius grinned again and said, “Well then, what are you waiting for?” 

I shrugged and then leaned forward and kissed James’s surprised lips. Then, I stood up and walked out of the Great Hall. Now, we were even.

I was sure that people who witnessed my out-of-character act were whispering amongst themselves, wondering if they were hallucinating, whether the Head Girl had been abducted, or if I was off my rocker or not. I simply smiled as I thought of Sirius and James’ shocked faces.

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

**I liked that little trick you played at breakfast.**

We were in Transfiguration class. McGonagall was lecturing us on the upcoming N.E.W.T.s again and since Hailey still had to stay in the Hospital Wing for the day, James was sitting with me again and passing me notes. 

_You liked that, did you?_

Now that the moment was long gone, the boldness had disappeared and I was feeling a little embarrassed. I couldn’t help the humiliating blush from appearing on my hidden cheeks.

**Very much so. Are you planning on doing that often?**

I blushed. He was teasing me, I knew it. 

_Depends._

**On what?**

_If I feel like it or not._

**So that’s a maybe?**

I rolled my eyes. 

_Maybe._

**Hmm.**

“Potter! Miss Evans!” said McGonagall’s annoyed voice. We both looked up from the parchment on our desk and I gulped. 

“May I ask what you two are doing?” she asked, brow raised and a stern expression on her face. 

 “We were writing notes on your lecture, Professor,” replied James easily. 

She glared slightly. “And not writing them to each other, I hope?” she asked, not at all convinced, as I knew she would be. 

James looked appalled. “Of course not, Professor. We wouldn’t dream of it,” he responded, putting a hand to his chest. 

The class erupted in titters and I saw Sirius roll his eyes from the corner of my eye. 

McGonagall looked like she was resisting a smile, but still annoyed. “May I see what’s on your desk, Potter?” she asked, holding out her hand. 

Now, cold sweat dewed on my neck. There was no way he could get out of this one. 

James seemed to realize he was caught in a lie. He glanced at me, his look slightly panicked and rose from his seat, parchment in hand. My face burned as he approached her. She took it and her stern eyes skimmed over the parchment before confining it to her desk. 

“Very well, Potter. It seems like Miss Evans and yourself have earned yourself a detention,” she said, dismissing him back to his seat. 

At this moment, Emily chose to laugh at loud at our expense. I glared at her from my seat. 

“Congratulations, Miss Flounder. You have earned yourself a detention along with Miss Evans and Potter,” said McGonagall, giving her a stern look. 

This time, I held in my laugh as James walked back toward me. It’s called karma, Hun. Get used to it. 

“Sorry,” he muttered as he sat down beside me again. 

I glanced at him and smiled, telling him it was okay. Seldom was it that I got detention. It wasn’t my first, but it wasn’t very far from that number. So, considering that, I felt a small feeling of nervousness rise up in me. But, along with that, I felt a bit reassured knowing that James would be there. 

Oh, and a bit smug that Emily had detention, too. 

Wait, did that mean she was with us? Damn. So much for getting my hopes up. 

I sighed almost inaudibly and looked over to McGonagall. I could have been wrong, but I thought I saw a swift smile cross over her face, then leave almost as quickly as it appeared. But, I must have been hallucinating. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Sorry, Lily. Sorry, Lily. Sorry, sorry, sorry, Lily,” said James, standing beside the couch I was sitting on.

“For what?” I asked, looking up from my Charms textbook, confused. 

“For getting you in detention,” he said guiltily. 

I shrugged, acting like it was nothing—like I got detention all the time. 

“You weren’t the only one passing notes,” I said, becoming embarrassed for some reason. 

“Maybe, but I started it,” he said. 

I rolled my eyes. “It’s okay, James,” I said, touching his arm. I tried to act like it was a casual thing, but I couldn’t guarantee that I succeeded. “Really, don’t worry about it,” I said, taking my hand away and looking at my textbook. 

He sat down beside me. My heart thumped unevenly. “Are you sure?” he asked. 

I nodded and smiled at him. His answering smile made me blush, but I looked away before he could see it. My blushes were too easily brought on these days. 

Hailey walked into the Common Room and I waved and smiled brightly at her, until I saw the shaken expression on her face. I would say it was like she’d seen a ghost, but you know, those were common in the Magical world. 

“Hailey? What’s wrong?” I asked her as she sat down in an empty armchair, staring into the fire. 

James and I exchanged worried looks and I had a horrible foreshadowing feeling about this. 

“Remus was in the Hospital Wing,” she said, very quietly. 

The foreshadowing feeling was growing bigger inside my gut and I swallowed to keep it down. 

“He wasn’t feeling very well,” James replied, growing more agitated as the seconds ticked by. 

Hailey looked up at James and I, her eyes wide and scared. “What’s wrong with him?” she asked. I could tell she knew something wasn’t right. I wouldn’t be surprised if she already knew, but was denying it to herself. 

“Hailey,” I said, getting up. “Let’s go upstairs for a second.” I grabbed her arm and dragged James up the boys’ staircase. 

Quickly, I led them up to the Marauders’ dorm and opened the door. 

“Hey, Moony! You back already—” Peter’s voice cut off as he realized it was not Moony he was talking to. 

James looked pained, Sirius confused, Peter scared, Hailey a mix of all three. I didn’t want to know what I looked like. 

I glanced at James and he nodded. He had performed all the necessary charms and spells to ensure we would not be overheard. I sat Hailey down on the closest bed, which happened to be Remus’, and stared at her.

“Hailey, what we are about to tell you can not—must not leave this room. Do you understand?” I asked her, gripping her shoulders. 

She gulped and slowly nodded. I could tell she was preparing herself for her thoughts to be confirmed. 

I glanced at the blokes again. Sirius seemed to understand what was going on now and looked a bit nervous. I think Peter was still out of the loop, but he still looked scared. James nodded at me again, looking like he was just waiting for it to all be over. 

I looked back at Hailey who looked shocked, without me even telling her the news. 

Everyone in the room seemed to be holding their breath. 

“Hailey, Remus is a werewolf.” 

**[A/N: LONG TIME, EH?! I'm sorry I haven't updated in over a month, but I've been busy and because I just couldn't think of anything to write. So, if the second part of the chapter seems a bit rushed to you, it was.**

**But, a lot happened in this chapter, so I hope you won't hate me too much...**

**IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT. This ff will be renamed under "You're A Mad One, Lily Evans". Very important that you know that. :)**

**I think that's it, REVIEW of course. Did you think I would forget? ;)**

**xox. Thanks XD]**


	16. Exhaustion

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN.  
Exhaustion**

_“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.” –Kurt Vonnegut_

“Hailey, Remus is a werewolf,” I said, still holding onto her tense shoulders. It was like all the air had left the room. 

Her eyes widened and she stared at me, her face paling. 

I let go of her carefully and stared behind me to the monitor the Marauders’ reactions. James had his eyes closed and his fingers were pinching the bridge of his nose right above his glasses. Sirius was staring anxiously at Hailey, wondering how she would react. I was sure none of the blokes had seen Hailey like this before. I had only seen her like this once, and it hadn’t been pretty. I was already preparing myself for what I was expecting.

I focused my attention back to Hailey who was staring at the Marauders’, eyes still wide as dinner plates. 

“Hailey?” I asked quietly. “Are you all right?” 

She looked back at me and her eyes immediately turned to small slits. For such a happy person, her glare was the scariest of all. “How could you keep something like this from me, Lily? You didn’t think it affected me at all?” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. 

Even though I was expecting it, her reaction still took me by surprise. Since it was seldom that Hailey got truly angry or sad, when it happened, it left a trail of ruin behind her. 

“It wasn’t my secret to tell, Hailey,” I said, my voice confidant, despite the surprise I felt towards my best friend’s reaction. 

She continued to glare and I tried my best not to cringe. “And what got you the special privilege of knowing the secret, Lily? What, being friends with Remus is not enough? I have to be snogging one of his friends to be let into the inner circle?” she asked, voice rising slightly. 

This time, I couldn’t help but wince a little at her harsh words. It was so unlike Hailey that I felt a twinge in my chest. But, I let myself have it because that was they only thing I could think of doing. 

“Hey, stop—” said James from behind me. 

I held out my hand to stop him. It was best if I handled this. 

“Hailey, you know it’s not like that,” I tried to reason with her. 

“Oh?” she asked, getting up. “Then what is it? I was just the backup mate in case one of you got lonely? Only second resort?” she asked me. 

This time, my heart cringed along with me. But, despite her words, I couldn’t find it in me to get angry back. Maybe it was from all the emotional stress lately, but I couldn’t find it in me to cause another rift in my social life. 

When I didn’t answer, she turned to attack the shocked blokes around us. “And what about you three? You didn’t think I should know about something like this? A werewolf, for MERLIN’S sake!” she exclaimed, making Peter crawl further into his bed. 

Sirius suddenly stood from his bed and looked Hailey in the face. Their expressions matched one another, furious slits for eyes and mouths set. 

“Listen to me, Rodgers, because I’m only going to say it once. Remus’ secret is Remus’s secret, meaning he can tell whoever he damn well chooses. If it’s not you, then you can go take a walk in the lake because there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s a miracle Dumbledore let him into the school in the first place, so I don’t think he would want to be publicising it to anyone and everyone who got close to him. That’s actually the last thing he wanted because he didn’t want to lose all his friends. So, if you still have a problem with it and decide to take a few more jabs at Lily, then I suggest you do and we’ll see how many friends _you_ have left.” 

I was sitting on the floor by this point, not knowing when or how I got there. I felt a hand on my shoulder, but I ignored it; I was too focused on Sirius and Hailey to notice. 

Sirius looked like he wanted to hit Hailey; his hands were fists by his side. I could tell he deeply resented what she had said especially when Remus did so much to keep his friends. Hailey looked like she wanted to hit Sirius; her hands were grabbing her robes by her side. 

I got up slowly as did James from what I saw out of the corner of my eye. I approached the two and gently touched Hailey’s arm. She shook it off and turned to me. With one last withering glare, she turned and left the room. 

I stood there, eyes never leaving the open door where my best friend had disappeared through. James tried going after her, but Sirius held him back. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. Stand there? Sit down? Go after her? 

“She won’t tell anyone, will she?” asked Peter, still cowering in his bed. 

I shook my head to answer his question, still looking through the door. She was angry, but she was still as loyal as she always was. Or at least I hoped. 

“You’re sure, Lily?” asked James’ anguished voice. 

I gulped but I nodded. If she did tell someone, I’d never be able to forgive myself. It had been me who told her in the first place, right? 

“Are you all right?” asked James, coming to stand in front of me. 

I nodded again, still not saying a word. I still wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. I wanted to curl up in a fire and just stay there. My hands felt cold by my sides and I had a feeling my face had gone white. I needed to get out of here. 

“I’m going to wait for her in the Common Room,” I said, side-stepping James and almost running out of the room. I didn’t turn around to see the expressions of Sirius and Peter; the guilt would eat me alive. 

Once I got downstairs into the Common Room, a couple of kids turned to watch me, but then looked away soon after. I ignored the whispers and resumed my seat in front of the fire. My textbook sat on the floor, opened to a random page from my hurried departure. I didn’t bother pick it up. I simply stared into the jumping flames, letting its heat course through me. 

Her glare was still fresh in my mind. I shivered despite the warmth. I never wanted to see her face like that again. Her face was made to smile, like she usually was. I was scared for the person who made her angry like that again. Right now, I was probably her number one victim, and maybe Sirius was the second. Sirius could handle himself, but me? I wasn’t sure. 

I was ashamed to say it, but I was a weak person. I hated when people were mad at me, expect of course, if I didn’t like them either. (ie. Emily Flounder.) But, people like Hailey Rodgers, my best friend, mad at me? It was almost too much to bear. 

I vaguely wondered what her reaction would be if we had told her about the three Animagi that she had for friends. A wave of hysteria came over me and I stopped thinking about it before I started to have a panic attack. Right now, I just had to keep my cool. 

Someone came down the boy’s staircase and sat next to me. I assumed it was James, but I didn’t look over to find out. Right now, I couldn’t care. Hailey’s expression and words were everything in my head right now. 

I hoped to whatever God out there that she kept Remus’ secret. I knew people acted irrationally when they were angry, but Hailey was one who kept secrets. I knew that. Since there had been only one occasion she had reacted in this way, I wasn’t exactly sure what her limits were and I wasn’t sure if it was something I wanted to know. 

“Lils?” 

“Hmm?” The nickname was strangely soothing. It brought a sense of home. All of a sudden, I missed my parents immensely. 

“It’ll be all right,” said James’ voice. 

I didn’t respond. I brought my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs, still staring at the fire. A horrible aching in my chest made me wince. I took an arm off my leg and started to rub at it, hoping it would go away. I refused to start crying. I was going to get through this, whether Hailey talked to me again or not. 

I flinched again, my body refusing to think about what I would do if my best friend stopped talking to me. It was something I wouldn’t live through, even if I did have James now. 

I felt a hand rubbing my back, and immediately felt guilty. He was affected, too, but I was the only one acting like a baby. 

I got off the couch and didn’t face him. I didn’t want to see his face and how much anxiety this was causing him. “I’m going to…go upstairs,” I said, not knowing what I would do when I was up there. What if Hailey was there? 

I walked up the stairs slowly, feeling strangely out of my body. Nothing I was doing was making sense. Was I really moving my legs, or was it someone else? I had no idea. 

I reached my room and took a deep breath before opening the door. I stepped in to find it empty. Breathing a sigh of relief, I sat on my bed. 

A long time had passed and I still hadn’t moved from my spot; sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at a knot in the wood floor. A shy knocking on the door shook me out of my trance. I got up carefully and opened the door, scared to see who was behind it. 

A third year girl with curly brown hair stared back at me, holding my text books and a piece of parchment. “Lily Evans?” she asked shyly. 

“Yeah?” my voice sounded rough after not speaking for a while. 

“This is for you. A boy downstairs asked me to give it to you,” she said, handing my things to me, the piece of parchment on top. 

“Thanks,” I said, already knowing who it was from. I closed the door as she ran down the stairs. 

I went back to my bed, wondering what the letter would read. I set my textbooks on the floor beside me and unfolded the parchment. 

Lily,

Are you all right? You seemed really shaken up earlier. 

Listen, I’m going to find Hailey right now, so don’t worry about it. I’ll straighten everything out; it’s going to be fine. It was the right thing to do, better than her finding out on her own, right? 

Please don’t worry about her, okay? Or Remus, for that matter. I’ll take care of everything. Sleep well.

James.

This time, I couldn’t stop the tears from starting. We weren’t even officially together and he was already taking care of me. Why did he have to be so…good? And why didn’t I realize it earlier? All those times I glared at him, denied him, insulted him. And he still couldn’t bear to see me hurt. There truly, truly wasn’t anyone like James. The guilt was building. 

I wiped my tears and got out of my bed. I left James’ letter on my desk and got a fresh one out. Not knowing who else to write to, I scribbled a messy ‘Daddy’ at the top of the parchment. 

Daddy.

I miss you so much. School’s fine. But I’m not sure if I am. 

Hailey’s mad. Really mad and I don’t know what to do. I wasn’t honest with her about another friend and she got upset. You’ve met her, Dad, you know how she’s the happiest person in the world, and her angry is just—not right. I don’t know how to fix things. I just want to come home, Dad. I miss you and Mom so much I could almost leave Hogwarts right now. I’m really lost, Daddy. 

I was crying throughout the letter and some tears managed to drop onto the parchment, smudging some of the ink. I folded it up hastily and cleaned my face off in order to go to the Owlery. I grabbed a couple treats and took off. 

I left the dormitory, not looking at anyone as I left the Common Room. I still had an hour before curfew but I quickened my steps. I wanted my dad to get this as soon as possible. 

I fought tears the whole way, making sure that no one would see me bawling in the hallways. If I someone did pass me in the hall, I didn’t care enough to notice. 

Someone was up ahead, but I didn’t pay attention. All I was focusing on was getting to the Owlery and back. Point A to Point B. No detours. 

“Lily?” called the voice in front of me. 

My set destination had been meddled with. Someone was calling me and ruining my course. 

I turned my head in the voice’s direction and found the blue-eyed, blonde-haired Edward staring at me with concerned and surprised eyes. 

I tried to side-step him, my heart thumping louder at the unfortunate encounter. But, he moved in my way and wouldn’t let me pass. 

“What’s wrong?” he demanded, holding his arms out to his sides so I couldn’t pass. 

I sniffled and looked past his body. “Nothing. I need to mail something,” I replied quietly, already starting to get anxious. 

He gave me a stern look. “Tell me what’s wrong with you,” he asked, somewhat proprietarily. 

I stopped trying to escape him and looked at him to glare. “Why?” I asked him. “Why should I tell you?” I asked angrily, stepping a bit closer, my eyes dangerously thin slits. I really wasn’t in the mood.

He seemed surprised by my aggressive response. “Because if Potter—,” he spat the name, “—hurt you then I want to know!” he responded, arms still out like wings. 

If it were possibly, my glare increased. “No, Edward—,” I spat his name, “James has not hurt me and I’d appreciate if you moved out of my way,” I said acidly. 

I moved around him and continued on my crazed walk to the Owlery. I wasn’t in the mood to be bothered by insignificant people in my life. He was over, gone, part of the past and I couldn’t afford to stay there long. 

The rest of the journey was a blur, but soon enough I got there and started looking for my owl, ‘Tuney. I called for her, my voice trembling slightly. She landed on my outstretched arm, the piercing of her talons bringing me out of my possessed state. 

“Hey,” I greeted, “I need you to take this to Daddy as quickly as you can, okay?” I told her, taking an owl treat out of my pocket. “Fly safely,” I said as she took off, hooting in response. 

I watched her fly away, a strange sense of release coming over me. I felt like all my troubles were flying off with her, gone to be dealt with by someone else. It was strangely comforting to watch her beat her strong wings in the wind. 

I walked back slowly, unaware and simply uncaring of what time it was. If I got caught, I could simply use my Head Girl excuse; abuse of privilege, I know, but frankly I couldn’t care less. 

I walked back to the dorms, completely unaware of my surroundings. I remember Jennifer asking me what was wrong, but I simply shook my head and crawled into my bed. I fell asleep almost immediately. I didn’t realize I was so exhausted. 

The next morning, I woke up with a swollen face and burning eyes from yesterday’s crying. I didn’t give a damn at this point about school and classes and all that crap, but I had no other choice. I couldn’t miss another day of classes this week. I was already behind. 

I glanced warily to Hailey’s bed and found it empty. Either she had already left or she had not returned at all. I felt another wave of guilt crash over me. 

Suddenly, there was a clacking at the window and I turned to see ‘Tuney hovering there waiting for me to open the window. I ran to the window and hurriedly let her in. I untied the letter and threw her a treat before she turned and flew out the window. 

I recognized my dad’s messy writing on the parchment, it seemed messier than usual from his hurried response. 

Lily.

Don’t do anything rash, Hon. We miss you tons over here, too, but you can’t come home. Not yet. Just wait a couple of months, sweetie. Christmas is almost here. 

Hailey will come around, Lily. I’m sure of it. You two have gone through too much now for it to be over this quickly. And if she was truly your best friend, she would let whatever secret this was about pass by. With time, though. If she doesn’t, well I hate to say it, but maybe she’s not truly the best friend you thought she was. 

I know it’s a hard time for you, Lily, but stay rational. Don’t do anything you’d regret in five years, okay? That’s my principal. Just remember to keep your cool and try reasoning with her. But give her time to calm down a bit. I’m sure she feels a bit betrayed by you, Hon. 

Love and miss you always, Daddy

I resisted the urge to cry again as I read the letter through the second time. Again, I wished to see my parents’ faces, to see them in front of me, to hug them. I didn’t know if I could wait until Christmas. 

I folded the letter into a smaller square and put it in my pocket to keep with me as reassurance. I didn’t know how I was going to deal with Hailey today. I didn’t know if she was still mad at me and it was making me extremely anxious. 

I walked down to the Common Room and saw Hailey glaring at James while he was trying to reason with her. As soon as she set eyes on me, she turned and walked out, ignoring what James had been saying. 

I was sure the hurt was evident on my face as James turned to me. His stressed eyes turned soft and sympathetic as he approached me. He caught me off guard as he embraced me in his warm and inviting hug. 

I simply stood there while he hugged me, using all my energy to fight the tears. There was none left to return the sentiment. 

When he let me go and backed away to look at me, his face was traced with concern. 

“How is she?” I asked him quietly, unable to look at his face. 

“Not good,” he admitted. I could hear the reluctance in his voice. “She feels hurt that you didn’t tell her before and that she was the only one to not know about it. She feels like everyone’s keeping secrets around her and leaving her out on purpose,” he said. 

I nodded, remembering the words of my father. With time, he wrote. It would take time. And seeing her face this morning, I was guessing it would take a lot more than I originally hoped. 

James and I walked down together to breakfast, neither one of us saying a word. I was too lost in my thoughts to say anything. And what was I supposed to say anyway, nice weather? 

I sat down with the Marauders as usual, wincing slightly as Hailey ignored me as I passed. Jen noticed and gave me a confused look. 

I sat down, not really in the mood for eating. I scooped some pieces of food on my plate, but never ended up eating them. I sat with my shoulders slouched, my eyes downcast, and fork moving around the food on my plate. 

Sirius seemed to be in a sour mood for probably the same reason I was in a slump. I didn’t look up at him, knowing he would send me an annoyed look if I did. I didn’t think I could handle that; I was too emotionally weak right now. 

James fidgeted beside me and I tried to ignore him. He seemed more keyed-up than usual and it was making me even more anxious than I already was. But, I didn’t seem to be the only one who noticed. 

“Prongs, will you please stop fidgeting!” exclaimed Sirius, slamming his fist on the table. 

“Sorry!” James replied defensively. 

I kept my head down. 

The mail came in a shower of flapping wings and hooting owls. I didn’t look up, not expecting any mail. It wasn’t till James’ groan did I look up and saw two school owls approaching us. 

My heart beat quicker, anxious to what it could be. I untied the letter hastily and opened it. 

Your detention will take place at eight o’clock tonight.  
Please report to the Hospital Wing.  
Prof. M. McGonagall

I suddenly understood James’ groan. It was for the detention we had received yesterday during Transfiguration. Had it really been yesterday? It seemed like so much had happened during only one night. 

“Hospital Wing?” James asked me. 

I nodded. At least we were together.

The bell rang to signal us to get to class and I got up robotically to move to my first class. Unfortunately, it was Herbology, meaning I had to go out in the cold outside. 

Strangely enough, the cold air cleared my head and helped me process everything. Yes, I felt beyond anxious and guilty for what I did to Hailey, but I realized that I could do nothing until she cooled down. I had to be patient with her before I tried to explain myself. I breathed deeply, inhaling the crisp air. 

My mind seemed to be apart from my body. It didn’t seem like me telling my hands to move, my legs to bend, my mouth to speak. It seemed like it was acting on its own, without my knowledge, to control my actions. I was grateful though, it felt like I was getting a break, a time to rearrange my thoughts. 

Herbology and Transfiguration passed in a blur. I stayed away from Hailey as she avoided me and I sat with James throughout the day. Usually, I would have been ecstatic, but right now, I wanted to sit next to my best friend. 

James didn’t seem to mind that I was out of it the entire day. I was sure he understood. He understood almost everything about me. It was a wonderful gift he seemed to have developed recently, and thank Merlin for that. I didn’t know what I would have done if I had to explain everything to him, especially now. If only he would have developed it a bit earlier; he could have saved a lot of time bothering me and done something a bit more productive. 

Sirius remained annoyed throughout the day, speaking only to criticize or make a snarky remark. I was ashamed knowing I had brought all this on. James seemed patient with his best mate’s mood and acted as a peace maker for the day. 

Finally the day was over. I was beginning to feel the same exhaustion from last night and James looked about ready to catch me if I tipped over. I was grateful that I was able to find refuge in my dorm; I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. 

I had not been normal that day. I was out of my right mind, not doing anything I normally would have done. I was a robot without a heart, refusing to feel anything. Despite my clarity of thoughts before Herbology, I was beginning to feel hopeless. It seemed like Hailey would never forgive me and desperation was creeping into my body like the chill from an open window. I wouldn’t be able to live without her. 

I crawled into my bed and curled into a ball, allowing the sadness to have its way for a bit. I let a few tears fall, but never allowed it to become the crying from yesterday night. 

I heard the door creep open and a small voice called my name. I sat up and recognized Jennifer’s brown hair from the door frame. 

“Yeah?” I called back, wiping my face as subtly as possible. 

“Are you all right?” she asked me, entering the room. 

I laughed slightly without humour. “Not really, no.”

“What’s wrong?”

I sighed as she sat down on her bed. 

“Hailey and I got into a fight,” I responded, looking at the wood grain floor. 

Jennifer nodded. “I figured that much,” she said gently. “What happened?”

I didn’t answer for a while. “I kept some things from her that maybe I shouldn’t have,” I said finally, choosing my words carefully. 

Jennifer had enough sense not to pry. “She feels left out?” Jen assumed. 

“I imagine she would.”

“She’ll see your side soon enough, Lily,” she said, comfortingly. 

I simply nodded. I wasn’t sure what to reply. I’d come to that conclusion myself, somewhat doubt filled, but I had gotten there. 

The door opened again and I saw Hailey’s face appear in the entrance. I felt the shock cross my face and Jen’s discomfort. She got up and walked out the door, mumbling something as she left. I wasn’t sure, but I think she nudged Hailey in before closing the door. 

Hailey’s face was still angry and she walked past me, moving towards her bed to find whatever she came up here for. 

As the silence dragged on, I felt the tugging on my chest to do something. 

“Hey,” I said quietly. 

Her back was towards me, but she didn’t walk away at least. “Hi,” she responded. 

“I’m sorry,” I said, after a long pause. “I wasn’t sure if I could tell you. I knew that you would figure it out eventually, I just didn’t want it to be so soon. Maybe…” I struggled for words, looking down at the floor. “I know you’ve heard this a million times, but I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t have a choice. It wasn’t for me to decide,” I finished lamely. 

“So, now you want to talk?” she asked, still not turning around. Her voice sounded sharp. 

I winced and nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “I’m sorry. And I know I hurt you, I’m a horrible person. But if I could take it back, I would. I don’t know how to apologize.”

She turned around and I noticed she had tears in her eyes. I felt the guilt blow over again, knowing that I was the one to cause it. She sat down on her bed, her bottom lip quivering. 

“I know you’re sorry, Lily. I just don’t understand how you could have kept this from me!” she said, standing up again. She started to pace. “I mean, Remus! How?!” she whispered fiercely. 

I hung my head. “I wanted to tell you,” I whispered. “You know I couldn’t, Hailey. I couldn’t,” I said. 

She nodded and sat back down. She wiped at her face, sniffling. “How long have you known?” she asked me. 

I winced. “Since sixth year,” I hung my head again. 

I saw Hailey nod from the corner of my eye. “And he told you because…?”

“Of prefect patrolling,” I responded. 

She nodded again. “I’m sorry about what I said yesterday,” she said. “About the snogging James thing.”

I smiled. “Don’t worry about it,” I said easily. “And you know you’re not just a backup friend, right Hailey? I don’t want you feeling like that,” I said, desperate that she didn’t feel that way. 

She nodded sadly. “Do I? I mean, I don’t have a problem with it, Lily. I know that you and James are going to be hanging out a lot, me and Jen have been talking about it recently. She feels the same with Alice. I know you’d never replace me, but James is going to take up most of your time now, so I’ll understand. You’ll still be my best mate though,” she added on, fresh tears in her and my eyes now. 

“You sound like James and I are going to be together for a while,” I said with a shaky voice. 

She laughed. “Who are you kidding, Lily? Of course you are. He’s been waiting way too long for this to end so quickly,” she said, laughing at me again. 

I laughed along and in my heart, I sincerely hoped so. I could feel myself beginning to realize that I wouldn’t let him go easily either. I was already in too deep. There was no way I could leave him now without losing a big part of myself with him. 

I moved and sat next to Hailey. “So, am I forgiven?” I asked. 

She sighed and I felt a stab in my chest. “James told me some things yesterday,” she said quietly. 

I panicked. Some specific animals ran through my mind. “What things?” I asked indifferently. 

“About him, Sirius and Peter,” she said. 

“Mhm?” I prompted. 

“They’re—”

“Wait.” 

I went over to the door and opened it. Thankfully, there was no one there. Imagine what would have happened if someone had found out about the Marauders? I think I would actually lock myself in my dorm for the rest of my life. 

I closed the door, taking proper precautions now and sat back down. 

“They’re?” I asked her, already knowing the answer. 

“Animagi,” she finished, gulping as she spoke. 

“I know,” I said, dreading what came next. 

“Well then,” said Hailey, taking it all in. 

“Are you mad?” I asked. 

“No,” she said, truthfully. Her mouth pulled up into that ridiculous grin I hadn’t seen in a while; the one where all her teeth showed. It shocked me for a second because I had been expecting the opposite. 

“You’re not?” I asked, shock transparent in my voice. 

She shook her head. “James told me that you knew that, too. He’s a great bloke, Lily,” she said. 

I hugged her, not knowing what else to do. She hugged me back. “Thanks so much, Hailey,” I said, becoming all emotional again. 

She laughed. “Of course, Lily. I overreacted. I know you couldn’t tell me. I guess that Hospital Wing did make me a bit nuttier than I would have thought,” she mused, as I let her go. 

I laughed freely, happy that I was now on good terms with Hailey again. But, I remembered James and I felt guilty. Again. I was getting sick of this feeling, but I knew I always would feel it. 

I had been so cold towards him and he had been so good to me. I really didn’t deserve him, but that couldn’t be helped. I was going to keep him as long as I could because I never wanted it to end. 

Thoughts of James reminded me of what was to take place tonight. Detention. 

“What time is it?” I asked Hailey suddenly. 

“Seven fifty three, why?” she asked. 

I swore under my breath. “I have detention!” I shouted. I realized I hadn’t told her about that either. Damn!

“Detention? For what?” she asked shocked. 

I gave her an apologetic look. All these things were just piling up on me. I was never going to be free of them, was I? 

“Forget it, tell me later. GO!” she said, shooing me out the door, like a caring mother. 

I sent her a grateful look and ran down the stairs. I wasn’t paying attention as I ran, which resulting in me running straight into someone’s chest. 

“Uff!” I said, bounding off whoever it was. I recognized him immediately and heard his voice penetrating my mind. 

“Lily! Are you okay?! Sorry, I was trying to—”

I didn’t pay attention to what he was saying, but grabbed his hand and started to run out the door. It wouldn’t help if we were both late. 

“Where are we going?” he asked me when we were running through the hallways. 

“Detention!” I called back, still running. 

I heard James swear as he started to run faster. The clock was ticking. 

Thanks to our running, we arrived at the Hospital Wing on time and out of breath. James walked in and I followed after him, still panting slightly. 

“Good evening, Potter, Evans,” greeted Pomfrey as we came in view. 

James and I responded, waiting for our punishment to come. We saw Remus gathering his stuff from the side of his bed, ready to go. 

“Well, get started,” she said, looking at us. 

James and I stared at each other. “Excuse me, Madam Pomfrey, but what exactly are we supposed to be doing?” asked James. 

Pomfrey looked annoyed. “Didn’t Professor McGonagall tell you? You’re cleaning the beds. Hand me your wands please,” she said, holding her hand out in front of her. 

I surrendered my wand, James grumbling something about child labour under his breath. We looked around at the beds surrounding us and thankfully, they didn’t look too disgusting. Unfortunately, there was a pungent smell coming from one of them. 

Once Pomfrey was gone, Remus wasled over to us. He looked almost back to normal, not too many cuts on his face. I smiled at him while James greeted his mate. 

“How are you, Moony?” James asked. 

He smiled tiredly. “Been better,” he responded. “How’s Hailey?” he asked, anxiety tracing his words. 

James turned to me. I smiled back. “She’s fine. We’re good now,” I said, remembering that I hadn’t had a chance to explain to James what had happened previously. 

“That’s great,” they both responded, evident thankfulness on their faces. 

“Detention?” Remus asked us. 

I flinched slightly and James rubbed the back of his head. Remus laughed and mumbled something under his breath to which James smacked his head. I stood there staring at them. 

“Well, I’d love to hang around, but the House Elves are calling my name. And I’ve been meaning to ask Sirius something. Don’t have too much fun, kids,” he said, winking as he left. 

I groaned quietly as he left and James grinned at me. 

“I wonder when Emily’s getting here,” said James conversationally as he started taking the sheets off a bed. 

I made a sour face. Emily. Just to make detention worse. Ugh. 

Detention went on quietly for a while and there was still no sign of Emily. I was happy that she wasn’t there, but the sensation of anxiety was still there. It was like my body could sense her coming. 

I rubbed my eyes and yawned. This tired business was seriously getting old. I mean, how long could this last. I’ve been getting enough sleep lately, but it seemed that I was always tired. 

“It’s really not that bad,” said James. 

“What is?” I asked, holding back another yawn. 

“Detention.”

“Sure,” I said. “If you like cleaning and dirty sheets,” I said sarcastically. 

He rolled his eyes. “At least it’s something to do. And sometimes it’s worth it,” he said smirking. 

This time, it was my turn to roll my eyes. “I don’t understand you blokes. The tricks you play are sometimes just horrible,” I said, remembering all the tricks they played on me. 

He grinned. “But they were so much fun. You should try it one day.”

“I think I’ll pass, thanks.”

“You’re lost,” he said, shrugging. 

The rest of the detention passed without incident. Emily never showed up which made it somewhat better. We eventually forgot about her, which was a relief. Imagine having her on your mind ALL day. Shiver. 

We walked quietly back to GT (Gryffindor Tower), me struggling to walk straight the entire way. James offered to carry me with a playful grin, but I declined. I still had my pride, thank you very much. 

Thankfully we got back to GT before I passed out and I didn’t even have enough energy left in me to say goodnight to James properly. I thought I heard a chuckle behind me but I could have been wrong. 

I flopped into my bed, vaguely noticing that Emily’s was empty. Everyone else’s was closed off; I guess they were all as exhausted as I was. 

I changed into my pyjamas tiredly, not even bothering to wash up. Cause sometimes, it feels good to just not. And frankly, I could barely keep my eyes open anymore. 

My pillow moulded into the shape of my head and I snuggled into my covers. I fell asleep with clear thoughts. 

**[[A/N: I KNOW I KNOW. Forever to update. I know you have been waiting a long time for this chapter, and I know it’s very sucky, but it’s here.**

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I know I always say I’m going to update really soon, but I’m horrible at managing my time, just to let you know. I procrastinate like crazy, that it’s a miracle this chapter is even out in the first place. So anyway, I hope you will all forgive me for my lateness. 

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So, like I know you all do, I hope you leave me a review on what you think. You can even smash on my long updates if you wish, I don’t really mind, because at least it’s the truth, right? Umm. I think that’s it. OH, I know this might not mean much, but I WILL try to update as soon as possible. 

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I LOVE YOU ALL! PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! MWA!

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**QWERTYBOB.]]**


	17. New Beginnings

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.  
New Beginnings**

_“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”� -Seneca_

“Lily, you look horrible.”�

“Thanks,”� I said indifferently, yawning again. At least I had my Hailey back again. 

“Anytime. But really. When d’you get back yesterday?”�

I shrugged. I really had no idea. 

We walked to the Great Hall with Jen, Alice and Frank. I knew my eyes were puffy and I probably had huge bags under my eyes, but I didn’t really care. 

When we got to the Great Hall, we spotted the Marauders. Alice, Frank and Jen decided to join us today and we sat at the end of the Gryffindor Tower. Not that I was searching, but Emily seemed to be missing again. I wondered what was getting into that girl. 

I sat next to James, my past emotions arising again. I smiled shyly at him as he grinned. He seemed to be ecstatic that I was sitting next to him. Sometimes it was just too easy to please James. 

I yawned and piled food onto my plate. It seemed like I hadn’t had a good meal in a LONG time. And I was hungry. 

It seemed, for the first time in a long time there was nothing blocking my thoughts. Oh, besides the fact that I was sitting VERY close to James and our elbows were knocking, but you know, nothing else. I felt like I could finally breathe again. 

“So, Lily, James,”� started Hailey. “When’s your date again?”� she asked, winking at us. 

Scratch that breathing comment. It felt like my lungs had just disappeared. 

I stopped chewing for a moment and I thought I felt James tense up slightly by my side. The table went silent until everyone but James and I started cracking up. There was cutlery clanging as everyone dropped their utensils to wipe their tears or hold their stomachs. 

I finished chewing bitterly as I watched the rest of my “friends”� pull themselves together. James seemed to be smiling, too.

“It’s next Saturday,”� said James, winking discreetly at me. I glared as I put more food in my mouth. Why were they laughing anyway? It wasn’t THAT funny. 

“A whole week?”� asked Sirius, appearing to be in a better mood than yesterday. “How are we going to deal with the two of you for a _whole week_?”� he asked, winking at Hailey. 

Now it was James’ turn to glare. “Shut it, Sirius,”� he said. 

“No problem, mate,”� he replied. 

“About time, too,”� added Remus. “How long has it been, Prongs? Four years?”� he asked, laughing. 

James scowled as the table laughed it up. 

“What’s the date today?”� I asked. “Poke fun at James and Lily day?”� 

“That’s a good idea, Lily! Why didn’t I think of that?”� Hailey said. 

They continued on with their teasing and laughing and eating as James and I grew more irritated. We glanced at each other and I winked at him. He needed to know that what I was about to do was completely fake. 

“Do you know what?”� I asked, getting their attention. 

“What, Lily?”� asked Hailey, grinning like a drunken fool on her birthday. 

“I’m calling it off,”� I said, glancing at James to make sure he knew I wasn’t. 

“What?!”� cried seven voices. 

“That’s right,”� I said, standing up. “I think James and I are better off as friends.”� 

Thankfully, James caught on fast enough–Thank Merlin for those brains of his–and played along. 

“I think you’re right, Lily. Four years is a bit ridiculous, isn’t it?”� he said, standing up with me. 

“Sure is. I don’t know how you put up with me for that long. One more year would definitely be too much for you, wouldn’t it?”�

“Oh, for sure. Better end it right now while we’re ahead. Don’t you agree?”�

“Completely. Now I believe we’re late for class. Walk with me, James?”�

“I’d be happy to, Lily.”�

James and I walked, arm in arm, leaving our shocked friends behind. My heart was pounding for some strange reason and as we were leaving, I heard Alice say, “It’s Saturday, we don’t have class.”�

Once we were out of the Great Hall, I let go of James’ arm and leaned against the wall. 

James stood there standing where I left him and we stared at each other for a second. 

“I think we put on quite a show,”� he said, ruffling his hair. 

We both erupted with laughter at the thought of our baffled friends back at the table. 

“Wait, just to make sure,”� said James when we started to calm down. “The date’s still on, right?”� he asked, smiling, but somehow still doubting it. 

My heart beat louder, but I retained my composure. We were walking by this time and I was close enough to shove him a little. 

“Of course it is. Didn’t you see my wink?”� I asked him. 

“Well, yeah. But maybe you just had something in your eye,”� he said, grinning. 

I rolled my eyes. “No, James. There was nothing in my eye.”�

“Alright. Just making sure.”�

“Do you think they bought it?”� 

“The blokes know me well enough to know that I wouldn’t give you up that easily. And I’m guessing you dished behind the scenes to Hailey about how much you want me,”� he said, grinning again. 

I laughed. I was a bit surprised. A comment like that last year would have resulted in my violent side and James’ head. 

“Oh yes, James Potter. My want for you is so strong I can barely walk straight,”� I responded, trying my hardest to walk as straight as I could. 

I grinned as he smirked and shoved me back. “I can see that,”� he said playfully. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Hailey, what am I going to do?”� I asked her fretfully. “I only have TWO hours to get ready!”� 

A week had passed, and let me tell you, it took a LONG time. The anxious feelings stayed throughout the week and the teachers chose to pile work on us in preparation for the N.E.W.T.s. Added with my Head Girl duties, it wasn’t necessary to say that I had my hands full. 

On a more serious note, there were a growing number of Muggle attacks from You-Know-Who’s followers. My parents have been writing me about strange events going on in the news, like an earthquake that took out a large business building. After a lot of debating, I finally decided to tell them it was no earthquake. We had heard about that as well, although in our newspaper, it had said something entirely different. After sending them the newspaper clipping, they started asking about all of the strange happenings and what was really going on. I feared for them, you have know idea how much. Hailey kept my fears at bay by asking her parents to keep special watch on mine. I knew they were under the eye of aurors now, but I didn’t know how much that would help if something were to happen.

Because of my heavy schedule, I was able to keep my mind off of the war but I also hardly had any time to spend with James. We had patrols and that was about it. Other times, we were studying or sleeping. The “social”� was taken out of “lives”�. Actually, “lives”� was taken out, too. We were just zombies trying to get through our final year at Hogwarts. 

And now, I only had TWO hours before my date with James. 

“Lily, will you calm down?”� said Hailey from her curtained bed. “You have two hours!”� she groaned.

“I know!”� I said. “It’s not enough!”� 

Hailey opened her curtains, a horrible case of bed head and puffy eyes. “Make a list, Lily. Make a list of everything you need to do in those two hours. It helps.”� She closed her curtains as Jen was opening hers. 

I started to panic again and Jen came to calm me down. “Lily, you’ll be fine, really.”� She started to get out a parchment and quill and started to write down everything I needed to do. _Shower. Wash up. Get dressed._ I stopped reading to panic on how long the list was getting. 

“Hailey, get out here,”� said Jen, grabbing a towel and pushing me into the bathroom. 

“What?”� she groaned as Jen closed the door, cutting me off from the dorm. 

I stood in front of the mirror. What was I doing? I was going on a date with JAMES…!

“Lily! I don’t hear the shower!”� yelled Jen’s muffled voice from the dorm. 

Robotically, I turned on the shower, undressed and stepped inside. The water was so hot, it was actually making me numb. I felt my tensed shoulders relax, but the queasiness of my stomach wouldn’t go away. 

I didn’t understand my nervousness. There was no reason to be nervous really. I’d been alone with James plenty of times before. All those other times could have been considered as “dates”�. Like last week, when we had walked around the grounds for the whole day. That was a date if anything. But then why was I feeling so goddamn scared?

I finally finished and dried myself off. I couldn’t see my reflection because of the steam and I stepped out of the bathroom with my bathrobe. 

“Okay, here’s your outfit, Lily,”� said Hailey, yawning and pointing to the clothes on my bed. They did not belong to me and they were clothes I would NEVER wear. I repeated this to them. 

“They do not belong to me and they are clothes I would NEVER wear,”� I said. 

“Exactly,”� she replied. 

I looked at them closely. One was a tiny blue sweater and an even tinier mini skirt. Standing beside them were a pair of hot leather boots that I had seen on Hailey for a Halloween costume. I cocked an eyebrow at my friends. 

“Only joking, Lily,”� said Hailey, yawning again and rolling her eyes. “Did you really think we’d send you out like this? We want you to look stunning, not ridiculous,”� she said, throwing the clothes to the floor. 

I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t think seven years of friendship would result in that horrible outfit. Not to mention it was cold outside. Like REALLY cold. 

Jen laughed and pulled out a more appropriate outfit. A pair of black pants and a dark green turtleneck sweater. Not very creative with the sweater colour, I know, but what other colour could you wear with red hair? It could be a pain sometimes. But not really. 

“Come on, Lily. We still need to do your hair,”� said Jen. 

“What am I doing with my hair?”� I asked, scared. 

“I think _au naturel_.”�

“Naturally,”� said Jen. 

With some difficulty, I put on Hailey’s pants–Merlin, were they tight!–and put on Jen’s sweater. Jen and Hailey quickly sat me down as they started to brush out my hair. They put in so many hair products that I eventually loss track. Actually, I stopped keeping count after the first one. If this was _au naturel_ , I wondered vaguely what _unnatural_ was like. 

But, soon enough, my hair was actually looking nice. It didn’t have annoying little frizzes sticking out everywhere and the waves were actually wavy. Amazing. 

“Look up, please,”� said Jen, putting her face close to mine.

“What are you doing?”� I asked as I obeyed. 

“Make-up, Lily.”�

“Not too much,”� I said warily. 

“Don’t worry.”�

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I did a double take. The colour of the sweater made my hair look darker and the brown eyeliner accented the green of my eyes. I actually looked…pretty. 

“I think you should keep that sweater, Lily,”� said Jen, putting her hands on her hips, satisfied. 

“Those pants look amazing on you, but I’m still keeping them,”� said Hailey, winking at me. 

“Am I ready?”� I asked them. 

“Get out there before your date dies from waiting so damn long!”� said Hailey, grabbing my coat and pushing me out the door. 

I struggled against them. I really wasn’t ready for this. It was happening too fast!

“Wait! Wait!”� I yelled, stopping on the stairs. 

“What, Lily?”� asked Jen.

“I didn’t bring any money!”� I said as an attempt to stall, and because I really didn’t have any money.

Hailey rolled her eyes. “James will pay for you, now go!”� she said as she resumed her pushing. 

“Hailey!”� I whined. That would be a nightmare. 

“Okay, okay. I’ll go get some,”� she said, running up the stairs and back into our dorm. 

“Really, Lily. You’ll be fine,”� said Jen. 

I didn’t answer her. I think I knew why I was so nervous. It was official now. There was no turning back now. After today, nothing would be the same. Like all good love stories, everything would be changed. Not to mention the whole school had been waiting for this since James had started asking me out.

“Okay, here’s some money,”� said Hailey, shoving two knuts into my hand. 

I groaned. Jen rolled her eyes at me and took out a couple of sickles and a galleon.

“You’re paying me back after this,”� she said as they started to steer me downstairs. 

We finally arrived and there was no sight of James. I breathed a sigh of relief. At least I had a little time. 

“Morning, James!”� said Hailey. My heart thumped loudly and I looked over to where she was looking.

He was wearing a black coat with a gray sweater underneath. His hair was messy (as usual) and he looked as nervous as I felt. My heartbeat accelerated as I took him in. Was I REALLY going on a date with him? 

Like I said, there was no turning back now. 

The three of us walked towards the four Marauders, sitting down in front of the fire. James stood up as we approached and looked me up and down. I felt my face grow hot and I looked at the ground. Why was I acting like such a self-conscious fool?

“Looking good, Rodgers,”� said Sirius, smirking at Hailey. 

Everyone looked at Hailey’s pyjamas and messy hair. I felt myself relax a little; glad that everyone’s attention was focused on someone else. And glad that Sirius hadn’t made a remark about me. 

“Thanks, Black, so are you,”� she said, winking and taking James’ spot on the couch. 

Sirius smirked back and looked back at James. “Get going you two,”� he said. “You only have the rest of your lives together,”� he said, glancing at a fake watch on his wrist and grinning. 

I blushed furiously and Remus chucked a pillow at his head. 

James ignored him and walked up to me, trying, it seemed, to compose himself. “Shall we?”� he said, smiling at me. 

I nodded and followed him to the portrait. My heart wanted out of my chest, my stomach was about to drop out of my butt, my brain was flying around somewhere in my throat and my lungs were lost in my legs. Fabulous.

Did I mention how attractive the back of James’ head was? 

“Have fun, kids! Bring back my Lily back safely, Potter!”� shouted Hailey as we left. 

I rolled my eyes as James turned around and saluted her. I groaned as James grinned at me, seeming to become more normal by the second. 

Once we were out of the GT, some of the tension seemed to be removed. That small room filled with all of our friends was suffocating. I was becoming less nervous, reminding myself that I was with James and it would be good. No, wonderful. 

“I like your sweater, Lils. You look great,”� he said, looking at me as we walked. 

I smiled, appreciating the complement and becoming more comfortable as we approached Filch. Really, it was no big deal. 

We passed Filch with our permission forms and started our long walk to Hogsmeade. It was cold and I wrapped my jacket around me more tightly. No matter how love-story-like my life was becoming, I refused to be one of those cheesy love stories where the guy would offer the girl his wonderfully warm jacket. I didn’t want my date to freeze, after all. And we would NOT enter Puddifoot’s even if it were the only store open in Hogsmeade today. 

(Knock on wood.) 

“Seems like there’s something extremely interesting about us today, Lily,”� said James, grinning down at me. 

“What?”� I asked him, coming out of my thoughts. 

“Everyone’s staring at us,”� he whispered, still smiling. 

I looked around and found his statement to be true. Everyone from third year up to seventh was staring at us; I assumed it was because James and I were walking. Together. On a date. 

“Hmm,”� I said, smiling a little. I gathered up my courage and grabbed James’ glove-covered hand. “I wonder what they’re all looking at,”� I finished, moving closer to him, but not glancing up. 

He didn’t answer, but he squeezed my hand and brought me closer. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“No, Lils, you have to try this one!”� 

“I don’t want to, James. It looks disgusting!”� I protested, trying to squirm away from the sweet in his hand. If you could even call that horrible looking _thing_ a sweet. 

Honeydukes was filled today; the cold weather seemed to be forcing everyone inside. There were free samples out and James and I had been trying all of them. Now, there was one that he was trying to get me to eat after he told me it was amazing. Only, it looked like it’d been regurgitated out of a bird, stepped on by an elephant and finally, charmed purple by a five-year-old. And he wanted me to eat that? 

“Lily, it tastes like grapes!”� he said, wagging the purple wad of…something in front of nose. “Come on, I tried that pink square stuff you like,”� he said, making a face. 

“But that was good!”� I protested, laughing when I remembered his facial expression. 

“It tasted like baby arse, now eat it!”� he said. 

I scowled and started at the whatsit. I didn’t know the name and I didn’t want to. I took it from his hand and tried not to gag. His face showed his triumph and I looked at him as I quickly put it into my mouth and chewed. 

“ACH!”� I said as I swallowed. “Black liquorice, James?!”�

He was bent over, holding his stomach and laughing like a loon. Ha-ha. Very funny. 

I looked around me and found Every Flavour Beans to my left. I popped one into my mouth (one that I was POSITIVE was Watermelon) to get the taste of the purple-death-sweet out of my mouth. 

“ACH!”� I shouted again. “Grass!”� I needed to get my beans straight.

James started his laughing all over again. I would have been more upset if his laughter weren’t so attractive. I found myself laughing along. 

“Sorry, Lily,”� he said, slowly standing straight again. “Your facial expression was just too funny,”� he said, chuckling. 

“I guess it’s fair. But I can’t believe you don’t like the pink squares! It’s coconut!”� 

James bought me some more pink squares and strange chocolates that I said I liked and bought some of the purple stuff to trick Remus, who hated black liquorice. He said he wanted to buy some Droobles Best Blowing Gum and exploding bonbons for himself, but I managed to figure out he wanted them for a prank he was going to pull on the rest of the Marauders. I reprimanded him for that, but he just laughed. In the end, I gave in and asked him what he was planning on doing. He wouldn’t answer and continued to laugh. 

“Come on, James. Tell me,”� I said, as we waited for Rosmerta to serve us. 

“Sorry, Lily. Top secret.”�

“What if I guessed it right?”�

He made a condescending face. “I doubt that, Lily. But go ahead,”� he said, obviously amused. 

I scowled and started to think. Rosmerta arrived and greeted us warmly. I smiled at her, but didn’t say a word. I was too concentrated. 

Rosmerta and James seemed to be having a private conversation and James blushed lightly. I got suspicious, knowing how most of the blokes at our school thought Rosmerta was attractive, which she was. I kept to myself though, still thinking and being as polite as I could be as they finished their conversation. 

“What’ll it be, hun?”� she asked me, giving me another warm smile. 

“Just a Butterbeer, please,”� I said. 

She nodded and left us. 

“Any ideas?”� he asked. 

I nodded. “But you have to tell me something first,”� I bargained. 

“What?”� he asked me. 

“What were you and Rosmerta talking about?”� I asked, innocently. 

Was it too early to be jealous?

No, it was completely reasonable. 

Right?

He blushed again and the suspicions rose. 

“It was nothing, Lils. She was teasing me about some things,”� he said, looking away. 

I felt my eyes narrow slightly. Teasing about what? “Like?”�

“Oh, I don’t know,”� he said. “Stuff from a couple years ago.”�

“James, if you don’t tell me, I’m just going to think it’s something horrible.”� 

He sighed and looked at me. Whatever he saw there, he smiled a little. “She noticed we were on a date,”� he said, defeated. 

“And?”� I asked, blushing slightly. 

He looked at me again. “And she remembered all the times…”�

“Mhm?”�

He sighed again, really not wanting to continue. I looked at him. 

“All the times I complained about being rejected again,”� he said, smiling cheekily at me. 

I blushed and felt immensely guilty. Why was I such a horrible person? First, rejecting him ALL those times, without mercy. (Although that was slightly his fault.) And second, for reminding him about it. 

“Sorry, James,”� I said quietly. 

He laughed. “Don’t worry about it, Lily. But you were _jealous_ , weren’t you?”� he asked me. 

I snapped my head up and saw him grinning his crooked smile at me. He winked. “It’s all right, James knows all,”� he said. 

I rolled my eyes. “When I thought your head was starting to get smaller,”� I mumbled, trying to hide my embarrassment. 

He laughed again. “Don’t be embarrassed, Lily. If it had been me, I would have hexed that bloke until he cried for his mum.”�

I shook my head and smacked his. 

He blocked himself from my hand and was still laughing when Rosmerta arrived with our Butterbeers. Now I understood her expression when she looked at us as she was leaving. 

“So what was your idea, then?”� he asked me. 

“What?”� I asked, confused. 

“About the prank.”�

“Oh.”�

“Well?”�

“It’s kind of silly. Don’t laugh.”� 

“I promise I won’t,”� he said, trying to repress a smile. 

I rolled my eyes. “Put gum in their shoes at night after blowing bubbles with it and putting the exploding sweets in their socks?”� It was something I had come up with on the spot. 

He seemed to think about it for a moment, but he wasn’t laughing at least. “Hmm,”� he said. 

“What?”� I asked, starting to get nervous. 

“That’s a good idea.”�

“WHAT?!”�

“It’s simple, yet effective. Payback for putting gum in my hair last year and the exploding sweets in my shampoo. Good one, Lily. I think I’ll use that one instead,”� he said, grinning at me. 

“James!”� I said. That was why he had a bald patch in the middle of last year… but that’s beside the point! He was going to use the prank that _I_ had come up with?! There’s something terribly WRONG with that picture.

“And I’ll tell them you came up with it,”� he said, still grinning. 

“You will do no such thing, Potter!”� I said, my old-inner-self coming out to play. 

“Come on, Lily. I think they’d like it better if it came from you. At least I wouldn’t get it so bad if you thought of it,”� he said, roaring with laughter. 

I looked away and took a swig of my Butterbeer. 

“I’m starting to think the Marauders had an effect on the Head Girl,”� he said, no longer laughing. 

I gave him a sarcastic smile. 

“I won’t use it if you don’t want me to, but it’s absolutely brilliant. They’re all too tired in the mornings to notice if there are sweets in their socks or gum in their shoes. It’s great,”� he said, visioning the prank in his mind. 

I rolled my eyes and smiled. “They’ll get you back, you know,”� I said, getting over my previous panic. Seemed like his effect on me was stronger than he thought. 

“I’m counting on it. That’s the whole point of pranking. Everyone gets a laugh out of it.”� 

I shook my head, but smiled. I think I was in over my head. 

**Adnsdfndjvmaskda.**

“Do we have to go back?”� I whined. The day was ending, the sun was setting, the shops were closing, my legs were tired and my cheeks were cold, but I didn’t want to go back. 

“Lils, it’s almost dinner and there’s no where to go anyway. All the shops are closing. Not to mention Hailey will kill me if I don’t get you back before…what was it, seven?”� James replied. His words said one thing, but his expression said another. I didn’t think he wanted to leave either, no matter what Hailey would do to him. 

I scowled like a five-year-old. My hands were numb in my gloves and I reached for James’ again. 

He started to swing our arms. I smiled up at him and he smiled back. To say this day was perfect would be an understatement. There was nothing wrong with it. The cold weather was even a plus. It was an excuse to stay closer to him. 

The only negative part was when we ran into Emily and Edward. They were together and debating over something, and stopped immediately when Edward spotted us. He glared at James and looked pathetically towards me. Emily’s reaction was an exact opposite of his. I didn’t think James noticed them so I promptly lead us somewhere else, not wanting to spoil his day also. 

We also spotted the Marauders with Jen and Hailey and stopped to talk with them. They continued to tease us like this morning and Hailey continued acting like my parents, reminding James of my “curfew”�. Sirius’ and Hailey’s constant teasing forced James and I to move on.

Alice and Frank were also together, sitting in Madam Puddifoot’s. James and I walked by the restaurant, both averting our eyes until they knocked on the window and we turned to see them. They made hand gestures to invite us in, but we politely declined and quickly walked away. I was never one for doilies and coffee, and for some reason, I couldn’t see James as one either. Kudos to Frank for going in there; a true Gryffindor, I say. 

I never had to use the money Hailey and Jen lent me; James wouldn’t allow it. He offered to buy me everything and eventually convinced me to let him. There was no denying those eyes. 

People continued to stare. Everywhere we went there seemed to be a pair of eyes stalking us like a vulture on its prey. I felt like a celebrity for the first half hour, but then it just got annoying. Couldn’t they get over the fact that James and I were ON A DATE and I was actually ENJOYING myself? I didn’t think it was that hard of a concept to wrap your head around. But, apparently it was. 

At one point, we saw Dumbledore and a couple of other teachers. They greeted us warmly; McGonagall couldn’t stop smiling at us. I wondered if the teachers had also been waiting for our date, but I couldn’t be sure. Why would teachers bother with their students’ social lives? Surely, they couldn’t care. 

“Congratulations, Mr. Potter!”� whispered Professor Flitwick as he shook James’ hand when he thought I couldn’t hear. 

Okay, so maybe they did care. 

And now, more than ever, I was convinced that I loved him. There was nothing that could ever make me doubt that fact. Nothing could tell me that I didn’t. Proof of that was that I never wanted this day to end. Actually, any day with him I would never want to end. It was just too great. Just like a movie, it was the perfect scene after the climax of heated conflict; the perfect ending. But instead of an ending, it was just the start. 

I stopped walking and let go of James’ hand. 

“What is it?”� he asked me, confused. 

I smiled and kissed him, hoping to relay all my emotions to him. I wrapped my arms around him, my heart beating so quickly, it felt like a bomb about to detonate. 

When I finally let go, his eyes were sparkling. “What was that for?”� he asked, grinning. 

“I love you, James.”�

I wasn’t expecting anything in return, but I felt a tugging in my heart for something to be said. I waited patiently as the shock settled on his face, then to my great happiness, a grin exploded on his face and he started to twirl me around. 

“I love you, too, Lily.”�

To explain my happiness would not be possible. To explain what I was feeling would be pointless. There were no words to describe it. But saying those words was like removing an annoying blindfold from my eyes; I could finally see everything. Bright colours were flashing around us and I felt like all the dark places in the world were illuminated with light. 

It was the same feeling I would feel when James would get down on one knee and open the small black box in his hand. The same feeling I would get when James would hand me my child for the first time. The same feeling I would get every time he told me he loved me. 

I didn’t expect anything to ever happen like this. I didn’t expect to be professing my love to the boy that I so fully hated before. My love for him was as strong as my hate for him the first time he had asked me out. Only now, my love would not dwindle as my hate eventually had. 

And in the last moments of my life, I remember the love I felt for him on that day. It’s the reason why I am not scared as the green light flashes in my eyes. Why I am dying in the first place. Because love gets us through the hard times. When James and I are gone, I know that our love will sustain Harry for the rest of his life. 

Looking down at my baby in the rubble of our house, James says those words again and I know everything will be okay. Harry will make it through and we’ll always be there with him, even if he can’t feel us. There’s nothing that can stop our love from reaching him. 

Because after all endings, there are always new beginnings. 

THE END.

**[A/N: Yes! That’s the end! I sincerely hope you enjoyed it, and thank you for all those who reviewed after every update! Thanks for the support.**

**I hope you weren’t disappointed that it’s over; it’s been a fun ride. The ending is super fluffly and smells awfully of cheese, but it was supposed to be one of those ‘aww’ endings, so I brought it all out. I hope the date was satisfactory for all you fluffly readers out there, and if it wasn’t, sorry to disappoint. ˜¹**

**Right now, there are no plans for a sequel, but if there was anything related to this, there MIGHT be a complimentary FF with James’ POV for this story, but even that idea is way too much for me to get my head around. Writing is a lot of work and I don’t know if I can do it anymore.**

**Sadly, this is probably one of my last “novel length”� FFs, which is why the James POV is a far off project, maybe even non-existant. Now that HP7 is over and done with, FF doesn’t seem as inviting as it once did. There might be an occasional one-shot here and there, but even that’s rare. So, this might be the last you hear from me for a while.**

**So, thank you again for all the reviews and support! I love you all. Umm…thank you especially if you provided constructive criticism, it helped me a lot. You have no idea how much I appreciate your comments, they prompted me to continue. THANK YOU ALL! :D**

**I hope you enjoyed it, really. I hope you enjoyed it enough to leave a review? (Hint hint) It’s the last one for this fic, I promise! It would really make me so happy. It was fun, guys! Maybe I’ll see you soon?**

**\--qwertybob XD]**


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